Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Kulee Baba]

Seeing this movie now, I heard that there were pacing issues but I didn't expect it to be this bad.

The opening feels like it was made by a cokehead.

 

[JambledUpWords]

They cheated to bring back Palpatine, but they didn't cheat to bring back Luke?

When I first heard the title "Rise of Skywalker" I had a glimmer of hope because I thought that's what it implied, they were bringing back Luke somehow, but nope.

If they are going to cheat that much, may as well resurrect every character that died in the series. Who knows, maybe if Disney really gets desperate for that Star Wars money, they should resurrect Vader, Han, and Leia? The series has gotten to a point where they are just throwing things at a wall and hoping it sticks. Star Wars fanfiction has probably become more coherent than the trilogy itself.

 

[Cyril Sneer]

No, none of them think about ANYTHING beyond "Will this look really cool and make consoomers shit their credit card numbers all over our products?"

So why does their main character perpetually look like an overworked washerwoman in a sweaty undershirt?

 

[linchan]

There is ironically a unifying power to ROS for how shitty it is. Our collective hatred is the thing that reunited us.

 

[Starscreams Cape]

So why does their main character perpetually look like an overworked washerwoman in a sweaty undershirt?

That's a face that is about to scream at you for your privilege.

Amazing how Gina Carano is practically a half man she's so buff but somehow she comes across as wayyyy sexier.

 

[Vault Boy]

Took me over 70 pages, but I'm finally caught up. I haven't seen the movie, nor do I even have the desire to unless some of my family does (frankly, I don't want to start any shit with them, too much bullshit's dividing families these days anyway), but I think I have a word to describe my feelings over the past few days.

Fuck.

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

So why does their main character perpetually look like an overworked washerwoman in a sweaty undershirt?

Rumor has it, and I don't recall the sources, is that the prevalence of Rule-34 stuff on the internet was an actual worry for Disney regarding nuWars, so they deliberately went with the "avoid male gaze" bit you hear feminists sperging about on Twitter all day. That's why the actress for Asian Space Potato is actually quite pretty in everything BUT nuWars. Why Finn looks good in other movies but is ugly in nuWars, and why Rey is about as unappealing as they could get her without covering her in hissing spiders (because that's probably someone's fetish), and is ALSO why they left her in basically the same boring ass outfit the entire time.

But I might be misremembering.

Edit: You know, that might be why Lando's love interest is a fucking robot when we all know Billy Dee Williams could pull more ass than virtually anyone else on the cast. There's no way he's settle for a glorified fleshlight when he could be fucking more alien poon than Kirk in a brothel.

 

[Creep3r]

I doubt anyone genuinely cares, but Klaud's official bio finally came out through the Skywalker Visual Dictionary. According to the Dictionary, Klaud works as a fucking mechanic for the Resistance... How the fuck does that even work? Klaud has no arms or appendages of any kind.

Also, FUCK, the Visual Dictionary just brought Revan and several other beloved characters into Disney canon. Expect the troon out or cuck outs any moment soon. Imagine, Rey travels back in time and ends up becoming Revan's master or is actually Revan herself. Or worse yet, have HK-47 accidentally cut his dick off which makes Revan realize his true purpose in life (you know the rest). Elsewhere Odan-Urr is trying to attain ultimate knowledge, but then everything he loves gets destroyed and now comes a time traveling Rey who Urr tells about his ultimate omniholocron for some reason and gifts it to Rey because he senses how fucking special she is before dying like a punk. But then Rey reveals she had a super omniholocron which is superior to Urr's in every way all along just because. This Dictionary is one hell of a nightmare.

 

[Jaimas]

So why does their main character perpetually look like an overworked washerwoman in a sweaty undershirt?

"I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER" face.

 

[Starscreams Cape]

I doubt anyone genuinely cares, but Klaud's official bio finally came out through the Skywalker Visual Dictionary. According to the Dictionary, Klaud works as a fucking mechanic for the Resistance... How the fuck does that even work? Klaud has no arms or appendages of any kind...

Looks like we've got an ableist in the house.

 

[AGreatDipAtAFairPrice]

In case you were wondering, Star Wars has thoroughly flopped in China and following Rogue One, The Last Jedi and Solo, the whole country has rejected it.
It opened to under 2 million dollars in China and is tracking to do a bit above or a bit below 17 million dollars. The Force Awakens did around 125 million in China and The Last Jedi did around 45 million. Rise of the Skywalker appears to be a lock to do under 20 million.
This most certainly is a reason why Star Wars is getting shelved for 5 to 10 years when it comes to big budget films.
The franchise has dropped dead in China and other potential foreign markets.

 

[RA-5C Vigilante]

That would have been the perfect way to wrap up the trilogy. Scumbag Han, ineffective Leia, and depressed murderuncle Luke were clones created by Snoke to demoralize and subvert his enemies. Their main job was to turn Ben Solo, and since that was accomplished, they have been listless and undirected, which is why none of them are really doing anything when we see them. Ben's real family frozen in carbonite somewhere. With Snoke dead, Luke begins sending out projections of himself, but they are dreamlike and mysterious. Following Luke's clues, Rey tracks them down and unfreezes them. Ben reforms, someone says something about "faith in our legends," and fanboys spend 20 years searching for clues that it was planned all along.

Everyone I would like to welcome JJ Abrams to KiwiFarms. You know that posting one of your failed scripts here isn't going to help you at all, right JJ?

 

[JambledUpWords]

Rumor has it, and I don't recall the sources, is that the prevalence of Rule-34 stuff on the internet was an actual worry for Disney regarding nuWars, so they deliberately went with the "avoid male gaze" bit you hear feminists sperging about on Twitter all day. That's why the actress for Asian Space Potato is actually quite pretty in everything BUT nuWars. Why Finn looks good in other movies but is ugly in nuWars, and why Rey is about as unappealing as they could get her without covering her in hissing spiders (because that's probably someone's fetish), and is ALSO why they left her in basically the same boring ass outfit the entire time.

But I might be misremembering.

Edit: You know, that might be why Lando's love interest is a fucking robot when we all know Billy Dee Williams could pull more ass than virtually anyone else on the cast. There's no way he's settle for a glorified fleshlight when he could be fucking more alien poon than Kirk in a brothel.

I don’t get this new Hollywood aversion to good looking people. They could have made Rey look better, but they’ve given her the most unflattering hairstyles and boring outfits. Also, like you said, the actress for Rose Tico is very pretty, but they made her look super frumpy in TLJ. What is wrong with being feminine exactly? Does the new management think you can only have a “strong female protagonist” if you takes away her feminine qualities? Leia and Padme were both very feminine characters that also managed to fight for themselves. I hope this trend dies soon.

 

[verissimus]

I don’t get this new Hollywood aversion to good looking people. They could have made Rey look better, but they’ve given her the most unflattering hairstyles and boring outfits. Also, like you said, the actress for Rose Tico is very pretty, but they made her look super frumpy in TLJ. What is wrong with being feminine exactly? Does the new management think you can only have a “strong female protagonist” if you takes away her feminine qualities? Leia and Padme were both very feminine characters that also managed to fight for themselves. I hope this trend dies soon.

What does it matter when her character sucks and Daisy Ridley has no acting chops? Sure it be nice to have characters that aren't grating to the eyes (unless that's the point from a story/character perspective), but give me actors that can actually act and are given a good enough script to work with any day than the dumb pretty/handsome ones. Honestly, I believe those actors are often the worse especially when it comes to the opposite sex.

I do agree with the sentiment though. I don't understand the anti-feminine mindset they have. It's dumb. It's just a bunch of dumb pretentious jackasses wanting to declare down is now up, what's good or holy is now evil or wicked, etc. It's like there a bunch of teenage Goth kids or something.

 

[JambledUpWords]

What does it matter when her character sucks and Daisy Ridley has no acting chops? Sure it be nice to have characters that aren't grating to the eyes (unless that's the point), but give me actors that can actually act and are given a good enough script to work with any day than the dumb pretty/handsome ones. Honestly, I believe those actors are often the worse especially when it comes to the opposite sex.

I wish she were better at acting too, but it is possible to have actresses that look good and can act. The problem is, is that the casting in Hollywood doesn’t focus on talent as much as it used to.

 

[Cyril Sneer]

Rumor has it, and I don't recall the sources, is that the prevalence of Rule-34 stuff on the internet was an actual worry for Disney regarding nuWars, so they deliberately went with the "avoid male gaze" bit you hear feminists sperging about on Twitter all day. That's why the actress for Asian Space Potato is actually quite pretty in everything BUT nuWars. Why Finn looks good in other movies but is ugly in nuWars, and why Rey is about as unappealing as they could get her without covering her in hissing spiders (because that's probably someone's fetish)...

That's entirely believable, sadly...

...and is ALSO why they left her in basically the same boring ass outfit the entire time.

I heard that they basically gave her a boutique version of her TFA junkrat outfit for TROS because it was necessary to recycle that costume in order to re-use the remaining footage they had of her interacting with Carrie Fisher. Still, even the costume she had in TLJ, while a slight improvement, wasn't all that interesting either, and the hairstyle they gave made her look like a 12-year-old playing at being a Jedi (also, I cannot for the life of me understand why they keep sticking her in capri pants).

 

[Adamska]

I'm almost 100 pages behind on this garbage fire of a thread, but I just got a text from my dad saying he plans on taking my sister and I to see the new Star Wars movie on Christmas. I warned him against it but he is adamant. Gods help me.

Just throw the camrip at him; he insists then just spoil it. Or just fake being horridly sick with ipecac or something.

This is not hard.

 

[Uranus Pink]

We will never know for sure.

Don't tempt fate.

 

[2021Murder]

The franchise has dropped dead in China and other potential foreign markets.

Such as

 

[HandsomeDan]

Im not sure if any of yall have mentioned this yet but one of the worst things they have done with the EU is pull just enough elements, references and characters from it to bolster their garbage trilogy so now they have rendered just about every viable EU storyline impossible to use in the future because it would conflict with the new disney material. Its really terrible mess.

Its like if someone took 5 antique cars from different decades then tore them apart to build a new 6th car out of random parts from the other 5. Now they have a 6th car that doesnt fuction properly and is ugly as sin and the unusable wothless ruins of the previous 5 that are worth only their value in scrap.