Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Doctor of Autism]

I think I realized who are to blame for this trainwreck and they are Kathleen Kennedy and Jew Jew Abrams. Rian gets a small amount of blame too.

I would say Rian but I think with The Last Jedi, he probably had a plan to set things up for the next movie with Rey working together with Kylo, but Kathleen Kennedy intervened because she wants Rey to always be good so she forced Johnson to write that third act where Rey gets on the salt planet and shit.

Now I am not saying Rian is a saint here because he was an idiot when it came to writing Luke, the Casino Planet, Leia poppins (though I believe that's more of KK's idea), and the dumb Holdo subplot. Rian did have some ideas in mind that he wanted to go with but Rey turning evil is the one that crossed the line for Kennedy.

Kennedy is also at fault for not having a coherent plan and not managing her directors properly, and prioritized her own political agenda than telling a good story.

Jew Jew gets a large part of the blame mainly for Episode IX because he could've easily ignored Snoke dying given he ignored Palpatine dying, but Jew Jew had a gigantic ego and thought of himself as the man who will end the Star Wars legacy with a bang instead of ending just the trilogy he started. He had a mountain sized ego, and tried to pander to all fans but failed miserably.

Here is a scathing review, but from the Tamatoa man

 

[Cpl. Long Dong Silver]

It's almost like there were a bunch of people who said "I know it's gonna be bad, but I want to see just how bad," and then paid the rat for the privilege.

Spoiler

And there are quite a lot of you in this thread...

That's why I told everyone to buy a ticket to something else and sneak in. Its not like the theater cares or you'd have trouble finding a seat.

Every dollar you give the rat is one more ounce of shit on Luke.

 

[Maskull]

That's why I told everyone to buy a ticket to something else and sneak in. Its not like the theater cares or you'd have trouble finding a seat.

Every dollar you give the rat is one more ounce of shit on Luke.

That's good idea. Rather not be feeding the corporate beast.

 

[Creep3r]

Its happening.

Nothing from RLM yet though... Then again, I worry they might pull another TFA.

 

[Silent Observer]

So we've got a BO weekend with Cats vs Rats, and they're both competing for worst film.

 

[DogEatDogFood]

Long man talking about Star Wars 9

 

[Reverend]

Its happening.
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Nothing from RLM yet though...

Mike and Jay have to sober up from each drinking a skull's worth of Vodka. I've seen their content drunk and it's MEH. I want them fully sober, coffee'd up and livid.

 

[Maskull]

So we've got a BO weekend with Cats vs Rats, and they're both competing for worst film.

SW will win out as being worst as Cats is looking at a projected fifteen million dollar weekend. Even if it's objectively worse it'll leave far less a bad taste in public's mouth.

 

[Cosmos]

I don't think I've ever been more excited for a Red Letter Media review than for their upcoming Half in the Bag on this movie. I don't give a shit about Star Wars, I'm never going to watch this movie, I just want to see them eviscerate it.

 

[TheMysteriousAHole]

There's a lot going on right now that I can't keep track of or comment on but I do need to point this out: The Visual Dictionary for this movie. Once again a number of things from the 'Expanded Universe' has been recanonized in this including Revan and Odan-Urr.

Didn't those powers also have the trade-off of being incredibly taxing on the user? They throw that shit around like it's nothing in Plan IX.

Depends on the power. For example, the 'teleporting' thing? Came from the Aing-Tii which originated from West End Game's Star Wars The Roleplaying Game's The Darkstryder Campaign but the actual power first appeared in the Hand of Thrawn Duology. The Aing-Tii are these weird-ass aliens that have their own Force traditions and understanding of how to manipulate the Force.

As for Force Healing, that's a bit hard to explain. There's always been Jedi Healers in the EU but the healing talent itself was also hard to learn and took a long time. Even then it was limited. You couldn't regenerate limbs or bring people back to life. Anything further was in the domain of the dark side, like when Exar Kun's broken body was healed in Tales of the Jedi: The Dark Lords of the Sith or when Vader tried to regenerate his lungs in Shadows of the Empire.

Oh yeah, the Fallanassi are recanonized, too. That's how Luke was able to project himself half a galaxy away in The Last Jedi. He learned it from them.

One last thing is that Pablo for some fucking reason decided to incorporate into the canon the term 'mini-rig.' You know, from Kenner's Star Wars line of Mini-Rigs in the vintage toy line.

EDIT: The Aing-Tii are recanonized, too.

 

[Quintex96]

Long man talking about Star Wars 9

I have always wondered. Is Mauler an actual Furry or is he just a leash holder for his furry friends?

 

[verissimus]

I have always wondered. Is Mauler an actual Furry or is he just a leash holder for his furry friends?

Leash holder...hopefully.

 

[MAPK phosphatase]

I have always wondered. Is Mauler an actual Furry or is he just a leash holder for his furry friends?

We will never know for sure.

 

[Rotollo]

And this is how the Wookies started Life Day

At least life day had VR porn

 

[Picklechu]

I just got back from seeing it about an hour ago. I enjoyed it (I also liked The Last Jedi, and feel that this movie fixes its major plot holes), but parts of it were certainly forgettable. I think the critics are mostly just mad that it didn't meet their expectations after TLJ, which sounds reeeeaaaaaallly familiar. There were quite a few moments clearly meant to make OT fans happy, and it certainly has its issues, but it's better than the entire prequel trilogy, IMO, and isn't bad. That being said, I certainly don't expect it to become a classic or anything.

I want more movies like Rogue One.

 

[Creep3r]

There's a lot going on right now that I can't keep track of or comment on but I do need to point this out: The Visual Dictionary for this movie. Once again a number of things from the 'Expanded Universe' has been recanonized in this including Revan and Odan-Urr.


Depends on the power. For example, the 'teleporting' thing? Came from the Aing-Tii which originated from West End Game's Star Wars The Roleplaying Game's The Darkstryder Campaign but the actual power first appeared in the Hand of Thrawn Duology. The Aing-Tii are these weird-ass aliens that have their own Force traditions and understanding of how to manipulate the Force.

As for Force Healing, that's a bit hard to explain. There's always been Jedi Healers in the EU but the healing talent itself was also hard to learn and took a long time. Even then it was limited. You couldn't regenerate limbs or bring people back to life. Anything further was in the domain of the dark side, like when Exar Kun's broken body was healed in Tales of the Jedi: The Dark Lords of the Sith or when Vader tried to regenerate his lungs in Shadows of the Empire.

Oh yeah, the Fallanassi are recanonized, too. That's how Luke was able to project himself half a galaxy away in The Last Jedi. He learned it from them.

One last thing is that Pablo for some fucking reason decided to incorporate into the canon the term 'mini-rig.' You know, from Kenner's Star Wars line of Mini-Rigs in the vintage toy line.

EDIT: The Aing-Tii are recanonized, too.

What a weird time to start recanonizing shit after creating so much stuff that barely even allows it to exist in its original format. It feels like the Thrawn effect where they bring something familiar back only to completely neuter it to the point of irrelevancy. Also I find it odd that they made Odan-Urr one of the authors of Luke's jedi books in TLJ, unless they're trying to imply that planet Achoo is Disney's version of Ossus... Its all so bizarre and almost insulting, like a cheap to try and grab the attention of old fans. Then again, the Visual Dictionary was by Pablo Hidalgo and he tends to drop random old canon references even if they don't fit in with anything else in Disney or are never even referenced in anything Disney related again. This also maybe due to them desperately trying to justify the bullshit that happens in their new movies, but if that's the case they should've recanonize this shit before these films came out or just not throw out all the old EU at once if they were going to rely on it this desperately to solve plot holes. But I shouldn't be shocked since there was never a plan for this shit to begin with and they're only trying to desperately make sense of the mess they made with these films at the last minute.

 

[TheMysteriousAHole]

What a weird time to start recanonizing shit after creating so much stuff that barely even allows it to exist in its original format. It feels like the Thrawn effect where they bring something familiar back only to completely neuter it to the point of irrelevancy. Also I find it odd that they made Odan-Urr one of the authors of Luke's jedi books in TLJ, unless they're trying to imply that planet Achoo is Disney's version of Ossus... Its all so bizarre and almost insulting, like a cheap to try and grab the attention of old fans. Then again, the Visual Dictionary was by Pablo Hidalgo and he tends to drop random old canon references even if they don't fit in with anything else in Disney or are never even referenced in anything Disney related again.

Nope, Ossus is back in canon, too. It's one of the planets Luke visited during his time he spent searching for Jedi lore. BTW, I got all of these from pictures that someone took of the book.

IMHO this feels like Pablo doing a half-ass attempt to explain things away by drawing upon his knowledge of the EU.

 

[Rob_Mercury]

ROS hot take nobody asked for

Spoiler: Me bitching about a kids movie about space wizards

That Opening crawl has been mocked to death so I won't touch that.

Kylo and the FO raiding that random planet for the wayfinder without any introduction just threw me off. I hadn't really read the leaks/spoilers in depth so I didn't expect Palpatine so soon into the movie. Plus the ending with teasing Rey Palpatine drove me crazy cause I just wanted them to just do it. I'll come back to that dumb armada of Star Destroyers that broke away from the planet's surface.

The playful banter between Finn, Poe, Chewie and C-3PO just...where was that the last two movies? That was all I could think. Rey meditating mid air with rocks around her likes she's the fucking Avatar and still being frustrated....Not sure if it's tone-deaf on the writers part (definitely) or whatever but hearing voices of dead Jedi never seemed something so difficult to do for Luke in Episode 4, so for Rey to struggle with it after everything is just nonsense. (I seriously believe they stole that from TLOK which I think was mentioned earlier. (?)).

Anyway more conversation like they're all friends who know each other despite canon evidence they don't. BB-08 actually being a companion for Rey like R2 was to Luke despite not having been together for a whole movie.

I'll just vent a little about the bullshit connection between Rey and Kylo cause Snoke said he created that. (Also that tank with the Snokes on Palpatines planet gave me Evangelion flashbacks.) But JJ seemingly just went with that BS and turned it to 11 by having them fight with each other and interact the others environment. I know people have been saying he took some jabs at Ruin with "Holdo-manoeuvre", but the hack showed his true hand here.

There was this scene where Leia and another Resistance member are full "It's not what you said, it's HOW you said it" to a soldier for not being optimistic enough or whatever, and I'm like...what did this woman do to be portrayed like this in death? On that note, the only well-acted scene with any meaning in this movie was when Leia died. Kylo, R2 and even fucking Rey had good reactions to it. I would include Chewie but he didn't find out in the moment.

Rey Palpatine. What the fuck? If The Emperor wanted Rey so badly and found her parents, then why the fuck couldn't he find Rey on Jakku. I don't think it's a densely populated planet, shouldn't be too difficult. People that live there aren't exactly paragons of morality from what I remember from TFA, so bribing them can't be hard. And going by how many "faithful" he has in the room not to mention how many people it would take to man those Star Destroyers (I'll get back to that), there's no shortage of manpower.

Also a nitpick, how did Kylo land his TIE fighter on Ednor and enter the Death Star without getting wet? And where did the other TIE fighetr come from when he left? Also aslo, Luke catching Rey's lightsaber where as Kylo throws his in the ocean.

C-3PO "losing" his memory. What a fucking joke. Not even a good one at that. That little ooga booga motherfucker that did it and how him not recognizing anyone around were all played for laughs about one of the original characters losing his identity. When he said "Just taking one last look at all my friends" (or something like that), I literally said "Your friends are dead" in the theater. Not sure if the guy next to me heard me. Didn't even matter cause he got his memory back in the end.

So the climax of the movie. If there is a good summary of the entire sequel trilogy, it's this: spectacle over substance. At least a thousand Star Destroyers pulled out of Palpatine's dead ass/the most substance rich dust in the galaxy. Don't question it. A fucking Colosseum worth's of "Sith faithful", making you wonder where the fuck they have been and how long they've been counting the hair on their ass, since they've done nothing in the last few decades. Shut up it looks cool. Palpatine shooting lighting in the air and accurately hitting Resistance ships while missing his own Star Destroyers? Shiny and cool looking, consoom. Core world reinforcements showing up to the middle of nowhere (unkown worlds) believing a elderly man and a Wookie but sitting on their hands after the New Republic and Luke Skywalker were defeated? Shut up, space battle, shiny lasers.

Here's a more elaborate summary of the sequel trilogy:
TFA is like a parent dangling keys in-front of their child.
TLJ is the parent stabbing the child in the eye for enjoying the keys and not reading the collected works of Shakespeare (that's Rian Johnson speak for "not watching Looper")
ROS is the parents dangling two keys but the kid is both pissed because they're missing an eye and paranoid at the parent.

I mostly just cringed at the Reylo moment, I heard a few people in the theater sob. Same goes for Rey Skywalker.

Disney Wars Episode 9: The Death of Skywalker.

If I left anything out it's because I forgot a few hours after viewing lol.

I also forgot to mention how creepy Reylo actually is. In TFA he practically mindrapes her and kills his father/her mentor of sorts and the last two movies the writers just keep pushing this romance between them. Just, weird.

 

[Creep3r]

Nope, Ossus is back in canon, too. It's once of the planets Luke visited during his time he spent searching for Jedi lore. BTW, I got all of these from pictures that someone took of the book.

So he just collected the books and brought them to sloth titty planet? Also nu-fans who only stick to Disney canon will be utterly lost and confused by this shit, and they expect this to answer their plot hole questions? Also if they actually use these things in nu-canon I'm almost scared to see how they'll rape them. Maybe make Odan-Urr some kind of tranny who talks about the fluidity of genders being part of the true understanding of the Force, or simply have him get schooled by whatever version of Rey exists in that nu-era.

 

[Maskull]

I want more movies like Rogue One.

I don't particularly like Rogue One but I agree with sentiment. They have much material they can base an adaptation on. They could take near any genre of film and paint it in Star Wars and generate new success. What I would like to see, which we'll not ever, is the return of Kyle Katarn in a one-off based on his past appearances.