Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Shaka Brah]

But that makes zero sense, they really expect people to buy it?

Fuck this movie.

They don't expect people to buy it, just a ticket

 

[Standardized Profile]

Though if we found out the Luke in Episode 8 was LUUKE trying to deceive and trick Rey out of proper force training, then I could have found something that would have been somewhat clever

That would have been the perfect way to wrap up the trilogy. Scumbag Han, ineffective Leia, and depressed murderuncle Luke were clones created by Snoke to demoralize and subvert his enemies. Their main job was to turn Ben Solo, and since that was accomplished, they have been listless and undirected, which is why none of them are really doing anything when we see them. Ben's real family frozen in carbonite somewhere. With Snoke dead, Luke begins sending out projections of himself, but they are dreamlike and mysterious. Following Luke's clues, Rey tracks them down and unfreezes them. Ben reforms, someone says something about "faith in our legends," and fanboys spend 20 years searching for clues that it was planned all along.

 

[Shaka Brah]

That would have been the perfect way to wrap up the trilogy. Scumbag Han, ineffective Leia, and depressed murderuncle Luke were clones created by Snoke to demoralize and subvert his enemies. Their main job was to turn Ben Solo, and since that was accomplished, they have been listless and undirected, which is why none of them are really doing anything when we see them. Ben's real family frozen in carbonite somewhere. With Snoke dead, Luke begins sending out projections of himself, but they are dreamlike and mysterious. Following Luke's clues, Rey tracks them down and unfreezes them. Ben reforms, someone says something about "faith in our legends," and fanboys spend 20 years searching for clues that it was planned all along.

I hate everything about this.

 

[AnOminous]

That would have been the perfect way to wrap up the trilogy. Scumbag Han, ineffective Leia, and depressed murderuncle Luke were clones created by Snoke to demoralize and subvert his enemies. Their main job was to turn Ben Solo, and since that was accomplished, they have been listless and undirected, which is why none of them are really doing anything when we see them. Ben's real family frozen in carbonite somewhere. With Snoke dead, Luke begins sending out projections of himself, but they are dreamlike and mysterious. Following Luke's clues, Rey tracks them down and unfreezes them. Ben reforms, someone says something about "faith in our legends," and fanboys spend 20 years searching for clues that it was planned all along.

They should have made Luke a rapist who has done nothing but beat up black trannies since he got caught faking his heroism in the original trilogy.

 

[Gar For Archer]

It's interesting how Disney bought this shit thinking they could just create another MCU. Hilariously, they nuked the EU from canon to make the series less esoteric to newcomers (plus they were probably just too lazy to go through it), but failed to realize that they killed the very thing that allowed the MCU to work, which is a library of stories and characters that allows the universe to expand.

no, really the biggest thing that sets the Disney trilogy aside from the MCU is that the guy in charge of the MCU actually likes and understands Marvel, and thus has a personal emotional stake in the MCU not being total shit. If the sequel trilogy had been outlined/planned by someone who is actually a Star Wars fan, it very well could have become another MCU.

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

Behold: The lorekeepers of Star Wars, handpicked for the job. Not a single one of them was capable of understanding that an FTL ram has big implications - something that every science-fiction fan ever has thought about at least once. What exactly do they do all day?

No, none of them think about ANYTHING beyond "Will this look really cool and make consoomers shit their credit card numbers all over our products?"

An FTL ram would be a MASSIVE balance of power change.

• Additionally, they didn't take into account that the Empire and Rebels both have "Interdiction Cruisers" which drops anyone out of hyperspace that enters their area of influence. Interdiction "engines" would be standard on ALL vessels as a safety measure in order to prevent someone at the back of formation to kick off before the front ranks go off.
• Formations of ships entering hyperspace would be DANGEROUS. A single microsecond mistime and you lose a massive section of your fleet.
• A ship entering hyperspace near a planet could cause MAJOR problems. I'm not talking continental plate cracking, I'm talking tearing apart sats and stations and nearby ships.
• A single TIE Interceptor could destroy entire fleets and space stations, including resource mining areas like Bespin
• You don't even have to use a TIE Interceptor, they made giant torpedoes for a reason. Yeah, it'll be the size of an X-Wing, but now you can fire off 10-12 of them into the enemy feet that can fire off what would be known as a Hyperspace Ram. Suddenly fleets are engaging at light-seconds rather than up close and in your face like Star Wars loves. More Honorverse than Star Wars. It would move to a lot of torpedo combat, missile combat. We're talking suddenly ships built to launch hundreds or thousands of missiles in a single broadside, or Honorverse Podnauts.
• Space is fucking BIG y'all. Drop in at the Oort cloud, drop a stealthed torpedo to make its run, full EMCOM, full stealth, until it gets in range of the shipyards, whereupon it powers up, discards the shroud, and goes LEEEEEEROY JENKIIIIINS! on the shipyard. Destroying the enemy's ability to build starships and ship based weaponry.
• You could leave FTL Ram torpedoes at common hyperspace lanes, with an Interdiction Pod to drop anyone squawking the wrong IFF

Just off the top of my head, and if my drunken redneck ass can come up with that much, and they've got Zahn and all those other sci-fi writers, they should have ran this plot by actual sci-fi writers and not Soy Bugmen.

 

[Shaka Brah]

no, really the biggest thing that sets the Disney trilogy aside from the MCU is that the guy in charge of the MCU actually likes and understands Marvel, and thus has a personal emotional stake in the MCU not being total shit. If the sequel trilogy had been outlined/planned by someone who is actually a Star Wars fan, it very well could have become another MCU.

And I'm sure everyone knows this, but Kathleen Kennedy neither understands nor enjoys Star Wars, and she has been very open about it at all points.

No, none of them think about ANYTHING beyond "Will this look really cool and make consoomers shit their credit card numbers all over our products?"

An FTL ram would be a MASSIVE balance of power change.

• Additionally, they didn't take into account that the Empire and Rebels both have "Interdiction Cruisers" which drops anyone out of hyperspace that enters their area of influence. Interdiction "engines" would be standard on ALL vessels as a safety measure in order to prevent someone at the back of formation to kick off before the front ranks go off.
• Formations of ships entering hyperspace would be DANGEROUS. A single microsecond mistime and you lose a massive section of your fleet.
• A ship entering hyperspace near a planet could cause MAJOR problems. I'm not talking continental plate cracking, I'm talking tearing apart sats and stations and nearby ships.
• A single TIE Interceptor could destroy entire fleets and space stations, including resource mining areas like Bespin
• You don't even have to use a TIE Interceptor, they made giant torpedoes for a reason. Yeah, it'll be the size of an X-Wing, but now you can fire off 10-12 of them into the enemy feet that can fire off what would be known as a Hyperspace Ram. Suddenly fleets are engaging at light-seconds rather than up close and in your face like Star Wars loves. More Honorverse than Star Wars. It would move to a lot of torpedo combat, missile combat. We're talking suddenly ships built to launch hundreds or thousands of missiles in a single broadside, or Honorverse Podnauts.
• Space is fucking BIG y'all. Drop in at the Oort cloud, drop a stealthed torpedo to make its run, full EMCOM, full stealth, until it gets in range of the shipyards, whereupon it powers up, discards the shroud, and goes LEEEEEEROY JENKIIIIINS! on the shipyard. Destroying the enemy's ability to build starships and ship based weaponry.
• You could leave FTL Ram torpedoes at common hyperspace lanes, with an Interdiction Pod to drop anyone squawking the wrong IFF

Just off the top of my head, and if my drunken redneck ass can come up with that much, and they've got Zahn and all those other sci-fi writers, they should have ran this plot by actual sci-fi writers and not Soy Bugmen.

In the lore pre-TLJ, hitting something big while exiting Hyperspace atomizes you. All ships were built with mass shadow detectors to stop that from happening, which is why interdictor cruisers work. This is explained briefly in the OT, then again in greater detail in both The Clone Wars and Rebels where scenarios involving large masses prevent fleetcraft from traveling to certain worlds. It's also covered AGAIN AGAIN in The Force Awakens AND SOLO!

Their own movies talk about this shit.

 

[Old Man Mario]

Again I will say I'm betting half the box office is from the Fandom Menace

Prepare your Mad at the internet reactions.

Scroll through YouTube.

Hundreds of videos of people bitching and moaning about how bad this movie is.
I'm sure many more going to Doomcuck's comments and being like " Yeah I went to see it for th3 lolz. you were right. I love you. Please love me King Nerd. Let's do a docking scenario, your dick can be the Falcon and I'll be Mos Eisley Spaceport."

All of those videos by folks looking for clicks probably start with "Like and Subscribe because the YouTube is working for the Rat omg."

I get wanting internet fame. I get wanting ad revenue. I don't get bitching since TLJ and then throwing your money at the new movie.

Have fun posting the " lol no one in herez Disney get wrecked" pics. Guess what? You're in there.

The only money Disney Star Wars will get out of me and has gotten from me since TLJ has been classic stuff. Most of which has been eBay or vintage toy stores. The other 2 purchases were during sales.

I'm even waiting until after this shit show hits home video before I purchase any EU books or games just so Disney can't say it fueled intrest in the sales.

Hell, I don't want to see this movie and odds are I'm not even going to waste my time hitting up a cam rip. If I want to watch a bad movie, I'll throw on some MST3k.

TL;DR The getting yelled at on here for the perceived me being a collectwhore was only partially correct. Praying for clicks is what is fueling a lot of the box office and I hope those of you who are on the fence say fuck it and get that cam rip rather than paying.

 

[Calculus]

And I'm sure everyone knows this, but Kathleen Kennedy neither understands nor enjoys Star Wars, and she has been very open about it at all points.

Same thing happened with Star Trek. JJ was pretty open about not getting it. He made a movie a lot of the longterm fans hated, then a sequel that the new and old fans both hated. Finally in true JJ fashion he abandoned Star Trek.

At least now karma has finally hit him and he’s had to (attempt to) clean up someone else’s plot mess after leaving so many mystery box plots abandoned.

 

[verissimus]

Same thing happened with Star Trek. JJ was pretty open about not getting it. He made a movie a lot of the longterm fans hated, then a sequel that the new and old fans both hated. Finally in true JJ fashion he abandoned Star Trek.

At least now karma has finally hit him and he’s had to (attempt to) clean up someone else’s plot mess after leaving so many mystery box plots abandoned.

Actually no at least in regards to Star Wars because the sob could have chosen to walk away after TFA, and if he had, he would have pretty much gotten away Scot-free; but he didn't, and he's going to pay hell for it.

 

[Cuatro Vaginas]

WB has been doing some good decisions lately with Joker and all that, there's still some iffy feelings with Birds of Prey but hopefully this Rise of Skywalker business makes them realize JJ is not the guy for Superman and God knows JJ is the last thing Supes needs right now.

 

[Agarathium1066]

No, none of them think about ANYTHING beyond "Will this look really cool and make consoomers shit their credit card numbers all over our products?"

An FTL ram would be a MASSIVE balance of power change.

<Many fantastic examples snipped for space>

This would actually be quite interesting but as you pointed out would be wildly antithetical to the hybrid of WW1 and WW2 fighting that is done in universe. Long gone would be massive capital ships brimming with cannons and carrying fleets of fighters, assuming no one had ever heard of an Interdiction ship. You'd also never get scenes like Vader personally joining a Stormtrooper detachment to board a vessel.

Which is funny because almost every single sci-fi setting I know of with ship battles will have some mention of a 'No Bullshit Zone' tech to actually make the fighting happen. Star wars has absolute tons of it but instead of spending 30 minutes on Wookieepedia or any other Library of Spergxandria on the topic they just went. "Fuck it, Captain Tumblr rockets the ship through and makes the boom-booms."

If they intentionally 'changed' warfare to a much more impersonal and less heroic state I'd actually think that's interesting myself. It shows how much the universe has changed. It would at least give a reason why a space monk with a laser sword wouldn't be as effective.

But nah, green tiddy milk and dumb shit.

 

[qu_rahn]

Palpatine: "Strike me down"
Rey: "No... I won't fall for it!"
*Kills palpatine 5 minutes later*


Great writing guys

 

[Oh Shit I'm Sorry]

Just curious, why did so many here rush to see it on its opening weekend?

Seems there's a lot of "it sucks, I knew it would suck". The problem is that your money does more talking on opening weekend.

There's nothing stopping people from buying tickets to a different movie (like Cats!) so Disney doesn't get their money. Generally good idea for any mouse product, really.

 

[Abby]

I probably am way less invested, know way less about the Star Wars lore and details, and care less about the social justice aspects of this movie.

But I went to see it tonight and I enjoyed it. There were a lot of flaws and dumb moments and the dialogue was cheesy as fuck. But I still enjoyed watching this dumb, popcorn-flick, pretty space movie more than most the movies that come out in a given year.

Just my two cents. Not everyone hated it.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Here’s the possible routes Rey’s character could have taken, but movie didn’t do:

• Have Rey descend into evil and create her own First Order/Galactic Empire
  • This would also leave room for more sequels, because Disney loves sequels
• Have Rey die in the end after becoming too arrogant from her power
  • Kylo would blindside and kill her
• Have a longer time skip and have Rey and Kylo make a reconciliation
  • The reason they join forces this time is to fight Hux, who assumes power after Kylo abandons leadership
    • This can also get rid of the exceptional Palpatine garbage
    • It can also allow for Hux to have a bounty on Kylo and Kylo would be forced to disguise in order to survive
    • This would also allow for an interesting dynamic between a Kylo and the Resistance
• Have Rey sacrifice herself in order for Kylo to fight Palpatine

All of these ideas would prevent Rey from having god status and make her less boring. There are so many interesting directions this could have gone, but the higher ups chose a predictable route.

 

[ASoulMan]

Something that really bugs me about the Sequel Trilogy is its so frenetic, so bing bang boom, go to this planet to go to the next planet to go to this planet and we destroy the superweapon so they make a new one and we destroy that too and then they show up with 80 superweapons and we show up with 80 superweapons and jedi battle jedi battle jedi battle blaster fight blaster fight blaster fight shithappensshithappensthenthisshithappensbecausethatshithappensandthensomemoreshit happens....
LET ME BREATHE, MOTHERFUCKERS. The other movies had YEARS between action! One had a passage of time of OVER A DECADE.
Does everything in these 3 movies happen in 2 or 3 weeks? Jesus Christ! I have no idea what the passage of time in this one is, is it really just a matter of a few days?
And its just so perfect how they are "hyperspace skipping" all the time in Rise of The Skywalker. Yeah, you're skipping the passage of time! You can't cram all this shit into an amount of time that would be a child's Christmas break from school! Fuck off!

I've said this earlier in the thread but to answer your question about the passage of time in the DT, the entire trilogy takes place in the course of little over a year.

TLJ takes place right after TFA and TROS takes place a year after TLJ. TFA is said to have spanned for a couple days.

That should tell you something about the pacing of this trilogy.

 

[Dom Cruise]

They cheated to bring back Palpatine, but they didn't cheat to bring back Luke?

When I first heard the title "Rise of Skywalker" I had a glimmer of hope because I thought that's what it implied, they were bringing back Luke somehow, but nope.

 

[inexplicable ethos]

I'm almost 100 pages behind on this garbage fire of a thread, but I just got a text from my dad saying he plans on taking my sister and I to see the new Star Wars movie on Christmas. I warned him against it but he is adamant. Gods help me.

 

[#zzz]

4chan is still stalking that autistic girl that's working at the new attraction down in Florida.

View attachment 1060798View attachment 1060797

Her name is Megan. (autistics always obsess with the name Megan). Someone took a video of her working at the ride and uploaded it to /tv/. It became obvious that she was on the spectrum by her facial movements and speech. They're now all obsessing over her because they think she's an attainable gf. She had to delete all her social media because of the stalking. There's also now dozens of fan art about her on the board. https://youtu.be/B8Sk_riaISY

I went to check the 4chan archives and she hasn't deleted anything, just set her instagram to private. You can even see her facebook still. She got her first group of internet orbiters, good for her.