Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Rei is shit]

In the sense that even normies are calling for this garbage to be de-canonized and a reset button hit, yes this will be fake.

Then again there's 9 different endings, you know they'll put them on the blu-ray release. This already gives weight that nothing in these 3 movies happened.

Sheevs death caused a time tear in the force that created multiple parallel dimensions. What we explored with ep7-9 was one of those resulting galaxies. But now its time for us to shine light on another. We at disney are excited about this new avenue of storytelling exploration in the star wars universe, and we hope that you'll join us.

 

[Spoonge]

>Sheev's first act when returning to life is to spit hot fire at the entire fucking galaxy

May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Sheev Senate please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Sheev Senate please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a Zombie Emperor before
Jaws all on the floor like Leia like Han just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (Agh!)
It's the return of the "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Luke Skywalker said, nothing, you idiots!
Luke Skywalker’s dead, his ghost’s locked in my grand-daughter (ha ha!)

New Republic women love Palpatine
"Chicka, chicka, chicka, Sheev Senate, I'm sick of him.
Look at him, strutting around, spinning his you-know-what
Zapping the you-know-who, "
"Yeah, but he's so cute though."
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's goin' on in Finn and Poe’s bedroom

 

[Reverend]

The way I see it is this: since we're never going to get either a good Terminator or a good Star Wars movie, then I might as well hope Lucasfilm decides to mix the two and give us a little bit of both, turning the Dark Trooper into the Star Wars equivalent of SkyNet/Terminators:

View attachment 1054716

The Mandalorian seems like a great place to test his out. I already liked what they did with the New Republic guard droids.

Make a fucking movie about HK-47 the baddest fucking Robot Killbot that has ever fucking existed. I would camp out to watch that if it was done ANYWHERE like it was in KOTOR. I'd squeel like a Jawa when he started shooting people with "Declaration: Your living is no longer required Meatbag".

BILLIONS of SHEKELS

MauLer's review is gonna be longer than the nine movies combined

This would require Mauler to...ya know...finish a project like he used to. Currently he's off fucking around on Livestreams with other tardbuckets.

 

[Force and Character]

So, I logged in to get past Null's new clearance and see that my favourite thread in off-topic has ballooned by almost thirty pages overnight. "Good," I thought to myself as I scroll through the memes, "this means that the final leaks are out at last, many lulz will be had."

Then I reached the fateful page 1023.

I've always liked laughing at bad movies and writing, but all I could feel as I read the invaluable @GeneralFriendliness 's post was a tingling in my head as my brain vainly tried to fight off the onset of cancer. I have no words for how hopelessly, stupidly mediocre this shit is. There's no regard for continuity, coherence, nothing. I'm sure the usual consoomers will cheer and hoot when they see this dreck covered with the cheap frosting of CGI and lens flare, but I'm almost sure that even they, if they saw it laid out bare like this, would feel that something was off in their two surviving brain cells.

I've always been pretty casual as Star Wars fans go and swore it off completely after the Disney buyout, and I was still shocked by the sheer unapologetic badness of it all. To all of those who have cherished this franchise, I feel for you.

 

[Marissa Moira]

I'm really curious how the toys will sell because Disney wanted the classic scale figures axed in favor of the larger black series ones, this also means no larger ships or vehicles.

To have a star wars line without a shitload of ships takes a big part of why people buy the toys in the first place.

 

[Jaimas]

I swear this fucking thing has ruined writing for this and the next generation
View attachment 1055256

It's fucking empty. How many times must people learn this lesson?

Weird Al taught us this bleak truth in the 80s.

 

[AtomicAgeBoy]

>Sheev's first act when returning to life is to spit hot fire at the entire fucking galaxy

May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Sheev Senate please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Sheev Senate please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a Zombie Emperor before
Jaws all on the floor like Leia like Han just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (Agh!)
It's the return of the "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Luke Skywalker said, nothing, you idiots!
Luke Skywalker’s dead, his ghost’s locked in my grand-daughter (ha ha!)

New Republic women love Palpatine
"Chicka, chicka, chicka, Sheev Senate, I'm sick of him.
Look at him, strutting around, spinning his you-know-what
Zapping the you-know-who, "
"Yeah, but he's so cute though."
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's goin' on in Finn and Poe’s bedroom

View attachment 1055283

For effect

 

[Godzilla@1989]

For real though, I hope Ian McDiarmid got a big paycheck from Disney. Dude deserves all the love.

 

[Shield Breaker]

In the sense that even normies are calling for this garbage to be de-canonized and a reset button hit, yes this will be fake.

Then again there's 9 different endings, you know they'll put them on the blu-ray release. This already gives weight that nothing in these 3 movies happened.

I wonder if they'll pull a Highlander Endgame and ask fans to pick which ending they prefer.

 

[Ken Burns' Flask]

Is it just me, or is what happened to Star Wars eerily similar to what Bethesda did to Fallout? Strip out all the iconography, and try to apply it to everything (READ: merch) to a fan's life? Maybe it's just something I'm just now becoming sensitive to.

 

[vertexwindi]

>Sheev's first act when returning to life is to spit hot fire at the entire fucking galaxy

May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Sheev Senate please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Sheev Senate please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a Zombie Emperor before
Jaws all on the floor like Leia like Han just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (Agh!)
It's the return of the "Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"
And Luke Skywalker said, nothing, you idiots!
Luke Skywalker’s dead, his ghost’s locked in my grand-daughter (ha ha!)

New Republic women love Palpatine
"Chicka, chicka, chicka, Sheev Senate, I'm sick of him.
Look at him, strutting around, spinning his you-know-what
Zapping the you-know-who, "
"Yeah, but he's so cute though."
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's goin' on in Finn and Poe’s bedroom

View attachment 1055283

WATCHING HATERS WONDER WHY PALPATINE'S MAKE THAT ASS NUMB
MARY SUE JEDI, I MAKE HER UNITED KING-COME
GOT HER TITS DONE, TAPED DOWN, NOW SHE'S SO FLAT
PALPY'S SO INSENSITIVE, SHE ASKING "WHY YOU SAY THAT?"
I'M CHILLIN', REAL NIGGA FEELIN'
DARK FORCE USER, PAINT ME AS A VILLAIN
STILL MAKING MY COME BACK, I AM, THE KEY
CAN'T DIE 'CAUSE OF JJ, IT'S POE, EH-TRY

 

[BrunoMattei]

Do you taste that, gentle people?

It's afraid.

So you're saying we're Nazis fighting bugs?

 

[Rotollo]

I mean the movie looks worse but I still somehow don't hate JJ while I do Ryan Johnson
JJ at least knows hes making schlock at this point, Johnson was trying to portray episode 8 as "topical" and "deep" as a deconstruction of the setting with his head so far up his damn asshole.

 

[Alton]

https://youtu.be/DxOspSlfqdk

Well........at least this movie might be prequel-level mememable I guess?

 

[Gehenna]

I mean the movie looks worse but I still somehow don't hate JJ while I do Ryan Johnson
JJ at least knows hes making schlock at this point, Johnson was trying to portray episode 8 as "topical" and "deep" as a deconstruction of the setting with his head so far up his damn asshole.

J. J. gets ts the benefit of the fact even Spielberg couldn't salvage what johnson left. He's not a good writer or director, but its hard to hate a man when the travesty he created isn't really his fault.

 

[Miller]

I swear this fucking thing has ruined writing for this and the next generation
View attachment 1055256

...and before that it was Joss Whedon and his quipping characters. To this day that sarcastic tone has ruined any chance of drama or tension in a story.
That said, JJ is way worse because even if his contract with a company ends, it still gives him enough time to leave one of his Bad Robot people behind at a high creative position in that company (Kurtzman owning Star Trek at CBS, Michelle Rejwan as VP of the live-action department of Disney/LF, he probably already has someone at Warner while he's working on Superman and Green Lantern).

 

[PseudoScrooge]

Disney and Lucasfilm are calling this "the conclusion to the Skywalker Saga," and this movie does everything in its power to insult, retcon, and DESTROY the Skywalkers.

All nine films might as well be called the Palpatine Saga. It's HIS bloodline that survives all of this. The Skywalker bloodline is dead with Ben Solo; it's over. Rey can "claim" the Skywalker name all she wants; as long as she wants to pass down the Skywalker name via family, then Palpatine's blood will persist and live on. Palpatine WON. He fucking WON.

How does this inspire hope for the galaxy? This trilogy manages to make ALL of the efforts, struggles, and triumphs of the Skywalker family seem so ... Pointless! Fucking pointless!

I just had a PTSD-level series of flashbacks:

George Lucas back in the day: "Actually, the trilogy is the story of Luke..."

George Lucas at the time of the Special Editions: "Actually, the trilogy is the story of the droids, we follow them throughout the entire thing...."

George Lucas at the time of the Prequels: "Actually, the saga is the story of Vader..."

And now in the "end"................it's the story of Palpatine, just as you said! Oh my, I'm glad I'm sitting down.

 

[BrunoMattei]

J. J. gets ts the benefit of the fact even Spielberg couldn't salvage what johnson left. He's not a good writer or director, but its hard to hate a man when the travesty he created isn't really his fault.

J J has an unenviable task. Just how the hell do you make a follow-up that fixes everything in under 3 hours AND make a good movie somehow. It's impossible.

 

[Gar For Archer]

I mean the movie looks worse but I still somehow don't hate JJ while I do Ryan Johnson
JJ at least knows hes making schlock at this point, Johnson was trying to portray episode 8 as "topical" and "deep" as a deconstruction of the setting with his head so far up his damn asshole.

JJ didn’t ruin this movie, he was given a turd and polished it into a slightly shinier but still turdy turd. Given the constraints he was working in, I still doubt he made it the best movie it could have been, but even that hypothetical “best” version of TRoS would have still been a turd.

 

[Liquid Kent]

To all the new users who registered to join us in a Dark Souls-like remembrance around the bonfire that is Star Wars now, I

you wholeheartedly.