Drunk / High Thread

I found little single-cup bottles of wine at the grocery store for like, $1. They're disgusting, but I'm bringing some for my friend in our next research seminar. Day drinking through something no one wants to be at. Don't tell the person in charge of my seminar.
 
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hey, hang on to those.

you might want to get an innocent-looking "water" bottle.

"vodka" literally does mean water in russian. isn't that fitting?

so that's how i survived this funny situation i'm in. oops, spoilers.
 
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okay we returned home and got brutally mauled by weasels and jumped on by an excitable dog.

SO

we were spending up to 2 weeks (fortunately not that long) in some dumpy, pessimistic retirement town with a crazy person and a semi-deaf person who has almost given up on life.

i won't get into the details, but imagine a really, really crazy piece of work - now with short term memory loss, oh boy!! but i'm thinking she's faking it to an extent. no one fucking asks the same goddamn question 16 times in a row under 10 minutes. this happened more than once. not kidding.

also, with that tv and their tv habits (which they are angrily defensive of), you'd hate to have them as neighbors. god i hate that fucking tv. i want to shoot it. die tv. i had a REALLY hard time sleeping for the first few nights until my bro kindly traded places with me. oh god it got even worse when a friend of theirs would show up. but i won't get into that.

now that i've survived it, i'm super bitter in retrospect haha.

so, this is my paternal grandma we're talking about here. my dad and two of his uncles DELIBERATELY became the shittiest kinds of alcoholics, because they wanted to be big boys and nothing says big boy like being a hopeless drunk. i know, i asked around. but my grandma has a little honesty problem. plus being crazy automatically invalidates her opinions.

what kind of shitty alcoholic? binge drinking on beer and shitty, horrendous sewage disguised as "cooking wine". like, to blackout levels. repeatedly. as much as possible. shitty beer and cooking wine.

as for me, well, i'm just going to not drink at all for the next few days. just going to take care of pressing issues.

so, my grandma here REALLY hates alcohol, but she's always been a smug, smarmy, holier-than-thou self-proclaimed martyr bitch with a hate-on for alcohol and nicotine. granted, i can see why she's bitter. i hate certain inanimate objects actually, and am bitter about some things like that. and don't get me wrong, i really do love her - if only because i'm obligated to. but she really has gotten better in the last few times i've seen her, but i try to minimize visits to her.

she'd often ask shit like "do your OTHER grandparents pay for this and that??? /i don't think so/ let me go on and on about what a victim i am" and occasionally "do you and hm yeah drink??" and "do you drink?? do you smoke??" - usually to my brother because i'd be playing dead while honestly trying to get some goddamn SLEEP and he'd go "nuhh" and "nyeuh" in response to the alcohol questions. side note, i've talked him out of pursuing even pipe tobacco and i'm certainly not going down the nicotine path. pot, maybe. but nicotine, hell no. /tan

so, i didn't pay too much attention to my own drinking levels, but vodka's my go-to drink and i also go for jager spice, peppermint shnapps, and fireball, while my bro enjoys gin, whiskey, jager, and very much fireball.

i knew several times i'd have to cut down because not only do i have an obsessive/compulsive personality, but i'm a HUGE procrastinator and drinking only makes it worse. but then i become very likely to pay for websites and shit. so i did. and then the trip to visit crazy came up, and i knew i had to do something to survive.

so i got these 16oz bottles of orange juice and already you can tell where this is headed. got 750ml bottles of vodka often (i'll tell you how much in a bit) and poured it into two 16oz juice bottles. then i discreetly guarded my backpack, and crazy has this game where she tries to get near my backpack and i nonchalantly keep it away from her. i won! (she's proven herself to be untrustworthy and a huge liar about this sort of thing)

so as i've been on the forum for a few months, i was drunk 24/7. by this time i was so used to being drunk (and even shitfaced) that i could feign sobriety well enough - and this woman is REALLY, /REALLY/ fucking stupid, and her husband - he probably doesn't give a shit about anything anymore. so i'd get going off on hikes in the morning before crazy could catch me, while my bro stayed at the home base, playing on his laptop.

i posted from my grandparent's computer and ctrl+shift+del'd.

and i guess i got carried away with the boozing because one day i had over 75% of those quarts of vodka. prior to this i could easily drink a pint if i wasn't being strict on myself. this was the day i knew i was taking things too far. for one thing, washington liter tax.

my bro wasn't usually with me, but apparently he had more of his own booze than i thought, and he'd take a sip and blush, and crazy would go "ARE YOU ALRIGHT ARE YOU ALL RIGHT??" or something (i wasn't there)

i probably don't blush so much anymore. and i don't get hangovers anymore either.

because i had usually been drunk 24/7 for a while, my bro knew that i had been drinking, because i'm me, and it got pretty funny when several times my grandparents would pick up my drunk ass. i became very tolerant of her stupid, stupid bullshit - even passive at times. but i generally try to avoid making scenes.

one night we thought it'd be extra funny if i got just plain shitfaced before dinner. so i went into happy, chatty drunk mode. later on, crazy said "i'm so glad hm yeah opened up a bit and had a nice chat with us!!" my bro thought that was hilarious.

one night i got wasted (really bad habit - don't drink at night. just don't. bad idea) and blacked out. this is partially why i had a hard time sleeping - my sleep was very low quality partially due to this bad habit. plus it's a waste of precious drunkenness.

sometimes my vodka bottles would be right out in the open. once my grandpa caught me in the store carrying a quart of vodka, but he thought nothing of it. i guess he forgot what it looks like. i guess he forgot how to spot drunks, too.

at the end of it all, we (by which i mean mostly i) had consumed 2.5 gallons of vodka in just 11 days.

i lost count of all the times she'd spontaneously say "i'm so glad you kids don't drink!!"

i could be vomiting and passing out and she wouldn't suspect a thing. not exaggerating.

so now i'm going to just not drink for a while.
 
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Alcohol.jpg
Strawberry Skittles, Lemon/Orange/Apple Skittles, Ghost Pepper, and Cranapple Wine, from left to right. The fruits of my labor. Because I felt like sharing.
 
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that's a pretty sweet bong

...so anyway i drank 750 ml of vodka yesterday and didn't vomit (but i came close)

i'm going to have a problem here.

for one thing, this could get a bit costly.
 
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