Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

Someone posted the supposed plot on 4chan. Here we go...

THE PLOT OF PLAN IX:
Opening Crawl said:
The dead speak! The galaxy has heard a mysterious broadcast, a threat of REVENGE in the sinister voice of the late EMPEROR PALPATINE.

GENERAL LEIA ORGANA dispatches secret agents to gather intelligence, while REY, the last hope of the Jedi, trains for battle against the diabolical FIRST ORDER.

Meanwhile, Supreme Leader KYLO REN rages in search of the phantom Emperor, determined to destroy any threat to his power....
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Act 1 said:
Movie opens with Kylo and he knows what he must do, brutally we get to a swamp planet where Kylo kills the villagers in a crusade, he enters a castle and finds a chest with a Sith pyramid device, he puts it on his TIE. He enters a weird red hyperspace dimension where he gets to Exegol, there he goes to a cube form arena and enters a room where he finds a body hanging to a crane, the body is Darth Sidious.They start arguing, throwing swear words at each other, telling he can't be Sidious since he is dead, Sidious doesn't deny his death yet he says he is still here as proof with cop out explanation:
"The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be...unnatural."
Sidious promises Kylo his new empire he has been built on Exegol for 30 years with his Sith acolyte horror looking aliens and machines.He tells Kylo he needs to bring Rey to him and he agrees.He tells Kylo the truth behind Rey's creation.
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We get cut to a ice asteroid where Finn, Poe and Chewie meet a green alien named Boolio who leaks them F. O. info from a mole, F. O. arrives and they leave in a race and escape, we get cut to the forest planet of the resistance, forgot the name, Rey is doing training with Leia but she is failing and Leia tells her failure is the way Jedi learn. Rey decides to go alone after it but they tell her they will go together as a family.They leave and go to Passaana to find the dagger.
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Act 2 said:
We get to Passaana,our heroes are there searching for the dagger, they get into a parade and find Lando, he tells them he and Luke were searching for Sith artifacts after RotJ and their journey got them to this planet where there was an Sith asasin, he told them the dagger has in it all the knowledge of the assasin as this is a tradition for them.He stayed here because the First Order captured his children and felt he failed to protect them. Finn felt bad for him.They leave Lando and go to search after Ochi's ship, First Order finds them and chase from the trailers happens,they fall into sand and get into a cavern where they find a giant worm wounded Rey uses a new power she didn’t know she has, force healing and heals the wound, the worm helps them in exchange, there the worm starts talking and tells them he has a name, Klaud or so. They find the ship and Ochi's body with the Dagger and try to leave but Rey senses Kylo is coming.

Rey tells them she needs to go alone now, it's between her and Kylo, very personal. They get the ship and go to Millennium Falcon but F. O. is there, they captured Chewie. Rey goes into the desert where Kylo is coming, we get cool shots of his TIE which reminds me of pod racing scene from TPM. Rey jumps and cuts Kylo's TIE fighter wing off. There Kylo gets out and goes to her, they talk and he tells her how she will join him when he will ask again and she says we will see.They fight and then she sees F. O.taking Chewie and tries to force take their ship down, Kylo pushes the ship even more away then out of no where Rey uses force lightning to the ship and Kylo looks impressed. Rey is weird ed out and believes she killed Chewie, Finn and Poe arrive with Ochi's ship and they Leave, Kylo looks at her from the distance.
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Act 3 said:
They go to Kijimi where Poe says there is a source which could help them translate the Dagger, they find Zorri Bliss, a female bounty hunter which was Poe's gf before he became a pilot, he tries to say hello there and she makes fun of him, how he could have guts to come back to her, she agrees to help them because of Rey, she tells her they need to be strong in this galaxy because they aren't as many as them and she looks at Finn and Poe.They get to a cute alien called Babu Friek and he helps them but he tells them the dagger can be only translated by a protocol droid and this will wipe his memory, C3po decides to help his friends for once after all his existence he run. He translated it and gets red eyes, then he gets back to "normal" as a protocol droid with no friends, he first sees Babu Friek and tells him hello and then hello stranger to Rey and the gang. F.O. arrives on Kijimi but this time with a new weapon from Sidious, a Star Destroyer with Death Star tech, Kylo goes to Kijimi to find Rey but they already left and got to his ship to get the Falcon back using Ochi's ship.

They get there, Rey goes in the ship and finds a white room, it's Kylo's room, then Kylo on Kijimi sense Rey and boom! A force bond happens, Kylo says "we didn't have one for some time, how much it was? A year? " and attacks Rey, during their fight Rey destroys Vader's helmet and Kylo goes nooo, then Rey senses Chewbacca on the ship and cuts the force bond, Kylo says to prepare his ship and get there. On the ship General Pryde is contacte by Sidious via hologram and tells him to blow up Kijimi to show his loyalty to him as Pryde worked for Sidious 30 years ago before the Empire fell.They do it though troops tell him supreme leader Ren is still there and he says it doesn't matter, Kylo leave Kijimi before it's blown up and he is very angry, in meantime, Rey and Finn and Poe are captured and put with Chewbacca in a cell.
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Act 4 said:
They are freed by Hux who tells them he would rather die than see Ren win.He tells them the way to Falcon and they thank him, Poe shoots him in his leg. Pryde finds Hux and kills him. Kylo gets there and sees Rey leave, he looks at her and she says I'm sorry and jumps on Falcon. Ren asks who helped them and Pryde points out it was Hux who blown up Kijimi and freed them. Kylo makes Pryde supreme commander of the First Order and sends them to Exegol to prepare the ships and conquer the galaxy under the new Empire called The Final Order.Our heroes go to Kef Bir, a planet of Endor where the ruins of death star are , ewoks inhabit Kef Bir too which means they found some way to travel to Planets thanks to rebels.They meet Jannah, they join forces and find the thing Rey is looking for, Kylo goes after them, he crashes his ship on death star and waits for Rey to come, Rey wants to go there but Jannah tells her it's too dangerous, she doesn't understand the planet as she does, she doesn't care and takes a ship there, gets in the death star and finds a cube, a red Sith cube, she touches it and everything changes she meets her darkside self and fights her but she is losing then she gets out of it because of Leia's voice.

Kylo is there, he tells her he knows the truth, her father was a bounty hunter and her mother was a normal lady from Naboo. But her grandfather, it was Darth Sidious. She ignites her lightsaber and throws Kylo through the window outside the death star, fight happens, Rey falls in water and dives back, Finn and Jannah arrive and they try to help her, Rey force pushed them away and sends Kylo through another window entering another room where she kills him then ressurects him and tells him she will never be like him,she takes his TIE and leaves crying. Kylo on the death star alone hears his father's voice, then Han appears in flesh and Kylo says he is sorry, he tells him he loves him and Han says I know.
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Act 5 said:
Kylo gets redeemed and goes to Exegol, Rey meets force ghost of Luke when she throws her lightsaber, Luke catches it and tells her this weapon is too important to be thrown away, he gives her Leia's lightsaber and tells her they knew from the beginning who she was but decided to train her because he felt bad for Kylo. She decides to go to fight her grandfather. Rey gets out off the water Luke's x wing and sends a message to the resistance to help her, she gets to Exegol, enters a different room than Kylo and finds a throne and out of nowhere appears a giant crane and Sidious is attached to it, he tells her how he expected her to come and tells her he is her grandfather, how he saw the family potential in Luke and Vader and tried to replicate it with her mother but it didn't work out.He tells her to strike him down and become empress Palpatine, she gets angry, Kylo is there and gets beaten by Knights of Ren, Rey sends him his mother's lightsaber and he kills them then comes to her. Rey and Kylo fight Sidious but he uses his force and takes their life force from them and gets out off the crane to his throne.
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Final Act said:
Resistance arrives and attack star destroyers, Finn and Jannah go to fight them in a suicide mission and they succeed, Lando saves them. Rey is wounded and Kylo protects her, he is thrown a pit and Sidious tells him this is the punishment he deserves, he says he will never be seen again. Rey gets angry and tries to get up but she can't then she hears voices of past jedi such as Anakin, Luke, Leia, Yoda, Kenobi, Mace Windu, Qui Gon and gets up, makes and X with both lightsabers and reverts her grandfather's force lightning back at him melting him and an explosion occurs in the arena. Kylo climbs up and finds a dead Rey he says oh no no, please don't let this happen. He uses the force healing trick he stole from her during the force bond and ressurects her, when she wakes up and sees him saving her she kisses him and then Kylo dies in her arms.Celebration across the galaxy happens, Zorri tries to leave but Poe says if he can come and she says well then get fast or I'll leave you here with the big monkey. Rey goes to Tatooine with BB8, R2D2 and C3po and burns Kylo's body, she cries and then builds herself a new lightsaber.She ignites it, it's yellow. A stranger appears and asks her who she is, she says Rey, stranger asks for another name and she sees ghosts of Luke and Leia but they arent blue it looks like they are alive or hologram like and Luke makes an approval and she says Rey Skywalker. I think the stranger lady is Rey's mother because I think it was the same actress which I can't recognise,it's a new one. She smiles after seeing Kylo and drops a tear.After that she watches the twin suns and cuts to music.The end.
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It was all true... Christ Almighty have mercy on us all...
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Edit: Updated and removed slight inconsistencies courtesy of @AtomicAgeBoy
 
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Alright, took a shower to cleanse myself before the storm, got some more improvements to make.

- MAKE THE FORCE ACTUALLY RELEVANT AND COOL AGAIN. I cannot stress enough how the new trilogy cheapens and demystifies the Force. In the OG series, Vader makes the bold statement that the Force is far greater than just blowing up the planet. In this case, make the Force something powerful and strange, a part of the universe but something few are capable of harnessing well. Also, make sure Mary Sues like Rey are impossible to come to be; The Force chooses who's worthy of it's power, not the plot or deranged directors without blatantly breaking canon.

- Make the new enemy something to fear and respect; too many times have the First Order (What a shitty name, call it something cooler like the Empire Resurrected, or ResPire) fucked up blatantly, and then all of a sudden grow "competent" when the plot demands it. In this new trilogy, make it that the enemy means BUSINESS; they blow up or take over multiple star systems, really dig themselves deep and show that they have the balls and power to do such things. Don't SAY that they can do this, actually showcase the foe's prowess in conquest. From there, tell a tale of resistance against an all encompassing enemy, one the likes of which the Galaxy has never fought before.

- Make character deaths feel MEANINGFUL. We all expect sooner or later a beloved character will bite the dust; I sure froze up when I first saw Ben take Vader's lightsaber to the head. So now that the new trilogy fucks up with killing off important characters, the revised trilogy will have to make these moments more impactful and more importantly, ACTUALLY AFFECTING TO EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. When Han fucking Solo dies, shit will go down, not just go "Boo hoo, he's dead. Welp, off to fight the NAZI FUCKS!". When someone important like that dies, it has to have meaning. It has to impact the world as a WHOLE, not just a few characters.

Thats about it really; if you guys REALLY wanna I can describe what I feel would be a good villainous force with this new trilogy.
 
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GeneralFriendliness said:
I could forgive NJO if they hadn't destroyed so many of my favorite planets and killed so many characters. I mean they even thought about killing Kyle Katarn at one point and that's just unforgivable to even think of such a thing. Also I wanted Anakin Solo to be the next gen of Chosen One and fight his brother... I had so many beefs with NJO, but now those beefs feel like nothing compared to Disney... Just fuck my shit up. Disney how could you fucking do this?!
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I think this, and also what Judge Holden screenshotted prior, more or less represented how I felt about the Expanded Universe prior to the reboot. The novels were a large disappointment (Legacy of the Force, Fate of the Jedi, etc was horrible), the video games weren't pleasing me (hello there, The Force Unleashed 2 cliffhanger), and the only bright spot during that time period was Dark Horse's comics and even then I was starting to get a bit annoyed with them (Ostrander was surprisingly misfiring with Dawn of the Jedi and Brian Wood's ongoing was trash) but I loved Legacy Volume 2.

BUT... all of the above? Nothing compares to how badly Disney fucked up. I'm not going to be surprised when people write about this in the future. This whole situation is worthy of a indepth book about how not to handle a legacy franchise.
 
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TheMysteriousAHole said:
I think this, and also what Judge Holden screenshotted prior, more or less represented how I felt about the Expanded Universe prior to the reboot. The novels were a large disappointment (Legacy of the Force, Fate of the Jedi, etc was horrible), the video games weren't pleasing me (hello there, The Force Unleashed 2 cliffhanger), and the only bright spot during that time period was Dark Horse's comics and even then I was starting to get a bit annoyed with them (Ostrander was surprisingly misfiring with Dawn of the Jedi and Brian Wood's ongoing was trash) but I loved Legacy Volume 2.

BUT... all of the above? Nothing compares to how badly Disney fucked up. I'm not going to be surprised when people write about this in the future. This whole situation is worthy of a indepth book about how not to handle a legacy franchise.
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To think Disney could be so awful it could make NJO and TFU2 look wholesome by comparison... Who could've seen this coming?! No one that's who! Even I didn't see it coming and I posted the entire fucking plot of this trainwreck! Just how did Disney fuck up so royally?!

Also is it just me or is the design of this Sith Holocron in Plan IX fucking terrible? It looks like something a kid made for some shitty cosplay. No wait, that's an insult since I've seen cosplayers that can make shit that looks a million times better than this.
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I just want to see when Disney will try and right the ship. Mandalorean isn't a dumpsterfire so that's already an improvement over the movies, but it's not enough. It took Sony two years to put in effort to fix ghostbusters. How long will it take Star Wars to be redeemed?
 
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verissimus said:
"He stayed here because the First Order captured his children and felt he failed to protect them."

I see JJ didn't hesitate to add Lando to the list of failed parents to this franchise
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Like what the fuck was even the point of the OT if all the main characters become fucking failures? What was the point of the last six movies if all the Skywalkers eat shit in the end? And no, simply going "I'm Mary Sue Skywalker" doesn't fucking count. She barely had any interactions with either Luke or Leia to deserve the right to take up the name.

Fuck this trilogy so much. The nuCanon truly ends after ROTJ in my eyes.

Also, I'm loving how the plebs on /r/starwarsleaks are going "BUT THE HATERS DIDNT SEE THE MOVIE SO WHY ARE THEY MAD?"

Fuck you, we've already seen this movie thru the leaks that have been confirmed throughout the last couple of months. This outrage is valid.
 
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Marissa Moira said:
I just want to see when Disney will try and right the ship. Mandalorean isn't a dumpsterfire so that's already an improvement over the movies, but it's not enough. It took Sony two years to put in effort to fix ghostbusters. How long will it take Star Wars to be redeemed?
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Years of purging all the crap they've made these last 7 years. And if they want to salvage the Mandalorian, they better start deleting all the sequel trilogy and DisneyEU references like those in the first and sixth episodes. But its not gonna happen. Disney will never retcon their garbage otherwise they'll face the wratch of all their bitchy content creators, stock drops and pissed off investors and nu-fans who have a massive hardon for Reylo, TFA and Marvel SW and so much other shit. They also can't even retcon these awful movies without idiots claiming they're dishonoring Carrie Fisher by retconning her final performance. Her final performance was as Mary Fucking Poppins. How is that honorable?
 
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GeneralFriendliness said:
Years of purging all the crap they've made these last 7 years. And if they want to salvage the Mandalorian, they better start deleting all the sequel trilogy and DisneyEU references like those in the first and sixth episodes.
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That would be the best course of action, but don't forget we live in Clown World now, and Bob Iger dosen'teven care about Star Wars at this point. As long as this movie makes money will be stuck with the damage and the shitty nu-eu for years.
 
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