What do you think is the worst DSP playthrough?

[Julia Chang]

It's been said before, but literally any racing game.
NFS, Forza, Kart games, hell even GTA. Anything with a car honestly.
It might be because I'm a racing autist (I have a sim setup and everything) but I think there's just something universal about the simplicity of a racing game and how Phil fucks it up. Stay on track, follow the optimal racing line, keep the car under control. If you're not familiar with racing then an apt comparison would be playing an FPS game and not understanding cover, recoil, or even reloads. It's really that bad.

Even with more arcade-oriented titles like Mario Kart or Crash Team Racing (in my opinion the best TIHYDP of last year), he's just so bad at not only the way the videogame works but racing fundamentals in general, like a racing line. The gout crystals in his eyes have blinded him, so he's hitting all of the mid-track obstacles and failing to get power ups.

Then there's stuff like him playing GTA, which has a lot of driving in it. Goddamn, I think I could drive better if I played with my feet. He's just as bad at driving in the older ones as he is in the newer ones, so it's not a matter of him just being shit at the newer driving models in GTA, he legit just barely ever uses the brake and hits literally everything on the road.

Watching him play Forza Horizon 3/4, though, - a pretty easy to handle "realistic" racing game - is really something. Constantly driving into trees, failing to follow the literal line on the road assist that tells you where to drive and when to brake, and them him complaining that it's because the game isn't -realistic- enough for him. That's not how cars handle, dood! It's constantly "fishtailing"! (even though he has TCS, ABS, and even Stability control on max) If this was a REALISTIC racing game with an actual TRACK and REAL physics, I would be fine! I'm not a GEARHEAD I don't understand how to set my car up right! That's the problem, it's the fucking car setup! (you can download car setups from other players in Forza, fyi)

This is how you DONT play - Forza Horizon 3

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Please Phil. PLEASE play a game like Assetto Corsa, Gran Turismo, or Project Cars. I am against giving Phil money, but if he said he'd play it I would happily buy him a copy.

 

[Leon Breitling]

It's been said before, but literally any racing game.

These are some of the most astoundingly bad playthroughs he does. You'd think that even if you're not deeply into racing theory and the like (turn apexes, racing lines, etc) that you could still use some semblance of common fucking sense that you'd use like when you're driving an actual car. Things like slowing down before a turn, slowing down if someone in front of you is slowing down, staying on the actual fucking paved road. Not Phil! The Need for Speed Payback playthrough was just precious because I'm fairly certain he tried to drift with the traction control on, and couldn't figure out why the car wouldn't drift.

 

[actually]

These are some of the most astoundingly bad playthroughs he does. You'd think that even if you're not deeply into racing theory and the like (turn apexes, racing lines, etc) that you could still use some semblance of common fucking sense that you'd use like when you're driving an actual car. Things like slowing down before a turn, slowing down if someone in front of you is slowing down, staying on the actual fucking paved road. Not Phil! The Need for Speed Payback playthrough was just precious because I'm fairly certain he tried to drift with the traction control on, and couldn't figure out why the car wouldn't drift.

Aside from his lacking common sense and continuing to hold down the accelerator while doing...everything, Phil's main impediment is that he legitimately cannot see. He has prescription glasses he's supposed to wear and refuses to do so. Last night, when trying to see how much time was left for him to beg up his money, he could not read the time on his laptop. It was "too small". That laptop is right next to him. Even though his TV is bigger, it's farther away, and 1080p resolution means a lot of objects on the screen are still small-ish.

That's why he runs into trees and cars and shit. It's not that they "suddenly appear". It's that his blind Mr. Magoo ass cannot see them until it's too late.

 

[Leon Breitling]

Last night, when trying to see how much time was left for him to beg up his money, he could not read the time on his laptop. It was "too small". That laptop is right next to him.

Jesus, really? I knew he had vision issues but I didn't know they'd gotten that bad.

 

[wolfpac92]

Animal Crossing by far. Not only is it just a boring game to watch, but he literally does nothing in it. His wife does everything off-screen and then he does a tour of the island occasionally, forgetting very basic gameplay shit because he doesn't do anything himself

 

[TheGoutburglar]

Aside from his lacking common sense and continuing to hold down the accelerator while doing...everything, Phil's main impediment is that he legitimately cannot see. He has prescription glasses he's supposed to wear and refuses to do so. Last night, when trying to see how much time was left for him to beg up his money, he could not read the time on his laptop. It was "too small". That laptop is right next to him. Even though his TV is bigger, it's farther away, and 1080p resolution means a lot of objects on the screen are still small-ish.

That's why he runs into trees and cars and shit. It's not that they "suddenly appear". It's that his blind Mr. Magoo ass cannot see them until it's too late.

That's worse than my vision, which is bad enough that me driving without glasses is, in video games, masochistic, and IRL, legit dangerous.

Chalk it up to one more stupid thing Phil does out of insecurity, spite, or both. I say "spite" because I'm noticing a pattern of him appearing to recognize but not take advantage of things that would help him do better in video games, and it's starting to come off as deliberate. Like, he's so childishly butt-hurt about being the biggest laughing stock in gaming that he's going out of his way to not improve, just to say "Fuck you, I'm gonna fall off cliffs even more because I know it's frustrating to watch".

 

[Jeff Boomhauer]

I'm going to say any of his Smash Bros. playthroughs, mainly because a "former pro fighting game player" somehow fails at one of the easiest fighting games out there (one that little children and their parents who don't play video games can figure out) and acts like it's the games' fault he sucks at them.

Highlights include:
- The nonsensical complaining about the AI getting harder when the game forces him down to a lower difficulty level after losing in Classic Mode.
- Spamming down B moves with Bowser and Kirby, as if they have no other moves.
- Bitching about having to play 1 v 1s online (Ultimate matchmaking is shit, but Mr. 4th Place can't compete with one other person all of the sudden. He wants to fight in free-for-alls so he can cower away until the end).
- Pigsplaining about what an expert he is regarding most of the franchises when knowing jack shit.
- Boring as fuck fights. It takes a special kind of talent to make Smash Bros. look dull in a non-competitive sense.

 

[TheGoutburglar]

Anyone know what game he racked up the highest death count? Obviously I mean the real number, not the one he claims.

 

[TheTractor]

From what I remember he played doom 2 like a cover base game and save scumed after every enemy, that was unwatchable.

I wanted to mention fire emblem but I can broaden that to any rpg/tactial game he touches; Confused, 0 fucks given, extreme turn by turn hand holding/turtling/cheesing.

 

[Pargon]

continuing to hold down the accelerator while doing...everything

Not just hold it down, either. To the floor. At all times. You can hear it if you pay attention and use headphones; he's got the throttle wide-the-fuck open as he approaches 90-degree turns, one-lane roads with traffic, etc. He's never heard of feathering the gas or tapping brakes or anything and so anything and everything makes him lose control and subsequently go on increasingly high-pitched rants about how the game is broken and the devs don't know what the fuck they're doing and ahh mai gahhhhhd duh tree caymouttanowhurrdood. He plays every racing game like the first stage of Daytona USA where you don't even really need to lift at any point unless you're getting rammed and shit boy does it show.

 

[Wurstbrot]

He's not even really "playing" Morrowind, I watched the first two parts on YT and I fell asleep halfway through the second part because he just waits for his stream chat to tell him how to do even the smallest of things because Morrowind really is a game that's way out of Philburt's league. It's like watching those "Twitch plays Pokemon" streams but with a middleman.

Phil thinks he has to cover as many games as possible and to hammer on his stupid variety shtick, so he literally has no patience for challenge and independent thoughts. Boomer Burnell wants to look like a reliable source for videogame coverage, you can experience his ahnest and real opinion on games LIVE. Wauw, nobody does this anymore, really unique! Someone who hates every single game and blames it for his own mistakes! So rich of information! Gib money!

So while Phil essentially stuck in the early 2010s, he hasn't understood streaming culture of 2020. It's not about the games anymore and this is a good thing. Because you can get game footage from anywhere, but personalities, humor, playstyle and social interactions are unique. And Phil fails in every category.
Hurr durr, I stare at games, gimme money! Just stick to a topic! Changing games doesn't make you interesting when you have no personality to make up for. Phil, yo, I would watch games I have no interest in if you'd be interesting. The opposite happens, I don't watch anything! You're boring, toxic and make me angry at the same time, because you're a lying manipulative asshole. How's that an attractive livestream personality?

It's been said before, but literally any racing game.

Things like slowing down before a turn, slowing down if someone in front of you is slowing down, staying on the actual fucking paved road. Not Phil!

Not just hold it down, either. To the floor. At all times. You can hear it if you pay attention and use headphones; he's got the throttle wide-the-fuck open as he approaches 90-degree turns, one-lane roads with traffic, etc. He's never heard of feathering the gas or tapping brakes or anything and so anything and everything makes him lose control and subsequently go on increasingly high-pitched rants about how the game is broken and the devs don't know what the fuck they're doing and ahh mai gahhhhhd duh tree caymouttanowhurrdood. He plays every racing game like the first stage of Daytona USA where you don't even really need to lift at any point unless you're getting rammed and shit boy does it show.

It's a way different fish to catch when the car physics change. Driving in GTA games is so easy, who really needs breaks? Drifts all the way! Then I play "Project Cars" and the challenge is not the race itself but to not lose control over your car; one mistake and it's over. And some racing games are in between those, like Need for Speed games.
And Phil plays them all as if he drives a high speed monster truck on rails.

Nobody should be surprised that he got in a car crash because he felt someone behind him was too fast. Just let him drive trains in a sterile environment without any hurdles. He would stop the train a kilometer behind the station because he starts to throttle down and break when he's already there, but... actually there is no but.

I'm going to say any of his Smash Bros. playthroughs, mainly because a "former pro fighting game player" somehow fails at one of the easiest fighting games out there (one that little children and their parents who don't play video games can figure out) and acts like it's the games' fault he sucks at it.

I don't know. I have a hard time following Smash character movements, all those special effects don't help either. The fighters are also quite small compared to other beatem games and the camera moves a lot, often I don't even know what's going on (however I easily lose track of everything when stuff moves too fast and unpredictable for me, same reason I can't play Overwatch, maybe it's just a "me problem", maybe it just needs special practice). I can't blame him, it's foremost a party game and not designed to be competitive.

 

[KyonyuuFan]

As a MGS fanboy: MGS 3: Snake Eater

Not using ANY stealth (of course)
Not knowing how to equip silencers with the instructions staring you in the face
Shotgun vs. Legendary Sniper

 

[L.I.M.B. Commander]

I say both RE2 and RE3 Remake. I have never seen someone:

1. Have a lack of situational awareness when it comes to zombies.

2. Wasting bullets, health items and in RE2R wasting ink ribbons.

3. No understanding of the most simplest puzzles.

4. No common sense when it comes to item usuage/enemy weaknesses.

5. In RE2R dying to William Birkin swinging crate boss more than 6+ times.

6. The famous RE3R Nemesis clock tower boss tantrum.

7. Dying to the Carlos zombie horde 14+ times.

 

[Schmeckel]

7. Dying to the Carlos zombie horde 14+ times.

Fucking how?!? There's no way.

You're inundated with ammo and environmental kill stuff... The only thing that poses any sort of a problem is when the couple of hunters make an appearance, but a simple grenade makes stupid quick work of those menaces. That section was fun as shit to play through, mindless as it may have been.

Wait. It's Phil we're talking about here. He probably thought it was a puzzle boss like the Nemesis battle before...

 

[TheGoutburglar]

I've seen the pigroach fail to grasp the fact that you can't hold a barrel and grab onto a rope at the same time in DKC. Numerous times.

He may be immortal IRL, but anything can take him down in a video game.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

He said that headshots were a new mechanic that Rockstar started implementing in Red Dead Redemption 2...

 

[Massively Strong Greed]

I wanted to mention fire emblem but I can broaden that to any rpg/tactial game he touches; Confused, 0 fucks given, extreme turn by turn hand holding/turtling/cheesing.

It’s astounding how much he fails at even Pokémon, what with his refusal to learn type matchups.
Anyway, is it weird that I actually want Phil to play more of my “sacred cow” game (The Binding of Isaac)? The existing TIHYDP had some hilarious displays of idiocy, and even if he were to have items explained to him by stream chat, there would still be plenty of rage and ineptitude.

 

[Shambler]

any playthrough where the game has lore that you need to be mildly paying attention gets me "ripping pissed"
i get genuinely "mad at the internet" when out of sheer arrogance he ignore lore only to get confused later
IE not understanding that the doom slayer is the original doom marine (he also thought that doom 1, 2, and 64 were different people)

 

[Maurice Caine]

He said that headshots were a new mechanic that Rockstar started implementing in Red Dead Redemption 2...

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

I remember being a child a hundred years ago. For my birthday, I recieved the brand new ultrahype game "Myst". It was on CD-ROM!

I was immersed. The soundtrack, the puzzles, the graphics. What is going on here? I gotta get the pages to figure it out. Spending days and weeks scouring the environment to solve the mystery. This game blew Sierra's point and click adventure games out of the water.

What does Phil do? Oh a puzzle. Tries once and fails. Looks at chat for the answer. Moves on.

No immersion. No investment.

In 1993 or whenever, this was THE GAME. The hottest title. It came with a notebook to write down the clues and what you figured out. But, meh, beat it as fast as possible and move on.

In my opinion, one of the worst playthroughs because he disrespects the brain power needed to play the game.