I'm convinced that virtually all of the most outspoken FA (and SJW, and troon/genderspecial) activists are full-blown Narcissists. Some are comorbid Borderliners, but the more I watch them in action, and see the way they regard others (be they followers, allies, or critics), the more convinced I am that some degree of NPD is at work in all of them.
That said, Narcissists' endgame is to stay on top in their ongoing struggle to maintain control over other people. That's it. That's all there is to it.
Putting others on the defensive, making them feel like the bad guy, and triggering any latent feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness in order to throw them off-balance; leaving them scrambling to apologize or explain themselves--or maybe even just explode into a really unbecoming fit of rage--is how Narcissists control others and keep them "in their place," while simultaneously elevating themselves.
There is no action that will ultimately be acceptable to these people, that will get them off your back forever, making them say, "You're good! Thank you for understanding the struggles we fat people face, and making a sincere effort to accommodate us to the best of your ability! We really appreciate friends like you!" At best, attempts to please and appease them will get their temporary--and highly conditional--approval.
But Narcissists constantly move the goalposts. So even if you do manage to bend over backwards to accommodate them, and constantly stay on guard so as not to say anything fatphobic, eventually they are going to come up with another thing that you must do (or not do), or say (or not say), or think (or not think) in order to be a "good ally."
It never stops. Never.
The moment you give in to a Narcissist's demands, you're setting yourself up to be subjected to yet another set of demands, one that pushes you just a bit further away from your own self-interest, and, ultimately, reality itself. And the Narcissist doesn't care about your struggle to meet their ever more exacting (and often contradictory) demands, or what you must give up in order to do it, or even whether it harms you to do it. That you struggle at all is proof that you are insufficiently woke, that you still harbor internalized fatphobia, and that you are the problem. Resisting a demand because it defies reality or undermines your own well-being is evidence of your privilege, and proof that you are willing to let others continue to be oppressed for your own benefit.
And even if you consistently give in to a Narcissist's demands over time, proving yourself a "good ally" by jumping through one flaming hoop after another, none of that matters when you hit the wall, realize that the latest demand is too insane and impossible and self-destroying to even try meeting it, and say "No." The second you say, "No," the second you define a personal boundary and refuse to betray it, everything you've already done gets cancelled out. You might as well get a Voat account and start posting on v/fph, or come to the Farms and join our merry band of shitposters. Fuck, you might as well buy a MAGA hat and start campaigning for the God Emperor in 2020, because you've proven what a horrible, privileged bigot you are after all.
You cannot win. Or, rather, the only way to win is to recognize the Narcissist's game, and choose not to play it.
Ragen Chastain and Marilynn Wann don't expect anybody will actually go out and buy bigger furniture to accommodate the chair-breakers; they're just putting the concept out there as another flaming hoop for fat allies to consider jumping through if they want to be real allies, and not just a bunch of privileged Thins paying lip-service to the cause of Fat Liberation. If you actually invest in benches and heavy-duty armless chairs? You're good--for now. Until they find another complaint to bend into a hoop and set ablaze.
