Bacon poutine: 680 calories
Spicy Popcorn Chicken: 380 calories
Chicken strips: 340 calories
Double BK Big King: 1010 calories
Onion Rings: 488 calories
Sauces: 260 calories
Coke: 170 calories
3,328 calories total. Not so bad for her; glad to see she's taking care of herself after her recent "eye opener". When she was doing mukbangs, I admit that I was a little worried that she might...well,
die from eating all that food. Now that she knows what she is doing and is in control, I can breathe a lot easier. Nice job, Clotso! Your doc and therapist would be proud of you!
She shoves the disgusting poutine right in our faces for her beauty bite, making me itch to smack her hand away...
I had to laugh when she sniffed that she was initially upset that Burger King fucked with Canadian traditional pouting by putting bacon in it. (She is
such a traditionalist when it comes to food, eating burgers with grape leaves and sushi with alfredo and such...not to mention, pizza poutine) But the bacon won her over in the end. No chance that a 400 pound human garbage disposal unit would like something with bacon in it, is there? I think this review (?) is biased...
Then, she
has a heart attack and dies, with the camera still rolling:
RIP, Chantal (1984-2020). I know I've said some critical things, but I always loved you and I...
Oh wait, she was only scratching her pussy...
She goes on to review the food using phrases she cribbed from other YouTubers "it has a bit of heat to it", and she seems almost overwhelmed by the spiciness of the chicken. Keep in mind, this is fucking
Burger King. Nothing is "spicy" there. No wonder those infamous noodles (which had the same amount of scovilles as her blessed Sriracha sauce) made her regurgitate on camera. Gotta love her reviews "the spicy chicken tastes a lot like the chicken nuggets..." Anyone who reviews Burger King unironically is hopelessly déclassé.
Reviews done, I figure we must be wrapping up, but I see there are still 20 fucking minutes left of this shit. She seems kind of down and depressed, and mostly says nothing for a minute, just chewing and smacking, before turning her attention to Sham.
Eight minutes and thirty seconds in, we finally get to today's topic. Friday the 13th.
But then she gets preoccupied by her food again. "There is a distinctive difference between the BK sauce and the Mac sauce" she says in a vaguely academic tone. She would sound very intelligent and all if she didn't look like this while saying it, spilling food all over and getting it on her face and clothes and floor:
The fork impaled into the poutine is a nice touch. Our gourmand has never met any dinner etiquette that she didn't spray with diarrhea,
Her pudgy claws grasp for a napkin. It's interesting how she went weeks without napkins, wiping greasy shit all over herself and her clothes, and suddenly now uses napkins. I guess some of the comments
do have an effect, eh?
Ten minutes in, she still has said absolutely nothing about anything except her food. She is frowning through much of it, and doesn't seem to be loving the food that much, compared to usual.
After Sham rests his nasty ass on the counter, Chantal tells us, "don't worry, I
do wash the counters" The fumigators probably would testify that nothing in that house looks washed.
At 10:30, she finally attempts to talk about Friday the 13th again. "Are any of you like into that?" she asks with a clueless half-squint, gesturing with a nugget in her mitt. "Doing anything?"
This is a prime example of just how little she can be bothered to prepare anything for the stupid videos she expects not to be criticized. What does her question even mean. How does one get "into" Friday the 13th? What do people do for Friday the 13th, except go to work or go to school? It's not Halloween or anything. It is a vapid question, because she hasn't bothered even thinking of anything to say on the topic herself. This is one of the more annoying aspects of her videos; knowing she gets paid for such lack of effort.
She tells us some generic story about "I used to have friends over, order pizza, and watch scary movies" Sure, Clotso. All those friends you had...
She tells us "
Friday the 13th is like one of my least favorite horror movies, hah", shaking her head as she searches for some kind of support for this thesis. "Like that whole...", she glides her paw through the air expansively...clears her throat...reaches for her soda..."sequel", she says, finishing her sentence with another head shake, making zero fucking sense whatsoever.
Next, after singing "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, she makes this face as she thinks about how she wishes she had been born in the 1980's (instead of in 1984, when she was actually born)
After finding bacon stuck to her arm, she clarifies and says she should have been a teenager in the 1980's because she loves the 80's...
"But ya, I don't like that series, like the Jason movies...?". she says, continuing her review of
Friday the 13th.
"It's just always the same thing", she says, oblivious to the fact that she is always the same thing...
15 more fucking minutes to go, and I'm dying here...
"Jason is a total slut shamer" she says, hoisting her burger.
She returns to the subject of food. She always gets a Whopper at Burger King, because she is too scared to try other things. So, she tells us she is really glad she tried some new things today. (Her delivery is so lazy today, she can barely get words out to make a sentence) Next comes a spergy aside about how to feed babies. She tells us the fries in the poutine are really good, as she stirs the soggy mess with her fork.
FINALLY, and not a moment too soon, she starts looking full and gasping... Done at LAST. Fuckin hell, this was a fucking boring video, I could barely sit through it. Christ, this was awful and...
what the fuck? There is still
twelve minutes of this shit left...
"Well, I don't think I'll be finishing this", she says, shaking her head, and using a tone of voice that suggests it would be preposterous to think she could eat all of that.
She can't finish it because of her iNTeRmItTaNt FaStINg. She still can't fucking enunciate her sentences. She says, "I got a little more room, but I want to take a bit been eating fast" Has she really gotten so lazy that she's too lazy to even talk now?
Now back to Friday the 13th, the day not the movie. "I don't think I'm gonna be doing anything tonight" Big fucking surprise there, I thought she'd be out on the town dancing and drinking and flirting with the men...
Bibi's off, so she's thinking about begging him to watch a horror movie with her. It will be the last time he'll see one in his life, if he'll do it. She tells us that when they were together they compromised because he hates horror movies. But she wants to make him watch one anyway. She makes a babydoll voice of how she'll sound when she asks Bibi, and than mutters "but he probably won't"
She admits she is doing nothing to prepare for the virus. She'll use the shower to clean the feces encrusting her anus if she runs out of toilet paper.
She has been eating "very healthy" outside of her mukbangs, including a spinach smoothie every day and lots of vitamin C. You can tell; she radiates health. She isn't worried, because the virus is like a common cold to healthy people. She had a pneumonia shot too, so she has nothing to worry about. "This burger is so good, you have to try it" she tells us, sounding very healthy. "Just wash your hands" she lectures us, now in know-it-all mode, "because soapy water apparently kills the virus"
"I'm not super paranoid, you know?" Oh we know, Clotso. You fear nothing.
"Now if you're a high risk person,
sure...", know-it-all tells us in a dismissive voice. There are healthy people, like her, who have nothing to worry about, and high risk people who probably deserve to get sick.
Fuckin'
hell, are we done
yet?
Six more minutes?
"I
might be at a higher risk than a
very healthy person", the C-PAP wearing, ovary-lacking, clotted-lung-breathing, mostly-immobile fat load concedes. "Because...being overweight, but"... I love how she always calls herself "overweight". Look Clotso, you are
super-morbidly obese, not "overweight". Even "obese" is not an accurate term.
She announces she is full, and throws her napkin at the camera, and laughs at her own antics. "Before intermittant fasting, I could have eaten this all, no problem...
no problem", she assures us. So look how much more mentally fit and disciplined she is! Look how her body is recovering, and rejecting overeating! This meal is just one more step to skinnihood! "This was like an average fast food meal for me", she confides, as if we didn't notice she is a 400 pound ball of flesh.
She promises to do the makeup video she has been too lazy to do...Oh boy, I for one can;t wait!!! Next week she'll test the new schedule of uploading (I must have missed where she announced her new schedule; she never lasts two days on one anyway) She thinks consistency will help with the growth of her channel. (It has! Her consistent self-destruction has turned her into one of the top lolcows at the 'farms) She wastes time running through all the "different" videos she'll upload, but we all know all we'll get is more eating.
She can't really decide on a schedule, though.
Burger King is one of her favorite fast food places, she says. Her nose has become noticeably congested by the end of the video, which she attributes to the spicy food.
She reiterates April 15 as moving day, and seems to marvel at the fact that some people have not hung on every fucking word she has uttered. Peetz won't move in till the 20th.
Sweet Mary, mother of Jesus, this was the most interminable video I have ever written up. This time, it was just too much. 27 minutes, and all we get out of it is Burger King chicken nuggets taste like Burger King chicken, Jason is a slut shamer, Bibi hates horror movies, she is eating healthy and living the spinach smoothie lifestyle, and she's moving. All of this could have been said in about four minutes.
... But then after not having something down her throat for that second, she realizes she'd rather just keep eating junk.
