Kiwi Self-Improvement Thread

[LordDarkrai]

@klystron That's good to know on the driving bit. I'm also been getting myself to do online tests to refresh my memory on road rules and such. At least, I can use the public bus to get to places/jobs for the time being. On the show thing, I'm starting to realize that slowly. At the times where I do have that mindset of not caring, I felt better about myself.

 

[DN 420]

i'm not sure how welcomed this would be, but i'm a bit of a productivity sperg. i research habits and methods to find the best way to actually sustain health and happiness throughout day-to-day life.

i have too much information to post about it, so if anybody wants a coach to help keep on track or just tips, i'd be more than happy to respond in PM.

 

[Rammspieler]

As I posted in the coping thread, I got a sudden pang of shame when I was thinking about buying this book on depression. Today I went and I actually bought it. However, I made sure to present the book to the cashier with the backside with the barcode instead of the front where it says "Depression" in nice big letters. Now I'm wondering when I'll be able to read it without my roommates noticing it.

But I still can't believe that I'm letting myself believe that I have a "problem". Buying this book is just one final step in recognizing it, even though I still don't want to believe it. I sometimes feel like I'm betraying myself. But at the same time, I feel like I can't hope to have ANY kind of healthy relationship (romantic, platonic, familial) because if my interactions in the past year have shown me anything, it's that my insecurities and anxieties will bring them to a quick end.

I wish I could go back to believing in finding the "paradise" I was looking for. The one where everyone is as much a loser as you and nothing much was expected of you. I don't want to become like the "true believers" who swear on meds and compare their prescriptions with others to see who has it worse off or who talk about their therapists like if they were the village priest whom you go to confess your sins every week and he gives you a penance to fulfill in the hopes that it will make you a better person.

 

[klystron]

As I posted in the coping thread, I got a sudden pang of shame when I was thinking about buying this book on depression. Today I went and I actually bought it. However, I made sure to present the book to the cashier with the backside with the barcode instead of the front where it says "Depression" in nice big letters. Now I'm wondering when I'll be able to read it without my roommates noticing it.

But I still can't believe that I'm letting myself believe that I have a "problem". Buying this book is just one final step in recognizing it, even though I still don't want to believe it. I sometimes feel like I'm betraying myself. But at the same time, I feel like I can't hope to have ANY kind of healthy relationship (romantic, platonic, familial) because if my interactions in the past year have shown me anything, it's that my insecurities and anxieties will bring them to a quick end.

I wish I could go back to believing in finding the "paradise" I was looking for. The one where everyone is as much a loser as you and nothing much was expected of you. I don't want to become like the "true believers" who swear on meds and compare their prescriptions with others to see who has it worse off or who talk about their therapists like if they were the village priest whom you go to confess your sins every week and he gives you a penance to fulfill in the hopes that it will make you a better person.

My issue with meds for depression is that they treat chemical imbalances in the brain. Well, our attitudes, outlook, and health can all alter our brain chemistry. I feel that in most cases they treat the symptoms and not the cause. I often tell people to find goals and pursue them, and that is the key for getting out of depression. The reality is that was my key. Sometimes people can benefit from that advice when they want to succeed but are too afraid to try or don't know how. When you just don't want to or don't care that's a whole other problem. I can tell you that nothing is going to help until you say "enough is enough" and then make a change.

Also, there is nothing wrong in admitting you have a problem. (Even if you don't, thinking you do will help you find the answers.)

 

[Sigyn]

I'm glad to see there's a thread for this.

For me, it's that I can't force myself to start friendships/relationships with people. Its easy on a screen that I can just turn off, but even then I don't talk about anything that matters. I feel incomplete without having some sort of connection to people, but at the same time when I DO try to open up and make friends, it feels super fake, like the attachment isn't strong enough on my end. Like, I always care about them but if they went away tomorrow it wouldn't change anything. Idk. I just feel like everyone comes into any relationship with a certain idea of what's expected of me, be it romance, or a super close friend, or an 'ally' or whatever, and when I don't live up to expectations, there's drama. Idk. I'm pretty happy, but it really IS holding me back. I'm a little lonely but at this point I'd rather feel isolated than make friends with someone who will push or hurt me again. I've decided that when I move I'm just cutting off all ties to my life here, family and whatever, and move on that way. Fresh start, you know? Cause the life I'm living now isn't sustainable.

 

[Sigyn]

My issue with meds for depression is that they treat chemical imbalances in the brain. Well, our attitudes, outlook, and health can all alter our brain chemistry. I feel that in most cases they treat the symptoms and not the cause. I often tell people to find goals and pursue them, and that is the key for getting out of depression. The reality is that was my key. Sometimes people can benefit from that advice when they want to succeed but are too afraid to try or don't know how. When you just don't want to or don't care that's a whole other problem. I can tell you that nothing is going to help until you say "enough is enough" and then make a change.

Yes, but that's the point. The chemical imbalances TELL you that there isn't a way out. By treating that, it gives clarity into the fact that something is really wrong. I agree that it's not the be-all-end-all, but in some cases, it really is necessary.

 

[klystron]

I'm glad to see there's a thread for this.

For me, it's that I can't force myself to start friendships/relationships with people. Its easy on a screen that I can just turn off, but even then I don't talk about anything that matters. I feel incomplete without having some sort of connection to people, but at the same time when I DO try to open up and make friends, it feels super fake, like the attachment isn't strong enough on my end. Like, I always care about them but if they went away tomorrow it wouldn't change anything. Idk. I just feel like everyone comes into any relationship with a certain idea of what's expected of me, be it romance, or a super close friend, or an 'ally' or whatever, and when I don't live up to expectations, there's drama. Idk. I'm pretty happy, but it really IS holding me back. I'm a little lonely but at this point I'd rather feel isolated than make friends with someone who will push or hurt me again. I've decided that when I move I'm just cutting off all ties to my life here, family and whatever, and move on that way. Fresh start, you know? Cause the life I'm living now isn't sustainable.

Nobody can make you happy. You can't make anybody else happy. We all have to find our own happiness. Once we do, we are in a position for somebody to complement that happiness. Popular culture has taught us that socializing is the way to happiness but it isn't. I recommend you get over your need to have a connection to people and instead work on finding your own way and your own happiness. Then you'll find that the people you meet along the way are in pursuit of the same goals and at that point you will find meaningful relationships. (Hint: relationships with expectations are not meaningful they are just immature wastes of time, imho.)

Yes, but that's the point. The chemical imbalances TELL you that there isn't a way out. By treating that, it gives clarity into the fact that something is really wrong. I agree that it's not the be-all-end-all, but in some cases, it really is necessary.

So then tell them that there is a way out. Any of us are capable of pushing through anything that our brains try to block us from. We can't necessarily walk a hundred miles with no legs. The mind is the most powerful thing there is and it can overcome anything. Just my opinion of course.

 

[Yog-Spergoth]

Yes, but that's the point. The chemical imbalances TELL you that there isn't a way out. By treating that, it gives clarity into the fact that something is really wrong. I agree that it's not the be-all-end-all, but in some cases, it really is necessary.

Personally, I'm more a believer in the 'holistic' approach to depression treatment. MDD is a interesting disorder because it's both medical and psychological. Many people with depression do respond very positively to depression meds like SSRI's, because depression is correlated to a lower level of serotonin in general. Also, MRI scans have shown that the brain of someone with MDD just plain fires differently.

Then again, depression also has a high correlation with negative thought patterns and cognitive therapy or CBT has been shown to be equally as effective at treating depression, if not more so.

In the end, I believe it's a mix of both. Medication helps sort out the neurotransmitter imbalances, and more positive thinking patterns can prevent relapse. The most effective treatment is both together. The quote I always think about when talking about treatment for MDD is "There can never be a single cure, for what does not have a single cause."

 

[Sigyn]

Nobody can make you happy. You can't make anybody else happy. We all have to find our own happiness. Once we do, we are in a position for somebody to complement that happiness. Popular culture has taught us that socializing is the way to happiness but it isn't. I recommend you get over your need to have a connection to people and instead work on finding your own way and your own happiness. Then you'll find that the people you meet along the way are in pursuit of the same goals and at that point you will find meaningful relationships. (Hint: relationships with expectations are not meaningful they are just immature wastes of time, imho.)



So then tell them that there is a way out. Any of us are capable of pushing through anything that our brains try to block us from. We can't necessarily walk a hundred miles with no legs. The mind is the most powerful thing there is and it can overcome anything. Just my opinion of course.

????? I'm curious where you got that from. I AM happy with myself. I also havent spoken to another person outside of a business setting in months and have a dysfunctional family that ignores me. That's not healthy, and so naturally, I'm lonely and am looking for a way out. Also, just throwing this out there, but not everyone needs/wants advice, especially when it's so ill-informed. I thought this thread included ranting too, but if this is solely for advice, then I misunderstood and I apologize. Let me make it clear that I don't want advice, I just wanted to verbalize my feelings.

As for your last comment, I don't think you understand how mental illness works for other people. If you worked through it that way, all the more power to you, but when someone's brain isn't working properly, it's way harder to see reason or be responsible, and so meds are a good option to fix it. Maybe not for you, but for me, they saved my life. It wasn't a matter of "pushing through it" for some people, including me. That being said, I'm doing better now, and I attribute a good part of that to taking meds. I'm not discrediting therapy, though, as that was the most important part. Just saying.

 

[Truck Rockfort]

Well this more that appropriate time than ever to try talk about this after making an ass of myself on the Jace stream, but when ever I get embarrassed by doing something, I have a hard time getting past it and it keeps on bothering me for the rest of the day until I can manage to forget about it. I really honestly don't know why I get like that sometimes and it kind of ends up ruining my day. I'd like to know what you guys think about this becasue I think talking about it will help me.

 

[Yog-Spergoth]

Well this more that appropriate time than ever to try talk about this after making an ass of myself on the Jace stream, but when ever I get embarrassed by doing something, I have a hard time getting past it and it keeps on bothering me for the rest of the day until I can manage to forget about it. I really honestly don't know why I get like that sometimes and it kind of ends up ruining my day. I'd like to know what you guys think about this becasue I think talking about it will help me.

I know that feeling. Whenever I do something embarrassing, it'll occasionally come back to me through the day. The feeling I get can only be described as like a full-body cringe. I think it's okay though, embarrassment is pretty natural, and I think it's a good way for me to learn from my past. I've had times when I was about to do something stupid that embarrassed me before and went "NO. NEVER AGAIN."

 

[klystron]

????? I'm curious where you got that from. I AM happy with myself. I also havent spoken to another person outside of a business setting in months and have a dysfunctional family that ignores me. That's not healthy, and so naturally, I'm lonely and am looking for a way out. Also, just throwing this out there, but not everyone needs/wants advice, especially when it's so ill-informed. I thought this thread included ranting too, but if this is solely for advice, then I misunderstood and I apologize. Let me make it clear that I don't want advice, I just wanted to verbalize my feelings.

I didn't mean to offend. I was reminded of a time in my life where I was desperately seeking company of others and it repeatedly let me down and I became lonely. I apologize for reading too much into things. I appreciate you verbalizing your feelings. I wasn't trying to give anyone advice I thought we were just here to talk about our feelings and discuss. My bad. Also in your case, I was also talking about the people who you seem to think are coming to you with expectations that aren't being met and that weighs on you. I feel that they are trying to make themselves happy through you.

As for your last comment, I don't think you understand how mental illness works for other people. If you worked through it that way, all the more power to you, but when someone's brain isn't working properly, it's way harder to see reason or be responsible, and so meds are a good option to fix it. Maybe not for you, but for me, they saved my life. It wasn't a matter of "pushing through it" for some people, including me. That being said, I'm doing better now, and I attribute a good part of that to taking meds. I'm not discrediting therapy, though, as that was the most important part. Just saying.

I think we can find common ground with the therapy. I have read that a rather large percentage of Americans are on anti-depressants.
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/12/a-glut-of-antidepressants/?_r=0

I can accept the fact that people can have legitimate problems with their brain. I cannot accept the fact that 10% of America does. I think these drugs are overprescribed and I think a lot of psychiatrists are quick to write prescriptions and have them (and you) not deal with the problem. I agree that therapy is most important because it helps tackles the root cause. I cannot speak for you and cannot say that the meds definitely saved your life.

Anyway, I will shut up with advice-like posts now. Thanks for pointing that out.

 

[Truck Rockfort]

I know that feeling. Whenever I do something embarrassing, it'll occasionally come back to me through the day. The feeling I get can only be described as like a full-body cringe. I think it's okay though, embarrassment is pretty natural, and I think it's a good way for me to learn from my past. I've had times when I was about to do something stupid that embarrassed me before and went "NO. NEVER AGAIN."

I think most of it stems from a anxiety disorder I have. I use to go to a mental heath clinic and I use to see a therapist that I got close to but when he quit working so I quit going there becasue I didn't really want to start all over, but now I'm thinking about trying again.

 

[Yog-Spergoth]

I think most of it stems from a anxiety disorder I have. I use to go to a mental heath clinic and I use to see a therapist that I got close to but when he quit working so I quit going there becasue I didn't really want to start all over, but now I'm thinking about trying again.

Have you tried seeing a CBT specialist? I might be a little biased because it's what worked best for me, and the particular therapy method that I studied the most, but it's extremely good for anxiety disorders. It kinda retrains your brain and any negative conditioning you might have around people or crowds. I would definitely consider it.

 

[Truck Rockfort]

Have you tried seeing a CBT specialist? I might be a little biased because it's what worked best for me, and the particular therapy method that I studied the most, but it's extremely good for anxiety disorders. It kinda retrains your brain and any negative conditioning you might have around people or crowds. I would definitely consider it.

Yeah the therapist I was seeing was a CBT specialist, one of the hardest things was having to deal with him leaving becasue we had been working together for few years and we knew each other well, he ended up quitting at the mental heath center mostly becasue he and a lot of other co-workers had problems with the new management so most of them quit. I had his contact info from before but for some reason I ended up losing contact with him a few years ago. But even then I can try and see if I can find someone who specializes in CBT.

 

[Rammspieler]

Well this more that appropriate time than ever to try talk about this after making an ass of myself on the Jace stream, but when ever I get embarrassed by doing something, I have a hard time getting past it and it keeps on bothering me for the rest of the day until I can manage to forget about it. I really honestly don't know why I get like that sometimes and it kind of ends up ruining my day. I'd like to know what you guys think about this becasue I think talking about it will help me.

Story of my life. There are things that come back to haunt me from time to time that range form the mildly embarrassing and annoying to the things which count for me as major life fuck-ups and can lead me to asking why I didn't die from my accident.

 

[Yog-Spergoth]

Story of my life. There are things that come back to haunt me from time to time that range form the mildly embarrassing and annoying to the things which count for me as major life fuck-ups and can lead me to asking why I didn't die from my accident.

I know the feeling. But, it's good you didn't die from the things you've gone through because now the future is open for you. I guess it's kinda like Edison's (attributed) quote: "I didn't fail, I've just found a thousand ways not to make a lightbulb."

 

[Picklechu]

I have a really abrasive personality. I'm pretty quick-witted on top of being blunt and sarcastic, so I'll often say things without thinking about whether or not it will hurt someone's feelings, and I can be kind of shy and quiet around people I don't know very well, which can me me seem kind of cold; in general, I can come across as a complete dick. I'm usually ok at keeping this in check, but I find it more difficult when I go for longer periods of time in which I'm semi-isolated thanks to grad school. It's something I always have to actively work on.

 

[ASoulMan]

I've recently began doing exercises on a daily basis. I found the best time to do them is after I return from college or an hour and a half after dinner. It's nothing too major, but I hope to expect some sort of results after doing them for quite some time.

And I've been contemplating the thought of acquiring a full time job somewhere during the summer since 1) I don't do much in the summer aside hangout with friends every now and then, so my mind goes into a haze and 2) I need more money anyway. I currently work as a janitor on the weekends, and I work in a payed position at my college's student news organization, but I can only get so much from the first job, and since I'm close to getting my associate's, will be leaving my student job soon. I'm going to get at updating my resume and what not to get started. So far I've been contemplating the thought of working at the mall that's nearby me.

 

[Yog-Spergoth]

I've recently began doing exercises on a daily basis. I found the best time to do them is after I return from college or an hour and a half after dinner. It's nothing too major, but I hope to expect some sort of results after doing them for quite some time.

And I've been contemplating the thought of acquiring a full time job somewhere during the summer since 1) I don't do much in the summer aside hangout with friends every now and then, so my mind goes into a haze and 2) I need more money anyway. I currently work as a janitor on the weekends, and I work in a payed position at my college's student news organization, but I can only get so much from the first job, and since I'm close to getting my associate's, will be leaving my student job soon. I'm going to get at updating my resume and what not to get started. So far I've been contemplating the thought of working at the mall that's nearby me.

Good idea, man! Working in retail kinda sucks, but don't let it get you down!