Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

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Yeah, Busy Phillips is totally her friend

Shut up you clout chasing Moby Dick

Tess was on Busy's now-canceled show. They're totally BFF's!

 

[SnarkySperg]

Hmm is trouble brewing for Tess? I missed the first slide which said "CANCEL CANCEL CULTURE", but the rest of them are here. Is our Tess finally feeling some heat from all her hypocrisy and black fetishism and tokenism?

This fucking bitch. Didn't she, like, two weeks ago, post something trying to get some reporter 'canceled' for boarding up windows during a riot for a piece? Is she fucking serious right now?

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Tess is totally not bothered by someone calling her out.

Is...is she actually trying to act like she knows more about health than someone in fucking medical school??? I'm actually fucking stunned right now. My brain can't even process this, it's so stupid.

This bitch is living in a fantasy world. There's no way around it. She's 100% a pathological liar and just can't help it anymore.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Absolute unit

 

[Dorsia.Reservation]

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Absolute unit

she's a unit alright...I've seen refrigeration units smaller than her.

But she is totally healthy!
Her knees must be shot to hell.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

She's almost, if not, half the width of that bed.

 

[Vastly Amused]

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Absolute unit

"Fuck the Police", says the immobile lard sack who would be the first one to cry for the police if someone rolled her helpless spherical ass down an incline during a riot. She's totally incapable of defending herself--she can't lift her colossal arms quickly enough to strike or block, and she couldn't outrun a crawling toddler.

She looks older and fatter than ever in that picture, and her face looked alarming when the picture is enlarged--almost like Caitlyn Jenner's. Her face has been aging HARD in just the last couple of years, and I can't help but wonder if it's from alcohol abuse. Her lips look both mangled and bloated--I can't tell if from having more restylane injected, the horrific juvenile duckface she's making, or a combination thereof.

 

[melty]

She meeting a feeder paypig in a hotel again?

 

[Angry New Ager]

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Weed-infused ice cream? I'd say, "Well, it's way down in San Diego," but just about anywhere in San Diego is closer to Costa Mesa than the Madonna Inn (where she went for that champage cake). So I guess we know where her next, "I've got to get the fuck out of this apartment and away from Jolene and my kid (and come up with fresh Insta content, too)" day trip is going to take her.

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"I miss my job," accompanied by a photo taken either before, or only shortly after, she started getting her lips pumped full of fillers. Which was pretty much the last time she could honestly say she had a job.

View attachment 1405972
Tess is totally not bothered by someone calling her out.

That's a whole lot of not caring. So much not caring.

If she could take a single pill and wake up like her Project Harpoon "after" photos in the morning, she would do it in a heartbeat. Ryann is a shallow, stupid, vapid person and the only thing standing between her and being exactly like any other Hollywood wannabe or hanger-on is the extra 300+ pounds she's dragging around.

LOL. If she could take a magic pill and be a legit size 22 again, she'd be on that shit like...well, like a pint of weed-infused ice cream.

(In the unlikely event that actually happened, I'd hope for a Monkey's Paw scenario, where all the weight suddenly fell off--leaving her stretched-out skin, deflated tits, and artificially-enhanced face looking just as they naturally would. Because yeah, I'm a bitch like that.)

Sweetie, if you keep eating weed-infused ice cream, you're never going to have a job outside of feeder fetish porn again.

LOL, as if she's ever going to have a job outside of feeder fetish porn again. Nobody in the LA/OC area will hire her, even to work in a supermarket like her ex, because she's a massive, unsightly deathfatty. Even for a sedentary job, being as huge as she is disqualifies her. She claims to love living in a part of the country that is as vain and image-obsessed as she is, but that only works for a deathfatty as long as they've got at least a little bit of fame and are getting regular work in entertainment/media. But for a washed-up "model" who got too fat to fit into the clothes, and who has no other skills she can bank on? She's going to have a really bad time tring to find a job. And given that she's had her taste of fame and is still thirsty as hell for it? She's not going to adjust well to being an employee again, that's for goddamn sure.

Okay, that said, having watched her frantic virtue signalling, does anybody else suspect a black boyfriend saga is likely, in order to give her a bit of "I'm not racist!" cred?

Given that she doesn't really like black people, and has only posed with the most superficial and easily-palatable bits of black culture before, he can't be "too ghetto." And given how vain she is, he'd have to be reasonably fit and good-looking, and making decent money. But if she could get even a couple of dates out of a guy like that, she could flog the living fuck out of it to her haters on Insta.

 

[multiverse]

She meeting a feeder paypig in a hotel again?

Agreed, that is not Jolene's home and she looks larger than she has in any previous feeder hotel shoots.

Edit: holy shit the hanging gunts. The linebacker shoulders. The no-neck syndrome. Girl is built bigger than three NFL linebackers stuck together - at barely five feet tall.

Nice fake hair.


Edit 2: FIVE CHINS.

 

[Sparklepants]

Weed-infused ice cream? I'd say, "Well, it's way down in San Diego," but just about anywhere in San Diego is closer to Costa Mesa than the Madonna Inn (where she went for that champage cake). So I guess we know where her next, "I've got to get the fuck out of this apartment and away from Jolene and my kid (and come up with fresh Insta content, too)" day trip is going to take her.

"I miss my job," accompanied by a photo taken either before, or only shortly after, she started getting her lips pumped full of fillers. Which was pretty much the last time she could honestly say she had a job.
That's a whole lot of not caring. So much not caring.
LOL. If she could take a magic pill and be a legit size 22 again, she'd be on that shit like...well, like a pint of weed-infused ice cream.

(In the unlikely event that actually happened, I'd hope for a Monkey's Paw scenario, where all the weight suddenly fell off--leaving her stretched-out skin, deflated tits, and artificially-enhanced face looking just as they naturally would. Because yeah, I'm a bitch like that.)

LOL, as if she's ever going to have a job outside of feeder fetish porn again. Nobody in the LA/OC area will hire her, even to work in a supermarket like her ex, because she's a massive, unsightly deathfatty. Even for a sedentary job, being as huge as she is disqualifies her. She claims to love living in a part of the country that is as vain and image-obsessed as she is, but that only works for a deathfatty as long as they've got at least a little bit of fame and are getting regular work in entertainment/media. But for a washed-up "model" who got too fat to fit into the clothes, and who has no other skills she can bank on? She's going to have a really bad time tring to find a job. And given that she's had her taste of fame and is still thirsty as hell for it? She's not going to adjust well to being an employee again, that's for goddamn sure.

Okay, that said, having watched her frantic virtue signalling, does anybody else suspect a black boyfriend saga is likely, in order to give her a bit of "I'm not racist!" cred?

Given that she doesn't really like black people, and has only posed with the most superficial and easily-palatable bits of black culture before, he can't be "too ghetto." And given how vain she is, he'd have to be reasonably fit and good-looking, and making decent money. But if she could get even a couple of dates out of a guy like that, she could flog the living fuck out of it to her haters on Insta.

At BEST I could see her getting a shit retail job at the plus size thrift boutique in LA but that would require her hyping up other fat girls instead of having them worship the ground she walks on.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

This fucking bitch. Didn't she, like, two weeks ago, post something trying to get some reporter 'canceled' for boarding up windows during a riot for a piece? Is she fucking serious right now?

Is...is she actually trying to act like she knows more about health than someone in fucking medical school??? I'm actually fucking stunned right now. My brain can't even process this, it's so stupid.

This bitch is living in a fantasy world. There's no way around it. She's 100% a pathological liar and just can't help it anymore.

Agreed, that is not Jolene's home and she looks larger than she has in any previous feeder hotel shoots.

Edit: holy shit the hanging gunts. The linebacker shoulders. The no-neck syndrome. Girl is built bigger than three NFL linebackers stuck together - at barely five feet tall.

Nice fake hair.
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Edit 2: FIVE CHINS.

She just looks so...hard...like you know the first thing out of her mouth would be a string of curses directed at her children.

 

[SnarkySperg]

Hot take, but I don't know that I see her having any real desire to lose weight. She's the type who thinks the world should bend to her will instead of her adapting to the world. Also, it'd ruin her tattoos.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Hot take, but I don't know that I see her having any real desire to lose weight. She's the type who thinks the world should bend to her will instead of her adapting to the world. Also, it'd ruin her tattoos.

Most of all, losing weight would mean permanently changing how much and what she eats. Food is one of her favorite drugs, and no amount of health and fitness LARPing will convince me otherwise.

 

[OttoWest]

A bellybutton so deep you could fist it.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Stunning and brave

 

[Angry New Ager]

Hot take, but I don't know that I see her having any real desire to lose weight. She's the type who thinks the world should bend to her will instead of her adapting to the world. Also, it'd ruin her tattoos.

She (like virtually all fatties discussed here) has no desire to actually do any of the things that would be required of her in order to lose weight. She wants to keep on eating exactly as she always has, indulging every craving, and doesn't want to change any of her habits. Like Chantal, she doesn't tolerate restrictions, being told what to do, or feeling any sense of deprivation, and is also incapable of living beyond the day (that she's got almost two decades of modeling behind her and has acquired no other skills by which to make a living once she inevitably got too old/fat makes that clear).

But nobody (least of all Tess) can convince me that she loves being fat, loves her body as it is, and doesn't resent that she's had to make the best of being a deathfatty, rather than be a thin, hot chick. Nobody can convince me she hasn't fantasized--and doesn't still fantasize--about how fabulous her life would be, and how rich and famous she'd be, if she were thin.

So if, by some miracle, she could be thin without changing anything she currently does? I totally believe she'd jump at it. Every damned fatty here would. But that isn't going to happen, so they'll all keep seeking solace in being able to eat whatever they want, in whatever quantities, and keep on being not-so-secretly miserable while at the same time not changing a damned thing.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Tess got flack for her “effthepolice” post on Instagram, so like anyone that’s secure in their position, she points out people that agree with her:

Also, Tess wouldn’t last a day in a police free city.

 

[Easy Peasy]

The best part for us, is that all of this would go away for her if she would just shut the fuck up for a few days on social media. But, she loves attention almost as much as she loves food, so we eat like kings off of her elite bovine tendencies.

She'd self flaggellate in the public square if she could lift her arms long enough

Edit for poor spelling choices.

 

[SnarkySperg]

I just recently learned what intersectionality is and it's basically just 'how many victim labels can I adorn myself with?' and I'm so confused as to what that has to do with anything here. I'm not sure they understand the term, which would explain why they don't try to explain the sentiment.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

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Stunning and brave

Her standard pose can no longer hide her girth, those toes are spreading even further apart and can this bitch keep her mouth closed ever? If she's not doing the slack-jawed idiot face, she's sticking her tongue out. You'd think a SUPERMODEL of 10 years would have more range.