I came back say mainly this: Please leave :iconvarian4eves: alone and don't mistreat her despite what she did to me. You guys may be mad at her, I kind of am too but not that much and I am now feeling sorry for her. And it's not you she betrayed, it was me!
And she didn't call me the N-word, I thought she did, well I may have known she didn't so but that was a misunderstanding and I accused her of something she did not do, so please disregard that!Ashamed I didn't mean to lie about her, nor was in trying to.
Listen to me, please don't give her a hard time, please I beg you to be nice to her despite what she did. Don't shun her and treat her bad, she has lots to deal with and doesn't need anymore trouble, so please please please be nice to her! Get to know her too!
And I'm sure she regrets what she did and if I don't say anything or come to her defense and just leave like this, she's gonna be treated unnecessarily all because of me and I am not going to have that if I can help it and I'm not going to let her suffer! It's unloving of me and wouldn't be fair. And I know what it's like to be unfairly mistreated and just because something bad happened to me doesn't mean it has to happen to someone else too even if they deserve it! I still don't want to talk to her, sorry :iconvarian4eves: but I think she's suffering enough! So please give her a break!
Besides, all this is my own fault, I have not been a very good person and I've made unwise decisions and corrupted myself! I brought a lot of this mess on myself. And I admit I'm not that decent! Much of what they said or what you read on the Farms about me is true. In fact I went and told someone there "SHUT UP!" I'm not lying, it's true, I did, and there's no excuse for that, I really, really, really messed up! I even had the nerve to tell them "You're fortunate I don't and cannot wish death on anyone!" And that was very mean and disrespectful to say even to them and very inexcusable and very unacceptable and very very wrong. Someone once told me something like that and I was really hurt and offended!
So leave Varian4Eves alone, I'm the one you want! Please DO NOT be mean to her!
Also, I don't really want to leave DA, I do want to stay and maybe I'll come back, but it will never be the same as before anymore now that more is known about me than I wanted known about me! Maybe I won't leave, maybe I'll just go on an indefinite hiatus but don't rule out my leaving forever, I'm still highly likely to do that, but I will not close my DA account or my Fur Affinity account unless my mother insists I do.
And my decision to leave permanently was too quick and too spontaneous, and dishonest, and no one told me I had to leave, but I think my mother is wanting me to, she's not just worried about me, she's worried about herself too, and our safety! And what if she's right, what if we're not as safe as I want to think we are? What if she's not overreacting? We may have to flee our home all because of me and we may lose our benefits all because of me. And she told me not to do some things including making more bathroom-using pictures and I rejected her and insisted on doing what I wanted anyway. And if she finds out and she probably will, I might tell her, she's gonna give me a row and she's really not going to want me here anymore and insist I quit. She also told me a story of someone who did something that him not only have to disappear from the internet but from his home too! I forget the whole story and I don't know what happened to him, but this could be my mother and me too! And she's told me what I do affects everyone and I knew she was right but I didn't listen to her, I insisted on doing what I wanted!
I've caused all this mess and I've done enough (place S-word here), to myself, to my mother, to you guys, and to everyone else on this miserable, screwed-up planet. I'm nothing but trouble and I'm a danger to myself and everyone else around me, especially other Jehovah's Witnesses! (And Please don't distrust them because of me! I'm the one you want, leave them alone and be nice to them!)
I have other things about myself I cannot even say, it's too shameful although it's also on the Farms!
I know Varian4Eves did what she did but I still love her and I beg you all to leave her alone! I know some of you are mad at her, but, and I'm serious about this, Please respect her and be nice to her and treat her the way you want to be treated. Don't treat her like a monster, try to forgive her! Yes she did damage but still forgive her, and like I said, this is more my fault than anyone else's!
Here's what I'm gonna do, I'm going to take at least the next few months off Deviant Art and the rest of the internet and then we'll see how this goes from there. Otherwise, I'm afraid it really is good bye for me!
And with this I leave you. Off I go for the next few to several months, a year, or forever. In case I never come back, good bye.
ashamed emotihal GIF :ashamed: Smells Like Teen Spirit
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