Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[PeeveTheSheev]

Just gonna throw my hat into the ring.

Worse than TLJ from a technical standpoint and equally bad (if not worse) because of the whole Palpatine business. There, I said it.

- Klaud has no introduction, does nothing, and has maybe one whole line? Clearly a victim of reshoots, and I'm almost narcistic enough to bet our memeing of him contributed to him being all but slashed from the movie
- Daisy Ridley is still a plank of wood - four years since TFA and she still can't act
- Neither can Boyega, actually - I don't understand the praise he gets. Even when he isn't wooping like the Falcon just pulled into the KFC drive-thru, he brings nothing to the table.
- Maz Kanata aka Yellow Yoda awkwardly shows up because her actress probably still had a contract - she does nothing of importance
- Neither does Leia - her inclusion is brutal in how awkward it is. There's a clear reason why it went unused for TFA, and it's on full display here.
- Some actor JJ worked with on Lost keeps showing up - as does Snap 'Fart Wedding' Wexley, who also previously worked with JJ
- The movie really moves at a breakneck speed, as noted before, but this is not TLJ's fault - it is squarely on JJ and Chris Terrio. They could have cut so much pointless garbage to give things like Based Sheev returning a sliver of a chance of not going completely unexplained

- Passaana is pointless and full of ugly nu-aliens
- The quicksand and gay ass sand worm (did KK come up with this thing? I bet she did) are too contrived and convenient to be taken seriously.
- The Knights of Ren land on Passaana and feature in a number of shots that made me think I was looking at a 90's boy band music video. Seriously.
- Chewie gets a fake-out death to give us one single hint that Rey maybe has some Sith in her (force lightning).
- The MacGuffin is found and promptly lost to the First Order
- Rey, Finn, and Pie pretend to bond throughout the movie, but it all falls flat. At the end of its runtime, even the movie itself drops the pretense; the trio have a hug, then Poe and Finn are nowhere to be seen and Rey hogs the spotlight on Tatooine. Remember how the OT ended with the gang together? Yeah, none of that shit - so a fat load of good all this 'banter' did us.

- Kijimi is utterly pointless and could have been bypassed completely
- It also got blown up completely by a Death Star Destroyer. Did we really need another planet blown to bits? Fake-out deaths for Sorry Bitch (or whatever she's called) and the infantile Babu Frik
- Sorry Bitch is pointless
- DIO, the new robot, is pointless

- Chewbacca ain't dead and thus has to be rescued - again wasting more runtime.
- Hux is the mole and gets killed by General Pryde. No one cares.
- Dagger, which remains horribly toyetic in its looks, is retrieved.
- Rey uses some exceptional logic to match the dagger to the Death Star ruins - it would appear that the Death Star did not crumble at all over the course of 30+ years in a stormy ocean
- Jannah, who could fit a thermal detonator between her front teeth, shows up with a background that is conveniently similar to Finn's
- Rey finds the Goddamn stupid Wayfinder MacGuffin that the Dagger MacGuffin pointed towards and Kylo Ren promptly destroys it
- So the whole movie up to this point was pointless.

- Rey fights Kylo Ren, Leia kills herself to distract Ren, Rey then skewers the guy and heals him, flies off in his TIE to exile herself on Luke's Island
- On the island, Rey tosses away her saber, only for Force Ghost Luke to catch it (he quips about it deserving more respect, Rian confirmed seething). Rey wants to give up but Luke reminds her that there's a Wayfinder in Kylo's TIE
- Rey takes Leia's lightsaber, conveniently hidden away by Luke, and his X-Wing and iconic helmet, and flies off to meet Palps

- Poe and Finn return to base, find out Leia died, Chewie has a heartfelt cry and makes you feel bad for all the shit he's been put through by Disney
- Rey sends them the location of Exogol, Poe is now General following Leia's death and promotes Finn to General in what I find to be a very un-self-aware reflection of how most people at Disney and Bad Robot seem to have gotten their undeserved jobs.
- The Rebels/Resistance/Diversity Squadron set off for Exogol with an exceptional plan; all those super sekrit Star Destroyers Palps built? They can't leave Exogol without a signal from a navigation station, so they vow to blow it up.

HUGE FUCKING PLOTHOLE

- Diversity Squadron attacks the navigation terminal, bringing along Jannah and her slightly less horse-like mounts for an exceptional ground assault
- Pryde sees through this, and rerouts the terminal's signal to his own Star Destroyer
- Diversity Squadron and the horses call off their assault before landing and instead attack the Star Destroyer
- The horses are unloaded on the Star Destroyer, because they are seemingly the only way to deactivate the signal.... somehow.
- Pryde and the Tard Order promptly forget that they can reroute the signal - so instead of routing it back to the navigation terminal, or a different Star Destroyer - which would leave the horse cavalry with nothing to attack - the Sith Troopers get to attack
- In order for this stupid, contrived ground assault to work, the First Order forgets to use a tactic they just used 30 seconds ago

At this point I was done with the movie. Completely done. My evening wasted.

- Rey meets up with Palps, who wants her to kill him because reasons. Not clear why - possibly for him to then take control of her body? Why does Palps expect her to go along with this?
- Kylo arrives in a regular ol' TIE, parking it next to Rey/Luke's X-Wing. The camera dwells on this shot for a bit too long to not be on purpose - 'member these two ships always fought in those movies you liked?
- The Knights of Ren, fresh off their 30 minute career as a boyband, show up to stop Kylo - they immediately job to him.
- Kylo gets to Rey, and Sheev saps the life force straight out of them - so why was having Rey strike him down necessary previously?
- Rey watches Diversity Squadron get shot out of the sky ('member Luke seeing his friends die on the 2nd Death Star? JJ 'members) and Kylo gets yeeted off a cliff
- Suddenly she hears all the old Jedi call out to her, gets up, and kills Palps - then she dies. Finally a happy end for us all.
- Except Kylo gets back up, heals her, kisses her, and dies instead. I liked it better when both were presumed dead.

- Back on the Star Destroyer, Finn and Jannah succeed in blowing up the navigation terminal - this kills the Wyte Pryde
- Lando saves their asses
- Rey escapes from Sheev's chambers, and joins Poe and Finn and the gang at the obligatory jungle planet party ('MEMBER RETURN OF THE JEDI?)
- Short montage of Star Destroyers falling out of the sky over Endor, Cloud City, and Jakku (DO YOU 'MEMBER?!)
- Lesbian kiss is thankfully not done by Billie Lourd (Carrie FIsher's IRL daughter), but by the middle-aged lady with the huge hooknose from TLJ and a diversity hire
- Poe makes a pass at Sorry Bitch, gets rejected
- Maz Kanata aka Yellow Yoda gives Chewbacca a medal ('MEMBER CHEWIE NOT GETTING ONE?) - no one else gets one though.
- Lando and Jannah share a moment and seemingly set out to uncover the latter's past - very on-the-nose in terms of leaving open the possibility of a Disney+ series.
- Rey, Poe, and Finn share a hug, Rey fucks off to Tatooine to piss on the Skywalkers one last time, and this shitshow finally ends.

FINAL VERDICT

+ Lando is cool, Billy Dee Williams is based
+ The movie ends
- Everything else

Rating; massive terminal brain cancer/10

 

[Suburban Bastard]

Spotted again at 1:36:55

 

[Uranus Pink]

Not really, it's just a guy that goes into a coma and wakes up in the future of his own world years later. So it's not really an isekai.

For it to be an isekai, the protagonist has to end up in a completely different world that they are not native to it.

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (1889) it is then as it was published before Wizard of Oz (1900).

 

[Cod of War]

View attachment 1059011
Hey, remember the jedi mind trick? Remember when Obi wan did it? It was cool did you remember?

And before someone says it: yes the prequels did someting similar with Qui Gon Jinn, but the point was that he was Obin wan master and that's where he learn it. I don't remember Rey ever talking to Obin wan nor Luke teaching her that trick.

She learned it before she even met Luke. Pulled it right out of her ass to escape captivity in Starkiller Base.

 

[Ihavetinyweewee]

To be fair, the Empire was never supposed to be 100 percent white and male. Those were just the English extras available, who you were unionized.

Plus, nobody gave a shit nor wanted to be an imperial(outside of Darth Vader)...

Cosplayers did this shit with the "girls can be stormtroopers too" nonsense. Even though it doesn't really make any sense the opressive, facist regime is an EO employer...

I hate the 501st or what it became...

 

[Ghostse]

- Klaud has no introduction, does nothing, and has maybe one whole line? Clearly a victim of reshoots, and I'm almost narcistic enough to bet our memeing of him contributed to him being all but slashed from the movie

Real question, did Cuck Wendig's self-insert get axed from the film?

 

[Shield Breaker]

Rey meets up with Palps, who wants her to kill him because reasons. Not clear why - possibly for him to then take control of her body? Why does Palps expect her to go along with this?

Would that make Sheev transgendered? Did Rey murder a sexual minority?

 

[PeeveTheSheev]

Real question, did Cuck Wendig's self-insert get axed from the film?

He fucking dies on-screen

 

[Ghostse]

I think what turned me off from the nuTrilogy and made me never waiver in my pledge after Disney fucked the EU, wasn't Rey. It was rounding out the principals with John "Shaft" Boyardee and Taco Dameron. That's when I knew it was going to be pandering shit.

 

[Poe-Shen Zcela]

View attachment 1058965
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?
This is not a Science fiction movie, this is a body horror movie.

AAAAYYY YOU GUUUUYS LMOA

 

[Cyril Sneer]

The weird obsessions in some fans regarding Boba Fett is easy to understand once you look into the history of the character.

Only if you approach the matter from the preconceived notion that a Fett fandom is misguided and somehow illegitimate.

In George Lucas's eyes, Fett was just a throwaway character.

Maybe, and then again maybe not. It's difficult to say what might have been, if Lucas had not decided to forgo plans to extend The Adventures of Luke Skywalker across two trilogies. Former Lucasfilm public relations officer Craig Miller, for example, made it known in an interview a few years back that Boba Fett had actually been intended as Return of the Jedi's primary antagonist before Lucas's disintegrating relationship with Marcia caused him to sour on the idea of making further Star Wars movies.

He was kind of cool looking, but just one of the Bounty Hunters.

This is a misreading of ESB's plot. For the purposes of the film's story, Fett is not just one of the bounty hunters, rather, he is the bounty hunter: the only one who has any lines (Bossk's unintelligible gurgling obviously doesn't count) and the only one who appears after that initial scene aboard the Executor.

Getting Boba Fett in hand was the very first indication we had that there would or even could be more. He was so cool. He had a jetpack and a missile and really cool armor! And the stories we made up in our heads about how cool this character was going to be were like another whole movie unto themselves.

With good reason. From the summer, 1979 official Star Wars fan magazine:

Not much is known about Boba Fett. He wears part of the uniform of the Imperial Shocktroopers, warriors from the olden time. Shocktroopers came from the far side of the galaxy and there aren't many of them left. They were wiped out by the Jedi Knights during the Clone Wars. Whether he was a shocktrooper or not is unknown. He is the best bounty hunter in the galaxy, and cares little for whom he works — as long as they pay.

Part of what makes Boba Fett as good as he is are the special modifications he has made to his Shocktrooper's armor. Examine the equipment and you'll know what makes him the best.

1. Flame Thrower and Dart Gun
2. Rocket Pack Controls
3. Rocket Pack
4. Camera and Viewfinder
5. Grappling Hook
6. Digital Life Support System Readout
7. Wookiee Scalps
8. Utility Gun Belt
9. Storage Pack
10. Knee Darts
11. Tools
12. Climbing Spikes
13. Laser Rifle

Add years of practice and experience to this list of equipment and you have quite a formidable enemy.

Boba Fett first appeared on The Star Wars Holiday Special late last year, in the employ of Darth Vader. He will be returning in The Empire Strikes Back, still in Darth Vader's employ, and still after Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia and the leaders of the Rebellion.

Bantha Tracks #5 - Boba Fett Fan Club

Star Wars Fan Club newsletter. First officially published description of Boba Fett: Not much is known about Boba Fett. He wears part of the uniform of...

www.bobafettfanclub.com

To George Lucas Boba Fett was just an unimportant background character.

This is, again, a misreading of the facts as they present themselves. Sure, Boba Fett is not as significant a figure in the original trilogy as Darth Vader or the Emperor, but he's hardly a background character and he's certainly not unimportant. His participation in the plot is important to the trilogy as a whole in a number of ways, as it resolves the lingering plot-thread from ANH of Han being in debt to Jabba with a price on his head, it allows the crew of the Falcon (and the audience) to enjoy a brief respite from the tension of constant pursuit by the Imperial fleet, and it sets up the Tatooine sub-plot from ROTJ, wherein Luke establishes his maturity as a warrior and leader, which in turn helps set up Luke's conflict later in the film with Yoda and Obi-Wan trying to convince him that, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding, he won't be a full Jedi until he commits patricide.

So yeah, Boba Fett's not the primary antagonist of the series or anything, but he's not just set decoration like the other bounty hunters and his actions have important repercussions for the development of the trilogy's overall plot.

But to those 11 year olds in 1978 he was the first tangible contact we had with the broader Star Wars Universe. So he became very very important to those kids. And some people never got over their Head Cannon. (Whereas some, like Jon Favereau and Dave Filoni clearly treasured their Boba Fett head cannon stories, evolved them, crafted them, and finally turned them into the Mandalorian. Well done guys!)

This is just silly. You're praising Favreau and Filoni for creating a series featuring a character who looks like Boba Fett, who is a tough-as-nails badass, like Boba Fett, while writing an extended complaint, about Boba Fett.

You're also saying it like there was no Fett-related SW material to serve as the basis for the little Fandalorians' imaginations. As much as most people hate the Holiday Special, the animated segment was a fun little adventure that established the bounty hunter's personality rather effectively (it's also far more consistent with his behavior in ESB than ROTJ is). Then there was the aforementioned official fan-mag, the ESB novelization, which reiterated that Fett wore the armor of a warrior class that had fought against the Jedi at some point in the past, then the Marvel comics, which introduced other Mandalorian warriors and further tied Fett's backstory to the Clone Wars and so forth. It was all developed very naturally and organically (except for those little hiccups where George made some change to the continuity requiring EU retcons).

And those conflicting Fett related Head Cannons led to pure concentrated fanboytism and fagotry wars.

Between whom, exactly? Fett-centric forums like thedentedhelmet are pretty chill places on the whole. Things only ever seem to get ugly when some anti-Fandalorian starts sperging out about how Boba Fett is just "a throwaway character" and that his popularity (as opposed to the popularity of Wedge or Ackbar or any other character outside of the main cast) is where "things went wrong" with the franchise. How exactly? No one knows, because people who get their jimmies rustled by Boba Fett existing are inevitably long on emotion and vanishingly short on concrete reasoning. Take the aforementioned Wedge Antilles, for example. He's a pretty good comparison with Fett, as he's also a secondary character from the films (I would guess that they have approximately the same amount of screen-time) who went on to become a storied and very important character in the Expanded Universe. You would think that the Fett-hating speds would get just as pissed off at Wedge's fandon as they do at Boba's if not more so, as Wedge is arguably quite a bit less important to the original trilogy (his most plot-important moment in all three films is picking off a TIE Fighter that's about to shoot down Luke in ANH), and his stature in the EU is, if anything, far more grand than Boba's. EU Boba Fett is merely the galaxy's best bounty hunter, and he lives a lonely, solitary existence travelling from job to job with his ship constituting his only home. EU Wedge is an almost universally-beloved war hero, a revered commander, loving husband and devoted father, brilliant strategist and tactician, highly-capable spy and commando and arguably the single-most skilled and lethal fighter pilot in the history of the Galaxy (scope that one moment in the NJO series where he single-handedly takes on an entire squadron of Yuuzhan Vong fighters in a busted X-Wing and wins). He's also involved in quite a bit more goofy melodrama, thanks to his long-lost sister being a famous actress married to the Galaxy's other most skilled and lethal fighter pilot, Baron Soontir Fel (making Wedge uncle to the future Imperial Family). Yet no one starts flame-wars over Wedge, or claims that his popularity is "wrong." It's quite ridiculous, really.

To the point where those not so mentally invested in the character hate whenever the speds bring him up.

Who's more autistic? The autist, or the autist who's triggered by him?

 

[InsolentGaylord]

General is the keeper of this thread. He will gladly point you in the direction...

It was very illuminating. He also said the pandering to the female demographic was largely to secure their declining princess line....

Disney bought Star Wars for boys, but decided to take a detour(this was before Frozen happened)...

I guess it backfired in the end. It also explains the scambling for male-centric projects as of late....

Ya know the ones that people seem to give a shit about: Mandalorian, Fallen Order, Obi-wan show...

I still don't get the Cassian Ando show nobody wants, but you get my point...

General Friendliness, or someone who can tell me how to get his attention, can you please share this post because this post sounds very important and explains the misguided attempt at pushing feminist narratives into these IPs.

 

[Basil II]

Spoilering this not because I care, but because this produced the most unholiest image in my head.

Spoiler: Seriously, you're gonna regret this

Rey is confirmed to be a Palpatine

Meaning that ancient, wrinkly, leathery, sagged up, skeleton looking motherfucker stuck his decrepit penis into some lady's vagina, and ejaculated whatever substance comes out after tens of thousands of years of age.

Sheev's only like 80 and was smashing pussy on the regular well before the empire.

 

[Near]

Like clockwork.

'Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker' Same-Sex Kiss Cut in Middle East

Audiences have reported that the scene was removed from screenings in Dubai.

www.hollywoodreporter.com

https://archive.is/OqlHP

I'm sure all those lovely future article writers, who will staunchly defend the next Disney products for their progressive values, will enjoy being reminded of this. Keep it in mind next time you hear "The force is female".

 

[Emperor Julian]

I have to wonder if all this is making Disney nervous about the next phase of Marvel where they replace the characters you know with the 'next gen' of diverse characters. Considering the when they tried it with the comics it caused bitter divides which prevail to this day and they've ran star wars into the ground in four years, the Rat might be getting a little twitchy that the Golden goose is about to pinch out a monster turd.

 

[Love Machine]

.
- The Knights of Ren land on Passaana and feature in a number of shots that made me think I was looking at a 90's boy band music video. Seriously.

But do they look like cool action figures tho?

 

[Cpl. Long Dong Silver]

To be fair, the Empire was never supposed to be 100 percent white and male. Those were just the English extras available, who you were unionized.

If you wanted to, you could argue the empire became less effective once they let in women, minorities, and non humans.

Is Disney playing the long con for a white male space future?

 

[Judge Holden]

View attachment 1059053
Spotted again at 1:36:55

"nothing personnel chewie"

 

[Ihavetinyweewee]

Like clockwork.

View attachment 1059080

'Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker' Same-Sex Kiss Cut in Middle East

Audiences have reported that the scene was removed from screenings in Dubai.

www.hollywoodreporter.com

https://archive.li/OqlHP

I'm sure all those lovely future article writers, who will staunchly defend the next Disney products for their progressive values, will enjoy being reminded of this. Keep it in mind next time you hear "The force is female".

I love it, these are clearly journalists trying to shape our entertainment....

No shit that the middle east and china don't want the gayness...

Doesn't matter if nobody wants to watch it. But, quick, Disney gotta get the faggot tranny a lead role in a Star Wars project.

Nobody will consume it, but it will be stunning and brave...

Why faggot trannies would even exist in a fantastical technological advance society? I have no idea...

 

[Ow The Edge]

He fucking dies on-screen

Based. Also, got a timestamp cause I want to watch it happen.