Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Cpl. Long Dong Silver]

Just curious, why did so many here rush to see it on its opening weekend?

Seems there's a lot of "it sucks, I knew it would suck". The problem is that your money does more talking on opening weekend.

Especially since we've had a cam rip for a couple days.

Edit:. Fuck. What he said.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Some Unresolved Mysteries from the What If Trilogy.

Upon watching IX, it comes to my attention that there were so many plotholes in the What If Trilogy that were never explored due to a possible cropping and cutting of IX during editing and reshoots or Kennedy being stupid.

Please note that they may or may not be accurate given how unwatchable and boring the trilogy is and I will not be using the books because if the films are going to be lazy, I won't bother. Please feel free to add or expand on these more.

1. How Did Palpatine Survive The Fall?: I still can't believe the Emperor was able to survive the fall when Vader threw him down the shaft.
2. Why Did Palpatine Choice Snoke To Corrupt Kylo?: While we get some idea who Snoke was in IX, we never get an actually idea on why Palpatine used him. Was Snoke gifted in the force? Pretty sure its directors not reading their script.
3. Why Didn't Palpatine Unleashed the Final Order After The Destruction of the Death Star?: When the Final Order was revealed, I was left baffled as to why Palpatine never bothered to unleash the Final Order after the second Death Star was destroyed and Anakin was redeemed. Is he that retarded in the Disney universe?
4. How Did Rey Become So Gifted in the Force and in everything prior to TFA?: While he get some half-baked idea to who Rey's parents where, we never got an explanation to why she was so gifted in everything such as fixing the Millennium Falcon, wielding a lightsaber, and kick Kylo Ren's ass thrice. Speaking of Kylo...
5. Why Couldn't Kylo, The First Order, nor The Resistance Bother to Venture Out into the Unknown Regions to Find Luke?: Remember when R2 woke up at the end of TFA and revealed the map of the galaxy where Luke was missing, why couldn't anyone bother to just go fuck around in the galaxy to find Luke?
6. How Did Maz Kanata Managed to Capture Luke's Lightsaber?: Remember Lupita Nyong'o's character in TFA? Well her character somehow had Luke's lightsaber that he lost when he got wrecked by Anakin in ESB.
7. Why Didn't Luke Used His Tactics He Used on Vader to Stop Kylo Ten?: Out of all the shit RJ does to Luke, this is the most confusing of his part in TLJ. He never actually tried longer to prevent Kylo from falling to the Dark Side.
8. Why Did Rose and Finn Bother to Go to that Casino Planet When DJ was Going To Sell Them Out?: This scene was so pointless in terms of plot and it was all just virtue signaling about how evil rich white guys are, without knowing the irony of Bob Iger.
9. How The Fuck Did Leia Managed to Breath Into Space?: I didn't studied the force that much, but even though she has force powers, Leia was able to Mary Poppins her way back into the manger without any oxygen problems.

That's all I have. Please feel free to improve on these questions or add more. It's interesting to see Disney be so clueless in their storytelling.

 

[Standardized Profile]

When Finn knew where the trash compactor was, that was fine. Even steel teeth brass balls snake eaters know where the mop closet is and where the trash chute is. Hell, they know where the compactor is.

But when he says: "I was a janitor" it instantly grates on the nerves.

Even if the Stormtroopers had a Janitorial Corps, Finn would not have been in it. The first time we see him, he's on a raid to capture a high value target with intelligence on the most wanted man in the universe. Kylo Ren himself is there, the #2 guy in the military chain of command, equivalent to a secretary of defense. This is the specialest of special operations. Finn's unit should be the sci-fi version of Delta or the Ranger Regiment. Maybe he was just a conventional grunt they posted at the perimeter to shoot down anyone trying to escape, but he'd still be a grunt, not a combat service support guy.

 

[Zaryiu]

Are you sure about that?

Reminder that Kinect Han Solo was and will be last the real Han Solo will be portrayed happily ever in a video format (neither of NuWars NuHan count)

 

[Creep3r]

Headless Homo looks like they wanted Onion Bro to be in Star Wars

View attachment 1062105

Toilet Man wishes he was half the man Onion Bro is. Literally.

Also Toilet Man boggles me a bit. He has no camera-like eyes anywhere, and according to his bio, he is completely hollow inside as his toilet body is used to store guns. So how the fuck does he interact or see the world? Is his fleshy body just fake plastic? Was he ever even alive? Why is a walking body horror like him just walking around casually in RO like nothing's wrong? His brain is just shoved into his colon and its not even in a glass dome filled with fluid like the B'omarr monks, so its covered in filth and grime, yet he lives. How do he and his Inspector Gadget boyfriend even fuck when they don't even have dicks? If anyone else was in his shoes they would rather commit suicide. The man is a walking offensive gay joke. And I'm not sure whether to laugh or be weirded out by his existence.

 

[Cpl. Long Dong Silver]

Even if the Stormtroopers had a Janitorial Corps, Finn would not have been in it. The first time we see him, he's on a raid to capture a high value target with intelligence on the most wanted man in the universe. Kylo Ren himself is there, the #2 guy in the military chain of command, equivalent to a secretary of defense. This is the specialest of special operations. Finn's unit should be the sci-fi version of Delta or the Ranger Regiment. Maybe he was just a conventional grunt they posted at the perimeter to shoot down anyone trying to escape, but he'd still be a grunt, not a combat service support guy.

Tier 1 Janitor Services

 

[simulated goat]

Finally catching up with this goddamn thread.

Despite my amusement at Disney's stupidity, I am saddened.

I was one of those kids who went every weekend to see the damn thing in 1977, It went viral in a time before most people owned VCRs. Usually, you saw something once and never saw it again. Since it got held over for three months and it was easy to get the parents to drop one off to see a movie, Star Wars was every weekend. The fact it was the best sci fi cinematic offering of the late seventies, a lot more fun than most serious 70's sci fi (Man Who Fell to Earth, 2001, Silent Running, Idaho Transfer) and had state of the art effects didn't hurt in finding a budding geek audience. The anticipation for the 'concluding' stories was immense.

I wasn't much on the prequels myself, but they were decently crafted, kids loved them, and that was OK.

I've seen the Disney ones so far and they are horrible. They can't even film fight choreography well. All these plot holes and Deus ex Machinas popping out everywhere. The original cast is wasted and I can't help but wonder if the stress of filming this put poor Carrie in her grave.

Waiting to see this for the Rifftrax version and watching the Holiday Special this weekend for a reminder of a simpler time when corporate greed and exploitation didn't rape the goose that lays golden eggs.

 

[Shield Breaker]

The most important question: HOW THE HELL DISNEY MANAGED TO CRASH A FRANCHISE THAT WAS A GUARANTEED MONEY PRINTER, TURNING IT INTO A TRASH FIRE?

(Sorry about using a Watchmojo video, guys. I had no choice.)

Kathleen Kennedy.

 

[Miller]

Maybe she can travel back to time to save Luke Skywalker! Or maybe to save this guy who is heavily implied to be Dengar:

View attachment 1061963

I think someone posted a screencap in a previous page and for some reason his head reminded me of that american soldier who had his head fucked up by an IED, they've surgically remodeled his face but now he has no ears and no nose (I'm sure you've seen that pic of the guy with his girlfriend, it's so disturbing).

 

[Atomic Wangler]

It was fucking weird. Media and nu-fans kept treating toilet man and his inspector gadget gay lover as amazing and heartwarming representations of the BBQ community in SW despite that under normal circumstances they should've been offended as fuck. I mean, both are diseased mutant freaks with missing body parts (and no dicks) that are barely alive and who work for a lesbo who would gladly abandon or kill her own lovers without a second thought to save her own ass, and said lesbo is Dr. Aphra. And Dr. Aphra even gets them both killed without giving much of a damn. Which again boggles my mind as to why the woke crowd among the nu-fandom has such a hard-on for her. Under normal circumstances wouldn't they see these characters as insulting caricatures or outright hate Aphra for making BBQs look bad?


The guy in the knockoff Boba helmet with a triangle on it and MP3 is his boyfriend. He is literally just a robot with a human brain (although the brain part is debatable because he has a police siren where his brain should be).
View attachment 1062085View attachment 1062077View attachment 1062078View attachment 1062086

Also this guy just casually walks around the street in Rogue One as if nothing is wrong despite being naked and having all his vital organs exposed with no way to keep them hydrated unlike the B'omarr Monks from ROTJ.
View attachment 1062079

And here's where Dr. Aphra gets him killed. Marvel comics also changed him a bit so as to cover his exposed organs since it would be absolutely exceptional to walk around like this.
View attachment 1062083
After his death, his boyfriend comes back to life after being saved by a jedi ghost who can control mushrooms, and he then becomes possessed by the Force itself and becomes the avenging Force Angel of Justice out to kill Aphra for killing his boyfriend, but he fails because Aphra's plot armor is indestructible. So much so even Vader is powerless.


And that's essentially the biggest flaw of these films. Its designed for people who aren't fond of SW. Just generic moviegoing audiences who don't really give a shit about its characters and just watch a movie for pretty action scenes. Its much like Bayformers. All quantity, but no quality. Yet Disney expects to have a dedicated fanbase with shit tactics like this? No wonder profits for everything outside the films suck.

Christ, remember when people called out shit like this? I seem to recall Transformers catching quite a bit of ire for Skidz and Mudflap. This is like if those characters were beloved and celebrated as the gold standard of representation of the black community in cinema.

Where is the line? What would be a characterisation too egregious for these people to accept? The next trilogy will follow a character called Stink-Ditch, a bizarre fish faced alien of indeterminate gender. It wants to fit in with the rest of the galaxy, so it tears a hole in it's crotch and keeps it open with the assistance of a modified mouse droid, D1-L8. Stink Ditch is also remarkably fucking dumb, uncarismatic, smelly, and hated by the galactic community, except for its one friend in life, Limp-Wrist-Slack-Jaw. Stink Ditch is also too depressed to do anything and sits inside all day while constantly being turned down on galactic dating websites.

Oh who am I kidding. Kathy could come on screen at the end of ROS and say "Forty-one percent yourselves, you fucking toons," and they still wouldn't get it.

 

[Jaimas]

Just curious, why did so many here rush to see it on its opening weekend?

Seems there's a lot of "it sucks, I knew it would suck". The problem is that your money does more talking on opening weekend.

Because this community is fucking retarded.

 

[ZMOT]

Some Unresolved Mysteries from the What If Trilogy.

Operation: Cinder

Operation: Cinder was carried out by the Galactic Empire as a means of devastating several Imperial planets in 4 ABY, only a few weeks following the Battle of Endor. The operation was part of the Contingency, a plan devised by Emperor Palpatine to ensure that the Empire and its enemies did not...

starwars.fandom.com

keeps it open with the assistance of a modified mouse droid, D1-L8.

 

[Oaat]

View attachment 1060059

Given this, that was never on the table.

Behold: The lorekeepers of Star Wars, handpicked for the job. Not a single one of them was capable of understanding that an FTL ram has big implications - something that every science-fiction fan ever has thought about at least once. What exactly do they do all day?

 

[ManateeHunter]

Just curious, why did so many here rush to see it on its opening weekend?

Seems there's a lot of "it sucks, I knew it would suck". The problem is that your money does more talking on opening weekend.

I watched the pirated version complete with commentary like a good little boy. I'm not giving that oversized rat a penny.

 

[Silent Observer]

It's interesting how Disney bought this shit thinking they could just create another MCU. Hilariously, they nuked the EU from canon to make the series less esoteric to newcomers (plus they were probably just too lazy to go through it), but failed to realize that they killed the very thing that allowed the MCU to work, which is a library of stories and characters that allows the universe to expand.

 

[simulated goat]

Christ, remember when people called out shit like this? I seem to recall Transformers catching quite a bit of ire for Skidz and Mudflap. This is like if those characters were beloved and celebrated as the gold standard of representation of the black community in cinema.

Where is the line? What would be a characterisation too egregious for these people to accept? The next trilogy will follow a character called Stink-Ditch, a bizarre fish faced alien of indeterminate gender. It wants to fit in with the rest of the galaxy, so it tears a hole in it's crotch and keeps it open with the assistance of a modified mouse droid, D1-L8. Stink Ditch is also remarkably fucking dumb, uncarismatic, smelly, and hated by the galactic community, except for its one friend in life, Limp-Wrist-Slack-Jaw. Stink Ditch is also too depressed to do anything and sits inside all day while constantly being turned down on galactic dating websites.

Oh who am I kidding. Kathy could come on screen at the end of ROS and say "Forty-one percent yourselves, you fucking toons," and they still wouldn't get it.

In the abscence of any explanation, I suspect Kylo's flirtation with the Dark Side that so disturbed his uncle was the discovering of a trove of tranny/ furry pr0n under Kylo's mattress during an enforced hygiene intervention. I'd wanna smite the little fucker in his sleep too.

 

[Stab You in the Back]

What exactly do they do all day?

They're corporate stooges, so most of them probably just sat in meetings all morning, took a 3 hour lunch, and then left early. On an especially productive day, they might throw out a suggestion that bogs down the production and forces the crew to completely rework something at great expense and loss of time.

 

[Kyria the Great]

It's interesting how Disney bought this shit thinking they could just create another MCU. Hilariously, they nuked the EU from canon to make the series less esoteric to newcomers (plus they were probably just too lazy to go through it), but failed to realize that they killed the very thing that allowed the MCU to work, which is a library of stories and characters that allows the universe to expand.

Then you will have some asshole bring up,"But the Dire Weasels and LUUKE!!!" without realizing that the first one was bonkers and could be fun and the second one wasn't the best received with the Expanded Universe. Though if we found out the Luke in Episode 8 was LUUKE trying to deceive and trick Rey out of proper force training, then I could have found something that would have been somewhat clever where perhaps at the end of 9, Luke dies being a happy and venerable Jedi Master knowing that the next generation is secure.

 

[Fluoxetine Man]

What exactly do they do all day?

Bitch on Twatter all day about how the Heroes Journey is problematic and how stupid Star Wars is.

 

[Kyria the Great]

Something that really bugs me about the Sequel Trilogy is its so frenetic, so bing bang boom, go to this planet to go to the next planet to go to this planet and we destroy the superweapon so they make a new one and we destroy that too and then they show up with 80 superweapons and we show up with 80 superweapons and jedi battle jedi battle jedi battle blaster fight blaster fight blaster fight shithappensshithappensthenthisshithappensbecausethatshithappensandthensomemoreshit happens....
LET ME BREATHE, MOTHERFUCKERS. The other movies had YEARS between action! One had a passage of time of OVER A DECADE.
Does everything in these 3 movies happen in 2 or 3 weeks? Jesus Christ! I have no idea what the passage of time in this one is, is it really just a matter of a few days?
And its just so perfect how they are "hyperspace skipping" all the time in Rise of The Skywalker. Yeah, you're skipping the passage of time! You can't cram all this shit into an amount of time that would be a child's Christmas break from school! Fuck off!

I think this is a problem with most big-budget films in general. I guess they don't believe the audience can take a slower paced film, (Some of the Zoomers can't take them), so just make it fast paced so you can't think of the problems or drink in the action.

Really, think of most action in big budget films today, how many moments in those films are truly memorable, I can honestly bet you that you can't really think of any because you aren't able to take time to process the action properly