حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 125 13.1%
  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.7%
  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 528 55.3%
  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 228 23.9%

  • Total voters
    954
I'm not busy tomorrow evening. (Which in my time zone would be around about 24-ish hours from now.)
I might have a couple free hours during the day too, depending on how my getting-my-butt-out-of-the-house-and-getting-shit-done skills are.

Haha, sorry. I'm a lit sperg. Apologies ;)
 
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I wonder if Connor's ever considered getting a license (or, if he has one, if he actually uses it).

I'm sure he's considered it, though I imagine he wants a bright neon crotch rocket so he can wear his wayfarers and blast Wang Chung while driving down a raining California boulevard.

But that will never happen because Connor blames his parents for his inability to drive and handle money. Images are borked so I'll update this post once I can go back and see what I've posted, but trust me: his lack of freedom is a result of everyone in the world not named "Connor Bible"

Though at the same time I can't imagine his parents being any more eager to help him get his license and a car than they are about him having a job.

Connor has shown very little interest in managing his emotions, his education, or his own betterment. In his own words:
  • He was pushed by his parents to succeed in school and his reaction was to fight back against them and claim they were abusing him with their constant pressures towards scholastic achievement. He wasn't on the Honor Roll after one year in middle school, despite their best efforts.
  • This extends to college, where he has taken one class a semester for two years now. One of the classes he took was a basic Introduction to College Life and Studying nearly all freshmen of every university have to take for 1 or 2 credits. This class was so traumatizing for him that he would sneak out of it so he could go sit in the computer lab and post on Wrong Planet.
  • He says they never helped him learn how to work or hold a job, but they enrolled him in a Vocational Rehab program when he graduated to try and teach him how to work and manage money. He's apparently so awful at not spending it on 80's movies that they give his SSDI checks to his grandmother to hold for safe keeping
  • He claims they always tell him to shut up about his writing, but everyone who has ever met him tells him that because it's just talk talk talk talk talk.
  • He claims his uncle with liver failure is abusive towards him, but that is because Connor does things like eat the guys entire bag of candy corn when he isn't looking and then tries to hide the evidence. It's doubtful that's a unique occurance and I'm sure his uncle is tired of having to lay around the house slowly dying while also getting annoyed by shit like that all the time.
Basically I doubt they want to keep him from driving. I think his dad tried to show him twice and Connor had a meltdown about it, and then his dad got frustrated and told him to quit being dumb and just do a circle around the k-mart parking lot god damn it's just a circle dude step on the gas gently, and then Connor told him that k-mart probably employs scumbag molesters and that's why he was taken there wasn't it?? and then his dad never offered again and Connor never asked.
 
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Has Connor realized that he's very similar to Chris yet? From what he said to Molly, I don't think he has.
I admit that it's hard for me to come up with truly original ideas because I've surrounded myself with a veritable garden of books and movies in the hopes that I can actually write a good story.
The problem isn't because of all of the books and movies, it's because you rip them off. Taking an aspect or basing your book on something is fine, just don't actually copy the events. Because I'm a major weeb I'll use anime as an example. The manga/anime IkkiTousen is loosely based on Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Its characters are based on characters from the RoTK, and one of the fights has the same name, but that's it. As for the blank slate thing, the problem is that you didn't work on fleshing out her character. You can introduce ger as something of a blank slate and work from there to give her personality.
 
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I wonder if Connor's ever considered getting a license (or, if he has one, if he actually uses it). I know that driving isn't for anyone, but for me, learning how to drive was an immensely empowering experience. I held off getting my license for a long time (I was 18 when I finally got it) and the only reason I got it in the first place was because I would be commuting to my campus and my parents refused to drive me there everyday, plus they wanted me to have the adult responsibility of driving.

It was near-torture getting through the 8 hour class I had to attend (my anxiety disorder flared up horribly) and doing the practice driving wasn't exactly exhilarating, but at the end of the experience I had a license and my grandma had even given me her old car. Suddenly, I found that I could go wherever I wanted, when I wanted. If I was hungry, I didn't have to beg my mom or dad to pick something up, I could do it myself. If I was uncomfortable and/or scared at some social setting, I could leave whenever I wanted instead of having to wait for someone to pick me up or have them ask me to stay. If I wanted to buy something, I could just hop in my car and go to the store. Having that kind of control over my life was- and is- very soothing and empowering.

The possible situation with Connor you just described is exactly what I'm talking about. When I go to my classes, I can leave as soon as they're over because I don't have to wait for anyone to take me home. Connor should look into getting a license and/or car.

Apart from the fact that I was 20 and didn't have to take a class, this is literally identical to my own experience (I even got my car from my grandpa). I had zero interest in driving before my parents kind of pushed me into it this fall, it's really not that bad and DAMN is it useful
 
Apart from the fact that I was 20 and didn't have to take a class, this is literally identical to my own experience (I even got my car from my grandpa). I had zero interest in driving before my parents kind of pushed me into it this fall, it's really not that bad and DAMN is it useful

Agreed. I think it's a good step on the way to independence. Even the act of going somewhere when you want, for however long you want, is a pretty empowering experience. Even if it's just to go get something from the store.
 
This sounds almost identical to my own experience of learning how to drive. I was terrified and never wanted to do it, but as soon as I actually had my license and my own car, I realized I wouldn't give up that freedom for the world. Driving is such a huge stepping stone for independence as an adult. It's not as if Connor can expect to be able to get a job if he's relying on his parents for transportation -- parents who don't even want him to have a job in the first place.

Though at the same time I can't imagine his parents being any more eager to help him get his license and a car than they are about him having a job.

I too was terrified of driving. I took a driver's ed course in high school, but the one time I was taken out, it was on a busy road at night and I became so anxious and terrified that I felt like I wanted to just pass out.

Eventually I did get my license at 19, around the same time as my younger sister got hers. Once I was able to drive anywhere on my own, I felt free. This was especially useful, because my parents had moved out in the boonies and I didn't want to have to rely on my mother to drop me off at work all the time.

Driving's great, A+ would recommend.
 
Connor's (new) Sonichu lives on
Connorzsanchu.png
 
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Basically I doubt they want to keep him from driving. I think his dad tried to show him twice and Connor had a meltdown about it, and then his dad got frustrated and told him to quit being dumb and just do a circle around the k-mart parking lot god damn it's just a circle dude step on the gas gently, and then Connor told him that k-mart probably employs scumbag molesters and that's why he was taken there wasn't it?? and then his dad never offered again and Connor never asked.
On second thought, maybe we really don't need Connor behind the wheel of a car. Even a bicycle might be too much for him.
 
When I was first learning to drive, my dad once grabbed the wheel (he didn't think I was turning at an intersection quickly enough, so he logically grabbed the wheel in the other direction so I would veer toward traffic) & when I grabbed it right back, we swerved, went off the road, & hit a tree. My mom & siblings were in the car as well. Since then (I was 17 at the time, I'm 25 now), no one would get in the car with me so I could practice. I took a driver's ed course in high school, but I can't remember what I did because I was hopped up on Xanax the whole time. Then when I went to university, I could at least rely on public transport. Ironically, I was also employed as a traffic cop for the four years I was there. I know traffic laws like the back of my hand.

But I still can't drive because I don't have a vehicle or anyone to practice with.

HOWEVER. Voc rehab actually has driving programs, since the whole point of voc rehab is to help crazy people & people with brain trauma or whatever find work. & it's much easier to get & keep a job when you can drive. Since I have a meeting scheduled at the voc rehab place nearby (to discuss financial aid), I'm gonna ask about their driving programs, too.

TL;DR even if Connor refuses to let his dad teach him how to drive, there are still programs at voc rehab he could take advantage of. It's cheaper than hiring a driving instructor.
 
Connor's (new) Sonichu lives on
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Not sure if this was already posted or not. If it was, I'll delete this.

My favorite part of these is that Connor is writing within a shared universe that only currently has a single unfinished work making up it's entirety but he still can't keep the lore straight.

Like, if there are superheroes and supervillians in his world, why is everyone so shocked at redesigning? And if he had an entire company to work with who are already nefarious and already running experiments on fat cyclops children and Bella Swan, why would he suddenly up and leave? He already had test subjects and the tools to make chemical weapons on the sly!

His bomb transforms people into monsters? Like gorilla-monsters? Isn't this the kind of thing that would be kept under a NDA with Promethius, and they would be very upset one of their scientists took all this research to a terror organization?

Oh my god my head hurts trying to understand Connor's thought process.
 
Oh, yeah! Speaking of voc rehab, earlier this morning, I was talking with the on-site therapist about my upcoming appointment there, & he asked if I had a résumé. If not, I could always whip one up in all of five minutes.

Then the poor guy just sat there looking confused while he waited for me to stop laughing long enough to respond.

Fucky you, thread.
 
Well, to be fair, it's hard to keep your own lore straight when you haven't actually put forward any effort whatsoever to cataloguing it and basically have nothing close to a basic outline prepared. Granted, you'd think after nearly half a decade he'd have something down, but....
 
Well, to be fair, it's hard to keep your own lore straight when you haven't actually put forward any effort whatsoever to cataloguing it and basically have nothing close to a basic outline prepared. Granted, you'd think after nearly half a decade he'd have something down, but....

*clears throat*

HE'S WORKIN ON IT
 
My favorite part of these is that Connor is writing within a shared universe that only currently has a single unfinished work making up it's entirety but he still can't keep the lore straight.

Like, if there are superheroes and supervillians in his world, why is everyone so shocked at redesigning? And if he had an entire company to work with who are already nefarious and already running experiments on fat cyclops children and Bella Swan, why would he suddenly up and leave? He already had test subjects and the tools to make chemical weapons on the sly!

His bomb transforms people into monsters? Like gorilla-monsters? Isn't this the kind of thing that would be kept under a NDA with Promethius, and they would be very upset one of their scientists took all this research to a terror organization?

Oh my god my head hurts trying to understand Connor's thought process.
Let's also not ignore the fact that he gives his characters less description than a game manual's, which wouldn't be if he would actually add more detail in the story.
 
Let's also not ignore the fact that he gives his characters less description than a game manual's, which wouldn't be if he would actually add more detail in the story.

Granted, by today's standards I'm inclined to believe even Connor, given a marginal length of time, could whip up an exceedingly uninteresting pamphlet that largely describes the most basic, rudimentary tasks one would undertake to insert one small object into a larger object, and press the "Go" button. Aah, but by the standards of the "Golden Oldies" Connor would be in dire straights, indeed. A game's manual used to be a thing of beauty, and no game worth its salt was packaged without a little booklet or so much more than today's pitiful, little pamphlets. You're hard-pressed to find anything truly mentionable or impressive even in one of those ridiculous, $120 "Special" Edition sets.

... I'm a tad off topic. @Connor, if Redesigning Eva were to be made into a videogame, what elements from which games would you be most apt to draw from? I'm the most inclined to believe it would be something comparable to L.A. Noire, for obvious reasons, but I would be just as giddy to see your opinions concerning it being a rain-drizzled Animal Crossing where all of the locals peddle heroin or pocket pool themselves into cardiac arrest behind the post office's front desk.
 
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