Jasper Carewatch - ASPCAck-Ack-Ack

Just gonna throw this out there.

Phil treats Jasper as a mini-person. Phil thinks Jasper has the mind of and is a literal child.

Phil can't do "x" amount of activities because it will damage Jasper's psyche.

Are we to believe Jasper (his child) is in locked in the room while Phil and his wife are having intercourse? Jasper jumps on Phil all night long except when his pencil dick is waving around like a cat toy?

Jasper understands the internet, but isn't supposed to get confused when Timone is riding Pumba in its bathroom?

Option 1:
Phil and Kat sleep in separate rooms. The whole Jasper thing is a lie. Jasper sleeps peacefully at Kat's feet while she sleeps in her own room.

Option 2:
Phil and Kat sleep in the same bed. Kat goes to bed at 11:00pm. Phil and Jasper stay up until 3am partying and drinking. At 3am they go to bed and totally have sex with passed out Kat. Kat wakes up for her job at (((redacted)))o'clock. Phil tries to sleep but Jasper keeps biting him and jumping on him. Finally Phil gets get up at 10am to stream.
 
  • Horrifying
  • Like
  • Islamic Content
Reactions: BabygotACKACKACK, LiquidCancer, 74 Screaming Armadillos and 3 others
Banned in 49 States said:
It's amazing how much he thinks this cat has the cognitive skills of a human.

"Sometimes he lets us sleep" No he dosen't, its a cat. When it sleeps, it sleeps and when it don't they get up and fuck around because it's an animal.
Jasper don't look at you and think "hmm i should let Phill sleep, he is a hard worker" he dont care if you sleep or not.
and if you lock him in your bedroom without access to food or water he will go and look for it, nothing happens to him, he is a cat.

He is not being an asshole, he is being an animal.

He should just open the front door and let jasper run free, let nature take its course. Those squirrels are probably more suited to take care of the cat than he and his loopy mare ever will be.
Click to expand...
Right on the head with this one. Cats are animals. Sure, there's the occasion where they do something and you step back and go "Wait, that was something a people might do... What the fuck?" But, in general, cats just do their own fucking thing when they want. And when they can't do what they want, they can get rather piss-happy vindictive.

We have 3 cats, all with varying degrees of stupid. One has Phil-like autistic scheduling where he doesn't want attention (for the most part) at all until around 3 am when he wails at the foot of the bed for a person to give him MAYBE 5 minutes of scritches before he fucks off and ignores everyone. Another is a complete attention whore with no regard for personal space. She loves anyone who has hands and is capable of petting her. She gets in the shower with you, she won't let you take a dump without crying, when you're in bed she's likely laying on you or wrapped around your head. Finally, the little one is a total fucking troll. She fucks with the other two all day, and they beat her ass. At night, she attacks feet. She gets up on the counter/table and knocks shit over. She wants no attention, unless you've been sitting in the recliner for 20 minutes or so, in which case she'll snuggle you until another person walks by and she bolts (gotta keep up the reputation of the asshole, right?).

Cats are fucking weird. They're all over the place. But they're animals that do different animal things. The way Phil talks about Ja$per and cats in general is entirely laughable. He couldn't find his ass with both hands, yet he acts like some feline authority.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: Wurstbrot, Banned in 49 States, 74 Screaming Armadillos and 1 other person
SkippyLongbottom said:
Let's not forget what he said that "...cats are like having a kid, they don't listen...".

God forbid your cat bothers you while you want an extra hour of sleep because it probably wants food, water, or its shitter cleaned. Or maybe just pet the fucking thing for a few minutes and go back to bed instead of jumping out of bed to yell at it because it was thirsty and drinking your plant water.

I'm starting to think he's using the cat as another scapegoat for staying up late and needs something to blame. What kind of exceptional individual locks a cat in their room while they sleep and is thinking its like a toddler who's going to bump its head on a sharp corner? This just feels like another fabricated story because he's so uninteresting. Just hearing his story from him is ridiculous.

edit: Wait a minute, my first sentence really got the noggin joggin. It's just like having a kid? Uh hol up, how would you know this?
Click to expand...
Probably a scapegoat. I remember having cats when I was growing up and I would just leave the food and water bowls out in the kitchen. Of course, we never left any human food or ingredients out. Everything meant for humans was stored away in the cabinets prior to bedtime. Never had a problem with cats tearing up the house or waking anyone up.
 
Regulas said:
Never had a problem with cats tearing up the house or waking anyone up.
Click to expand...
Of course, dood. You never had a prahblem with it because you're clearly not DSP. Phil can't just have regular things, everything is just too difficult for him. You had a cat that was well-adjusted and didn't fuck with things? Phil's got the feline equivalent to a Tasmanian devil that tears through the pig-pen leaving a swath of destruction in its wake. The world is out to get Phil, and Ja$per is just another agent of his demise.
 
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: kamekmagik, Wurstbrot, 74 Screaming Armadillos and 1 other person
Schmeckel said:
Of course, dood. You never had a prahblem with it because you're clearly not DSP. Phil can't just have regular things, everything is just too difficult for him. You had a cat that was well-adjusted and didn't fuck with things? Phil's got the feline equivalent to a Tasmanian devil that tears through the pig-pen leaving a swath of destruction in its wake. The world is out to get Phil, and Ja$per is just another agent of his demise.
Click to expand...
The ultimate detractor, he's the man inside.
 
  • Like
Reactions: TheKatIsNowGone
The thing that came from this is that yes, Jasper does and can show up during the day streams and it's only Phil that is keeping him from showing up. Though this is month or two later and now no one gives a shit anymore, anyways.
 
Sparkletor said:
Jasper didn't get adopted because he was declared.

Not because he is such a hell cat that he jumps on your face while you sleep. He eats your electronics, he could the light switches...

You had one demon possessed Kat and bought a second demon possessed cat.
Click to expand...
Besides chewing electronics, jumping on you while you sleep seems par for the course for cats
 
  • Agree
Reactions: kamekmagik, Schmeckel and Adamska
Muppetmode said:
Besides chewing electronics, jumping on you while you sleep seems par for the course for cats
Click to expand...
Yeah, both are pretty normal. The former especially if you tend to use strings to play with them. The other all cats do, alongside kneading you when you sleep and laying around your head or chest.

Pig just again proves that he's more sheltered than some plants in the seed vault.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: TheKatIsNowGone
Adamska said:
Yeah, both are pretty normal. The former especially if you tend to use strings to play with them. The other all cats do, alongside kneading you when you sleep and laying around your head or chest.

Pig just again proves that he's more sheltered than some plants in the seed vault.
Click to expand...
The one toy I've seen Phil playing with the cat with looks exactly like a wire. Well, it looks like a fucking pipe cleaner but I could see how the cat would equate that "toy" with wires.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Wurstbrot, 74 Screaming Armadillos and Adamska
Adamska said:
Yeah, both are pretty normal. The former especially if you tend to use strings to play with them. The other all cats do, alongside kneading you when you sleep and laying around your head or chest.

Pig just again proves that he's more sheltered than some plants in the seed vault.
Click to expand...
It’s weird cause he supposedly grew up around cats, or at least a few in his early 20s(?). You’d think he be less narcissistic about owning a cat but then again it’s dsp
 
  • Agree
Reactions: 74 Screaming Armadillos
TheKatIsNowGone said:
The one toy I've seen Phil playing with the cat with looks exactly like a wire. Well, it looks like a fucking pipe cleaner but I could see how the cat would equate that "toy" with wires.
Click to expand...
Oh wow, no wonder Jasper likes teething on Pig's rat nest of wires; a cat would legit see that as a toy, and then want to do it again because it guarantees attention from the owner. Or to be fair, the weird smelly thing that lives with the owner that reeks of fear, take out, and beer farts.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 74 Screaming Armadillos and TheKatIsNowGone
TheKatIsNowGone said:
The one toy I've seen Phil playing with the cat with looks exactly like a wire. Well, it looks like a fucking pipe cleaner but I could see how the cat would equate that "toy" with wires.
Click to expand...
That's exactly what it was: A pipe cleaner. Phil has "trained" Ja$per to go after wire-like things. And he wonders why the 2k prince gnaws on shit. One of these days, the cat will have chewed a hole in the protective wire casing JUST enough to have some exposed metal, Phil will grab his spray bottle, and give it a spritz. The spritz will make contact and cause an electrical disturbance. Nothing he'll be able to do. But he really needs your tips.
 
  • Like
  • Winner
  • Agree
Reactions: Wurstbrot, TheKatIsNowGone, 74 Screaming Armadillos and 2 others
Schmeckel said:
That's exactly what it was: A pipe cleaner. Phil has "trained" Ja$per to go after wire-like things. And he wonders why the 2k prince gnaws on shit. One of these days, the cat will have chewed a hole in the protective wire casing JUST enough to have some exposed metal, Phil will grab his spray bottle, and give it a spritz. The spritz will make contact and cause an electrical disturbance. Nothing he'll be able to do. But he really needs your tips.
Click to expand...
I'd love to see him panicking in manchild fear, black begging shirt covered in sweat as he desperately begs to have his Pigcult cover the price of him paying people to do all the rewiring for him in a superstream special. All while he silently rages he can't get rid of Jasper without his trophy leaving with him.

Because the only time Pig tries, it's when his hikikomori lifestyle on the line.
 
  • Like
Reactions: TheKatIsNowGone
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back