Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Creep3r]

View attachment 1012473
I saw this floating around on /tv/, do we have any verification?

Don't know. Nothing seems conclusive and a lot of media news sites claiming this point out that its just a rumor, but these same sites were also the ones who said Kenobi would be getting made which at the time was also labeled a rumor. If true though, I wouldn't be surprised. Earlier this year, some Disney reps said they wanted this movie to be the "ultimate crossover" between all SW media (and by that they mean DisneyEU shit and the OT), which included rumors that Kenobi, Yoda and Phasma would be appearing. With the confirmation that Rey will eat all Force ghosts (assuming that last minute secret Skywalker edit of bullshit doesn't change that), all the movie-only jedis are confirmed, as well as Aladdin shit. The obnoxiously legendary Doctor Aphra (or at least her ship) is also rumored to be in the film. And that Phasma could also somehow return. Ultimately if Laura Dern is in this shit, it'll be either as a flashback between her and Leia to somehow redeem their awful characters after the clusterfucks of TFA and TLJ or the movie ends with Ghost Leia passionately kissing Ghost Holdo while Han's ghost looks on smiling with an oh so pathetic and complacent cucked smile.

And speaking of awful characters, another Disney novel came out confirming that nu-Luke was not only and idiot and nu-Han was an insensitive drunk who doesn't care about anything, but that after Luke tried to kill his nephew he didn't have the gall to tell Leia or Han, instead telling them it was Snoke's fault Kylo fell because he doesn't want them to know the truth cuz reasons. I don't think Leia would have been all too eager to go through so much trouble to find Luke through his magic space map mcguffiin (which was a shitty mcguffin subplot that made little sense in and of itself) if she knew her beloved brother tried to kill her son over a paradoxical vision that only happened because he paid attention to said vision.

 

[PseudoScrooge]

There is this new theory that Rey is a clone created by Palpatine using Luke’s severed hand. www.inverse.com/amp/article/60950-star-wars-the-rise-of-skywalker-theory-spoilers-rey-clone-luke-palpatine

Woah, there....that was an insane amount of mental and literary clusterf***s of gymnastics, there...and that's all it took to link up all of the Disney plotholes!

Seriously, somebody should get a medal for all of that work...but in fact, they are probably a Disney (who isn't that smart) shill.

 

[XYZpdq]

was Luke's hand how we got Luuke or was that Luuuke?

 

[Iceland Heavy]

Episode 9 really needs to explain how Maz Kanata found Luke’s and Anakin’s old lightsaber after Vader cut of Luke’s hand in ESB. Did she buy it on the black market? Was she just hanging out below Cloud City during ESB?

There is this new theory that Rey is a clone created by Palpatine using Luke’s severed hand. www.inverse.com/amp/article/60950-star-wars-the-rise-of-skywalker-theory-spoilers-rey-clone-luke-palpatine

Rey turning out to be a genderflipped Luuke that managed to get her own trilogy which has been an utterly pathetic shadow of the OT would be a suitably retarded end to Disney Wars.

 

[Vault Boy]

View attachment 1012473
I saw this floating around on /tv/, do we have any verification?

She got blasted into fucking space dust, and she was a unanimously despised character.

I wouldn't put it past Kennedy to demand Holdo's resurrection, but this shit would top Carrie Poppins from TLJ.

 

[Creep3r]

was Luke's hand how we got Luuke or was that Luuuke?

Luuuke is who I unironically believe is the true identity of Disney's Luke. Everyone keeps calling him Jake Skywalker, but Jake is Luuuke all they way (FYI Luuuke was an evil clone from an April Fools parody story by Timothy Zahn where he made fun of his own creation aka Luuke from the Thrawn Trilogy, even though the only reason the character was given an extra vowel was so you could tell him apart from Luke). In this silly April Fools parody special, another evil clone of Luke named Luuuke learned how to travel through time, effectively changing the past and creating a new timeline of pure fail and misery where Luke was killed by his evil clone Luuke who is now a miserable, old and confused man living Luke's life who can't stop making bad decisions (sound familiar yet?) but then Luuuke kills Luuke and takes his place, becoming the ultimate douche and a loner hermit. Eventually he disappears and travels further into the past to fuck up time some more by messing with the Clone Wars.

I transitioned seamlessly to replace Luke in the galactic community

eventually appearing as Luke would have if he had survived to be sixty-three years old.

Gee, now doesn't that all sound familiar?

Disney gave us a fucking adaptation of an April Fool's story. If we follow these April Fools events correctly, Disney will make a new canon shortly after the new Clone Wars season comes out.

 

[ditto]

I saw this floating around on /tv/, do we have any verification?

No mention on IMDB cast & credits.

 

[Marissa Moira]

So does this mean that Bigger Luke is now canon and all those people who spent decades Luking were not wasted in vain?

 

[Poe-Shen Zcela]

Luuuke is who I unironically believe is the true identity of Disney's Luke. Everyone keeps calling him Jake Skywalker, but Jake is Luuuke all they way (FYI Luuuke was an evil clone from an April Fools parody story by Timothy Zahn where he made fun of his own creation aka Luuke from the Thrawn Trilogy, even though the only reason the character was given an extra vowel was so you could tell him apart from Luke). In this silly April Fools parody special, another evil clone of Luke named Luuuke learned how to travel through time, effectively changing the past and creating a new timeline of pure fail and misery where Luke was killed by his evil clone Luuke who is now a miserable, old and confused man living Luke's life who can't stop making bad decisions (sound familiar yet?) but then Luuuke kills Luuke and takes his place, becoming the ultimate douche and a loner hermit. Eventually he disappears and travels further into the past to fuck up time some more by messing with the Clone Wars.


Gee, now doesn't that all sound familiar?
View attachment 1012646
Disney gave us a fucking adaptation of an April Fool's story. If we follow these April Fools events correctly, Disney will make a new canon shortly after the new Clone Wars season comes out.

I want off this galactic space bus.

Anyways I watched the two Mandalorian episodes.

Spoiler

They were alright

Worst part of Episode 1 was the fat fucking Darulio right out of The Orville:

They just put fish fins on his face and referenced him shitting out of his thorax while molting. Hot stuff. They even referenced the thugs wanting his glands and musk because he was young. Anyways, this kind of character represents everything I hate about modern comedy: awkwardly babbling soy that only serves as filler. The babbling was used as an excuse to tour the Mando's ship before he materialized behind him and put the guy into carbon freeze, I'll give it that, but this blue alien donut steel is still painfully out of place for a Star Wars production. He looks like he belongs in Star Trek, or a Star Trek parody.

Everything else about Episode 1 was fine. Even the sly inserting of Boba Fett in the background was a nice nod, like "Sorry guys. I know you might have wanted a Boba Fett movie or TV show instead, but we just would've ended up fucking him up anyways, so we put him here to let you know he's around." The Mando getting on the turret and wiping out the Mexican outpost was a pretty cool way to close it out. Overall, it was a slow start, but one that didn't drive me away. I agree with Robot Head that the sequence with him riding the BLERG seemed pointless, since everyone else seemed to get there just fine without them.

Episode 2 was much better. The Jawas were the highlight bar none. Here I have to agree with Zack that this episode really hammered home the point that the The Mando is this average sort of mercenary working miserably difficult jobs, and he's not such a hotshot that every move he makes works out for him. Very relatable if nothing else. Still doesn't make sense how he managed to take out the Egg Rhino with a dinky little knife, and I still don't buy infants using the Force to the scale of stopping and levitating a large beast. Maybe I'm off base, but I don't think the Force is supposed to be so accessible that a gifted infant could use it, even a 50 year old infant. Maybe toddlers trained from infancy, but I really don't want to see just anybody or anything using the Force.

So does this mean that Bigger Luke is now canon and all those people who spent decades Luking were not wasted in vain?

I hope this past decade has taught them to be very careful what they wish for. Meme magic is real.

 

[Creep3r]

So does this mean that Bigger Luke is now canon and all those people who spent decades Luking were not wasted in vain?

Yes. Bigger Luke was actually Luuuke all along popping in and out of existence trying to usurp Luke before finally succeeding and effectively creating the Disney timeline.

 

[Marissa Moira]

Yes. Bigger Luke was actually Luuuke all along popping in and out of existence trying to usurp Luke before finally succeeding and effectively creating the Disney timeline.
View attachment 1012715

You know that art style almost resembles the one in Rayman 2 or the first Beyond Good and Evil.

They actually succeed in making Rey be expressive.

 

[Creep3r]

Saw this in my recommendations and thought it might be fitting to share.

 

[God of Nothing]

Saw this in my recommendations and thought it might be fitting to share.

Love these niggas. Been a while since I watched their shit though. That shit about them cancelling the marvel shows and claiming they're the ones who brought the Clone Wars back was some real shit.

 

[SuperSheep]

And speaking of awful characters, another Disney novel came out confirming that nu-Luke was not only and idiot and nu-Han was an insensitive drunk who doesn't care about anything, but that after Luke tried to kill his nephew he didn't have the gall to tell Leia or Han, instead telling them it was Snoke's fault Kylo fell because he doesn't want them to know the truth cuz reasons. I don't think Leia would have been all too eager to go through so much trouble to find Luke through his magic space map mcguffiin (which was a shitty mcguffin subplot that made little sense in and of itself) if she knew her beloved brother tried to kill her son over a paradoxical vision that only happened because he paid attention to said vision.

These people are iconoclasts. It's not enough to make new characters to replace the old characters, they have to outright destroy the old characters.

 

[Poe-Shen Zcela]

Sounds like the violent thrashing of a dying, woke creature.

Speaking of impending death:

Do YouTube Trailer Views Signal Doom For TROS?

That’s the contention of Thomas from Jedi Temple Archives. The Hollywood Reporter has released an interesting article about the correlation between YouTube trailer views and box office succes…

disneystarwarsisdumb.wordpress.com

 

[Kulee Baba]

Like most people I really enjoyed The Mandalorian. The best thing I can say about it is that it's devoid of pretentiousness. Star Wars works as a space western, it's horrid when it becomes a bunch of weird ass political soapboxing, as it did when George made Episode 3 and of course what Rian Johnson churned out with Last Jedi. And really I think the TV Format works better as the cheaper looking CGI actually blends lovingly with the old school practical effects.

But anyway I'm here to ask something that I find shockingly odd. There is NO BABY YODA toys or dolls for sale, none whatsoever. Now in one sense I applaud Disney for not spoiling it because it's a great plot twist at the end of Episode 1. But this is also Disney, the company that made its empire off merchandising the shit outta stuff.

Now if I look at Amazon I can see that Rise of Skywalker already has plenty of merchandise like Funko Pops for everyone's favorite character, Lt. Connix. Reading this post I really feel I'm powerleveling how much of a goddamn nerd I am that I'm interested in a Baby Yoda toy. But really I'm more interested by how incompetent Disney is, I'm certain that their marketing people assume Mandalorian is going to bomb (otherwise they'd make the dumb toys) when it is legitimately the only way to salvage Star Wars.

 

[Poe-Shen Zcela]

Who the fuck is Lt. Connix? Wait, don't answer that. I don't care.

They'd have to be insane not to start making baby Yoda dolls for Christmas. Then again, maybe they're having trouble finding willing licensees and/or retailers wanting to carry more of Disney's unsellable trash on top of TRoS merch.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Why didn't anyone ever mention that Disney owns all Garfield related media now?

We could actually have Garfield legally show up in Star Wars. No wink wink nudge nudges, no beating around the bush with some vague lookalike. The real fucking deal just waltzing in to a cantina full of aliens and nobody batting an eye.

Just like Zoidberg did.

Just the two live action movies with Bill Murray that Fox made.

The character is owned by Viacom now and they got the rights in August.

 

[ditto]

Bill Watterson is only early 60s so at least the Calvin & Hobbes Cinematic Universe isn't happening any time soon.

 

[Poe-Shen Zcela]

Saw this in my recommendations and thought it might be fitting to share.

Dave Chapelle's a D-list comedian now? Niggers Rise Up.