zrowsdower
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2015
Peeped Rachel's Twitter and found some gems from the past few days:
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Yes, she recorded a ten minute monologue for Spoony.
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Hi, Spoony. It's actually been a long time, and I'm recording this just to let you know that as much as I really do care about you and... like, when I first started this on my birthday, I'm not gonna lie, I honestly didn't think you would reply to my post, I honestly didn't. Of course, I was happy that you did, and little did I know that in a few weeks from now it was gonna come to the point where I just became a mess, mentally. Because I was trying to help you to try and convince you that there is a better way of trying to recover from depression, of trying to rebuild your life or trying to just... just to know that you're not alone. And honestly I thought that by trying to do all that, that it could help me too. But I realized that by trying to help you, to try to convince you that there was a better way, I was literally destroying myself. Just the last week or so has been, I'm not gonna lie, it was the hardest two weeks of my life. And I'm not blaming that all on you cause it's not just you, but other factors came to play with it.
Anyway I just recorded this to let you know that there really is a better way. There is a better way of trying to live, and I'm still struggling to find my way even in the midst of trying to convince you, to help you understand that yes, life is hard even with depression, but there's also a better way of trying to do things and, like... [gets agitated] being all alone in that house, just being absolutely miserable, that's not a life. How could you even stand to live such a life, cause God knows I can't. I couldn't. but anyway, in your tweet when you said that you had time... you have time, Spoony, you have time. There is still hope for you. There is still hope for you. And I know you don't have much of it now, God knows. I have hope and I think that's what makes you different from me. But am I gonna claim that everything's gonna get easier? Of course not, that's ridiculous, cause I'd be bullshitting you if that was the case, and that is not me. That is not me.
Did you know that the last few days, I wake up crying because [stutters] of the fact that I'm terrified that the next tweet I'm going to find on my phone is your obituary, saying that you took your own life? Yeah. That is my biggest fear and it's scaring the crap out of me, more than anything. [sighs] So, and. Just looking back at those few days, I realized something. As much as I want to help you, I can't do it with [stuttering] the mentality that I have. otherwise I'd be putting my recovery in jeopardy, and that's what's happening now. So I made a decision to step back. Something has got to give. So this is me telling you that as much as I want to help you, I have to help myself.
That doesn't mean that I'm giving up on you, not by a long shot. What it does mean though, is that I'm just merely stepping away. I'm not walking away, I'm just stepping aside and trying to focus on my own recovery. Cause I can't help you if A. you're unwilling to accept the help and B. if my mentality is like it is now. I can't do it. But that also doesn't mean that if you're willing to talk to somebody, that doesn't mean that I'm gonna retract my offer because I'm not. So ... so this is it. Offer's gonna remain as it stands, if you ever need to talk you know where to find me. And I'm not giving up on you, ever. Like, if you ever want to talk just find me on Facebook or on Skype. I think my [gets confused, stutters] Skype name is the same as my main Twitter page handle. [wipes her nose?] Excuse me. But I'm still gonna look in on you and let you know that I care, okay? That's it. Just remember, Spoony, your fans love you. And so do I. [pauses] As a fellow human being, [laughs], not like an actual... well, you know. But anyway. [sighs, wipes her nose] That's all. And I'll talk to you soon, and God bless.
8 hours later:
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So much for putting her own wellbeing first... as laughable as her antics are I really hope she can free herself from Spoony's orbit or it won't end well for her.
Thank you for your service.
