Tl, DR at the bottom since Kiwi Farms has made me autistic
Random theory: is it possible Jazz didn't go to Harvard because he can't
physically sit in a lecture hall for two hours yet without obvious accomodations for down-there pain?
I mean, it's all a happy blur now, but I do remember that for my first few weeks post-baby I couldn't comfortably just sit down, it required a bit of thinking through first; I had a pretty routine natural birth and no complications, but still, I did have to figure out a way to sit post-birth that didn't involve direct girl-part to seat contact, because for the first few weeks...
mother-is-never-fucking-again ouch!
I suck at describing visuals, so bear with me: picture a normal person sitting on a chair/sofa, with knees bent and feet on the floor. Now keep one leg exactly where it is but take the other, bend it
all the way at the knee and tuck it under itself, and sit so the corresponding ass-cheek is essentially resting on your heel; you have now magically created a little pocket of space that prevents your girl-parts from even
touching anything (again, besides your clothing), let alone having any weight on them. I can sit in this position all day, easy, and unlike other 'workarounds' to keep your privates from touching something, I actually take up
less space this way (no 'spreading' required, e.g. 'criss-cross applesauce,' or what everyone besides Americans calls 'legs crossed')... only you can't sit like this in 99% of public places, because it only works with bare feet/socks. It would be both uncomfortable and really crass + possibly very dirty to sit on your foot like that if you had shoes on... like, say, if you were wearing winter boots to get across campus in Boston and then tried to sit on your heel on a crowded wooden lecture theatre pew.
Anyway, I bring it up because I taught this amazing innovation (where
is my Nobel Prize?) to a friend's husband after he had surgery for testicular cancer and was going quite mad because a week later, long out of the hospital, he just couldn't find any comfortable way to sit... I guess with a man's larger foot + thicker calves, my elevate-one-cheek pose provides enough 'clearance' to stop boy-parts making direct contact with anything, too.
Getting to the point I swear: post-'perfect' birth, I couldn't sit normally for weeks, it hurt too much. Post-balls surgery, my friend's husband couldn't sit normally for weeks either; we both needed to work out a new way to sit so our 'essentials' weren't actually touching the seat or anything else. Now imagine you've had your cock split open and turned inside out, plus all kinds of other crazy-ass voodoo Islamic nonsense done down there... oh yeah, and it's going necrotic! It took 6-8 weeks for me to go back to just sitting however without first pausing to mitigate the pain, while my friend's husband had (to me) a seemingly minor excision from one ball and he says it took three months before it didn't hurt to the touch and he could sit normally again. Based on our experiences with fairly everyday stuff that genitals sometimes go through, if Jazz (who had the surgical equivalent of a nuclear explosion in his crotch) does have any sensation down there at all, it's (tragically) almost certainly pain, and I'm guessing of the kind that would endure long after ours - particularly given his daily instructions to literally poke the source of the pain with a stick, then a bigger stick, then a BIGGER stick... I would not be surprised if he had to veto Harvard because he quite literally can't sit down (let alone block out the pain enough to pay attention) for the hour or two hours that most college lectures run.
Even watching the first episode of the new season, I kept waiting for a scene where he was sitting normally (well done Kiwis, I feel like I was normal before I joined here, now I'm a conspiracy-peddling autist)... nope, either reclined in his bed at home - seriously, he is always in bed! or in the hospital bed or standing, he was cross-legged when he read the Harvard email, and also on the beach (and still looking uncomfortable) in the opening 'twin's birthdays' scenes. I don't think he was sitting normally the whole episode. (He looked good in the talking-head cutaways in the pink top, but you never saw his lap - he could have been sitting on eight freakin' ring cushions and a ice pack for all we know - even jumping around in the inflatable boobs room, watch him - he's so clearly avoiding any contact to his groin - and after, talking to his brother, he's sitting but his legs are spread and he's got a jacket that's also partially acting as cushioning between him and the seat.)
In the exam room where he first meets Bowers and Ting, he's sitting in a weird place on his butt with legs spread noticeably (this is fully clothed, he wasn't being examined, just having a chat) - I tried the same position at home, I'd say only 10% of my 'bits' were touching my chair, and it was the 10% towards the rear of my body - we all know troons call vaginas "front holes" because their neovags are positioned in an uncanny halfway-to-their-belly-button position on their front where the penis was - the classic description is their neovags look like a \|/ from the front on, not a real woman's \./ Even at the movie premiere, Jazz was mostly sitting with his hands in fists covering where his genitals are, it just looked weird... in pain, feeling self-conscious, IDK... but not normal.
TL, DR: thanks Farms, you gave me autism, but I really think I've solved the Harvard mystery... all the evidence suggests Jazz can't sit normally for some reason, which I think it's safe to assume is probably horrific pain from his botched surgeries. We all agree how awful it would be if he's ended up with
no sensation down there, but there's an outcome that's worse, and that's that he has long-term or even lifelong pain resulting from the surgeries... I hope I'm wrong, but it sure seems like Jazz can't sit like a normal person anymore. I just hope for his sake it's not forever... imagine feeling doomed to a life of excruciating pain for the rest of your life at 18, and knowing you (well, Jeanette, but Jazz can't seem to see it) are the one who pushed for the surgeries that doomed you to that life of pain... we'll all look back at this with horror, his best chance now is to sue the hell out of everyone involved in pushing surgery as a miracle dream-come-true and scheduling it as soon as it was legal... brains aren't fully developed at 18, especially not brains on puberty blockers; that unbelievable bitch fight in the middle of the surgery - with seemingly no regard for the fact that Jazz was under a general, which you never want to prolong beyond what's absolutely necessary - just proves it's always been about egos and who gets to claim the 'world firsts' from the start. They don't care about Jazz the person; he's their human 'Operation' game. (Also, how much scarring WAS there? Ting was shooting down everything Bowers wanted to do with "that won't work, that's scar tissue...")
Ugh... Poor Jazz.
