Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[multiverse]

Tess is...

... shilling for a makeup brand using her gigantic pores, terrible skin, and utter lack of make up skills. Good investment!


Tess acknowledges she is a pig heading to the trough every 5 minutes during quarantine. Of course, she isn't the dainty piglet she envisions; she's a 450 pound sow.


She shouts out the apparently god awful nail tech who is responsible for the trash on her fingernails.

 

[Flawmil]

Any other tidbits from the podcast to share?

Basically saying how queer she is and how people hate her on the internet because of them finding her live journal when she was like 16. She talks about her ex husband but again said she’s not ready to talk about her ex husband. She loves talking about how she was a “makeup artist” before being a superstar influencer moddle.The hosts suck her fupa the whole time and shout u go gurl. She says people think she’s not healthy because she goes up some stairs sometimes and is out of breath but “that’s what like straight sized people do too”.

 

[SnarkySperg]

I bet her $1700 from Trump virus bucks are already owed to Jolene in back rent at this point.

As if she pays rent. Even if she agreed to she'll talk her way out of it.

Fabletics doesn't fit her; the leggings are always stretched to their absolute maximum, and thus are practically sheer on her (which they're not intended to be). The top she was wearing supposedly had a peplum, but who could even tell? At best, it flared out slightly to accommodate her massive gut.

If they're that stretched, I'd say they're at least 3 sizes too small. You can usually wear leggings even after you've grown out of them because they stretch. She almost defies physics here.

 

[Speakeasy Electric]

Wahhhhh gimme asspats ya'll!
I wonder if she feels rejected by Riley for some reason. Narcissistic injury perhaps.
"Being a parent is already 24/7 guilt/stress/anxiety" Give me a break. Because normally she's really on top of parenting things

 

[DefCon Dumb]

Parenting a 3 year old can be a PITA but also has the potential to be magical... IF YOU'RE AN ENGAGED PARENT. Nothing beats sharing the wonder of a small tot's first discoveries about the world. That being said, why is she finding this especially stressful as a parent? CoVD isn't cutting a swath through the pediatric population - anything but. Kids are probably least likely to get seriously ill. Could it be... that she's suddenly forced to, (horrors!), spend more time than she cares to with her own child?

 

[JambledUpWords]

Parenting a 3 year old can be a PITA but also has the potential to be magical... IF YOU'RE AN ENGAGED PARENT. Nothing beats sharing the wonder of a small tot's first discoveries about the world. That being said, why is she finding this especially stressful as a parent? CoVD isn't cutting a swath through the pediatric population - anything but. Kids are probably least likely to get seriously ill. Could it be... that she's suddenly forced to, (horrors!), spend more time than she cares to with her own child?

It’s times like these where I really do wish it was the Bubonic Plague 2.0 so people like this really know what it’s like to really fear and stress over protecting their children. The virus is still bad, but if Tess actually learned about world history, she’d realize humanity has had much worse things occur under more unfortunate circumstances. At least in the first world, we have it really good, and Tess doesn’t even seem to realize it. The places that will suffer the most are going to be the least equipped and poorest nations.

 

[taintmisbehavin]

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Wahhhhh gimme asspats ya'll!
I wonder if she feels rejected by Riley for some reason. Narcissistic injury perhaps.
"Being a parent is already 24/7 guilt/stress/anxiety" Give me a break. Because normally she's really on top of parenting things

While she literally clutters the world with more content indiscernible from her “real content”.

The scallop potato things is really gross even for her.

 

[multiverse]

The scallop potato things is really gross even for her.

Yep, if she's admitting to scarfing cold leftovers up on the shitter - where she's probably trying to hide a binge from Jolene and make sure her young son doesn't get a bite of HER binge - the reality is probably much, much worse.

That she thinks this scenario is lulzy and super relatable is a testament to just how bad her food addiction is.

 

[JesusChristSuperstar]

What a weird play for sympathy. She says finding it difficult to "put out content" and she's not going to be giving "tiktok dances, bread recipes, or hair tutorials in quarantine" but she wouldn't be doing that out of quarantine either. Why is suddenly acting like what she does takes her being "creative enough"? She sells herself as a supermodel, where she tries to present an image of her getting glam constantly and among the famous. If she was actually getting work as a model quarantine would be hurting her not because she couldn't put out content but because she couldn't go out and gather with others to model. Is she so put off from her lack of modeling work that she won't even mention it even when she has a real excuse for not doing it?

Anyway I guess she got the asspats she wanted because she was thanking everyone for the support on her insta stories. I'm mostly posting this because I'm wondering why she looks so yellow? Is that just me, or the lighting, or what?

 

[multiverse]

What a weird play for sympathy. She says finding it difficult to "put out content" and she's not going to be giving "tiktok dances, bread recipes, or hair tutorials in quarantine" but she wouldn't be doing that out of quarantine either. Why is suddenly acting like what she does takes her being "creative enough"? She sells herself as a supermodel, where she tries to present an image of her getting glam constantly and among the famous. If she was actually getting work as a model quarantine would be hurting her not because she couldn't put out content but because she couldn't go out and gather with others to model. Is she so put off from her lack of modeling work that she won't even mention it even when she has a real excuse for not doing it?

Anyway I guess she got the asspats she wanted because she was thanking everyone for the support on her insta stories. I'm mostly posting this because I'm wondering why she looks so yellow? Is that just me, or the lighting, or what?

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She bright red and sweating balls from another short walk.

After which she will reward herself with funfetti twinkies and midnight toilet potatoes.

 

[SnarkySperg]

'I'm doing my best' is Narc Speak. That's what narc parents say when called on their shit. 'I did my best.' I just saw someone say this online the other day--this person asked their mom why she abused them and she said 'I did my best'. It's never them actually doing their best, it's their excuse, what they tell themselves to justify in their heads that they're abusive pieces of shit.

 

[RainbowStarlight]

I'm wondering why she looks so yellow? Is that just me, or the lighting, or what?

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Kidney failure LOL.

Fantastic username by the way.

 

[mrspotatohead]

Parenting a 3 year old can be a PITA but also has the potential to be magical... IF YOU'RE AN ENGAGED PARENT. Nothing beats sharing the wonder of a small tot's first discoveries about the world. That being said, why is she finding this especially stressful as a parent? CoVD isn't cutting a swath through the pediatric population - anything but. Kids are probably least likely to get seriously ill. Could it be... that she's suddenly forced to, (horrors!), spend more time than she cares to with her own child?

Right? If she's potty trained him FINALLY like she recently announced, what is she worried about? All the things for kids that are hard to find right now are formula, diapers, and wipes. Things he should have long grown out of. It's also challenging to keep fresh fruit and vegetables on hand if you're truly only shopping once a week/once every other week, but we all know none of that is the issue here.

 

[rocknrollmartian]

'I'm doing my best' is Narc Speak. That's what narc parents say when called on their shit. 'I did my best.' I just saw someone say this online the other day--this person asked their mom why she abused them and she said 'I did my best'. It's never them actually doing their best, it's their excuse, what they tell themselves to justify in their heads that they're abusive pieces of shit.

Yep, it's always "I did my best" or "that didn't happen." Tess hasn't done her best one damn day in her life as a parent or even as a human.

Also, this pandemic has really exposed the hyper-insecure on social media: "If anyone seems to be doing relatively OK, having fun with their kids, or baking stuff, they're lying!" Those are not huge feats or particularly demanding for many people in the US during this time or any other time. Tess just told on herself. She is useless.

 

[hambeerlyingnreed]

It's for a podcast called "Scissoring Isn't a Thing" talking about her "queer experience". Should be eyeroll-inducing: found here

Scissoring isn't a thing... if your fupa is in the way.

 

[Pandemic at the disco]

What a weird play for sympathy. She says finding it difficult to "put out content" and she's not going to be giving "tiktok dances, bread recipes, or hair tutorials in quarantine" but she wouldn't be doing that out of quarantine either. Why is suddenly acting like what she does takes her being "creative enough"? She sells herself as a supermodel, where she tries to present an image of her getting glam constantly and among the famous. If she was actually getting work as a model quarantine would be hurting her not because she couldn't put out content but because she couldn't go out and gather with others to model. Is she so put off from her lack of modeling work that she won't even mention it even when she has a real excuse for not doing it?

Anyway I guess she got the asspats she wanted because she was thanking everyone for the support on her insta stories. I'm mostly posting this because I'm wondering why she looks so yellow? Is that just me, or the lighting, or what?

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Her upper lip grosses me out.

 

[sperginity]

Yep, if she's admitting to scarfing cold leftovers up on the shitter - where she's probably trying to hide a binge from Jolene and make sure her young son doesn't get a bite of HER binge - the reality is probably much, much worse.

That she thinks this scenario is lulzy and super relatable is a testament to just how bad her food addiction is.

I am pretty sure she was eating cold scalloped potatoes in the bathroom because her son was in the bathtub (she was "begging him not to drink the bath water"), and you can't leave little kids alone while they bathe or they can burn themselves or drown. so that poor kid had to watch his obese mom scarf cold leftovers because she was too gross to wait until the end of his bath to feed once more. That's fucking pathetic. it takes, what, 20 minutes to wash a very dirty child?

 

[multiverse]

Tess preened as her morbidly obese stylist told her how naturally pretty she is; continued her gayLARP by facetimeing "uncle" Olly; primped and put on her best lacy mummu to tell everyone how SAD she is; and other fun times.

 

[Water-T]

This new Batman reboot looks terrible. I mean, making the Joker gay and the Penguin a woman? PASS.

 

[Gay Mouth]

Spoiler: BOO