Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT

[AnOminous]

The first, real damn big point worth mentioning is: Don't let yourself obsess over sources of stress.

Talk about oblivious.

 

[wabbits]

Focusing as exclusively as you can on positive stuff, both absorbing it and putting it out there is the best thing you can do for your own mental health

A veritable Norman Vincent Peale in sweatpants we got here. Do not quote this sage advice advise back to Jake the next time he's carrying the toaster toward the tub for that would be harassment!

 

[repentance]

Hearing JAKE of all people sperg endlessly about positivity and how it's important not to spend your indoor time dwelling on things or handwringing over political issues you can't change, well...it's not even that it's bad advice in many parts, just that he's never followed it in his life.

Maybe he's just repeating advice his mom gave him, trying to be everyone's mom on the internet?

Every now and then he opines that "nazis" should step away from the computer and go for a walk, read a book, or go see a movie. Jake is full of advice he doesn't follow himself.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

smoooooth jakey

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

"Nothing is going to get better if I just stick my head in the sand and ignore all the awfulness in the world while I just pretend it's all sunshine and rainbows."

Here's the thing though- That's complete bullshit.

Just stubbornly refuse to engage with the world and wait for other people to make things better - Jake Alley.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Latest sperging: Jake gives advice about living indoors all the time, mad at the internet, spergs about the importance of creating an echo chamber, shills some shit and his convention, all in a near enough 1,400-word essay.

Spoiler: 1,397 words of Googleshnging

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https://twitter.com/SecretGamerGrrl/status/1242181063566385156 (Archive)

This man spent the last fortnight trying to convince us that he’d killed himself because someone on social media was going to expose him for things we already know. This man thinks he can give advice on how to live in isolation. I’d actually use this as a guide, but with the caveat, “but do the opposite.”

 

[Next Task]

I’d actually use this as a guide, but with the caveat, “but do the opposite.”

You could have a pretty amazing life if your every action was guided by 'What Would Jake Alley NOT Do?'

 

[CatParty]

 

[BScCollateral]

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I am notoriously unhandy with actual hardware, dislike cars, and even I own a Leatherman tool with a screwdriver.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

I am notoriously unhandy with actual hardware, dislike cars, and even I own a Leatherman tool with a screwdriver.

But you're not a woman, and if you are, you're the wrong kind.

Jake: let me attach a dark and blurry photograph that looks like something a dramatic goth shot during an urbex, to illustrate the problem... those creepy shapes in the dark? It's not scenery from Half-Life: Alyx - they're keyboard bearing structures.

 

[AnOminous]

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Screw them back in you fat fucking sped. Has there ever been anyone more useless than this piece of shit? How has someone this old who literally does nothing but sit at a computer never had to fix a keyboard tray?

Jake: let me attach a dark and blurry photograph that looks like something a dramatic goth shot during an urbex, to illustrate the problem... those creepy shapes in the dark? It's not scenery from Half-Life: Alyx - they're keyboard bearing structures.

"best I can manage"

If that's the best he can manage he should fucking kill himself. I mean he has fucking electricity there, I assume, but no light? He was taking this picture with a phone, I assume, but it has no light either? God what an absolute imbecile.

 

[repentance]

I am notoriously unhandy with actual hardware, dislike cars, and even I own a Leatherman tool with a screwdriver.

He could use a knife if he doesn't have a screwdriver. He's just useless.

I don't know why his first action wasn't to move everything off the top of the desk.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

I like how in perfect Jake fashion his explanation of what the problem is makes it even harder to understand what the hell the problem is. He acts like if he breathes wrong it's going to swing down with the force of Thor's hammer and shatter the Earth in two rather than something he can control easily with one hand.

That picture of obscure darkness being that huge and that poor of resolution is pretty impressive though.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

He’s so scared of revealing the trolls to be right that he can’t even take a picture of his desk. Goddamn, dude. It’s also rather funny that he’s such a NEET he isn’t the least bit worried about the pandemic. Not even concerned that his Patreon bux might dry up because apparently mommy is paying for everything.

 

[Ruin]

So given that he looks 70 at 39 what's going to happen to gnome boy at 45? Death or crypt keeper look alike?

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

He’s so scared of revealing the trolls to be right that he can’t even take a picture of his desk. Goddamn, dude. It’s also rather funny that he’s such a NEET he isn’t the least bit worried about the pandemic. Not even concerned that his Patreon bux might dry up because apparently mommy is paying for everything.

Did he have enough sense to strip the EXIF meta data out of his grim dark keyboard holder?

I figure that photo is pretty indicative of Jake‘s natural habitat. He lives in stinky, dirty, dark gnome cave with the only light being the glow of his computer screen. I’d bet he has blackout curtains on all his windows, just like all neck beards who abhor sun light interfering with the life giving glow of their LCD screens.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

His opsec is taking a pic of his desk in the dark.

I'm on the floor. Kids aren't this stupid. Stupid kids aren't this stupid.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

But you're not a woman, and if you are, you're the wrong kind.

Jake: let me attach a dark and blurry photograph that looks like something a dramatic goth shot during an urbex, to illustrate the problem... those creepy shapes in the dark? It's not scenery from Half-Life: Alyx - they're keyboard bearing structures.

This is another of those situations where I feel like Jake’s pointless paranoia re getting doxed is making his life harder than it needs to be.

 

[AnOminous]

Did he have enough sense to strip the EXIF meta data out of his grim dark keyboard holder?

Unfortunately Twitter hates fun and strips that stuff automatically.

This is another of those situations where I feel like Jake’s pointless paranoia re getting doxed is making his life harder than it needs to be.

It's not like the fat idiot could be any more doxed. All he's done here is confirm that he is in fact a filthy NEET living in a squalid, darkened hovel as dark as somewhere they grow mushrooms, lit only by the light of his monitor displaying Rule 34 of Kamen Rider.

 

[wabbits]

Here we see the problem with Jake getting a driver's license and car. Someday, the car will need to be gassed up. Which means removing the cap. The end.