Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

Tried watching the camrip but I got like 10 min in ,I can't even go trough with this I've already read the leaks. It's a lot of fun watching the youtube reactions and box office though. I think there's going to be a lot of OHNONONO moments despite the media shilling
 
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Marco Fucko said:
We're Sergeant Palpy's Lonely Hearts Club Band
We hope you'll enjoy the shitshow
Sergeant Palpy's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Sit back and let the franchise go
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Yesterday...
JJ Abrams seemed so far away.
But now I think he's here to stay.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

HeyYou said:
I'm not seeing how this movie is making 400 million opening weekend, unless they're referring to domestic and overseas.
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It opened 2 days earlier abroad than in the US, which is partly due to EU regulations and also probably to mask a slump in US viewership.
 
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Dumb Bitch Smoothie said:
I feel like this would be the perfect place to share my version of what I would have done with the trilogy but I'm not sure if I should expose my level of autism.

That being said, a blind and drunk monkey could have done better w/ the movies.
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Porn and exposing autism are the only two things the internet has ever been good for... I say shine on with your bad self.

As far as this trilogy, it amazes me that they spent four fucking billion dollars and then rolled into a new trilogy with absolutely no road map. Now sure, Lucas pulled "Luke I am your father" out of his ass... and then the "twin sister" thing from somewhere in his intestines... he was winging it the entire time. But Disney should have realized he got lucky as fuck and took their time to at least come up with an overall outline.
 
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IcyHotStuntaz said:
Porn and exposing autism are the only two things the internet has ever been good for... I say shine on with your bad self.
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So the Rose Tico Rule 34 was good?
I found it difficult to masturbate to but not impossible.

Seriously though, There was some truly disturbing shit when I went looking to make that horrible gag.

It is a shame that Disney Outlawed Slave Leia stuff or we might have had some attractive moments out or some of them.


So, did we ever figure out if Holdo's neck was cgi or if she has a natural giraffe neck?
 
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Jack Awful said:
You could theoretically do anything with the Star Wars universe. From a detective movie to a romantic comedy, just set it in space and make half the cast puppets.
It's just no one would watch it because when people think Star Wars, they want space battles.
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No, it's literally corporations being too chickenshit to try anything.
IcyHotStuntaz said:
I think that would all depend on budget and scope. If you take something like Solo, not a great movie but decent enough and I think it got somewhat swallowed by the TLJ backlash... But if they hadn't gone back and reshot basically the entire movie and only spent $80m instead of $200m... it would have been a decent little money maker for them. They could stop swinging for the fences with every movie and accept a couple of decent doubles into the gap... if it was a interesting script, I think plenty of SW fans would come back for movies that are more modest in scope. I think that's the direction they are going to take anyways, but with Disney+ instead of theatrical releases.
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The Rat ate too much and is swimming in too much debt to think of this solution. Also Hollywood is doing the same retarded thing as games are doing and only making either really "cheap" movies or these "aim for a billion" movies so they can't think of something like that easily.
 
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I still can't believe they went and brought back Revan, Andeddu and Odan-Urr. Fucking Hell, I hope that's just more meaningless Hidalgo wankery and they don't actually touch them with a 800ft pole. Last thing they need is to get the Thrawn or Luke treatment.

Dumb Bitch Smoothie said:
I feel like this would be the perfect place to share my version of what I would have done with the trilogy but I'm not sure if I should expose my level of autism.

That being said, a blind and drunk monkey could have done better w/ the movies.
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Seriously, you wouldn't even be the first to do it either. @Adamska, @RomanesEuntDomus and even fucking @Null himself (among others) have taken a crack at it in this fucked up thread.
 
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Adamska said:
Honestly, all you had to do was have Snoke come back; when the scared out of his mind because he thought he was free of his master Kylo asks how, Snoke snidely remarks that he found a way.

He found Darth Plageis' experiments on defying death, his surviving research notes. He also found Sideous' own notes, as ill formed as they were. He finished what they started and found a way to transcend death (basically sith ghost that possesses a body).

Luke as a ghost is needed to pin down and kill the spectral form, and Rey and Kylo must team together to kill his perfect body; using a technology thought long lost from the purged world of Kamino.

It's still shit, but I just saved the Rat 30 million, brought back the bad guy, and redeemed Luke a bit by making him key for this final fight, and why it's the "Rise" of Skywalker. Did I more heavily rip off Dark Empire? Fuck yes, because that's what these idiots did.
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Or just go full Lucas and say that Luke entered the Force itself to go after Snoke, who had prepared some ritual so that when killed he would be able to enter into the higher realm of existence like the Force Ghosts, but on a much more powerful scale. Essentially, his goal is to corrupt the Force itself and become like a god. You can even use the Whills as the Guardians of the Force realm.

Luke knew how to go after Snoke, but the ritual was already completed. Therefore, Luke cut himself off from the Force and hid out, waiting for Snoke to die and thus start his mission. Since the Whills will take him the moment Snoke dies, he doesn't have to be able to touch it. Snoke had been able to extend his life for a time, but he needed to find and kill Luke before his own death.

The Rise of Skywalker is then divided into two groups, Rey and the Resistance vs the First Order, and the more important battle between Snoke and Luke. At the end, Luke's the only one who is ever allowed to return from beyond, ready to rebuild the Jedi Order once and for all.

I know that it is crappy, but you can only do so much after Johnson burnt the thing to the ground.
 
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Did you guys know one of the knights of Ren uses a mandolorian axe?

I... SMELL... CROSSOVER!

NAh but im all seriousness them being grimdark cultists is cool. They have routes to still do these guys right. They don't even have to be dead, because as you know.

The powers of the dark side is something some would consider... Unnatural.
 
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AtomicAgeBoy said:
Oh yeah, this also happened. Don't know how relevant this is but here you go.
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"Celebrate the Saga" how how about go fuck yourself rat-slaves?
Edit: I'll stop reading the thread for now, i wish to avoid pain until my dad and i go watch the Rape of Skywalker, what makes it so much more horribly painful is he wants to see on... Christmas day (as i said i truly DO NOT want to see it but i rarely get to spend time with him (:_()
 
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GeneralFriendliness said:
There's no real explanation on it and there's no hint of her having a secret lightsaber in any recent nuEU content. Its possible that Visual Dictionary shit @TheMysteriousAHole got ahold of has an answer. But I bet it doesn't. At best the book probably hints that Rey built her own lightsaber by reading the Jedi texts despite that there's nowhere she could learn to read that shit.
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As far as I know the Visual Dictionary doesn't include anything regarding Rey's new lightsaber. Generally the visual dictionaries in the last few years have been written to avoid any 'major' spoilers. I'm predicting that they won't include a thing about it in any source material until sometime 2020. Maybe the earliest will be the upcoming novelization.
GeneralFriendliness said:
I doubt anyone genuinely cares, but Klaud's official bio finally came out through the Skywalker Visual Dictionary. According to the Dictionary, Klaud works as a fucking mechanic for the Resistance... How the fuck does that even work? Klaud has no arms or appendages of any kind.
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He uses his dick! You can't just see it under all the flab but it's there.

Now I've made a joke equally as lame as J.J.'s.

its all so tiresome.jpg


Shield Breaker said:
Or just go full Lucas and say that Luke entered the Force itself to go after Snoke, who had prepared some ritual so that when killed he would be able to enter into the higher realm of existence like the Force Ghosts, but on a much more powerful scale. Essentially, his goal is to corrupt the Force itself and become like a god. You can even use the Whills as the Guardians of the Force realm.
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I am going to share some old behind-the-scenes stuff with you guys. If you guys know this already, cool, if not then here's some nifty knowledge. Would you like to know why Obi-Wan couldn't intervene in The Empire Strikes Back to help out Luke to rescue his friends? It wasn't originally because Force Ghosts can't interfere with the natural world. The original concept (and I don't recall if this was ever mentioned in the Expanded Universe or included in any later official material) per the word of Lucas himself from somewhere I've read years ago was this: Obi-Wan was in the netherworld of the Force doing his best to cloud Vader's and the Emperor's abilities to see too far into the future and/or/maybe more accurately track down Luke. The whole thing was a deliberate stratagem to ensure Luke would have the best opportunity to defeat the two.

I'd like to also point out that in one of the original drafts of Return of the Jedi, Obi-Wan and I also think Yoda was supposed to resurrect in the end after helping Luke defeat the Emperor.
 
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TheMysteriousAHole said:
As far as I know the Visual Dictionary doesn't include anything regarding Rey's new lightsaber. Generally the visual dictionaries in the last few years have been written to avoid any 'major' spoilers. I'm predicting that they won't include a thing about it in any source material until sometime 2020. Maybe the earliest will be the upcoming novelization.

He uses his dick! You can't just see it under all the flab but it's there.

Now I've made a joke equally as lame as J.J.'s.

View attachment 1062684



I am going to share some old behind-the-scenes stuff with you guys. If you guys know this already, cool, if not then here's some nifty knowledge. Would you like to know why Obi-Wan couldn't intervene in The Empire Strikes Back to help out Luke to rescue his friends? It wasn't originally because Force Ghosts can't interfere with the natural world. The original concept (and I don't recall if this was ever mentioned in the Expanded Universe or included in any later official material) per the word of Lucas himself from somewhere I've read years ago was this: Obi-Wan was in the netherworld of the Force doing his best to cloud Vader's and the Emperor's abilities to see too far into the future and/or/maybe more accurately track down Luke. The whole thing was a deliberate stratagem to ensure Luke would have the best opportunity to defeat the two.

I'd like to also point out that in one of the original drafts of Return of the Jedi, Obi-Wan and I also think Yoda was supposed to resurrect in the end after helping Luke defeat the Emperor.
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Yep, that's where I pulled the idea from.
 
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GeneralFriendliness said:
Oddly enough, she looks like a pre-Disney alien, the Elomin.
View attachment 1062705View attachment 1062704
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Would it be horribly wrong if I said... they just made a more-fuckable version of the Elomin. Why, I have no idea. For a company that's made up of a bunch of sexless prudes that has all of the human females dress up in dull drabs they had to go and make a slightly more attractive Elomin.

EDIT: One of those guest actors that appeared on The Mandalorian hated the new movie.

The Mandalorian Actor Slams Rise Of Skywalker As 'The Worst Star Wars Movie'
 
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I can see it.

It's a horror film.
There are rumours spreading around the spaceports across the Galaxy. Menacing masked men appear and take anyone who appears to have unique abilities.

We are then taken to a teen growing up on some backwater planet on the outer rim. Their younger sister overhears this tale, and shows concern. However the older sibling simply explains it away as a tall tale.

We are shown the teens peaceful life farming, enjoying it with a simple and loving family. However, the teen is then forced to show that he has a unique ability when an accident occurs in town. We are then shown that a ratty hooded figure sees this and opens a holografic communication with Ap'lek.

Then, the next night the teen's family is awoken by the appearence of 5 figures.

The Knights of Ren.

As swifly as they appear, they uproot the peaceful life the teen once knew. He finds himself a prisoner of these masked monsters, and is wisked away to the mysterious planet of exogul. Where he is caged with several others of varying age.

With the help of his fellow prisoners he escapes his cell. But they are hounded by the knights and sith cultists. We follow his journey through this cursed place, where he struggles with the accursed experiments performed on his peers, and the unending pursuit of the knights.

The final scene shows him entering a wide open room. Broken and battered by his journey, he limps to the only thing that stands out.

A tall, looming throne.

He finally falls to his knees. No longer able to fight on. We zoom in on his eyes, as the spark of resistance faded. Despair, over taking.

We hear a laugh, then a flash of light reflected in his dark eyes

*Cuts to black*
 
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