Containment TSSSF card livestreams megathread

[A Grey Cat]

I got you, fam.

Spoiler: 0:00 to 15:00

[Video begins. The camera is focused on a table holding several boxes full of Chris’s homemade cards and a McCafe cup. Chris walks into shot while speaking, and sits at the table.]

[Sigh] Hello, ever’body, this is Christine Chandler comin’ to ya live from home once again. Today I’m doin’ something completely special, ‘cause I pretty much have enough produts, [he fiddles with the boxes] to actually take, uh, photographs [he leans down so that we can just see the lower half of his face] of, using my second phone. [In a smug, nasal tone of voice] Yeah, I got twooo phones, [he points at the camera], one for da trolls, and one for my, uh--one for my trolls, one for my homes, [he points at the camera again] I got twooo phones. One for da bullies, ‘n one for my friends. Do you think I need two phones? You’re recording me with one, you’re taking pictures with the other one. [shrilly] I think that’s a pretty good reason! So anyway, let’s go through what I have here. [He picks up one of the boxes, which is marked with a borrowed or stolen fanart of Sonichu on one side and the merging Earths on the other] First off, I show off da bots. Dis is da bots where, er, past established dets and expansion packs will be packaged into when you buy the whole kit ‘n caboodle. Um, of course, well, dis is tak–dis is discounting the Sonichu villains pack–Baby! Don’t mess with that! My cat Baby. {Editor’s note: That is such a lazy fucking name for a cat} Hey! [He leans off camera to grab the cat] Don’t mess with the cable! [In a higher pitch] Don’t mess with the cable! [He picks the cat up and holds it in front of the table for a moment] Yeah, c’mere, buddy. Now it’s a cat video, there’s a cat. [The cat starts wriggling and he lets it go] Awright, let you go. Don’t mess with the cable. I’m recording here! [He gets up and walks away from the table] You mess with the cable, you mess with my power system! [He turns on a faucet offscreen and says something shrill; the running water and his tone largely obscure the words. He returns to the table and sits down with a stress sigh] Now. As I was saying, dis is a lovely custom designed rigid box, and before anybody asks, I gave errybody dis foretaste of de big ol’ world. It’s not a combination of Earth and Saturn, [he begins shuffling through cards] it’s atshually an image for one of the cards from the deck. Of which I shall present to you all once again. Dah-ta-dah, here we are--Hey! [Shrilly] No no no no no no no no! [Thumps something on the table to scare the cat away, shaking the camera slightly. He stress sighs] Kitty-cat messing with da symbols--the cables. [He holds the card up to the camera, showing us the image of the merging Earths] See? Dimension Merge Completion. Dis is essentially an image of myging–da merging of da two Earts between Dimension 1218 and C-197, which is very much happening. [He puts the card back into the deck] And I’m not listening to any hater comments on that. Which, also on that, you know, not reading your comments, but donations are greatly appreciated, thank you very much. Anyway, so . . . I have my cards so far, and some of which I have printed individually in advance, so . . . [stress sigh] now, back to the bots, back to the bots [he picks up the box again, rotating it as he speaks. He doesn’t seem to notice that it’s mostly out of frame as he does this] There’s one side, and the other side, and anurr side, there’s anurr side, there’s da top, and the bottom’s all black, and you open it up, and I had da dis–I did dis with my . . . kit ‘n caboodle, to figure out how to arrange everything. [He opens the box, revealing it to be stuffed with several smaller card boxes, like an autistic matryoshka] Ta-da! Can fit all the–fit all the deck and etspansion packs in dere, [the cat wanders past at the top of the frame] ‘n which would be arranged carefully. Now doing--d--I do not have the . . . [he picks up some sheets of paper, the first of which bears an advert for the Samurai Pizza Bots expansion] Samurai Pizza Bots etspansion pack yet, though that is completed and a copy of it is on its way, [he sets aside the first sheet and reveals the second, an advert for the Nightvee & The Warriors for Andromeda expansion] aaand I’m still a few cards short of completing Nightvee and the Warriors for Andromeda pack. So–but we do have boxes of which represent--da--represent dose, in de absence of dose atshual botses. [He pulls out one of the smallest card boxes to show us] Cause, you know, de size of de Samurai Pizza Bots bots [he holds up the SPB advert again] is essentially, nyeeh, da size of bots of the Super Mega Forms, or, here [he pries out two other boxes] de Idea Guy Corruptions and de Arizona Slime etspansions. [He returns those boxes and pulls out one of the larger boxes] And of course here’s de deck bots, the ones that [get put box?] will definitely be Nightvee and da Warriors for Andromeda, so that’s–so I got this bots, dis prototype bots for Arizona Slime [shrilly] dey don’t really need it, but oh well, MPC downgraded me from flip-bots to this, but at least dis makes good space-filler to represent dat neck of the woods. And dere’s definitely room for one more thin bots within here, so that’s doable. And [he pulls out another box] de OC bots is a flip-bots. [He pulls out another box, sighing] Da Chris-Chan pack is a flip-bots, and [he pulls out the last two boxes] Sonichu ‘n Rosechu n’ Night Star packs are tuck-boxes, though you can tell dat Sonichu ‘n Rosechu pack is thicker ‘cause there’s more cards in there. That’s the choice I had to go with on the web--on de Make Playing Cards, MPC website. And of course there is room in here, round here, for de eighteen promo cards. But also what you can do with this bots aside from storing all your lovely kit ‘n caboodle, a’course . . . [he empties out the storage box, fishes out a huge stack of cards from one of the other boxes on the table, and puts them into the storage box] is store your playing cards in’ere as well, which you can have ‘em like that, though maybe with a cardboard on one side or the other, to make a lil bit higher, maybe use one from one of those Pokemon TCG elite trainer botses, to make do, to essentially have ‘em like that. [He pulls the cards out and puts them back in on their sides] Or simply just . . . put ever’body on their sides, it’s easier when nobody’s in sleeves [he angles the box to show us] but it does well for--even when they are sleeved and . . . [he pushes the lid onto the box] that works well. [Baby and Sylvia tear past the table; the rattling of their tags almost drowns Chris out] So ya got options! And as always, options are what? [He points at the camera] They’re good. [He reopens the box and takes out the cards] So, anyways, yeah, I had stated on the earlier point, we are doing . . . product photographs, so I’m putting all these botses back in dis bots here. We will not be doing product images for, uh . . . [he holds up the printed adverts again] well, I guess we could since I have these printed out, an’ I only have like a few cards of each pack. Like, I only have two cards out of the Samurai Pizza Bots and I have like Nightvee–n–mm–CPU maker cards for, uh, this pack. [Sighs] I’ll make do. [He sets aside the main box and picks up the three boxes full of cards] But dis is essentially good behind-the-scenes footage, y’all are getting a treat to see, as I take dese product shots for da--de webpage. So as you can tell, in these three botses, which obviously dere, [he picks up one box, puts it back, and picks up another box] let me get this one, dis one actually has writing on it, and Cosmic Eclipse boxes. [He turns the bottom of the box to the camera, revealing that he has repurposed boxes from a Pokemon TCG expansion to store his cards. His name is written in pen beneath the logo] But I wrote--I used a gel pen, marked on the bottom of bots, [he turns the box to show us the other alterations he’s made] da bots tops, and of course I put a card front ‘n back, and I wrote on the inside bots [he shows us the writing: CWC’s Cards I] inside, on the bottom, da side that goes forward. So, for–I’m decently organized, you know, start, pony cards, ship cards, goal cards, just like my regu’ar collection. So, we’ll start, we’ll start by figuring out the arrangement for the deck cards, so, [he starts pulling out deck boxes and cards] we’re gonna need the deck cards, and I’ll definitely note on the prospective webpages that card sleeves will not be included, and I’ll make sure to clear the area. So, ‘n this is definitely a difference here, [he holds up two cards, one of which is apparently a variant version] I mean, you get this card in da deck, but you get this in the etspansion, de Chris-Chan etspansion pack, so, it’s like [shrilly] you buy de etspansion pack, you could easily swap this out for a better–for a better full-art with an additional effect. So, anyway, [he starts laying cards out and rearranging the table space, setting aside boxes as he goes] so we got that card, we got that card, we got this card, and . . . [we’re getting cards ?] that were in the deck, so we have those four start cards and I have--ever’body else sorted out here, so here’s all the pony cards for the deck . . . [mumbling] ‘n da ship card, more ship cards . . . and here’s all the deck ship cards, ‘n [mumbling] and a’course the goal cards for the deck, so . . . get that out of the way. [Mumbling] And get this out of the way too . . . [more mumbling] Now, well, I wanna focus on the product, because I have watched da commercials over de--I have watched de many, many advertisements over da years an’ . . . you notice I have da two playing mats underneath dese papers, so it’s like to . . . not to focus on any imagery dat’s underneath the product. Oh, I forgot one thing. [He opens up a random box] I ended up with a bunch of extra cards, ‘cause my advance-printed cards, some of them were actually larger than the typical poker size, so I ended up having to do reprints for myself, so . . . on this side I ended up with a tuck-bots versus de default flip-bots for de OC pack. So, nyaah, it was a learning process! Learning process. Gotta love to learn. I likes learning. {Editor’s note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA} All right, so yeah, I just, I mean--since I don’t wanna unsleeve ever’body, that would be a time-waster, ‘n I wanna make sure de Secret Shipfic Fo’der is talked about . . . so, yeah-g-mm . . . gonna sample one of our start card, [shuffles cards] the kinda thing we I [loudly] n’yeah, dis is anudder prototypical thing I ended up with, [he fans out several cards to show the camera] dese choppy misprints on the back, aside from . . . [he pulls another card out of its sleeve] ‘n actually this’d be a good sample, so . . . so, n’yeah [he holds a card up to the camera] you can tell it’s larger than a typical poker card, so dat was my etsperience. I mean, it may not be as obvious when you’re . . . have ‘em in card sleeves, but . . . when you’re looking at ‘em in a deck perceptive outside of sleeves, it [shrilly] it does make a difference! [Sighs] Thank you, children of [?] for waking me up to that. So, anyway, I want a regular start card . . . [mumbling] put these back . . . I want a pony card with a typical back . . . [blows a raspberry and makes some babbling sounds as he fumbles with the cards and boxes] Dis is a learning process I had to go through in figuring all this out for myself ‘n everything. [Sighs] ‘N Magi-Chan was definitely able ta help me through all this, so . . . so muh--many props and thanks to him also. Um, [sighs] dose out of the way, we have our product pony card back, and [mumbles, pulls out more cards] okay, ‘n yeah, this’ll be our product start card, ‘n this’ll be our goal card, ship card, dere. We’re--we just need the backs ‘cause . . . they show the logo ‘n everything, and what’s typical in the pack, and it’s like obvious, if dere’s a start card in da pack, we’ll have da--we’ll have dat back face up. Pack or deck, it’s just, let ever’body know in de advertisements. So, yeah. I took photography in high school, as one of my classes, so I took some good photos. {Editor’s note: No, he did not} So, anyway, let’s figure out our arrangement now, so we got our kit ‘n capoodle [sic], n’ . . . [mumbles while rearranging cards and boxes] all right, gotta figure out good lighting, yeah, deck boxes, yeah, [mumbling] deck boxes to the left, dere’s better lighting from dat side, from my right. So, want to arrange a few select cards, and dat’s anurr thing that you see, we’re gonna be having the three decks back side up, so this’ll definitely be another sleeves-not-included aspect and why . . . we’ll need those sample backs. [One of the cats wanders past and starts scratching itself offscreen, its bell jingling as he talks] This is a process. It’s a good process. Hmm. [He begins laying out the cards] So I’m trying ta--I’m deciding how I want to do this. I mean, yes, could, we could arrange ‘em in a fold like that. [He lays out two rows of cards in a fan shape, one above the other] Wanna just take a few off the top like that. Hm. [He shrugs] It’s a valid presentation, but I feel like we could do better, like . . . let’s make an etsample of the game, right?

Even with all that I still don't understand what kinda game these cards actually make, or what he's saying half the time. the only thing his babbling is good for is getting me to sleep even with my insomnia

 

[Alex Krycek]

Even the Cat realizes how retarded these videos are and is trying cut the feed.

Add Baby to to the list of Trolls.

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

Well...I guess it's better than he used to do in the kitchen.

'JU-laaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!!….Ungh!!!!!...…….anyone want extra sauce with their spaghetti?...'

 

[Vaganabanana]

Now I have that awful song “twooooo phooooones” stuck in my head on repeat.

Early Christmas present from the Lord of ‘Tisms

edit:spelling

 

[Beijing]

"I extorted six thousand dollars out of Chris-chan and I'm going to pay her back.. WITH INTEREST, HE HE HA HA HE HA HA".

Clearly enjoying the idea guy corruption pack bit too much.

 

[King Kiwi]

Wait a minute.

What's Christian doing here?
Did he swapped bodies and is holding our Goddess is hostage???

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

My brain has started to bleed. I hope that you're all happy now.

Spoiler: OH DEAR. 15:00 - 29:42

So here’s what we’re gonna do. (shuffles cards) We’re goin’ to take a start card, an’ place dat – we’re just gonna do da ship (gestures vaguely), we’re gonna make a – make, make a short shippin’ grid round here, and start cards’ll be – over dare, so I’ll put dat over dare, an’ den we’re gonna say we have da, ship – dat…pony ship an’ pony cards over here, oh I’ll pick a few examples outta dis (flicks through cards), aw, da God-dang, I just knew it – yeah, dare’s OK KO. Let’s Zap It Up…(flicks more purposefully, finds Dimensional Merge card)…yeah, I definitely want dat since we have it on da box, de Dimension Merge Completion, aaaand, hmmmmm….(more flicking)…one more, one more…oh, not good, not good…(music heard faintly as Chris falls silent)…ah, y’know what? – Family Photo. We’ll put dare (places cards), so..now, I’ll be needin’ da whole deck, so I place da goal cards, an’ da – top of da pack, dare (places more cards to his right), now…we’ll s’lect some, pony cards – move dis deck – do a bit o’ – shippin’ around…(more flicking. It’s almost as if he wants to remove any element of surprise and improvisation from this)…hmmmm…yes, let’s put Commodore Phone (yes, indeed, you can bang a mobile phone in this game if your luck’s in)…ummmm…I definitely like to get ME on the grid (places card showing one of his many, many self-surrogates, then MOAR SELECTIVE FLICKING)…let’s have Sonichu an’ Rosey over dare…hmmm. Yeah. Why not…my Dad over dare (lucky Robertchu. You are CHOSEN!!!)…I’m just, collectin’ and pickin’ (no shit, Chris). Hmm. – We’ll put Walsh over dare…ooh. I LOVE Roberta (chuckles) – we’ll put Roberta – uh, we’ll ship ‘er with Robertchu, how about dat…(Velocity of Bob’s spinning body approaches light speed) Dat works! (chuckles) I like dat. Hmmm…we’ll put Medallion over dare. And (more bloody flicking) I fink one more pony card…(long pause. Jingle jangle goes Chris’s cheap jewellery) Hmmmmm…Yeah. Why not? (places card decisively) Asperchu.

So, we have our etsample shippin’ grid, ‘cept with da pony cards we’d like(?), we put sample pony card pack on da deck back (he even appears to be confusing himself here), so, so now we’ll select some ship cards, and…I would like to make an etsample, so we’re gonna have one more start card to dis lot…ermmmmm…(wafts card around vaguely)…we’ll put Night Star over here. So dare’s dat. Down they lay…a-and, because we’re doin’ a second start card, I definitely want to put a (more fucking flicking) play from collection card, ‘cause…I fink dat works, (yells in sudden anger) HEY, BABY! BABY! (lurches out of frame, gut wobbling) BABY! NO! NO! NO! GET AWAY FROM DARE! (sounding amazingly like Cartman as he shoos the poor cat away. There follows what sounds very like something plastic being thrown in Baby’s direction. Sorry to be personal, but fuck you, Chris, you obnoxious manchild.)…Cats, amirite? (Yeah, so much less important than some shitty card game for ree-tards, amirite?) Oh-kaaaaay. TCG Lake(?). Okay, so dose – so dey end up in da card game together. Let’s swap Walsh an’ Night Star, why not, ermmm…den we’ll pick a few other ship cards, ermmm…(placing cards) Lovely Picnic, nice card to coon(?), place it dare…(long pause, more card-flicking and placing)..mmnyep-yep-yeeeaaahhh…hmmmm…so, dey Enjoy Da Concert…(long pause. More treacly light classical music is heard)…hmmm…ah, yeah. Alright. Dey met while waiting in line. (placing cards. ANOTHER long pause.) *stress sigh*

‘Kay, now dese is a whole bunch o’ paper, but I wanna make sure dare’s no distractin’ imagery underneath da cards. Dat’s da, ah, dat’s da point. Okay, now I shuffle dose cards, I’m gonna do Innernet Trolls between da Phone an’ Walsh. (Baby wanders past at a sensible distance, aloof.) Hey, dat works – dey’re infringin’ on da, tryin’ to get into da – technology, dare. (More flicking yet while he mumbles to himself.) Dare! Now we do What Is Dat? Ermmm, I worked in – Roberta and my Dad worked inna Double Teaaam, hmmm, an’…Savin’ De Arts…why not? Errrrr…I’ll do a Bouquet O’ Speshul Roses (chuckling)! Look, aw da hell, I’m tyin’ ‘em inna knot(?). Annnnd….hmmmmm…okay, we’ll see an Anchuent Prophecy party because dey brought da Phone in (whatever you say, Chris). Annnnd…alright, dare’s our shippin’ deck, and dese are our little arrangements of - dis’ll be our – Product Shot. So, I’m gonna take a pikchuh of all dis (picking up camera phone), from da lovely angle of my second phone…make sure it takes a good view…ummm…I’ve done dis…(he finally takes the snap, and thrusts the results into the frame) Ah. Dare. Dat looks pretty good. (No comment.) An’ dat will go on de – pre-sale website, later on. In a, in a little while. (Puts phone down.) Now we have dis pikchuh taken, I’m a just a – put dese all, set dose aside, hmm, hmmm…okay, den, c’mon. Pick up dese – oh, dose are start cards, pony cards on top o’ dose, and I’ll give dis a brief shuffle – annnd, good wi’ da pony cards…back in dare…start cards, I got dem, and well, dey were, I know – what a sensational beast(?)! Okay, dare’s start cards – I got da pony, I got da ship cards, an’ – put ‘em back in da ship deck – just give all dat – a quick shuffle (some 40 seconds have already passed since he first announced this intention)…put dat back…and I wanna work out (picks up cards) which ones I wanna keep. (Chris, you do not understand how shuffling works.)

Ooh…OK KO! Heh, heh. Das right. So…just dare, in da other box, annnnd…(hauls another bloody box of cards onto the table) dat’s it for da deck! Now to work on…we’re doin’ this in chronological order of – of – determine – uh, expansion packs, so – now we’re gonna do, yeah, we’ll do the Slime next, an’ I would like to have a prop, so I’ll use…use…(more box-shifting) dis box, and…(fishes something out of box)…hair not included. How did dat get in dere? So…we’ll put da deck dare, and prop dis (some cards) up against da box, an’ now I’m gonna pick out de cards dat are mainly fum da – from dat particular expansion pack. ‘Cept dare are now only two pony cards in de – in dat pack, an’ I’m now strugglin’ m I l k(?)…ummm…ummm…dare’s a good number o’ ship cards (trivia point – the slushy string music at this point is a cover of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John), dey’re pretty much shuffled but dey, dey do y’know have de story on ‘em when you put ‘em in a chronological order, annnd dare’s a few goal cards in here…so…okay, dat’s da goal cards. (Moves boxes off of table.)

Now, we only – we’re only gonna focus on da cards dat are incluuuded with da expansion pack – dare’s no start cards in dis pack so in our sampler we’re not gonna include dat one (discards card). Now, let’s see, we’re gonna try to make up a simple, short grid with – what we have here – an’ what I have in mind, I’ll simply just orange strawberry m I l k token ex-barrier of protection(?) – of course, dat’ll actually prevent two pony, two cards from bein’ discarded, an’ dat now, I’ll see what I can figure out appropriate goal card (yet more flicking, incoherent rule-mumblings)…oh well, I’m just goin’ to say let’s pretend we have – doin’ a trick, doin’ a self-so set-up of cards right dare, I’ll just sit dose right dare, an’…mmmm…oh, I didn’t wanna do a sample, oh, what, you know what, let’s just arrange dis all – let’s just put all de – all cards together on dere (even he sounds depressed by how much fun he’s having). An’ den like dis, an’ den dare, an’ say dat’s it! Dat’s an example of a sheer pan (shipping?). Now we’ll just see here with all de other ship cards in da pack, an’ yeah let’s move dese closer to da boxes…make sure nothin’ is tucked underneath our paper, alright. (Picks up camera phone) Alright, dat actually does look good, ‘cept – for….(Lays out three more cards) Dare. Dat shows dat we only have pony, ship an’ goal cards in dis particular pack. So now, we’re takin’ de lovely picture of all dis…mmmm….ahhhhh….mmmmm. Try to figure dis out. Mmm…mmmm…feels like it’s a bit too…yeah, feels like I want de – dare’s da Slime pack box, closer…(moves stuff) Hmmmm, yeah…I want it to be in da centre of da frame. Now let’s put dat over dare an’ put dese to da front, an’ over dare…hmmm. Let’s put dese – oh yeah – let’s put dose beside dat…yeah, dat’ll do. Dare, dat looks much better. (Again, no comment.) Alright…hmmmm…(Still not satisfied, he abruptly starts shifting more stuff around the table.) Dese here…Making Art! Makin’ a bit o’ Art. ‘Cause we’re showin’ off LOTS of lovely Art. Alright…hmmm…(he moves stuff infinitesimally around again) And dat looks pretty good…now I’m gonna go with dis, an’ OOP! (Finally takes photo and holds it up to us again.) An’ dat’ll go on – dat’ll go on the original Slime listing. Okay, so I’ll put dese away (begins laboriously re-packing cards). Okay, an’ we’ll get our next buncha cards out…

 

[Mason Verger]

My brain has started to bleed. I hope that you're all happy now.

Spoiler: OH DEAR. 15:00 - 29:42

So here’s what we’re gonna do. (shuffles cards) We’re goin’ to take a start card, an’ place dat – we’re just gonna do the ship (gestures vaguely), we’re gonna make a – make, make a short shippin’ grid round here, and start cards’ll be – over dare, so I’ll put dat over dare, an’den we’re gonna say we have da, ship – dat…pony ship an’ pony cards over here, oh I’ll pick a few examples outta dis (flicks through cards), aw, da God-dang, I just knew it – yeah, dare’s OK KO. Let’s Zap It Up…(flicks more purposefully, finds Dimensional Merge card)…yeah, I definitely want dat since we have it on da box, de Dimension Merge Completion, aaaand, hmmmmm….(more flicking)…one more, one more…oh, not good, not good…(music heard faintly as Chris falls silent)…ah, y’know what? – Family Photo. We’ll put dare (places cards), so..now, I’ll be needin’ da whole deck, so I place da goal cards, an’ da – top of da pack, dare (places more cards to his right), now…we’ll s’lect some, pony cards – move dis deck – do a bit o’ – shippin’ around…(more flicking. It’s almost as if he wants to remove any element of surprise and improvisation from this)…hmmmm…yes, let’s put Commodore Phone (yes, indeed, you can bang a mobile phone in this game if your luck’s in)…ummmm…I definitely like to get ME on the grid (places card showing one of his many, many self-surrogates, then MOAR SELECTIVE FLICKING)…let’s have Sonichu an’ Rosey over dare…hmmm. Yeah. Why not…my Dad over dare (lucky Robertchu. You are CHOSEN!!!)…I’m just, collectin’ and pickin’ (no shit, Chris). Hmm. – We’ll put Walsh over dare…ooh. I LOVE Roberta (chuckles) – we’ll put Roberta – uh, we’ll ship ‘er with Robertchu, how about dat…(Velocity of Bob’s spinning body approaches light speed) Dat works! (chuckles) I like dat. Hmmm…we’ll put Medallion over dare. And (more bloody flicking) I fink one more pony card…(long pause. Jingle jangle goes Chris’s cheap jewellery) Hmmmmm…Yeah. Why not? (places card decisively) Asperchu.

So, we have our etsample shippin’ grid, ‘cept with da pony cards we’d like(?), we put sample pony card pack on da deck back(he even appears to be confusing himself here), so, so now we’ll select some ship cards, and…I would like to make an etsample, so we’re gonna have one more start card to dis lot…ermmmmm…(wafts card around vaguely)…we’ll put Night Star over here. So dare’s dat. Down they lay…a-and, because we’re doin’ a second start card, I definitely want to put a (more fucking flicking) play from collection card, ‘cause…I fink dat works, (yells in sudden anger) HEY, BABY! BABY! (lurches out of frame, gut wobbling) BABY! NO! NO! NO! GET AWAY FROM DARE! (sounding amazingly like Cartman as he shoos the poor cat away. There is the sound of something plastic being thrown in Baby’s direction. Sorry to be personal, but fuck you, Chris, you obnoxious manchild.)…Cats, amirite? (Yeah, so much less important than some shitty card game for ree-tards, amirite?) Oh-kaaaaay. TCG Lake. Okay, so dose – so dey end up in da card game together. Let’s swap Walsh an’ Night Star, why not, ermmm…den we’ll pick a few other ship cards, ermmm…(placing cards) Lovely Picnic, nice card to coon(?), place it dare…(long pause, more card-flicking and placing)..mmnyep-yep-yeeeaaahhh…hmmmm…so, dey Enjoy Da Concert…(long pause. More treacly light classical music is heard)…hmmm…ah, yeah. Alright. Day met while waiting in line. (placing cards. ANOTHER long pause.) *stress sigh*

‘Kay, now dese is a whole bunch o’paper, but I wanna make sure dare’s no distractin’ imagery underneath da cards. Dat’s da, ah, dat’s da point. Okay, now I shuffle dose cards, I’m gonna do Innernet Trolls between da Phone an’ Walsh. (Baby wanders past at a sensible distance, aloof.) Hey, dat works – dey’re infringin’ on da, tryin’ to get into da – technology, dare. (More flicking yet while he mumbles to himself.) Dare! Now we do What Is Dat? Ermmm, I worked in – Roberta and my Dad worked inna Double Teaaam, hmmm, an’…Savin’ De Arts…why not? Errrrr…I’ll do a Bouquet O’ Speshul Roses (chuckling)! Look, aw da hell, I’m tyin’ ‘em inna knot(?). Annnnd….hmmmmm…okay, we’ll see an Anchuent Prophecy party because dey brought da Phone in (whatever you say, Chris). Annnnd…alright, dare’s our shippin’ deck, and dese are our little arrangements of -dis’ll be our – Product Shot. So, I’m gonna take a pikchuh of all dis (picking up camera phone), from da lovely angle of my second phone…make sure it takes a good view…ummm…I’ve done dis…(he finally takes the snap, and thrusts the results into the frame) Ah. Dare. Dat looks pretty good. (No comment.) An’ dat will go on de – pre-sale website, later on. In a, in a little while. (Puts phone down.) Now we have dis pikchuh taken, I’m a just a – put dese all, set dose aside, hmm, hmmm…okay, den, c’mon. Pick up dese – oh, dose are start cards, pony cards on top o’ dose, and I’ll give dis a brief shuffle – annnd, good wi’ da pony cards…back in dare…start cards, I got dem, and well, dey were, I know – what a sensational beast(?)! Okay, dare’s start cards – I got da pony, I got da ship cards, an’ – put ‘em back in da ship deck – just give all dat – a quick shuffle (some 40 seconds have already passed since he first announced this intention)…put dat back…and I wanna work out (picks up cards) which ones I wanna keep. (Chris, you do not understand how shuffling works.)

Ooh…OK KO! Heh, heh. Das right. So…just dare, in da other box, annnnd…(hauls another bloody box of cards onto the table) dat’s it for da deck! Now to work on…we’re doin’ this in chronological order of – of – determine – uh, expansion packs, so – now we’re gonna do, yeah, we’ll do the Slime next, an’ I would like to have a prop, so I’ll use…use…(more box-shifting) dis box, and…(fishes something out of box)…hair not included. How did dat get in dere? So…we’ll put da deck dare, and prop dis (some cards) up against da box, an’ now I’m gonna pick out de cards dat are mainly fum da – from dat particular expansion pack. ‘Cept dare are now only two pony cards in de – in dat pack, an’ I’m now strugglin’ m I l k(?)…ummm…ummm…dare’s a good number o’ ship cards (trivia point – the slushy string music at this point is a cover of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road by Elton John), dey’re pretty much shuffled but dey, dey do y’know have de story on ‘em when you put ‘em in a chronological order, annnd dare’s a few goal cards in here…so…okay, dat’s da goal cards. (Moves boxes off of table.)

Now, we only – we’re only gonna focus on da cards dat are incluuuded with da expansion pack – dare’s no start cards in dis pack so in our sampler we’re not gonna include dat one (discards card). Now, let’s see, we’re gonna try to make up a simple, short grid with – what we have here – an’ what I have in mind, I’ll simply just orange strawberry m I l k token ex-barrier of protection(?) – of course, dat’ll actually prevent two pony, two cards from bein’ discarded, an’ dat now, I’ll see what I can figure out appropriate goal card (yet more flicking, incoherent rule-mumblings)…oh well, I’m just goin’ to say let’s pretend we have – doin’ a trick, doin’ a self-so set-up of cards right dare, I’ll just sit dose right dare, an’…mmmm…oh, I didn’t wanna do a sample, oh, what, you know what, let’s just arrange dis all – let’s just put all de – all cards together on dere (even he sounds depressed by how much fun he’s having). An’ den like dis, an’ den dare, an’ say dat’s it! Dat’s an example of a sheer pan (shipping?). Now we’ll just see here with all de other ship cards in da pack, an’ yeah let’s move dese closer to da boxes…make sure nothin’ is tucked underneath our paper, alright. (Picks up camera phone) Alright, dat actually does look good, ‘cept – for….(Lays out three more cards) Dare. Dat shows dat we only have pony, ship an’ goal cards in dis particular pack. So now, we’re takin’ de lovely picture of all dis…mmmm….ahhhhh….mmmmm. Try to figure dis out. Mmm…mmmm…feels like it’s a bit too…yeah, feels like I want de – dare’s da Slime pack box, closer…(moves stuff) Hmmmm, yeah…I want it to be in da centre of da frame. Now let’s put dat over dare an’ put dese to da front, an’ over dare…hmmm. Let’s put dese – oh yeah – let’s put dose beside dat…yeah, dat’ll do. Dare, dat looks much better. (Again, no comment.) Alright…hmmmm…(Still not satisfied, he abruptly starts shifting more stuff around the table.) Dese here…Making Art! Makin’ a bit o’ Art. ‘Cause we’re showin’ off LOTS of lovely Art. Alright…hmmm…(he moves stuff infinitesimally around again) And dat looks pretty good…now I’m gonna go with dis, an’ OOP! (Finally takes photo and holds it up to us again.) An’ dat’ll go on – dat’ll go on the original Slime listing. Okay, so I’ll put dese away (begins laboriously re-packing cards) Okay, an’ we’ll get our next buncha cards out…

Points for commuting to the Chris vernacular. Dats a whole lot a spell checks prompts right dare.

 

[Alex Krycek]

He fucking shipped his dad with his imaginary Transvestite Grandchild....

No amount of alcohol is going to help me with this.

 

[A Grey Cat]

He fucking shipped his dad with his imaginary Transvestite Grandchild....

No amount of alcohol is going to help me with this.

I still don't understand what this game is beyond shipping characters into fucking each other, maybe it's because Chris keeps playing it solitaire style aka by himself but do you just put the cards down at random and say "I ship it" to the other players untill everyone's paired up? Like Jesus Christ I knew most tcgs were Autistic and stupid even back during the Pokemon craze but this beyond even that.

 

[MC Ride]

It's downright bizarre to hear him namedrop Asperchu or Bluespike (see first stream) all these years later- in a barely comprehensible card game for exceptionals, nonetheless. He's really gone off the deep end this time, and not even in an entertaining way. I wonder how much of the classic era antics Chris actually remembers beyond the troll-sonas themselves? Is it all just idealized bits and pieces, only dug out to be monetized and sold as expansion packs for his game? Hell, even the Idea Guys are being turned into something for Chris to make money off of, as if they're comic book villains or something- and that was only a year and a half ago. This foray into his little card game is providing a lot of new strangeness to think about.

 

[Mason Verger]

It's downright bizarre to hear him namedrop Asperchu or Bluespike (see first stream) all these years later- in a barely comprehensible card game for exceptionals, nonetheless. He's really gone off the deep end this time, and not even in an entertaining way. I wonder how much of the classic era antics Chris actually remembers beyond the troll-sonas themselves? Is it all just idealized bits and pieces, only dug out to be monetized and sold as expansion packs for his game? Hell, even the Idea Guys are being turned into something for Chris to make money off of, as if they're comic book villains or something- and that was only a year and a half ago. This foray into his little card game is providing a lot of new strangeness to think about.

I do wonder how much Chris actually remembers of these people and how much of it is him just constantly hearing them referenced by trolls. It’s funny because Chris has actually used the CWCki to look up stuff in his own past and he definitely uses it for photos.

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

...but do you just put the cards down at random and say "I ship it" to the other players untill everyone's paired up?

Oh, Chris's version is so much better. You just pick the deck up and choose all of the cards you want, thus removing any need for awkward things like strategy and thinking on your feet. I suspect that he prefers the idea of playing it solitaire. That way, he's always guaranteed to win. (That said - rate me optimistic if you like - but there are several points in the stream transcribed so far where you can hear the boredom and depression in his voice. Is even he getting fed-up with this crap?)

 

[MC Ride]

I think it's important to keep in mind that Chris is literally playing against himself here.

For an hour.

Multiple times.

In a game intended for 2-5+ players.

 

[Alex Krycek]

I think it's important to keep in mind that Chris is literally playing against himself here.

For an hour.

Multiple times.

In a game intended for 2-5+ players.

We saw at least two cats and one was going to end the video... so there’s something at least as smart as him in the room.

There’s also something with a pulse in the house, possibly. (Probably actually and will likely outlive all of them except Lucy the cat who I’m convinced is immortal).

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

Have another 10 minutes or so of the Taking TSSSF Product Photos livestream. Pray for me.

Spoiler: 'BORIS!!!!' 29:43 to 39:30

(holds up card deck) For da OC pack. (mutters) Lessee, da character goal cards…huh, dare’s not even ONE goal card in dis pack…(more rummaging off-camera, long pause)…hmmm…to dis side o’ me…now, I fink we’ll do before what we had dat, have dat leanin’ ‘gainst de bo-oxxxx…(props deck of cards against said box) – an’, y’know, essentially have some cards from dis deck – dis pack contains…all de ship and goal cards, but no start, so…I’ll do dat (adjusts deck placement), ‘cause dat looked pretty good to me, so I’ll gonna go wid dat. Arrange dem in dare order, an’ I fink I’ll take a small pikchuh (gestures vaguely at cards) of dis bigger pikchuh, an’ dat’s da goal cards pack, den, den we got dose two ship cards, the remainduh (fans through cards)…(sudden autistic screech) ALL DESE OCs!!!...all dese lovely, lovely OCeeees…(trails off, voice fading as though plunging down the rabbit hole)..so, I’m just gonna…yes, I’m, so much for…(moar fanning) nyeahhh, a temporary relationship, I’m just gonna splay dem out. (starts to do so) Just gonna splaaay dem out around mah…hey, dey’re all here, fun party, fun party. Make sure everybody gets a…noggin an’ face exposure (another 7-second pause, more fanning)…make sure ex-pohhhhsed y’are…(more incomprehensible mumbling) (sings tunelessly) Do-de-do-de-do…(assertively) Dare IS an arrrt in photography! (indeed Chris, albeit one that you’re singularly failing to achieve here) (points at particular card: in ‘derp’ voice) ‘Boris’. (cackles wildly) Ha ha haaaaa! I love Boris. He’s…(sudden screeching) he’s five feet talllllllll, an’ five feet wiiiiiiide…(he falls into a long silence and keeps fanning out the cards more, while those godawful mall musak strings whine ever on)

(starts sudden conversation in ‘derp’ voices) ‘Boris, what you doin’?’ ‘Ah’m just, erm, ah’m just loungin’ around.’ (mercifully drops this astoundingly funny cross-talk routine at once) Yeah. Dare, dare, dare, dare – hmm. (the display surface is now a bloody cluttered mess) Do, do, do…do, de, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do-do, do-do, do…now just…(adds more cards to the Fan Of Autism) Particular orduh, I’m just puttin’ everythin’ out, as we do, like – oh, look, we just put Romeo an’ Pepper(?) shipped togethuh. Nah, dat’s fine. (inserts more cards between the others in a clumsy approximation of the Death of a Thousand Cuts) Riiight, den…it’s a party! Look at all dis – it’s de whole party! I wish I could include mahself, but – I’m not in dis pack. (yes, even in this game, Chris has no friends) ‘Cause I’m in da deck! I’m in da deck, an’ in orduh to take dis goal you definitely (screeching) NEED DA DECK to play dis pack with, because it requires da minimum of TEN of dese, Sonichu, Rosechu OCs, an’ (significant pause) Chris-Chan…from da grid…so, let’s take dis pikchuh (again, it has now been several minutes since he announced his intention to do so), dat looks like a pretty gooood arrangement (fumbles with camera phone again)…hmmm…akshully, you know what (starts fiddling with those bloody cards AGAIN), we’ll make it a Sophie art (prepares to take picture again) Ah love dat Sophie art, it’s a rilly, rilly lovely ship card. Wait, got ta make sure I got dese in (more card fidgeting, for the love of Godbear, Chris, just fucking LEAVE IT) – oh, dare’s my kitten(?) lyin’ underneath (screech) ‘I’M BEIN’ OVERLOOKED! I’M BEIN’ OVERLOOKED DARE!’…it’s Fantasia(?)…mmm. You can go under, or you can go over dare (props another card against the box, prepares to take picture again, long pause) Mmm, maah, it’s like, ‘nyehhhh’…(reaches in to rearrange cards again. Time is going into reverse.) Well, we tried, it didn’t work (kind of sums up the whole TSSSF experience, Chris), so I’ll just do it different. (continues to reshuffle and rearrange more cards IT NEVER ENDS) Dare, now I’m just…makin’ sure errybody’s got dare – at least a little facial ex-poh-shuh…on dis arrangement…(various grunts and ‘hmmphs’ as he carries out the arduous task of rearranging MORE FUCKING CARDS. Finally, he lifts the camera phone once more.)

Dat looks alright, das alright. Okaaaay…I can seeee everybody…yeah, hmm, hmm…(reaches in to cards again for Christ’s sake) I want t’see your card more (adjusts the ‘Sophie art’ card further. Attempts to adjust group card of his hideous OCs. Instead succeeds in knocking it over. He replaces it awkwardly. Stress grunts. Ten or so more seconds pass as he aims the phone once more.) Yeah, dat looks pretty good. (The suspense is killing me.)

An’! Dare’s our next pikchuh (holding it up to us at last, surprise, it looks like blurry shit, but hey we can finally move on with our lives). I fink dat looks pretty good, I like dat. ‘Kaaaaaaay. (starts laboriously gathering up the Fan Of Autism once more) Alright! Show’s over! Fank you all for comin’ out. (screeching) EEEEEEEE!!!! Wadda fun party! My my! Parrrrrty! (trailing off) My my, party time…(As he is about to put this deck away, he suddenly starts to shuffle through it instead. He begins to chortle. Finds a card and holds it proudly up to camera. It displays what appears to be a Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man with Pikachu ears and cheeks. This, apparently, is the Boris that we’ve heard tell about.)

(In a ‘derp’ voice, tinged with unmissable pride) BORIS. Borisss! You’ve been Borissed! He’s five feet tall an’ five feet wiiiiide. Eh heh heh heh! Love Boris, he’s so fun. BORIS! Nyeh-heh! (returns Boris to deck and finally puts it aside TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE IT HAS NOW TAKEN CHRIS ALMOST SEVEN MINUTES TO MAKE A CLUMSY FAN OF CARDS ARRANGEMENT AND TAKE A CAMERA SNAPSHOT PLEASE FUCKING KILL ME)

Riiiight….lessee…here….hmmm....(more twatting about with various cards) Now, zis one brings on our next deck for (holds it up to camera) ZE IDEA GUY CORRUPTIONS!!!...an’ it’s a small pack (props it against the box). Lay out the start card grid, so…akchully, I need ta find an equal mix o’ start, ship an’ pony cards for dis pack…hmm, I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna splay dem out (proceeds to do so)…huh…lookie dis (he holds up one particular card for us. Mentally-Lost Magi-Chan Sonichu appears to have been on the receiving end of a diarrhoea blowback.)

(Nasal voice) HAVE A NIGHTMARE ON ME, HATERS! RRRRRRRRRARRGHHRAARARARAREEEEEOWRUHRUH!!! (shakes card at camera in presumed attempt at intimidation) There was a TIME!!!...rrrrr!...in an alternate timeline! Eurgh. Have another nightmare on me. (Places card down and picks up Devil-Worshipping Angelica Rosechu, who appears to have been similarly subjected to a shit bukkake) ARRRRYARGGGHHH! HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HIP! (replaces card on table)

(Next card held up to camera. Bulky Bubbles Rosechu appears to have had her torso replaced with Robocop’s. ‘Derp’ voice returns) I’M GONE BEATCHU UP. I’M GONE BEATCHU UP HUR HUR HUR. URRRRGH. (Card is returned to table. After a long pause, he picks up a card and holds it up. Johnson Wiles appears to be a henchman from some steampunk-themed video game of some form. Sneery voice.) I extorted six fousand dollars outa Chris-Chan! An’ I’m gonna pay her back (screeching) WIV INTERESSST!!! Ah ha ha ha! (As Chris replaces this particular card on the table, he first takes deliberate pains to punch it in its laminated face. A long, sullen pause, as the faux-Mantovani crap slushes on.)

(long sigh) But annnnnyway. I’ll lay dese individuals out (you can still hear the indignancy in his voice. Is Chris’s meditation getting better?) Annnnd ship cards (he brings those into view)…dare’s…(holds them up to us. None of the ‘art’ is more than black and white pencil) I mean, dey’re all not coloured ‘cause dey’re direct from…Book 13. De Awakening Of A CPU, also known as…Idea Guy Corruptions. An’ akchully, got some goal cards in dis pack (brings them in and starts fanning through) Yeah. Free goal cards, includin’ one of which is, Da Ring! (He proudly shoves the Amnyfest Ring at the camera) Da Ring! (jabbing his pudgy finger at it, lest we mistake it for any of the other many pieces of cheap costume jewellery adorning his paw) With da Reality Stone chunk in it! Right dare in Da Ring. (screeches) An’ I love it! (while showing us the corresponding card, which is a photo of the ring on his finger, entitled Author In the Goddess Ring (the long-forgotten Boney M bummer from 1977)) Dare, dare, dat’ll do (completing fan of cards). Let’s – just do a lovely little ‘splay like dis (prepare for more thrills, as he once again begins fiddling with the layout of the cards)…(indecipherable mumbling) speshul etsposure…alright! Next pikchuh. (He raises his camera phone.) Hmm. (Another dainty adjustment of the cards. Come ON, Chris. Me dinner’s getting cold.) Damn! Dare’s too much light goin’ on from dare (more mumbles)…yeah…let’s do it simple…yeah, dat’s good…(holds photo up for our attention) Yep. And dare’s our next pikchuh (well, that was at least mercifully quick). Ahhh. (puts phone down) Put dese away…(begins gathering Idea Guys cards up. Very long pause. Chris clears his throat.)