Please post a pic of the auditorium before it kicks off so we can see how empty it is, and also report back on how many sad speds are in cosplay or whooping and hollering and seal-clapping at anything Rey does.
I didn't see this request in time, but it was one of those really small theaters with lots of space between the aisles. So not a large-capacity room, but there were still a handful of empty seats at the 7:30 show. I heard from a friend that another theater in town was maybe 80% full.
Here are my random thoughts on PLAN 9 in no particular order:
*As we have seen, the opening crawl makes it sound like Palpatine is broadcasting on K-SITH and has been for a while, but this doesn't even happen until the end of the movie, and then only barely, and it's never explained how or why. Dumb. Just send out flyers.
*Awkward pacing that goes from rushed slapdash to standing still. More attempts at Marvel Movie-style humor that just aren't funny. One of two tiny smile moments, and the rest are groans. Lots of pointless obvious lines of exposition for the retards in the audience. "You're a Palpatine." Worst was Hux
actually yelling, "I'M THE SPY!" like he was in a comedy skit. Painful.
*My goodness, the Macguffin scavenger hunt. We know originally this was to benefit the time-travel storyline, but wow, the running around gets tedious.
*We already know how exceptional Rey is, but what struck me is the air of smugness in this movie. She struts around like its her universe(TM) and everyone else is slowing her down, and is constantly making faces. Maybe I'd never known to notice it before.
Oh, and besides what you know about the plot, she can still
do anything. She can drive a bloody ocean skimmer like a bitch, despite growing up on a desert planet and never seeing water before! Oh, and now she has done a "BIT" of training, so we should finally refer to her as a Jedi. Really?
*Leia's scenes were awkward, used obvious body doubles, and were obvious when they were just Eps. 7 outtakes. They swore they'd never do it, the family swore they'd never do it, but the made Leia a CGI zombie in a flashback, and it looks like a Playstation game. We've seen it here, but it's dumber in person. She owns Luke in a fight, and why not, he's a worthless loser & failure, as we've been told.
He sadly admits this as a ghost. By the way, Hamill is gruff and looks
really pissed off, delivers most of his lines snarling.
*Speaking of Luke as a ghost: "Oh, yeah, you're a Palpatine? Yeah, we knew. Leia knew." What in the holy hell?
*Two moments of audience reaction. When Palpatine told Rey she was his, a teenage girl in the back screamed out "WHAT, SHE IS?!" but better than that, when the stupid, forced (sorry no other word for it than that) kiss occurs, which is sudden and almost violent, there were audible gasps and groans. The people that liked it thought it was done wrong, and the rest of us...well, you know.
*One of the points in the film is that, "last time, we asked for help, and nobody came." Some randoms keep telling Poe and others that "we aren't alone" which implies that if you believe it hard enough, it will happen. And then at the end, A BILLION ships show up. From where? Why? How? A First Order token black guy says "They're...just people." No they aren't, they are pilots with war machines....with as much explanation as Palpatine existing. Doesn't it imply that this billion ships
didn't care to help last time, and are all bastards?
*No Lando's kids. He and the girl have a moment, where it's implied something dumb might happen, but Abrams chickened out of it at the last.
*The pandering dyke kiss is not background or hidden. A sweeping pan actually stops so we can see it. One of them is old, and I didn't get a great look at the other, but I don't think it was Fisher's daughter like we were told.
*Incidental count: Klaud's barely in it twice, a pair of Porgs are in it once for a millisecond.
*THE HOLDO MANEUVER. I just can't. It's a throwaway line that, let's be honest, CONFIRMS the last shitty movie, not disavows it, so there goes that argument.
*D-O is also barely set dressing, and actually speaks. I was surprised, but then again, we can't have him be another BB-8......he sounds like a kid with a walkie-talkie and serves no purpose other than to be cute and sell toys, both of which he FAILs hard at. Oh, but he's "
full of information about Exegol." Well, I'll be; how lucky. He is found on Ochi's ship as we have heard and not at Babu Frik's....who by the way is a terrifying nipple-less monkey imp.
*Space horses riding on the surface of a Star Destroyer. One of the single dumbest things I've ever seen. We've talked about it, but i'ts just. so. dumb.
*The final final final battle with Rey and Palpatine.....here is the plot: he begs her to kill him, so she refuses, and kills him. It also happens relatively quickly with very little build-up or struggle, because after all, she is Rey. The stupid arena of cultists and the entire scene were such a Parry Hotter CGI cartoon, it was embarrassing.
*She gave Kylo a bit of her life, so in the end he gives her all of his...couldn't she have given him like 1/3 of hers, or pro-rate it or something? I mean, this is a thing now, it's a "new force power." Nope....she just lets him die. Space Messiah don't need no man.
*In the end, like folks have said around here,
Palpatine wins. His spirit is free to go wherever it wants--who says it's not already possessing Rey? His line usurps and confiscates all Skywalker things that ever existed, and even takes their damn name. Somehow Rey knows about the Lars homestead, and where it is. And Rey being Rey, she can't even dig a proper hole. She just wills the lightsabers to be buried, like the final insult.
*Also, everyone: quit saying this movie is "better than Episode 8." That's a dumb and obvious statement, and doesn't help this movie at all. The worst thing that ever happened is better than Episode 8. It doesn't help your point. If you say that this movie checks all the boxes of dumb American popcorn CGI-cartoon movie with explosions, then you'd be saying something.
It may make money just for those reasons....It's a bit worrisome that you can hide bad writing with loud music, CGI, and explosions, but it
requires thinking to see otherwise, and then we'd be expecting too much of people in general.
