Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[JambledUpWords]

 

[Local Fed]

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And your knees are still on pace to need to be replaced by the time that you're 40, assuming that the inevitable heart attack doesn't claim you first.

 

[GrouchiCorn]

You STILL dumped your kid off on someone else
You STILL don't have your own place

 

[Questionable Ceviche]

And your knees are still on pace to need to be replaced by the time that you're 40, assuming that the inevitable heart attack doesn't claim you first.

She's not a candidate for elective surgery like a knee replacement. She's too heavy to safely sedate. It's going to be a mobility scooter, disability payments, and under the table feeder porn/sex work for Tess.

 

[Dorsia.Reservation]

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Pretty fucking rich of her to post that first one.
Especially since her fetish post of her son witb omg a BLACK BOY!
And with her sending flowers to random black people who don't even know her.

 

[SnarkySperg]

Ah Tess, reminiscing about the days when JVN was nothing but her main hair gay with a little YouTube channel.

She must rue the fucking day when E! gave her a "Oscars red carpet from home" webcast and she was too busy stuffing her face and demanding that JVN entertain her to realize that it she was handing him an audition for his own show - when she was the one testing for an E! spot.

Her saltiness over it has surfaced at various times over the years, namely putting him on blast when he didn't IMMEDIATELY text her back while filming when she unexpectedly arrived in NYC for some type of job. How dare he not know his place?

God, I remember watching that old E! live and thinking he was having to be a little performing monkey for his so-called friend. But Ryann was too busy with the copious craft services table prepared by her feeder Nikki, and the rest is history.

What's the story here? I didn't know about this.

Tess got some woke merchandise:
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Tess, you are a Karen, be quiet.

 

[Beluga]

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I cannot wait to hear Tess' takes on all these incredibly complex, extremely nuanced geopolitical issues that have been plaguing this planet for decades. She wouldn't even be able to point on a map half of the countries mentioned in that garbage post. She really needs to shut up and keep stuffing her maw with those peanuts.

 

[Constellationzero]

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So what is this trend with trashy middle finger necklaces and fuck yous and eff this and eff that? I get that Guntster is supposed to be a supahmoddle, but I would think you'd want your public persona to be professional and personable, not aggressive, bombastic, and acrid. How does THIS behavior prompt people to care about you or your message? How does this not look like a sample of what employers will be dealing with on the jobsite?
This isn't quirky or edgy, it's gross and shows low emotional intelligence. Moddleing is not just for bodies, it's for poise and demeanor too.

 

[multiverse]

What's the story here? I didn't know about this.

This may have been covered in the early days of the thread: Tess was assigned a Facebook Live E! Red Carpet show while she was pregnant with Bowie, so it was probably early 2016. She was supposed to make witty reviews of the red carpet outfits but instead just instructed the three friends who showed up for her "party" to tell her about the outfits. The first two friends, a couple, were obviously uncomfortable and had no interest in being on her Live. Jonathan, the third friend at this "party", was the only one making any attempt to be funny or witty about the outfits; and the entire thing was just Tess making Jonathan perform while she stuffed her face. It was the most boring thing I've ever watched to make fun of a cow.

But, it likely contributed to Jonathan getting on the revamped Queer Eye show. His "Gay of Thrones" YouTube show was also reasonably funny, where he did people's hair and gave catty episode recaps.

Tess herself is extremely stupid, vapid, and boring: a perfect recipe for dead air when she's not being interviewed by someone reasonably skillful. When she's a host, it's even worse.

 

[Water-T]

So what is this trend with trashy middle finger necklaces and fuck yous and eff this and eff that? I get that Guntster is supposed to be a supahmoddle, but I would think you'd want your public persona to be professional and personable, not aggressive, bombastic, and acrid. How does THIS behavior prompt people to care about you or your message? How does this not look like a sample of what employers will be dealing with on the jobsite?
This isn't quirky or edgy, it's gross and shows low emotional intelligence. Moddleing is not just for bodies, it's for poise and demeanor too.

The problem here is that Tess fails to understand that she was a token hire that has already been replaced with people higher on the Progressive Stack. She thinks she earned the right to be a diva like Naomi Campbell, Grace Jones, and Janice Dickinson - legends that made their mark in the modelling world and earned diva status.

 

[multiverse]

The problem here is that Tess fails to understand that she was a token hire that has already been replaced with people higher on the Progressive Stack. She thinks she earned the right to be a diva like Naomi Campbell, Grace Jones, and Janice Dickinson - legends that made their mark in the modelling world and earned diva status.

She's also an idiot for destroying her relationship with her old agency. They were the only reason she was getting booked - not just by H&M, Penningtons, and Torrid, but she was all over the talk show circuit for a few years. They were keeping her name out there constantly, hammering home the "plus size supermodel" moniker. The last two jobs they booked for her were the UK Cosmo cover and her Nylon feature, both from summer 2018.

Since then, she's only had two jobs: her Eloquii gig (where she shit all over their sizing because she can't handle being known to wear a size 28 ), and the Parents cover. Other than that, she's living off of some Instagram sponsorships, Jolene's seemingly infinite kindness, and now private time with feeders in hotels. There were a only a limited number of clients she could work for in the first place and she burned anyone who gave her a shot.

The next few years are gonna be interesting to see.

 

[Constellationzero]

For some of you this might be an unpopular opinion, but...

Hundreds of pounds ago, Tess had considerably LESS trashy tattoos. She's supposed to show off clothing and sell a look. Now she not only looks like the eighth grade notebook, she looks DIRTY most of the time. The tattoos are too busy, too dark, too DISTRACTING, plus they actually cause me to notice how horrifying her arms and legs look--it's not the dazzle camo she thinks it is.

And many of you mentioned her hair: Hundreds of pounds ago, her hair looked gorgeous--even if most of it was fake. She smiled more. She put forth an amiable, personable...APPROACHABLE demeanor. She appeared fun and friendly. Now she resembles Virgie Tovar, Jess Baker, Ragen Shitstain, and Jeannette DePattie; Bitter, bombastic, angry, petty, spiteful killjoys. How in the HELL do you sell that to anyone??

Maybe it's depression--deep seated that's driving things, but I think in order to fix any of it, Tess needs to move out of Commiefornia, get NEW (different) friends, take a long social media break, and actually spend time outside. But I know, I'm asking for someone to move mountains here.

She could make a small change. STOP with the constant public swearing and the rude tone. She needs to realize it doesn't come off as a "joke" or "funny" to most people. She'd catch a lot more flies with honey. But I know...she'll just eat that too.

 

[SnarkySperg]

For some of you this might be an unpopular opinion, but...

Hundreds of pounds ago, Tess had considerably LESS trashy tattoos. She's supposed to show off clothing and sell a look. Now she not only looks like the eighth grade notebook, she looks DIRTY most of the time. The tattoos are too busy, too dark, too DISTRACTING, plus they actually cause me to notice how horrifying her arms and legs look--it's not the dazzle camo she thinks it is.

And many of you mentioned her hair: Hundreds of pounds ago, her hair looked gorgeous--even if most of it was fake. She smiled more. She put forth an amiable, personable...APPROACHABLE demeanor. She appeared fun and friendly. Now she resembles Virgie Tovar, Jess Baker, Ragen Shitstain, and Jeannette DePattie; Bitter, bombastic, angry, petty, spiteful killjoys. How in the HELL do you sell that to anyone??

Maybe it's depression--deep seated that's driving things, but I think in order to fix any of it, Tess needs to move out of Commiefornia, get NEW (different) friends, take a long social media break, and actually spend time outside. But I know, I'm asking for someone to move mountains here.

She could make a small change. STOP with the constant public swearing and the rude tone. She needs to realize it doesn't come off as a "joke" or "funny" to most people. She'd catch a lot more flies with honey. But I know...she'll just eat that too.

You're assuming the problem doesn't lie with her. She has those friends because that's the lifestyle she wants. If you told her to stop swearing, she'd just post a pic of herself flipping you off in response.

She made her bed, and she's happy to lie in it and die there because she's such a badass bitch that all anyone will remember her for is her glam.
(/sneed obviously)

 

[Cheesegirl78]

I've known a couple of women that did some modeling, and big tattoos were always a no-no.
Little ones that could be covered or hidden were ok, but anything other than that left you unemployable.
None of the really big models have tattoos, the only ones I can think of are Stephanie Seymour and Giselle Bundchen.

 

[Barbarella]

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Do y’all think this is a fast food drive through?

Tess’s days of modeling are over. Even her face looks haggard now, she’s too fat to be considered even a plus model, and I agree, the tats are bad for a person who is trying to sell clothes. They remind me of staging a house with clutter-people can‘t see past it to imagine themselves in it.

Her IG will always have a certain number of fat followers who call her fierce, but engagement is likely dropping as strident as she has become. Normie fats will get tired of the constant repetition. They came to dream they were a beautiful fat too-they can all be shrill harpies, they don’t need Tess to imagine that.

And like every single one of our cows, she doesn’t have the capacity for self-reflection and then course-correction.

She’s on her final trajectory-sex worker for fetishists. As she gets older and less mobile, even that will dry up. Her only choice will be using her kid and turning into a stage mom from hell-that’s only if she remains mobile enough. At some point, she’ll go back to the South where it’s cheaper and try to make money off the good old days.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Do y’all think this is a fast food drive through?

Tess’s days of modeling are over. Even her face looks haggard now, she’s too fat to be considered even a plus model, and I agree, the tats are bad for a person who is trying to sell clothes. They remind me of staging a house with clutter-people can‘t see past it to imagine themselves in it.

Her IG will always have a certain number of fat followers who call her fierce, but engagement is likely dropping as strident as she has become. Normie fats will get tired of the constant repetition. They came to dream they were a beautiful fat too-they can all be shrill harpies, they don’t need Tess to imagine that.

And like every single one of our cows, she doesn’t have the capacity for self-reflection and then course-correction.

She’s on her final trajectory-sex worker for fetishists. As she gets older and less mobile, even that will dry up. Her only choice will be using her kid and turning into a stage mom from hell-that’s only if she remains mobile enough. At some point, she’ll go back to the South where it’s cheaper and try to make money off the good old days.

That looks like an accidental scrape, maybe something hanging off of a truck.
She's always gotta make something out of nothing.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Tess really needs to stop lecturing people.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

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Tess really needs to stop lecturing people.

This is horseshit.
Bet if Tess got her ass or teeth knocked out by a black woman, she'd be the FIRST to scream racist.

 

[Constellationzero]

You're assuming the problem doesn't lie with her. She has those friends because that's the lifestyle she wants. If you told her to stop swearing, she'd just post a pic of herself flipping you off in response.

She made her bed, and she's happy to lie in it and die there because she's such a badass bitch that all anyone will remember her for is her glam.
(/sneed obviously)

Oh, I'm aware that the problem is with her. But I'm curious if anyone in her life (even an employer) has attempted any good faith attempts at getting her to self reflect. Sometimes I get the feeling Tess fancies herself as some kind of "shock jock." But very, very few people can pull that off. I imagine a lack of self awareness and theory of mind comes to play here.

EDIT: Someone please remind (Quack) Dr. Christine Rhodes that she's WHITE.

 

[Local Fed]

This is horseshit.
Bet if Tess got her ass or teeth knocked out by a black woman, she'd be the FIRST to scream racist.

No, she'd scream "A WHITE GUY DID THIS TO ME!" probably lmao.