Lolcow Timothy "TJ" Church / Cowlick - Failed Literotica Writer &/or Null's Best Friend

[TM Ambrose]

Not replying to this thread anymore, as any post by anyone only lengthens it & keeps it currently active, which many would see as a reason to keep it here. Also, ignoring all "conversations".... Simply looking for contact away from this place, where/if someone who is on staff cares to discuss with me how & when to get this thread (& that "Wiki" page) permanently removed.

See you in a few days. You've proven how fucking dense you are by saying that 289 pages in. This is something we told you on page 8 and you never fucking listened.

 

[Meowthkip]

Not replying to this thread anymore, as any post by anyone only lengthens it & keeps it currently active, which many would see as a reason to keep it here. Also, ignoring all "conversations".... Simply looking for contact away from this place, where/if someone who is on staff cares to discuss with me how & when to get this thread (& that "Wiki" page) permanently removed.

We'll keep a light on for ya.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

I-am very sad&/depressed that @Cowlick will no-longer post here. I genuinely liked & enjoyed/read his posts. I learned many-handy grammar &/writing techniques from his genius mind.

 

[John Furrman]

Not replying to this thread anymore, as any post by anyone only lengthens it & keeps it currently active, which many would see as a reason to keep it here. Also, ignoring all "conversations".... Simply looking for contact away from this place, where/if someone who is on staff cares to discuss with me how & when to get this thread (& that "Wiki" page) permanently removed.

Well, hey man, at least we think you are smarter than @Holden.

 

[Dudeofteenage]

Not replying to this thread anymore

Quoted for humour

 

[namazuros]

Not replying to this thread anymore, as any post by anyone only lengthens it & keeps it currently active, which many would see as a reason to keep it here. Also, ignoring all "conversations".... Simply looking for contact away from this place, where/if someone who is on staff cares to discuss with me how & when to get this thread (& that "Wiki" page) permanently removed.

So what you're saying is, you're too much of a coward to have a writing showdown with me, or indeed with anyone else here.

 

[Burned Man]

Not replying to this thread anymore, as any post by anyone only lengthens it & keeps it currently active, which many would see as a reason to keep it here. Also, ignoring all "conversations".... Simply looking for contact away from this place, where/if someone who is on staff cares to discuss with me how & when to get this thread (& that "Wiki" page) permanently removed.

Who said Teej was slow, it only took him 6 months to understand what everyone was telling him from the start. Also I look forward to his return, when he realizes that him leaving won't stop all activity on his thread.

 

[StallChaser]

Not replying to this thread anymore, as any post by anyone only lengthens it & keeps it currently active, which many would see as a reason to keep it here. Also, ignoring all "conversations".... Simply looking for contact away from this place, where/if someone who is on staff cares to discuss with me how & when to get this thread (& that "Wiki" page) permanently removed.

How many time is it that you've told us you'd stop posting here? I remember at least one other time very specifically, but I'm sure there are others. It would be fun to keep track, but it's a long thread, I don't have as much time on my hands at TJ here, and we've already established that he's a pathological liar, so this wouldn't prove anything new. But it's entertaining nonetheless.

This is the ripper.

It's an enemy in Metroid.
It does just about the least amount of damage of any enemy.
It moves very very slowly. You pretty much have to try to get hit by it.

It also takes more shots than just about anything else to kill. 255 hits, I believe.

TJ is the ripper, personified. If he was a tumblrite, he'd totally be a ripperkin.

 

[deductionotaku]

It seems TJ Church has failed to grasp the exact method of staying off of this thread in spite of my two prior explanations. He has recently updated all of his threads once again, and I believe he's going in for his forum topics.

24 Celebrity Service:

Fill your house with Hannah's Harem.

Realizing she was already on her knees, asking your opinion, and had already admitted to being horny, you take a few more sips before answering her question.

"It was OK... For you," you finally tell her.

"But you're my Master!" she replies as though reminding you. "I want it to be good for you!"

"It was good," you shoot back. "Just not good enough... Or should I say, not enough. I want you to stay on your knees, and crawl into the next room. Continue crawling until you reach my phone. There, call every female you know the number of, and instruct them to meet us here. When that job is done, report back to me, and I'll let you know if you have done enough for either of us to get another 'job."

Who does she call?

Ask Jake yourself. Also, you are a mistake which means every action you make is one automatically. Also, this thread deserves approval, I deserve the right to not be banished, & I also deserve the right to be able to submit & get approved on the incorrectly-described "new" site (where some are still approving my old threads this month).

Prove you're not a mistake by approving my quality threads & speaking out in support of me on all sites & forums.

Chyoo crossover 2:

Just one.

"Well," Jane asks, leaning in a bit and actually whispering, "since we're talking to a lot of people at this party, is there anything you would like us to tell the others? Any tips to pass on, or maybe an invitation to collaboration?"

"Well actually," Whizzper says, before stopping. "No. Never mind."

"What?!" John asks curiously. "What were you about to say?"

"Well, I WAS about to have you send out an invitation to anyone who might help me & some of the other editors and writers improve the site by contacting one of our old stars... Until it hit me he probably wasn't invited here."

"'Probably'?!" Jane repeats. "Might you be talking about someone we've heard about?!... Or read from?!"

Will Whizzper name names to work on fixing staff mistakes?

If it's bashing, blame Whizzper, who began by bashing me. Also, lilguy, it matters not, as all my threads on this (the supposedly "old" & yet superior site) are being denied regardless b/c they aren't posted on the "new" site (which I would post on if things were corrected & I were again able).

A Day:

I am.

Just to be on the safe side, you double-checked. The envelope HAD been addressed to you, and the letter itself did indeed say, "Dear Sir". Looking for what other possible mistakes you may have made, you noticed there was still another piece of paper in the envelope. You removed and read it.

"Thank you for not throwing this away. That first sheet was simply cover in case a female relative or annoying roommate who liked to read your mail had opened it. Don't worry; This trip is planned specifically to be granted to a straight male.

Please call the phone number at the bottom of this page, and speak to our office staff. That way, we can know who/where you might like to visit, and what amount of time we have to inform the necessary parties of their new co-star's arrival."

You look near the bottom of the sheet. Deciding to utilize your cellphone (in case they care to pass it around as well before you arrive), you call the number.

What does the person who answers say?

Saving you from an intro question that doesn't fit your story.

EDIT: NEW UPDATES! All he's changed are the notes, but not on Chyoo crossover 2, so that's all I'll include.

A Day:

They don't exist, as I am neither. The only idiot is someone who rejects high-quality threads like this.

24 Celebrity Service:

The other listed reasons were never correct &/or good enough for denial. Also, I am not arrogant, the thread is as good as anything you've ever written or will ever write, & you're probably is not the insults, but the fact they're correct.

Discuss.

 

[deductionotaku]

THREAD UPDATE

He continues to submit the same three thread whenever they are denied. Let's add to it a fourth thread.

An Open Mind:

Let's make a deal.

You watch as your mother's robe continues to open at the top, and notice the eyes of some friends remain locked on this occurring. You know what they're thinking, and must admit you're thoughts are not exactly the same, but related.

Is she wearing any panties under the robe?

Finally, you decide you are in no mood to find out the answer to that question (or for any of your friends to do so). You leap towards your mother, simultaneously closing the robe, and clasping both ends into one of her tight fists.

"What are you doing, man?!" asks Mike, one of your oldest friends.

"I just don't want you all to get a peek at THAT much of her!" you explain.

"Man!" he replies. "We're not here to see her! You invited us here to see you again!"

"I know," you admit, "but don't tell me that you wouldn't all be focusing on something else if a full-body view of her became available."

"That's true," he admits, looking down in front of him briefly.

He then looks back up, and turns to face you again.

"Man, you KNOW a lot of us have had dreams about your Mom as we grew up hanging around you! Isn't there ANY chance you'd let us see if the dreams can match reality?!"

Thinking briefly, you raise your head into the position to start a nod, but can't be sure what you'd want to gain in return.

What do you choose?

Found this on an old archive of the site and decided to re-submit it.

Discuss.

 

[TM Ambrose]

THREAD UPDATE

He continues to submit the same three thread whenever they are denied. Let's add to it a fourth thread.

I'm sorry is this an incest story? If so TJ's contribution to it would answer so many questions

 

[deductionotaku]

I'm sorry is this an incest story? If so TJ's contribution to it would answer so many questions

An Open Mind is listed under mind control, but virtually everything happens in that category besides bestiality and underage. The category is popular as a twist element on popular fetishes, and TJ Church is know to right almost exclusively vanilla, incest, and fan-fiction.

Now, if you want total incest, then we have his next thread.

WINcest:

Start with the oldest.

You decided you wanted to see Chloe first. Looking all around the house, however, you can't find her. Having checked every room (and even the spiderweb-infested basement), you decide to look outside. Sure enough, there she is, bending over, appearing to look into the backseat of her convertible.

Since she appears to not have noticed your appearance, you decide to also spend your time checking-out her rear. Seconds after you make that choice, however, she stands straight, before turning to face you.

"Well, THERE you are, {FIRST_NAME}!" she says. "I was just about to come inside, find you, and have a little discussion with you!"

"I guess I saved you the trip!" you tell her, throwing-up your hands.

"Not really," she says, approaching you, before grabbing the collar of your shirt in one fist. "We need to go back inside. I don't want to risk anyone else hearing what we're going to say."

Where does she take you?

EDIT: Upon a fresh reload of the page, TJ Church has finally deleted all of his prior threads, leaving only this one for WINcest.

EDIT 2: He's added notes to this thread:

Then you don't belong on this site as an editor, where my work is loved.

Discuss.

 

[TM Ambrose]

An Open Mind is listed under mind control, but virtually everything happens in that category besides bestiality and underage. The category is popular as a twist element on popular fetishes, and TJ Church is know to right almost exclusively vanilla, incest, and fan-fiction.

Now, if you want total incest, then we have his next thread.

WINcest:



EDIT: Upon a fresh reload of the page, TJ Church has finally deleted all of his prior threads, leaving only this one for WINcest.

EDIT 2: He's added notes to this thread:



Discuss.

What are TJ's average ratings? He says he's pretty well liked but I highly doubt that.

 

[autism420]

Having checked every room (and even the spiderweb-infested basement)

Are you sure he wrote this?

 

[deductionotaku]

What are TJ's average ratings? He says he's pretty well liked but I highly doubt that.

First things first, the scale is 1-5, with 5 being the highest. Mind you, he knows this, because he made it a habit to rate threads as 1 if it was written by someone he didn't like. Now his rating per username can be found here at the end of each line, and the total average is listed down at the bottom. Further probing can be done for each thread by selecting each username from the list and looking over his threads. If you are going in, be mindful that LitErotica acts wonky from 6:00-7:00 AM (GMT) and you may need to wait for this time to pass in order to use the site.

Naturally, he's concluded all of these low ratings are malicious, the same for his denials. This is in spite of feedback I've left his threads concerning how:

All characters are speaking in the same voice.
The thread is almost entirely dialogue.
The dialogue is needlessly drawn out.
Nothing happens in the thread.
The threads rely on deus ex machina.
Contradictions are frequently generated in characterization and plot elements.
Obvious innuendo and lies are accepted at face value.
Multiple threads address problems with prior threads instead of contributing something meaningful.
His threads don't follow editor guidelines.
He's a terrible proofreader.
I'm not the only user who holds this opinion.

Are you sure he wrote this?

Certain. As far as I can tell, there's no archive of this thread online, and TJ Church only saves his own threads. He stopped using ampersands in his CHYOO writing in 2010, when Torg finally had enough and banished him from CHYOO. The two changes he absolutely had to make in order to sneak by was to stop using numerals and ampersands - marking the only changes he's made in at least 13 years of writing, and they're not even genuine as evident by his blog and forum posts.

 

[TM Ambrose]

Naturally, he's concluded all of these low ratings are malicious, the same for his denials

Has anybody who wasn't one of his sock puppets actually stood up for him?

 

[deductionotaku]

Has anybody who wasn't one of his sock puppets actually stood up for him?

Two users answering to the handles mixermix and jakelyon. The problem with jakelyon is he refuses to acknowledge silent rules of a website - like no hacking - and in turn believes that TJ Church has broken no rules, that his obnoxious behavior does not constitute grounds for banishment. The linked thread also demonstrates his poor understanding of the site's workings and vulnerabilities, the latter of which also means we need to enforce a rule against abuse of the automated features.

As for mixermix, I can't say much for sure, but I theorize that it has something to do with TJ Church being his only consistent contributor. What I do know is that mixermix didn't get involved until well after the community turned and has yet to deny a thread, so doesn't understand TJ Church acts like a petulant child due to legitimate criticism. I have told him the whole issue, but either he went TL;DR, or doesn't believe us.

For a time, Torg did as well when the evidence suggested TJChurch had been hacked, but this didn't last long. As the site continued, TJ Church became progressively more hostile and consistently blamed Torg for everything, and he finally decided that he was genuinely worthy of banishment.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

If Jeeter truly is gone then I'm again bowing out of the discussion. He was only fun when he came here. No point in seeking out shitporn.

 

[namazuros]

If Jeeter truly is gone then I'm again bowing out of the discussion. He was only fun when he came here. No point in seeking out shitporn.

If you really think TJ is gone for good, I have a bridge &/0r a Nigerian castle to sell you.

 

[Chuggernaut]

"My writing is loved" is TJ's "he's fat! I'm thin!"