Creationists - Jack Chick, Kent Hovind, etc.

[SOINCHU]

What kind of retard believes in a magic man in the sky?

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

I don't work Sundays, but I bet it's awful. Saturday night youth groups were the worst. 50 kids, water or iced coffee and they would sit there and not order anything for hours, tip nothing except a mess and a couple tracts.

You used to get those too? Every month there would be the local youth group leaders that would come in after their "meeting". They were nice enough but nobody would really order anything. The worst part was the dining room closed at 9pm and they'd always call around 8:30 and ask if we still could take them. The owner always said yes, would have to keep the staff there until they showed up and it was always less then they advertised. Every time they said about 10 people and only 4-5 would actually show up.

They'd spend an hour or more sitting there, sipping coffee or water or something non-alcoholic. Hardly ordered any food, maybe a plate of nachos or something for the table and always asked to leave the menu in case they wanted something else.

So the kitchen staff had to stay, one waitstaff had to stay and the bartender had to stay but the bar was open until closing so it didn't make a difference. This went on for months until the owner realized he was losing money every time these yahoos came in. The next time they pulled this he told them no unless they actually showed up with 10 people and actually ordered food.

They never came back the cheap bastards. And of course, they tipped terribly so nobody as sad to see them go.

One woman asked once if I had been saved, if I had accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, and what version of the Bible I use. Turns out I use the wrong edition, still going to Hell.

I told one nice old lady that I was an atheist. She nearly shat herself in surprise because as she put it, "but you're so nice! How is that possible?"

 

[Clownshirt]

Lisa, the one tract that has been pulled from his website and it's no longer being published because people cried out that it was an awful, awful message.

Lisa is a sweet teenage girl who is repeatedly raped by her alcoholic father and his friend. God, in all his wisdom, sends an evangelist to the door to pray for him and winds up converting him with no problem. It ends with him now finding Jesus and everything is going to be okay. I think he even hugs Lisa and says so.

So let's get this straight. God knows what's going on, allows it to happen and instead of calling the cops of something like that sends an evangelist to convert him. No word if this guy is going to jail. No attempt to get the guy to confess his crimes. No talk of getting a psychiatrist for his traumatized daughter. No. He's found Jesus and that's the only thing that matters.

Jack Chick is a sick fuck.

First we had Sick Nick, now here we have Sick Chick.

 

[Tricksy Fuckin Hobbitses]

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.ASP
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As a Dungeons and Dragons player this is my favourite tract
View attachment 25729
As of yet though I have never been in a dungeon of bondage

The D&D one is by far the lulziest, I think. The rest are just kind of frighteningly bizarre.

Also give it time. In my 8th year of playing D&D, I finally entered a dungeon of bondage - granted I was only there to be part of the modeling show, but the point is I was there, it was literally a giant-ass dungeon, and it contained bondage. Totes counts.

 

[Kingofmoe]

We're not actually sure if there is a Jack Chick. There are several artists who work on these comics. It might be a shared penname, or Jack Chick might be fucking dead because the man who was "Jack Chick", (again, not sure if it was actually him or one of the people under the penname) would be like fucking 90 something right now.

There have also been some pulled tracts that were not well received, offensive, or the writers have changed their minds on their viewpoint.

Didn't he have a stroke around '96 or so?

 

[Pikimon]

Okay. I'm posting this image, and then I'm tearing myself away from this thread for awhile.

San Francisco Pride looks terrible this year

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

Question for our non-American Keewee's:

Is biblical literalism a big thing outside the U.S.?

 

[Commodore B.S.]

Question for our non-American Keewee's:

Is biblical literalism a big thing outside the U.S.?

I live in the province of Alberta up here in Canada, and while the amount of Hardballer religious types is nowhere near the levels the states has, biblical literalism does exist in some of the more rural areas.

Generally though people are more liberal with their religion, And don't push it down the throats of others. Except for the fact its actually our provincial election today, and one of the popular parties is a little more..... "righteous" in their views. Hoping to high hell they don't win.

 

[Bugaboo]

Question for our non-American Keewee's:

Is biblical literalism a big thing outside the U.S.?

People openly discussing their religious beliefs with anyone but very close friends is very rare in Canada. That's why when I went to school with a chick who would not shut the fuck up about God and her beliefs it was really strange and jarring.
Also she is the chick who told me I'm going to hell because I don't go to church, also I was 9 at the time so I was horrified

 

[JU 199]

Is biblical literalism a big thing outside the U.S.?

Not in the United Kingdom to the same extent. Biblical literalism is here, it's just much quieter and doesn't have the influence it does in the states.

 

[Skeletor]

I've seen one or two of these left on the treadmill at the gym. Never thought to collect 'em, but it sounds like fun.

 

[Sparklepants]

You used to get those too? Every month there would be the local youth group leaders that would come in after their "meeting". They were nice enough but nobody would really order anything. The worst part was the dining room closed at 9pm and they'd always call around 8:30 and ask if we still could take them. The owner always said yes, would have to keep the staff there until they showed up and it was always less then they advertised. Every time they said about 10 people and only 4-5 would actually show up.

They'd spend an hour or more sitting there, sipping coffee or water or something non-alcoholic. Hardly ordered any food, maybe a plate of nachos or something for the table and always asked to leave the menu in case they wanted something else.

So the kitchen staff had to stay, one waitstaff had to stay and the bartender had to stay but the bar was open until closing so it didn't make a difference. This went on for months until the owner realized he was losing money every time these yahoos came in. The next time they pulled this he told them no unless they actually showed up with 10 people and actually ordered food.

They never came back the cheap bastards. And of course, they tipped terribly so nobody as sad to see them go.


I told one nice old lady that I was an atheist. She nearly shat herself in surprise because as she put it, "but you're so nice! How is that possible?"

Of course we get those! Its a 24/7 diner so we can't exactly say get the fuck out. They run you ragged and gunk up the dining room for the after sports game rush. I think the longest they sat was almost four hours.

I'm a Catholic, the number of times I've heard some variation of "too bad, you're still a papist..." I've given up and just roll with the Christian label.

 

[bigshot]

Jack Chick is one of the greatest natural cartoonists who ever lived. Tiny Shoes and Somebody Goofed are pure genius to my eyes. I have a big collection of Chick tracts, and the ones by Chick himself are the best. I don't care much for the Filipino guy he hired to draw for him after he retired. Too much like bad late bronze age DC for my tastes.

 

[Quijibo69]

I always wondered if Jack Chick was a real person or if it like a Alan Smithee kind of thing.

 

[Pinball Lizard]

I should probably also mention another of Chick's friends, John Todd, who claimed he had been a member of a Satanist conspiracy to corrupt the world's music. You know how Chick always says rock music is just a modern repackaging of Druid music? This is the guy he got that story from. Todd, naturally, was also a gigantic liar, and he would incidentally go on to be a convicted rapist, sentenced first to jail and then an insane asylum for his crimes. He died in the asylum, never seeing the light of day again.

So of course Chick still believes every word he said.

 

[Chipmunk With A Banana]

"The Death Cookie" and "Dark Dungeons" are my two fave Chick tracts, as well as all-time classics. An indie film group even had a Kickstarter launched & made DD into a movie for lulz.

From what I heard, Chick himself isn't that good of an artist. The cartoony ones are by him, but the more rendered ones are drawn by some hired hack.

And my favorite JC parody: https://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/1510692.html

 

[Enjoy your spaghetti]

Well in my defense I must have repressed that part. Suddenly I feel dirty... well dirtier having been reminded of that tract for some reason.


Sorry you just lost me. Is that from the tract?

1) No worries. I sperg over Chick tracts and had to work extra hard to track that one down. I finally did and regretted it. This one made me mad because "We don't need to report this father giving a young child herpes because Jesus!"

2) Nick Bate's mom must have read Lisa and employed similar methods in that family.

3) Somebody Loves Me/Black People Version of SLM had to go back and edit a panel so the little girl who told the beaten child about Jesus also offers to get help. A lot of people complained that she just gave the other kid a tract and left him to die.

 

[Hat]

I found out about these just a couple years ago on Hallowe'en night. I was just surfing the internet and I found a link to his site and spent the rest of the night reading about how evil tabletop RPGs and Christian rock music is. I'm honestly pretty mixed about what I think about the tracts themselves. On one hand, a lot of them are just basic Christian theology, which is good in my book. On the other, you get conspiracy theories and crazy ideas like these:

Also, the crazy KJV-only theology that he and many other fundamentalists subscribe to really grinds my gears.

 

[Randall Fragg]

I found out about these just a couple years ago on Hallowe'en night. I was just surfing the internet and I found a link to his site and spent the rest of the night reading about how evil tabletop RPGs and Christian rock music is. I'm honestly pretty mixed about what I think about the tracts themselves. On one hand, a lot of them are just basic Christian theology, which is good in my book. On the other, you get conspiracy theories and crazy ideas like these:
View attachment 25768 View attachment 25769

Also, the crazy KJV-only theology that he and many other fundamentalists subscribe to really grinds my gears.

For some reason, now I want to play an RPG campaign set in Jack's crazy world. You must fight rock music, Dungeons and Dragons, and Vatican Swiss Guard Assassins to convert the heathens to the word of The Lord (King James Only).
A Call of Chutlulu sanity meter would be fun too, decreasing whenever you're exposed to anti-Christian things or further uncover the International Jesuit Plot.

 

[Hat]

I do love this shot of the mafioso priests discussing the suppression of Alberto's con-artistry.