Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Smiling Honeybadger]

I am sure super rich young hot guys are already forming a queue line all around Jolene's house to get their white trash princess Tess.

That got to be the trashiest photo I have seen at least today. Reducing yourself to your udders is sooo liberating and female empowerment and all the other bullshit.

And her face looks so weirdly distrorted an insane lot of forehead going on. Not sure if Tess pulled a Chantal and fucked around with the aspect ratio of the picture or used her hair to cover the fatter parts of her face.

I mean okay, You could write a whole essay about Fat Girl Angle Shots on the art photo "Trashy fame whore rams her honkers into Your face."

 

[multiverse]

This fat, stupid, child abandoning bitch is bragging on how Rylee is getting awards at school for academic performance since she left him with an old ex boyfriend - which is proof of what a great job she's doing, in her opinion! Oh, and she doxes the ex's (John) private Instagram.


This shit steams me. She can't let Rylee have one fucking achievement without her stealing his thunder because anything he does is because of her. How else is she supposed to soothe her ego when he starts thriving after she's out of his life?

 

[Angry New Ager]

Someone might be a bit thirsty...
View attachment 1268713 View attachment 1268714

Yeah, Tessie, because dead, vacant eyes above two pendulous, half-gallon sacks of mayo are so alluring.

She doesn't see what a grotesque and unwitting parody of beauty and sensuality her pics are, and that the joke is entirely on her. Fortunately for us, her Narcissism will never let her see it.

That said, in all the years people have been taking selfies on their phones, I've never understood why so many insist upon taking them in their cars. Seriously, there's nothing sexy about your seatbelt, or the bland stock gray/taupe/black interior of your ride. GTFO of the car and go find a decent little bit of background; your minivan, especially with bog roll in the background, doesn't fucking cut it.

She is doing slightly better than most tatted-up white trash mamas who take pouty car-selfies with their fat boobs on display, however; Bowie's car seat isn't visible (nor is Bowie).

Please tell me she didn't go shopping in just a bra... And if she didn't why the fuck is she stripping in her car for Instagram?? Gross.

I'm sure she had a shirt on, but she's over 400lbs and it's been hot in the LA area. If she went somewhere and got out of the car, she was probably dying by the time she got back, so she ditched the shirt to better cool her bulk in front of the car's AC. And when you're a melting deathpig reduced to sitting in your underwear to stave off heat prostration, why not take come-hither selfies of your sweaty fatbags, so you can pretend you're gorgeous and desireable and Living Your Best Life on Instagram?

 

[burntgrilledcheese]

Lol can you imagine walking through the grocery store parking lot and seeing her struggling to wiggle out of a top

 

[Chupelohoney]

I don't know if it's been discussed but the documentary Fatopia features discussion about Tess. One UK plus model out it succinctly: she's completely rotund.
So in true fat basic bitch form she's gotta flop out the puppies, or in her case basset hounds.

 

[Tomssu]

Maybe I'm too old, but that mouthbreather pose is super annoying...

 

[Water-T]

I don't know which is more off-putting: Tess' swollen fish lips, her flabby tri-chin, or her ghetto-ass corn chip nails.

 

[multiverse]

View attachment 1269439 View attachment 1269441
Maybe I'm too old, but that mouthbreather pose is super annoying...

Lol, she's "experimenting" with little to no makeup because, as I posted about previously, she has never picked up any practical beauty skill herself. So she's stuck with one of two hairstyles (high ponytail or flat ironed) and one makeup look with rotating colors of eyeliner or lipstick (foundation, mascara, winged liner, overdrawn lips).

 

[Water-T]

I was just about to say that. Bitch , close your mouth. ffs

Tess is doing the tired trick of posing with her mouth open so her face will look more slender.

Bitch could open her mouth as wide as a cottonmouth snake and her face would still be as fat as sin.

 

[multiverse]

Tess is doing the tired trick of posing with her mouth open so her face will look more slender.

Bitch could open her mouth as wide as a cottonmouth snake and her face would still be as fat as sin.

I always loved when she would try that face on a red carpet and all it did was make her look fat AND retarded.

 

[Punkinsplice]

Can we talk about her jaundice colored eyeliner? That should not exist, but certainly not on a white woman.

 

[Cpl. Long Dong Silver]

She looks so fucking GREASY

 

[SnarkySperg]

Please tell me she didn't go shopping in just a bra... And if she didn't why the fuck is she stripping in her car for Instagram?? Gross.

She has said before that bras as outerwear are her 'aesthetic' I think. I only remember because it was such a trashy thing to say that it stood out to me. I don't think she went out in just a bralette, but it's entirely possible and if called out she'd probably tell them off. It's a quarantine, so she'd probably hide behind that excuse.

This fat, stupid, child abandoning bitch is bragging on how Rylee is getting awards at school for academic performance since she left him with an old ex boyfriend - which is proof of what a great job she's doing, in her opinion! Oh, and she doxes the ex's (John) private Instagram.
View attachment 1269319View attachment 1269320View attachment 1269321

This shit steams me. She can't let Rylee have one fucking achievement without her stealing his thunder because anything he does is because of her. How else is she supposed to soothe her ego when he starts thriving after she's out of his life?

I fucking hate her. I hate parents who only have children to feed their narc supply and once that runs out they no longer care but will pretend to. And Tess, what have you done for Rylee? The best possible thing you can do for him is terminate your parental rights and stay out of his life.

View attachment 1269439 View attachment 1269441
Maybe I'm too old, but that mouthbreather pose is super annoying...

Still wanting a beauty brand Tess?

The minimal makeup really shows how bad she looks without it. Like, she's one of those people who needs makeup to not look sickly.

 

[Andre Richardson]

I always loved when she would try that face on a red carpet and all it did was make her look fat AND exceptional.
View attachment 1269484View attachment 1269485

Why the fuck is her mouth open? Is she a fish or something? No wonder both keep getting overfeed and fat.

EDIT: grammar

 

[SnarkySperg]

Why the fuck is her mouth open? Is she a fish or something? No wonder both keep getting overfeed and fat.

EDIT: grammar

I think it's an attempt to hide her jowls. Also might be an attempt to look model-like, and models don't smile on the runway.

 

[Water-T]

She looks so fucking GREASY

Excuse you shitlord, but Tess is DEWY!

 

[Angry New Ager]

View attachment 1269439 View attachment 1269441
Maybe I'm too old,...

That's okay; so is Tess.

...but that mouthbreather pose is super annoying...

It just makes her look even less intelligent than she really is. If she could manage to get some expression in her eyes beyond "lobotomized" or "zonked on pills," it would help. It's not a good look on Lana Del Rey, and it's always been a really bad one on her. But these days, with all the fillers and extra fat distorting her features, and the it almost makes her look Downs-y (and I hate even typing that because it's an insult to Downies).

 

[Chupelohoney]

The one thing she had ( and I am scraping the bottom of the barrel) was having a relatively thin face in comparison to the pile of dough body.
Now her face flabby/swollen like the rest of her.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Greased Pig in a Bikini (circa 2020, colorized)

 

[Single_Sock]

Greased Pig in a Bikini (circa 2020, colorized)
View attachment 1271812

I love how the hearts on her bikini really brings out how massive her gunt is and how saggy her tits are. Why would anyone see that and want to buy it? Terrible advertising. 0/10