Introducing the New 'New Warriors' - The classic team reunites to mentor a new generation of heroes!

Someone said it before in the comicsgate thread but Marvel the comics and Marvel the movies are two different entities operating under the same logo so the comics division can fuck up all the live long day and make reboot after reboot because Marvel Entertainment (movies division) can keep making a shitton of money using the characters the casual audience remembers.

Yeah... all that's about to end with phase 4 as the MCU goes spectacularly woke.
Racist 'ol Jew Ike Pearlmutter, who's chairman of Marvel Entertainment, got the boot from the MCU on Feige's insistence a little while back. Apparently Feige threatened to quit because Ike didn't want to make Black Panther and was firmly against minority and female led MCU movies and now that he's out Feige is intent on going full 'stunning and brave'.


Now you're going to get Lesbian Latinx America Chavez and (since she's getting her own Disney plus show) Ms. Marvel, the superhero in a hijab, shoe-horned into the new Dr Strange movie.
You're getting an MCU lead by the insufferable Brie Larson as Captain Marvel and The Eternals Benetton cast with LGBTQ characters.
You also have the feminist sperging from the writer of She Hulk and a host virtue signalling coming down the pipe line about an all female Avengers movie.
So expect the movies to follow the comics into terminal decline.
 
Yeah... all that's about to end with phase 4 as the MCU goes spectacularly woke.
Racist 'ol one of Trump's Chosen People Ike Pearlmutter, who's chairman of Marvel Entertainment, got the boot from the MCU on Feige's insistence a little while back. Apparently Feige threatened to quit because Ike didn't want to make Black Panther and was firmly against minority and female led MCU movies and now that he's out Feige is intent on going full 'stunning and brave'.


Now you're going to get Lesbian Latinx America Chavez and (since she's getting her own Disney plus show) Ms. Marvel, the superhero in a hijab, shoe-horned into the new Dr Strange movie.
You're getting an MCU lead by the insufferable Brie Larson as Captain Marvel and The Eternals Benetton cast with LGBTQ characters.
You also have the feminist sperging from the writer of She Hulk and a host virtue signalling coming down the pipe line about an all female Avengers movie.
So expect the movies to follow the comics into terminal decline.
What the fuck is wrong with them? Just make an X-Men movie it has everything you need. You don't need to change anything. Jubilee is asian, Kitty pride is jewish, Magneto is Double jewish, Wolverine is a manlet, Bishop is black, Mistique is blue, Nightcrawler is also blue, and Gambit is insufferable.

It would be amazing to see Disney kill their golden goose twice though.
 
What the fuck is wrong with them? Just make an X-Men movie it has everything you need. You don't need to change anything. Jubilee is asian, Kitty pride is Trump's Chosen, Magneto is Double Trump's Chosen, Wolverine is a manlet, Bishop is black, Mistique is blue, Nightcrawler is also blue, and Gambit is insufferable.
Slight correction - Bishop is part black and part abbo, which apparently produces one of the most beautiful 90s mullets in comics.

But seriously. While I'd love for more X-Men attention since they've always managed to have pretty diverse line-ups without forcing it, if the movies are anything like the comics then expect them to get REALLY insufferable about how diverse~! they are while playing them up as a metaphor for the gays in the most heavy-handed way that China will allow.

Which is sad because all people have wanted was just a live action version of the 90s cartoon. It really shouldn't be as hard to make an X-Men movie as the clowns in Hollywood make it look. *sigh*
 
What the fuck is wrong with them? Just make an X-Men movie it has everything you need. You don't need to change anything. Jubilee is asian, Kitty pride is Trump's Chosen, Magneto is Double Trump's Chosen, Wolverine is a manlet, Bishop is black, Mistique is blue, Nightcrawler is also blue, and Gambit is insufferable.

It would be amazing to see Disney kill their golden goose twice though.

Long have I prayed for a plague upon the house of mouse .....little did I realize it would be a literal one!

This bullshit is a product of boom thinking.
Marvel Publishing thought that as long as their super rich sugar daddy Disney was paying to keep the lights on that they could do what the liked.
It's the same with the MCU. When any movie with Marvel in the title makes a billion dollars and change, Disney can consider making vanity projects that loose money but reap ass pats. They'll just make up for the loss on other movies.
Now with the collapse of the direct market for comics and Disney's share price in the shitter with all their parks are closed I'm guessing that none of this looks like a good idea any more.
But you know those pesky SJW's, doubling down is their raison d'etre.
 
Do you think we could add a tranny character that wields a dialator with mystical, cosmic powers? Hold on Thanos, I gotta make sure my he-snatch doesn't close up.
 
Protagonists are only half of the story. I honestly can't see which villains they are supposed to defeat

The CIS Lords
Captain Heteronormativity
The cisnormative giant robot
The evil Transmisogny league
Dr. Based
The Biological Sex Gang
Doomterf
The Clown World Prince Of Crime
The OK Sign Man
every single person in the world who doesn't want to suck "girl" dick
The Invalidator
The Deadnamer
The Incredible Bad Orange Man
Miss Misgender
The Pronoun Disrespecters
Princess Reality
 
The CIS Lords
Captain Heteronormativity
The cisnormative giant robot
The evil Transmisogny league
Dr. Based
The Biological Sex Gang
Doomterf
The Clown World Prince Of Crime
The OK Sign Man
every single person in the world who doesn't want to suck "girl" dick
The Invalidator
The Deadnamer
The Incredible Bad Orange Man
Miss Misgender
The Pronoun Disrespecters
Princess Reality

I think the TERF villain should be named Terf War. She leads the Biological Sex Gang and her associates are the Wave triplets--First, Second, and Third (although Third later has a heel-face turn and joins the heroes). In one arc, Terf War's future self visits from a postapocalyptic future where all bathrooms are strictly segregated by birth sex and the Nazi Space Force is oppressing a moon colony of heroic nonbinary wheat farmers. The future self is a space colonist named, of course, AstroTerf.

... And now I have to go punish myself for having said that. BRB, fetching the Magic Pain Glove.
 
Jesus wept....

Stan Lee is rolling in his grave and the cosplay thots are rolling around on top.
 
Fuckin' "internet gas". How the fuck could you ever say something to lazy and exceptional in public? That's the kind of shit you put as a purposfly dumb place holder to come back and fill it in with something good later.

i honestly think that it was an accidentally stupid term because the interviewee couldn't think up of "wifi-connected nanobots" or something similar off the top of his head. and thus, memes were birthed.
 
Saving the best tweet for last:
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I find it amusing (and very depressing) how the design of these New "New Warriors" is a direct result of both corporations desperately trying to insert "INSPIRING DIVERSITY!!!" into their products for the sake of popularity and as a shield from criticism, and a polarized audience that further encourages said behavior. THEN, instead of taking a step back and wondering if maybe they're part of the problem, the offended audience who is presented these designs go "ASDFGHJK HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF [insert identity subset here] PEOPLE! HOW ABOUT WE MAKE FUN OF YOU WHITE CISSIES!!! HAhAhAaHa IM SO NOT MAD!!!!"
 
The CIS Lords
Captain Heteronormativity
The cisnormative giant robot
The evil Transmisogny league
Dr. Based
The Biological Sex Gang
Doomterf
The Clown World Prince Of Crime
The OK Sign Man
every single person in the world who doesn't want to suck "girl" dick
The Invalidator
The Deadnamer
The Incredible Bad Orange Man
Miss Misgender
The Pronoun Disrespecters
Princess Reality
The Nuclear Family
Four Chan
The Incredible Incel
Miss Sogyny
True Scum
Russia

And of course, the main villain. White Man and his doomsday device, Gendered Bathroom.
 
You say that, but it seems that nothing can kill Disney.

Eh, I don't think Disney is as ironclad as they once were.

I think Disney will always be around in some form or another as long as I'm alive, but I think our buddy Corona-chan may finally have put the kaibash on the Disney hegemony that Bob Iger had been trying to build for the last ten years.

I don't expect Marvel comics to last much longer if they keep going like this, especially if we get the fabled MCU box office bomb that crashes the woke reboot plane with no survivors. If the MCU wasn't doing gangbusters every goddamn summer since the Disney buyout of Marvel, the comics division would've died out already.

Disney only used Marvel for an IP farm, and as long as the MCU kept steamrolling the rest of the competition at the box office every summer, the dangerhairs and soybeards at Marvel Comics could keep getting away with this shit.

Now they've hit their peak with the original three-phase plan being completed and their fourth phase being a directionless mess comprised of a Black Widow prequel that was probably just a
Phase 3 holdover and a bunch of "Literally Who?" D-List guys that even the most dedicated cape spergs don't know or utterly detested woke characters like America Chavez and the female Thor

Add in the fact that COVID-19 has shut down their parks and has killed off a good chunk of their biggest audience and now Disney is panicking and Apple is considering a buyout.

I think we've finally reached peak woke and now we're entering the violent death spirals phase.
 
The Nuclear Family
Four Chan
The Incredible Incel
Miss Sogyny
True Scum
Russia

And of course, the main villain. White Man and his doomsday device, Gendered Bathroom.
Four Chan is somewhere between a hacker, detective, and a super-scientist. He has a stunning intuition and technical know-how, and functions as a direct rival to Screentime. He always seems to be one step ahead of the New Warriors, able to locate their secret bases and predict their next move. In a fight against Screentime, after showing his total power over him, he gives a speech "You think the internet is your ally? You merely adopted the internet. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't leave my parent's basement until I was already a man, by then there was nothing but normalfags."

In an attempt to remedy an internal conflict he climbs into a device of his own construction that can "double ones power". The device is destroyed, but he evolves and becomes 8 Chan (Everyone calls him eight chan, but he insists on being called infinity chan). He becomes even more difficult for the New Warriors to deal with. He assembles remote clues to discover their plans, immediately figures out their secret identities and where they live (which he spreads on the internet), and develops even more overwhelmingly powerful technology. However at the same time he is more insane, more radical, and less filtered. He is consumed by his 8 Chan identity. He takes a very Joker-esque "Everyone can become like me if given the right push" sort of attitude.

Some Gary Stu bullshit (in the words of 8 Chan) brings Screentime up to 8 Chan's level, and so 8 Chan and his crew determines that he needs to evolve again. He builds a machine that will take him into his final form, Infinity Next. However he is pushed to hard and when he tries to ascend he instead crashes. The process leaves him scared and deformed, and even more insane. With him now vulnerable, the New Warriors take advantage of his weakened state and are able to defeat him. A snowflake shuriken in his forehead finishes him off, or so we think. In reality he shatters into innumerable different villains, all similar, all psychically linked, and yet all filled with some form of hate, distrust, or general dislike for each other. Should they unite into Infinity Next they would certainly become an unstoppable force, but until then they are more a thorn in the side of the New Warriors, occasionally dangerous (or very dangerous when allied with other groups) but not the persistent threat that he was.
 
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