Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[inexplicable ethos]

Just throw the camrip at him; he insists then just spoil it. Or just fake being horridly sick with ipecac or something.

This is not hard.

I'm not going to be an asshole to my own father for no reason on Christmas. It's more of an unpleasant obligation than anything since I'm not goingto be paying, and I'm mostly just sad that it will probably ruin his day since he refuses to listen to reviews and expects it to be at least watchable.

 

[Vault Boy]

Also, like you said, the actress for Rose Tico is very pretty, but they made her look super frumpy in TLJ.

They actually planned on giving her a "beautiful all along" moment during the Canto Bight parts, but a lot of that shit got cut.

So yeah, you guys think that place outstayed its welcome, it could've been even longer.

 

[ditto]

Do we know how many millions they paid Harrison Ford to phone this one in?

 

[JambledUpWords]

They actually planned on giving her a "beautiful all along" moment during the Canto Bight parts, but a lot of that shit got cut.

So yeah, you guys think that place outstayed its welcome, it could've been even longer.

TLJ would have become more tolerable if they cut that side plot entirely. They also needed the movie to span a longer period of time in general (instead of 3-4 days).

 

[Love Machine]

Oh Knights of Ren, your so cool. I cant wait to read the movie dlc known as a comic book on some sketchy site to see you guy do something besides walk around and die.

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

So why does their main character perpetually look like an overworked washerwoman in a sweaty undershirt?

Reysting Bitch Face

 

[Iron Hamster]

"I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER" face.

It's what thunberg will look like in 10 years........"HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!"

 

[2021Murder]

Rumor has it, and I don't recall the sources, is that the prevalence of Rule-34 stuff on the internet was an actual worry for Disney regarding nuWars, so they deliberately went with the "avoid male gaze" bit you hear feminists sperging about on Twitter all day. That's why the actress for Asian Space Potato is actually quite pretty in everything BUT nuWars. Why Finn looks good in other movies but is ugly in nuWars, and why Rey is about as unappealing as they could get her without covering her in hissing spiders (because that's probably someone's fetish), and is ALSO why they left her in basically the same boring ass outfit the entire time.

But I might be misremembering.

Edit: You know, that might be why Lando's love interest is a fucking robot when we all know Billy Dee Williams could pull more ass than virtually anyone else on the cast. There's no way he's settle for a glorified fleshlight when he could be fucking more alien poon than Kirk in a brothel.

That's fucking exceptional; James Cameron purposely wanted the Navi to look as fuckable as possible, Jim is the most successful person in Hollywood because hes a trucker and a community college dropout meaning he spent the first 30 years of his life being a stereotypical audience member. He knows how to make billions easily. It's why his only flop was the abyss. And that movie was nominated for 4 Oscars and technically broke even.

I bet Kathy and JarJar and the rest of the idiots in charge over there wouldn't be watching this dogshit either if they weren't responsible for making it

 

[Shaka Brah]

Here’s the possible routes Rey’s character could have taken, but movie didn’t do:

• Have Rey descend into evil and create her own First Order/Galactic Empire
  • This would also leave room for more sequels, because Disney loves sequels
• Have Rey die in the end after becoming too arrogant from her power
  • Kylo would blindside and kill her
• Have a longer time skip and have Rey and Kylo make a reconciliation
  • The reason they join forces this time is to fight Hux, who assumes power after Kylo abandons leadership
    • This can also get rid of the exceptional Palpatine garbage
    • It can also allow for Hux to have a bounty on Kylo and Kylo would be forced to disguise in order to survive
    • This would also allow for an interesting dynamic between a Kylo and the Resistance
• Have Rey sacrifice herself in order for Kylo to fight Palpatine

All of these ideas would prevent Rey from having god status and make her less boring. There are so many interesting directions this could have gone, but the higher ups chose a predictable route.

That would involve admitting she's a Mary Sue, which is categorically impossible.

 

[Creep3r]

Do we know how many millions they paid Harrison Ford to phone this one in?

I remember someone posting here that Ian had to be paid a king's ransom just to be in IX, and he seemed pretty indifferent to the whole thing. I can't imagine how much they had to pay Ford who absolutely loathes this shit, but what Ian got must be nothing compared to Ford's pay since he never wanted to do this shit again.

Back on the topic of this Visual Dictionary... Aside from recanonizing a bunch of stuff that shouldn't even fit in Disney canon anymore (or they're just bringing it back for more rape), the Visual Dictionary mentions that Palpatine's cult on Exegol is called the "Sith Eternal" and is apparently stupidly huge, so much so that they somehow built the largest fleet in history. Yet you expect me to believe that a tremendously large cult of such grand numbers and resources was defeated in an instant because of Rey? Also Sheev saying he's all the sith and the assumption that the sith are now extinct become all the more ridiculous since now we know there's a galaxy wide cult of Eternal Sith who have learned the occult teachings. Worst of it is that according to the Dictionary, the cult in question is made up of members from something called the "Acolytes of the Beyond" which was a fucking cult of Palpatine worshipers invented by Chuck Wendig, so he must be pretty fucking giddy about Hidalgo validating his sorry shit again.

Here's the Sith Eternal logo.

Looks like one of the logos from Invader Zim.

Also the guide reveals Klaud's species for some reason. Apparently he and all of the other aliens in this film are completely original donut steals who have never appeared in anything before, not even in Disney canon stuff or past movies (except 3 aliens from Yellow Yoda's castle).

The dictionary claims that the only pre-Disney alien aside from Chewbacca and Nien Nub was a tholothian from the prequels but I don't remember seeing anything like this in the movie unless it was in the background or I just forgot.

Edit: Turns out its actually this jedi in the movie, but she only exists as one of the voices that speaks to Rey.

 

[Fluoxetine Man]

When I first heard the title "Rise of Skywalker" I had a glimmer of hope because I thought that's what it implied, they were bringing back Luke somehow, but nope.

The fact that Force Teleportation exists means that could have easily retconned Luke nopeing out at the end of TLJ as teleporting to the valley of the Jedi or some shit.

 

[Love Machine]

Really JJ was trying to squeeze his own second movie inside this.
Introducing a poe love interest.
rei training
leia being a jedi
The knights of Ren
Literally all the sith shit
At least one of the 5 mcguffins in this movie
Like all that could be a second part of a trilogy on its own, and he crammed it into RoTJ, and the framing of the movie could not bear the load. Like, I fucking get it, Rian shot the whole trilogy in the leg and then told it to finish the marathon. There was 0 chance of this being GOOD because of Rian. But in a moment like that, you get a STRONG writer to try and mitigate it into a decent flick. Not give it to JJ, especially a JJ who has had all his mystery boxes crushed into dirt.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

I just saw the movie and it was unsurprisingly bad, the friends I saw it with were absolutely pissed after watching it from the film-making to the lore inconsistencies (Palps being back and the gold lightsaber stuff in particular). Before I go on there were really a few good things in the movie:

- Han Solo's scene only because both Adam Driver and Harrison Ford gave good performances and was shot well.
- The Kylo vs Rey fight on the Death Star remains only because it was probably the only fight that felt like there was weight to it, but it was ruined with the Leia intervention just so Rey would win.
- Luke only because it felt more in character than how he was in The Last Jedi.
- The set design (which was a given due to Disney having a shit load of money).
- General White Pryde was the only thing close to an intimidating villain in the movie.

Everything else about this movie was re-tarded such as:

- Force powers being inconsistent and being used for asspulls/to explain plot contrivences.
- Palpatine felt forced and nothing about him made sense here since he went from "Rey kill me" to wanting to kill Rey, and then she killed him anyway with full anger which is weird. He also had no good lines that could even be memeable.
- The desperate attempts at trying to be Avengers: Endgame from Lando's entrance in the space battle to Rey's one liner before killing Sheev. There were also desperate attempts at trying to be Return of the Jedi.
- The fake out deaths were insufferable from Chewbacca's fake-out death that made no sense, C3PO losing his memories only to get them back later, and Rey dying was the worst because the make-up for her was really horrible because it looked like Daisy Ridley was just laying down on the ground.
- The pacing felt really awkward and the movie was just rushing things even at times where it looked like a scene was skipped.
- The kiss at the end felt rushed and there was no build up to that.
- Hux's betrayal came out of nowhere and felt really petty given he always believed in the First Order's cause.
= The music was just a repeat of John Williams' scores from other movies instead of anything new.
- Aside from one fight, all the action scenes were really bad.
- The comedy was garbage and the new characters felt jammed into the plot.
- There was some mystery box shit with Finn that was never resolved.
- The shit fanservice.

There were more problems but I'd be here all day. This was honestly worse than The Last Jedi cause at least that film introduced some good ideas and had potential to lead the series in a morally grey direction even if it was done poorly, but this movie felt like the most corporate and stale movie in the series while also being fucking dumb and unintentionally hilarious in some scenes.

Also not a single soul even clapped in the theater or had an emotional reaction.

 

[Adamska]

Really JJ was trying to squeeze his own second movie inside this.
Introducing a poe love interest.
rei training
leia being a jedi
The knights of Ren
Literally all the sith shit
At least one of the 5 mcguffins in this movie
Like all that could be a second part of a trilogy on its own, and he crammed it into RoTJ, and the framing of the movie could not bear the load. Like, I fucking get it, Rian shot the whole trilogy in the leg and then told it to finish the marathon. There was 0 chance of this being GOOD because of Rian. But in a moment like that, you get a STRONG writer to try and mitigate it into a decent flick. Not give it to JJ, especially a JJ who has had all his mystery boxes crushed into dirt.

Honestly, all you had to do was have Snoke come back; when the scared out of his mind because he thought he was free of his master Kylo asks how, Snoke snidely remarks that he found a way.

He found Darth Plageis' experiments on defying death, his surviving research notes. He also found Sideous' own notes, as ill formed as they were. He finished what they started and found a way to transcend death (basically sith ghost that possesses a body).

Luke as a ghost is needed to pin down and kill the spectral form, and Rey and Kylo must team together to kill his perfect body; using a technology thought long lost from the purged world of Kamino.

It's still shit, but I just saved the Rat 30 million, brought back the bad guy, and redeemed Luke a bit by making him key for this final fight, and why it's the "Rise" of Skywalker. Did I more heavily rip off Dark Empire? Fuck yes, because that's what these idiots did.

 

[Creep3r]

The fact that Force Teleportation exists means that could have easily retconned Luke nopeing out at the end of TLJ as teleporting to the valley of the Jedi or some shit.

Kylo Ren just grabbed that fucking necklace like it was nothing. What was stopping him from grabbing the rest of her? Its only made worse by there being no set up for any of this, not even in Disney canon shit, and they can't even use the old EU to get them out of this (the visual dictionary tries to use it as a scapegoat but its clear Hidalgo is just trying to salvage shit with questionable results).

Not give it to JJ, especially a JJ who has had all his mystery boxes crushed into dirt.

The man should just stick to directing visuals and special effects and never touch a fucking script or anything that involves the story ever again for the rest of his life. The man does not have a single decent creative or narrative bone in his body that doesn't involve making pretty empty boxes.

 

[HandsomeDan]

I remember someone posting here that Ian had to be paid a king's ransom just to be in IX, and he seemed pretty indifferent to the whole thing. I can't imagine how much they had to pay Ford who absolutely loathes this shit, but what Ian got must be nothing compared to Ford's pay since he never wanted to do this shit again.

Back on the topic of this Visual Dictionary... Aside from recanonizing a bunch of stuff that shouldn't even fit in Disney canon anymore (or they're just bringing it back for more rape), the Visual Dictionary mentions that Palpatine's cult on Exegol is called the "Sith Eternal" and is apparently stupidly huge, so much so that they somehow built the largest fleet in history. Yet you expect me to believe that a tremendously large cult of such grand numbers and resources was defeated in an instant because of Rey? Also Sheev saying he's all the sith and the assumption that the sith are now extinct become all the more ridiculous since now we know there's a galaxy wide cult of Eternal Sith who have learned the occult teachings. Worst of it is that according to the Dictionary, the cult in question is made up of members from something called the "Acolytes of the Beyond" which was a fucking cult of Palpatine worshipers invented by Chuck Wendig, so he must be pretty fucking giddy about Hidalgo validating his sorry shit again.

Here's the Sith Eternal logo.
View attachment 1062546
Looks like one of the logos from Invader Zim.

Also the guide reveals Klaud's species for some reason. Apparently he and all of the other aliens in this film are completely original donut steals who have never appeared in anything before, not even in Disney canon stuff or past movies (except 3 aliens from Yellow Yoda's castle).

The dictionary claims that the only pre-Disney alien aside from Chewbacca and Nien Nub was a tholothian from the prequels but I don't remember seeing anything like this in the movie unless it was in the background or I just forgot.
View attachment 1062551

Oh, a black female alien jedi, of course thats the one they would keep from the prequels.

 

[ditto]

Palpatine's cult on Exegol is called the "Sith Eternal" and is apparently stupidly huge, so much so that they somehow built the largest fleet in history.

How did all of those supporters get out to Exogol? Where they all issued with sith pyramids, even though the jedi texts says there's only 3? How did the first order guy get out there without a pyramid? Ah forget it..

I finally remember what that cult reminded me of:

Rise of Skywalker would have been 1000% better with Beatles music.

 

[Creep3r]

Oh, a black female alien jedi, of course thats the one they would keep from the prequels.

Not surprising, but I'm not sure its even the same character. Or if its even female. The Dictionary says there's a member of this species in the movie, but frankly I don't want to watch this shit again just to confirm what horrible makeover Disney gave them. But yeah, only old aliens are Chewbacca, Nien and a tholothian. Everything else is some kind of horrid abomination, a donut steal or a mutilated human like nu-Dengar who looks royally fucked up.

View attachment 1062571

Rise of Skywalker would have been 1000% better with Beatles music.

You're not wrong. This shit would probably work better as a trippy music video/parody.

 

[HandsomeDan]

What is the explaination for why the Emperor chose a clone that looks like a deformed mumified scarecrow and not a young version of himself?

Could the answer be because the rip off idea of a Palpatine clone did not enter the sewing circle's, I mean story group's bonnets until a year ago.

All of this is so pathetically cheap and of course people are falling for this half assed incompetence.

 

[Love Machine]

Honestly, all you had to do was have Snoke come back; when the scared out of his mind because he thought he was free of his master Kylo asks how, Snoke snidely remarks that he found a way.

He found Darth Plageis' experiments on defying death, his surviving research notes. He also found Sideous' own notes, as ill formed as they were. He finished what they started and found a way to transcend death (basically sith ghost that possesses a body).

Luke as a ghost is needed to pin down and kill the spectral form, and Rey and Kylo must team together to kill his perfect body; using a technology thought long lost from the purged world of Kamino.

It's still shit, but I just saved the Rat 30 million, brought back the bad, and redeemed Luke a bit by making him key. Did I more heavily rip off Dark Empire? Fuck yes, because that's what these idiots did.

Nah I think Sheev and the sith retardation was my favorite part. Sheev might not have been original, but sith cultists would be a cool idea IF THEY WERE INTRODUCED IN THE SECOND PART BUILT UPON. Personally I think they would have been a lot for successful of just trying to roll with TLJ rather then thumbing its eyes every chance they got. They spend a lot of time trying to add shit when it was too late to add.
Personally I would have continued the space pursuit. But instead of being retarded like TLJ I'd literally just turn into a star war's around the world in 80 days. Not in space, but on planets. Have kylo and the knights hunting them personally because "i need her alive" and use the contrivance of "we can move faster as a small group." So its literally only Ren and knights vs the 40 or so rebels for the most of the movie. Keep the palpatine shit as my shameless fan service, maybe show a little more of exgol. There we go, my idea for a cleaner movie at least.

The man should just stick to directing visuals and special effects and never touch a fucking script or anything that involves the story ever again for the rest of his life. The man does not have a single decent creative or narrative bone in his body that doesn't involve making pretty empty boxes.

Yea but what about those spiderman comic books?