Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Cheesegirl78]

Poor Carlton, what did HE do to deserve this?

 

[Trombonista]

Poor Carlton, what did HE do to deserve this?

Sometimes bad things just happen to good people.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

"If you see me & I'm not with my kids"


Oh, thats fucking rich!

A monster truck jam seems like something kids might like...

I checked out the stories on the other celebs and monster jam Instagrams and ALL of the other attendees brought their children and didn't dress like cheap hookers. Tess? No kids and a white trashy outfit and now claims that she has sensory issues.

 

[SnarkySperg]

I checked out the stories on the other celebs and monster jam Instagrams and ALL of the other attendees brought their children and didn't dress like cheap hookers. Tess? No kids and a white trashy outfit and now claims that she has sensory issues.

While I'm not surprised nobody is calling her out (we live in a world that gives too much benefit of the doubt), it's fucking irritating because guaran-fucking-teed anyone with actual sensory issues would not be able to go to a monster truck rally. Also, she has two boys. If she were a remotely decent parent she'd bring them. 4 year olds love trucks, don't they? And Rylee may not be super into it but he'd still appreciate the time with her I'm sure.

 

[Parthenos]

While I'm not surprised nobody is calling her out (we live in a world that gives too much benefit of the doubt), it's fucking irritating because guaran-fucking-teed anyone with actual sensory issues would not be able to go to a monster truck rally. Also, she has two boys. If she were a remotely decent parent she'd bring them. 4 year olds love trucks, don't they? And Rylee may not be super into it but he'd still appreciate the time with her I'm sure.

Unfortunately, Bowie is going to be the ~ genderfluid~ child so no icky boy things for him! Only stuff like going to kweer modeling shoots with mom!

(nevermind that girls can like monster trucks as well but tess has to maintain that facade somehow, can't muddy things up by raising another boring cis boy)

 

[multiverse]

Unfortunately, Bowie is going to be the ~ genderfluid~ child so no icky boy things for him! Only stuff like going to kweer modeling shoots with mom!

(nevermind that girls can like monster trucks as well but tess has to maintain that facade somehow, can't muddy things up by raising another boring cis boy)

Adding to that: Nick's tranny saga doesn't seem to be far off. Why work towards getting a job stateside and returning to have a relationship with your son/s, when you can struggle with gender presentation instead?

 

[Rabbit Bones]

Tess posted more about that music video she was in - turns out she was just one of a crowd of moddles pretending to be in a pageant. Plus, they fed her deep fried and smothered everything and she just really needed that - remember that her paw paw died and give her asspats! And food!
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I just came here after watching this video. When they first showed her, I was like "Oh God. Is SHE going to be the one the video is about?" No. What she does isn't even really a cameo. They show her maybe a half dozen times, and she has about one dedicated face close up. She gets shown less than most of the group of girls she's in every scene with. She got hired because they wanted a fat girl to diversify the shot, not because she's 'famous' or whatever nonsense she's convinced herself of.

 

[Tiny Clanger]

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You're the fat one without enough clothes on, pet.

What? I'm being helpful!



PS. I might be the only one but I don't believe all these sudden heart-heavy declarations of How The Drink And Drugs Ruined My Wonderful Life But Now I See The Light Ooo I Was That Bad™ from either of them.

It's the kind of navel-gazing bollocks that useless fucknuts have always used to justify their shitty choices and behaviour. Do I think they both drank/smoked/tooted on the reg? Yes. Do I believe it was ever to the point both are claiming, or that either have had some great epiphany? Do I fuck.

These two chugnuts clinging onto the arsehole of life are exactly the sort who would glorify their every encounter with any substance (up to and including lard) and think it makes them look deep n interesting when they then use it for a good old-fashioned bout of worshipping at the altar of their vapid, pathetic selves, thinking that passes as deep soul-searching. No. If you are truly wanting change you just quietly fucking change and you apologise to those you hurt. Nick and Ten-Ton simultaneously want pity points and to come over as the biggest, baddest druggies that ever did do...."listen to me kids, I took forty seven spoonfuls of coke on my vodka-washed cornflakes daily and I'm sharing my pain over that to save you. I want better for you. Yes, you can cry on my shoulders, I can take the burden for both of us, just remember I was the Real Thing and you can't possibly have been as bad as me blah blah witter yak nyanngyangggaaah." Fuck off, you self-aggrandising muppets.

Give me all the hats. Grumpy Clanger.



(@SAVE TWINKIE! @THOTto - pliz to merge. Edit's borked. Ta)

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I remember most of the big models through the late 70s until the mid 90s looking healthy and fit, then Kate Moss showed up and in came heroin chic and the grunge look.
Cindy Crawford talked about a magazine cover where her slim legs were shopped even thinner, and has said that if she started her career in the mid/late 90s, she would've been told to lose 25 pounds. I don't know why she decided it was ok to let her daughter model.

Cindy realized neither of her kids had much in the intellect department so shallow fame whoring was the only they were going to make any money.

Everyone thinks kids born to famous ppl will be set for life but the long line of kids from celebrities of previous generations prove that’s not usually the case, unless the kids grow up to be savvy financial stewards, so lol.

I think this era’s celebrities are hoping the internet can help their kids monetize parents‘ fame and name recognition without any talent or merit required, only vanity and dedication to consumerism. Passing on fame as a business, to untalented spawn, has been very difficult even with all the nepotism in Hollywood.

Adding to that: Nick's tranny saga doesn't seem to be far off. Why work towards getting a job stateside and returning to have a relationship with your son/s, when you can struggle with gender presentation instead?
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He’s such a pathetic vapid dumb cunt. It’s amazing a black hole didn’t develop between Nick and Tess in Long Beach.

Tess needed F-list fame, providing money and flat near LA and a trap baby to keep her gay Australian gigolo around for the first few years. Once the money dried up and the debt too high she had to kick her oldest son and Nick to the curb, to keep herself in fastfood and beauty treatments.

They are both so dedicated to keeping up this bizarre online facade. It’s 2020 and Tess is knocking on 40 but can only cultivate an SM persona of some fat Suicide Girl from 2003. Nick just jerks off gender identities in an attempt to approximate a personality or soul.

The truth is that Tess spends most of her life sitting on her ass eating ginormous amounts of cheap fastfood. In between stuffing her face she primps and preens for the mirror and camera.

The only reason people as fat as Tess exist is thanks to fastfood. Until the modern era no one had access to high calorie, cheap, no effort food in huge quantities that created morbid obesity.

Chantal is Tess’s less successful twin. I’d say the only difference is Tess has more fatty e-fame and gets more beauty treatments, but their actual day to day realities are very similar. Driving to or planning their next meal at a greasy fast food drive-thru makes up the bulk of their day. The rest of their time is spent primping for photos/videos on SM or just sitting on the sofa staring at SM and videos.

 

[multiverse]

Tess sits like a massive lump on someone else's couch - because she's homeless - and continues to shill for FabFitFun because she's broke as a joke. But she got some organizers and straws, and that's basically like packing up her shit and moving into her own place!

 

[Dorsia.Reservation]

Tess sits like a massive lump on someone else's couch - because she's homeless - and continues to shill for FabFitFun because she's broke as a joke. But she got some organizers and straws, and that's basically like packing up her shit and moving into her own place!
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LOL, partner.
Whatever two ton tess.
Even the Duggar and Bates girls have shilled FabFitFun.

 

[Doug_S1]

Tess sits like a massive lump on someone else's couch - because she's homeless - and continues to shill for FabFitFun because she's broke as a joke. But she got some organizers and straws, and that's basically like packing up her shit and moving into her own place!
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What you're actually seeing is a curvature of space-time.

 

[Tiny Clanger]

Where are her legs? Has she morphsquelched into her final form, as some sort of blob/sofa hybrid that will emit a pointless woke phrase in a nasally valley whine every time you sit on it? The first interactive furniture that eats your snacks for you?

Dear god. Why the hell did I have to think that up?

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Where are her legs? Has she morphsquelched into her final form, as some sort of blob/sofa hybrid that will emit a pointless woke phrase in a nasally valley whine every time you sit on it? The first interactive furniture that eats your snacks for you?

Dear god. Why the hell did I have to think that up?

God...I have no idea how to rate this.
Horrifying? Optimistic? Dislike?

 

[Urist Steelthrone]

Where are her legs? Has she morphsquelched into her final form, as some sort of blob/sofa hybrid that will emit a pointless woke phrase in a nasally valley whine every time you sit on it? The first interactive furniture that eats your snacks for you?

Dear god. Why the hell did I have to think that up?

She's devolving into Jabba the Hutt. You don't need legs when you eat the beetus and sit on your ass all day. Diabeetus melts your legs.

 

[multiverse]

Tess has made a #spon post and a thirst post, dreaming of the last time a magazine paid for her fat ass to go on vacation- but she has the totally real flu, you guise! It's so real she made a Story about it, which is what everyone feels like doing when they are super sick.

Wonder what brought this narc flu on. Did Jolene decline to watch your son today? Or ask for rent?

 

[JuniperFalls]

You should be deliriously, insanely in love with yourself by now.

Oh, she is.

Tess sits like a massive lump on someone else's couch - because she's homeless - and continues to shill for FabFitFun because she's broke as a joke. But she got some organizers and straws, and that's basically like packing up her shit and moving into her own place!
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If you want to live a more sustainable lifestyle, AND save yourself a bunch of money as well, here's an idea: try eating enough to keep ONE adult human alive, rather than four or five.

 

[SnarkySperg]

Tess sits like a massive lump on someone else's couch - because she's homeless - and continues to shill for FabFitFun because she's broke as a joke. But she got some organizers and straws, and that's basically like packing up her shit and moving into her own place!
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LMAO I've seen more people I've never heard of shilling this than people I have. It's literally just Insta influencer bait.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

LMAO I've seen more people I've never heard of shilling this than people I have. It's literally just Insta influencer bait.

I get the FFF boxes, and liked nearly all the items I've received so far.
A nice plush throw, some facial creams/cleansers I've never thought to try, nice costume jewelry, a waterproof Bluetooth speaker, and so on.
I just don't like the fact that Tess gets them as well, (for free) I bet she gives most of the items away or sells them. If its not fast food related, she trashes it.

 

[SnarkySperg]

I get the FFF boxes, and liked nearly all the items I've received so far.
A nice plush throw, some facial creams/cleansers I've never thought to try, nice costume jewelry, a waterproof Bluetooth speaker, and so on.
I just don't like the fact that Tess gets them as well, (for free) I bet she gives most of the items away or sells them. If its not fast food related, she trashes it.

It's not that it looks bad, it's just that of every ad I've seen, I've never seen a well known celebrity shill for them.

Most likely. Though I feel like in some cases she couldn't use it. Can you imagine her trying to fit under a throw blanket?