So, I definitely try to make time to develop my hobbies and have personal time for me. Some seasons are easier than others, depending on how young my youngest is. I play instruments, study Scriptures, and bike.
I do miss certain types of sleep, but I don't have a mother to help, never have, so I just adjust. I couldn't let my mom watch my children when she was alive because she had a substance abuse problem. Everything in my life has always been harder to achieve because of not having a mother, so I'm just used to it.
Like I said before, when I was 20, I got it it in my head that I wanted 10 children. I knew then women couldn't have babies past 41-ish so I got it in my head to "start now". I got married at 20 and had my first baby at 21. Yes, I gave up my 20s, lots of money and a career to have children instead of things.
When I turned 27, about 4 years after my divorce, I wanted to be a single mother until menopause. I had become discouraged over the fact that most men who read the Bible are patriarchal and sexist. There were single dads who were interested in me. But I didn't want to be with anyone who told me a man is "head of the house".
I decided to have 2 more children for a total of 4, regardless of the men's involvement afterward because I was okay with the outcome of being a single mom. I honestly don't need to be loved by a man to be a joyful mother of children. I was going for a nice even 2 boys and 2 girls and be done and raise them happily in my 30s as a single mom. Being a single mom made sense to me then because I could call the shots about money, child rearing, etc. No fights.
Do I regret it? No. You know why? It opened my eyes to how the world is. I saw how people think throughout how they treated me when I was a single mother with financial needs. I don't regret my children, they helped form the woman I am today. Also, I can't have children after menopause, but I CAN have a career after menopause so I think I put things in the correct order for my goals.
I met Marshall and he changed my mind about marriage. He made me want to give the whole marriage thing another try. I don't regret that. My relationship with Marshall has proved to me that more wisdom doesn't necessarily mean a marriage won't have conflicts to resolve. I got married at 20 the first time. I was 31 the second time. Even with more understanding and wisdom at 31+, I am still learning and growing in my marriage.
Also Marshall is THE FIRST man who has ever given me geniune mercy. It feels good to be treated like a human being. All of my other exes always treated me like shit the moment I offended them or made a mistake. They were not perfect but dehumanized me for making mistakes. Marshall still loves me even after I make mistakes. That's something I never felt before and it's such a crucial part of a relationship.
It is a feminist declaration for me in some way because having babies and development of the arts and culture of home life is a very feminine thing to do. A uterus is a powerful thing. I don't think sterilization of one's uterus in order to climb the corporate ladder is feminine. That is, in my POV, trying to make women into men. It would be good if women were given the resources to do ecological breast*feeding at corporate jobs but no one is developing that sort of thing.
So for now I stay home with my children and I definitely meet their emotional needs. I train them not to be emotionally dependent on anyone (that is codependency). I talk to each of them one on one each day, I say I love you to them throughout the day, I do activities with them, etc. They get their fill of mama. They play with each other and other children and that fills their social and emotional needs too.
I try my best to bridge a healthy relationship between the children and Marshall even though we are a LAT couple and he takes work trips. There is always the telephone and Skype. And father-son days. I also plan family activities for everyone (I use my book to do it!).
