- Joined
- Jun 23, 2013
Oh yes, it's definitely foolish of him, no question there.
حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker
- Thread starter Null
- Start date
Oh yes, it's definitely foolish of him, no question there.
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2013
I'm sorry to say this guys, but I'm not going to post any additional chapters of Alphaboy. I don't want to have another fiasco like I did with Eva. In other news, my math class is coming to a close, and I'm feeling the urge to write more.
I've also PM'd Molly, but I'm certain she's fled from this site.
I've also PM'd Molly, but I'm certain she's fled from this site.
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2013
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2013
I'm very sorry, Smutley. I just feel that Kiwi Farms isn't the place for me to post my writing.
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2013
Makes sense. Like I pointed out in my last post, the majority of users here are on your ass constantly for anything. youre damned if you do, damned if you don't. Sucks tho bc I was enjoying the bit of Alphaboy you had posted, but all in all, I understand your decision.
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2015
Honestly? Good. Stop writing for an audience and write for enjoyment again.
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2013
I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying I'm disappointed we won't get to see it come along.
- Joined
- May 18, 2014
Honest question here Connor. How do you expect to grow as a writer and as a person if you throw childish fits every time someone offers constructive criticism?
Edit: I'm not talking about the people who go "Lol its teh Connot u Suck!" every time you show up, those people are idiots and you should ignore them.
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2013
I'm fragile, Ruin. Very, very fragile.
- Joined
- May 18, 2014
Why? You clearly have parents who love you and many people on this forum who wish for you to succeed. Why waste time and energy on people who don't like you when so many do?
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2013
You're right. I'm just so used to seeing the glass as being half-empty.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Since Connor will not be posting any additional Alphaboy chapters, it is my sacred duty to give the Kiwis the story they didn't know they were craving.
The Amazing &/or Amusing Adventures of Alphaboy and Allies
Obligatory Superhero Origin Part
In the not so distant future there was a city that you might know or could imagine. In that city was a boy, the mild mannered Sean Gillespie. One day that boy was minding his own business playing with knives or whatever exactly it is that orphans do, when suddenly he was hit by a stray negging from a nearby and more importantly, radioactive pick-up artist!
“Hey baby, your eyebrows look like an owl in flight but I’d still fuck ya.”
The alpha waves radiating from the pick-up artist’s really fucking stupid looking hat caused permanent damage to Sean’s brain, transforming him into… ALPHABOY! With the combined powers of chinmaxing and negging, Alphaboy must defend the Connorverse from the poorly defined but certainly present forces of evil.
Part One of Many
The dream was always the same. Fuck. Wrong story.
It must have been the first day of high school, Sean always levitated above his bed on the first day of high school and right now he was floaty as fuck. It was an unconscious habit, kind of like wetting the bed, but in time he would learn to master it. Until that day came he would keep on hovering around like a dipshit and exchanging dry nights for Good Boy Points™.
It was an important day, mostly in the symbolic sense. Realistically speaking you could easily not attend the first day of classes, instead you could hang around the wharf throwing rocks at seagulls and hitting on people that are probably your cousins and not miss anything important. Lots of cool people did that, unlike hovering around the bedroom like a retarded moth.
Shaking it. (I don’t know where this came from but I’m leaving it in, like it seriously just appeared in my word document. Fuck literary conventions we're doing it live).
Ever since that fateful day with the radioactive pick-up artist, doctors were trying out to find out what exactly his deal was. They found that ever since he started eating the nut cheerios, they’ve lost him weight and he’ll never go bald. Other than that though he seemed pretty ordinary, as much as a big levitating loser could be ordinary anyway.
With Sean’s bifocally enhanced vision he could see through the window, among other transparent objects. He could also hear outside the house too, as if the sound was somehow travelling through the air and into his room. His alpha senses were becoming quite powerful, no matter how much his bitch mom told him that he doesn’t have them and regular people can do these things. Could a normal person have noticed the black Audi with tinted windows not moving for upwards of eight hours? Doubtful, they would have went to sleep instead of staring outside at a motionless vehicle for like eight hours because normal people are pussies and need to sleep.
***No Bullying Zone Please Do Not Bully***
Joe Gillespie noticed that his hair was grey, good thing his trusty bifocals were there to enhance his vision. First Sonic’s arms going blue and now this, the world’s been going to shit ever since he stopped taming lions.
He heard Mary sniffling from the bedroom, she was probably posting on the Kiwi Farms again about how they were better adoptive parents than some fat kid. From the sounds of it, she must have gotten a negative rating.
“What do you mean off-topic? Isn’t this the thread where I share all my personal details and then people praise me for being better than a person who sets the bar so low that moles trip on it while burrowing?”
Joe hadn’t seen her get this worked up since the time CatParty rated her dumb at the baseball related foreshadowing event. Remember that shit where the World Series explodes or whatever from the Wrong Planet description of this story? That shit was tight and probably is related thematically somehow.
“I’m sure it was a mistake dear.” Joe sighed, the lions were a lot easier to deal with than this woman.
“Why aren’t you validating my lifestyle on the online?” Mary flapped her hands and nothing bad happened.
“Shouldn’t you be more concerned about our mutant son getting burnt at the stake for being a witch on his first day of school?” Joe looked around for a stool, those always worked with the lions.
“Joe, you should know better than anyone that we as adoptive parents are incapable of genuine love &/or concern for Sean.”
“That’s a good point dear.”
“So are you going to sign in and rate me feels or what?”
“Give me a fucking minute, I’m writing a letter to Sega in hopes that they change my hair colour back to normal.”
Sean showed up to ask something or other, but as negligent adoptive parents Joe and Mary ignored the faint and somehow fat whining coming from the boy. He’d figure out how to get to school on his own, or maybe get lost and die in the woods. A win-win situation if Joe and Mary ever saw one.
***Dank Memes***
Sean’s keen alpha senses detected a wave-like disturbance in the air, using his alpha brain he deduced that it must have been coming from the bus engine. The bus had already stopped in front of him and at this point everyone was staring as Sean took a very leisurely stroll toward the bus using his alpha legs.
“Holy fuck dude, Moses crossed the desert faster than you walk.” The bus driver’s patience was leaving him like his hair did and his wife will.
Sean looked back at the Audi, remember the Audi from earlier? It’s still an Audi and is still also black. “That Audi isn’t going to be involved in any sort of attempt to murder me now is it?”
“Get on the fucking bus.”
Sean got on the fucking bus and sat down next to some sort of gorilla creature from a far off land. “Hey, brother!” Sean was shocked that it could speak, but there was something familiar about this ape man that he couldn’t quite place.
The more Sean looked at the monkey guy the more it started to resemble three fifths of an actual person. “Terry? Is that you?”
“Let me tell you something brother, I am not Terry, I am the Hulkster!” The essence of righteousness and the American way radiated from the Hulkster’s skin.
Sean wasn’t feeling very comfortable in the presence of a real American such as the Hulkster, and black Audi of anxiety seemed to be following behind them. Black things were just naturally worse than things of other brighter colours, Sean thought to himself privately using his alpha self-telepathy. “Hulkster, I’ve got a bad feeling about the black Audi that stalks my every move.”
“I fear no man, no beast or evil, brother.” The Hulkster’s optimism was refreshing, even though a more enlightened person would be jaded and cynical like Sean.
“You should be more jaded and cynical like me, optimism has no place in our bleak modern society.” Sean tipped his alpha fedora, sending euphoria hurtling through the air with his every word.
The Hulkster chuckled. “Negativity and Hulkamania: Two things that don’t go together.”
“But seriously dude I think that car wants to kill me.” Sean turned to face the Audi and realized it had been a matchbox car in his hand this entire time. His alpha senses didn’t help at all.
Obligatory Superhero Origin Part
In the not so distant future there was a city that you might know or could imagine. In that city was a boy, the mild mannered Sean Gillespie. One day that boy was minding his own business playing with knives or whatever exactly it is that orphans do, when suddenly he was hit by a stray negging from a nearby and more importantly, radioactive pick-up artist!
“Hey baby, your eyebrows look like an owl in flight but I’d still fuck ya.”
The alpha waves radiating from the pick-up artist’s really fucking stupid looking hat caused permanent damage to Sean’s brain, transforming him into… ALPHABOY! With the combined powers of chinmaxing and negging, Alphaboy must defend the Connorverse from the poorly defined but certainly present forces of evil.
Part One of Many
The dream was always the same. Fuck. Wrong story.
It must have been the first day of high school, Sean always levitated above his bed on the first day of high school and right now he was floaty as fuck. It was an unconscious habit, kind of like wetting the bed, but in time he would learn to master it. Until that day came he would keep on hovering around like a dipshit and exchanging dry nights for Good Boy Points™.
It was an important day, mostly in the symbolic sense. Realistically speaking you could easily not attend the first day of classes, instead you could hang around the wharf throwing rocks at seagulls and hitting on people that are probably your cousins and not miss anything important. Lots of cool people did that, unlike hovering around the bedroom like a retarded moth.
Shaking it. (I don’t know where this came from but I’m leaving it in, like it seriously just appeared in my word document. Fuck literary conventions we're doing it live).
Ever since that fateful day with the radioactive pick-up artist, doctors were trying out to find out what exactly his deal was. They found that ever since he started eating the nut cheerios, they’ve lost him weight and he’ll never go bald. Other than that though he seemed pretty ordinary, as much as a big levitating loser could be ordinary anyway.
With Sean’s bifocally enhanced vision he could see through the window, among other transparent objects. He could also hear outside the house too, as if the sound was somehow travelling through the air and into his room. His alpha senses were becoming quite powerful, no matter how much his bitch mom told him that he doesn’t have them and regular people can do these things. Could a normal person have noticed the black Audi with tinted windows not moving for upwards of eight hours? Doubtful, they would have went to sleep instead of staring outside at a motionless vehicle for like eight hours because normal people are pussies and need to sleep.
***No Bullying Zone Please Do Not Bully***
Joe Gillespie noticed that his hair was grey, good thing his trusty bifocals were there to enhance his vision. First Sonic’s arms going blue and now this, the world’s been going to shit ever since he stopped taming lions.
He heard Mary sniffling from the bedroom, she was probably posting on the Kiwi Farms again about how they were better adoptive parents than some fat kid. From the sounds of it, she must have gotten a negative rating.
“What do you mean off-topic? Isn’t this the thread where I share all my personal details and then people praise me for being better than a person who sets the bar so low that moles trip on it while burrowing?”
Joe hadn’t seen her get this worked up since the time CatParty rated her dumb at the baseball related foreshadowing event. Remember that shit where the World Series explodes or whatever from the Wrong Planet description of this story? That shit was tight and probably is related thematically somehow.
“I’m sure it was a mistake dear.” Joe sighed, the lions were a lot easier to deal with than this woman.
“Why aren’t you validating my lifestyle on the online?” Mary flapped her hands and nothing bad happened.
“Shouldn’t you be more concerned about our mutant son getting burnt at the stake for being a witch on his first day of school?” Joe looked around for a stool, those always worked with the lions.
“Joe, you should know better than anyone that we as adoptive parents are incapable of genuine love &/or concern for Sean.”
“That’s a good point dear.”
“So are you going to sign in and rate me feels or what?”
“Give me a fucking minute, I’m writing a letter to Sega in hopes that they change my hair colour back to normal.”
Sean showed up to ask something or other, but as negligent adoptive parents Joe and Mary ignored the faint and somehow fat whining coming from the boy. He’d figure out how to get to school on his own, or maybe get lost and die in the woods. A win-win situation if Joe and Mary ever saw one.
***Dank Memes***
Sean’s keen alpha senses detected a wave-like disturbance in the air, using his alpha brain he deduced that it must have been coming from the bus engine. The bus had already stopped in front of him and at this point everyone was staring as Sean took a very leisurely stroll toward the bus using his alpha legs.
“Holy fuck dude, Moses crossed the desert faster than you walk.” The bus driver’s patience was leaving him like his hair did and his wife will.
Sean looked back at the Audi, remember the Audi from earlier? It’s still an Audi and is still also black. “That Audi isn’t going to be involved in any sort of attempt to murder me now is it?”
“Get on the fucking bus.”
Sean got on the fucking bus and sat down next to some sort of gorilla creature from a far off land. “Hey, brother!” Sean was shocked that it could speak, but there was something familiar about this ape man that he couldn’t quite place.
The more Sean looked at the monkey guy the more it started to resemble three fifths of an actual person. “Terry? Is that you?”
“Let me tell you something brother, I am not Terry, I am the Hulkster!” The essence of righteousness and the American way radiated from the Hulkster’s skin.
Sean wasn’t feeling very comfortable in the presence of a real American such as the Hulkster, and black Audi of anxiety seemed to be following behind them. Black things were just naturally worse than things of other brighter colours, Sean thought to himself privately using his alpha self-telepathy. “Hulkster, I’ve got a bad feeling about the black Audi that stalks my every move.”
“I fear no man, no beast or evil, brother.” The Hulkster’s optimism was refreshing, even though a more enlightened person would be jaded and cynical like Sean.
“You should be more jaded and cynical like me, optimism has no place in our bleak modern society.” Sean tipped his alpha fedora, sending euphoria hurtling through the air with his every word.
The Hulkster chuckled. “Negativity and Hulkamania: Two things that don’t go together.”
“But seriously dude I think that car wants to kill me.” Sean turned to face the Audi and realized it had been a matchbox car in his hand this entire time. His alpha senses didn’t help at all.
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2015
@Connor while there will always be assholes and trolls, people here do offer constructive criticism and help. You're certainly free to do as you please with your writing, but I think it's worthwhile to post your writing where you can receive help. Don't be like other lolcows, such as Dobson, and reject all criticism.
Some of us here actually have experience. Without revealing my power level, I have a bachelor of science degree in a writing heavy field, have worked as a copy editor, and while I may be a jerk, I genuinely try to help people who want to get better. You seem like a good kid, who doesn't want to be a cow, so I wish you the best on recovering.
Some of us here actually have experience. Without revealing my power level, I have a bachelor of science degree in a writing heavy field, have worked as a copy editor, and while I may be a jerk, I genuinely try to help people who want to get better. You seem like a good kid, who doesn't want to be a cow, so I wish you the best on recovering.
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2013
I wonder where Mrs. Ringwald is. Again, we must have scared her off.
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2013
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2014
Honestly, in Kiwi Farms you've found an audience of people who want to read what you write. I'd say it's a great place to post your writing, especially since it's near-universally agreed that Alphaboy is a big improvement over Redesigning Eva.
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2013
Thanks. I think my biggest problem with Redesigning Eva, other than the gratuitous pop-culture references and mean-spiritedness, was that I put to much of myself into it. I may have said this before, but the initial draft of it was junk. It's probably the worst thing I've ever written. I think Eva has the potential to be a good psychological sci-fi/horror story, but I've got a long way to go before it could even be considered readable.
What I was trying to go for was a Molly Ringwald movie from Hell. Like if Nicholas Winding Refn teamed with David Lynch and John Hughes.
nad7155
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2014
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2014
Well, you got the "hell" part right at least.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Shouldn't you have been going for it to be a book instead? There's differences in how to approach different media, you know?