🐷 Ethan Oliver Ralph / TheRalphRetort / Rad Roberts / Jcaesar187 / Rage Pig / "Killstream" / "Tequila Sunrise" - 5'1'' fat alcoholic, owner of a gunt, convicted felon and revenge pornographer, property of the ugly failed tranny pornstar Lucas Roberts. Has quadruple titties.

[4str4staleatherbelt]

The fries look pretty good tbh.

 

[All becomes gunt]

>the chicken salad recipe that has the spergs buzzing

Ralph might actually be the pettiest man alive.

We are just bee-ing ourselves.

Why does ralph read this thread?

Because as much as he tries to play it out, our hot takes hit too close to home. This site used to be a benefit to him but now it's a thorn on his side he can no longer ignore. He knows everything he does is now under a magnifying glass of autism and the gunt doesn't like that, he only likes that for his opponents and the people he wants to make content out of.

 

[inexplicable ethos]

Man, Ralph is so fucking ass-mad its pathetic

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Although the burger looks perfectly edible and I'm sure it tastes fine, I always think it's sad when people make homemade burgers and use Kraft singles and disgusting crunchy white lettuce that looks like it came from a bag. Getting better lettuce isn't even expensive, lettuce is cheap as shit. Also that's an awful lot of cholesterol for an obese alcoholic who has prescription drug abuse problems. Imagine how poor Ralph's blood flow probably is.

 

[Sammich]

Ralph, Ralph, Ralph. Get on my fucking level son. I just got hungry and bored, (maybe it was bored hunger) and threw together a mess of a burger that fucks your wife, slaps your mom and pisses on your dead daddy's grave. applewood smoked bacon,REAL CHEDDAR CHEESE,pepperoni (and some salami too) stuffed burger.

I got the recipe if you want it..

 

[All becomes gunt]

Although the burger looks perfectly edible and I'm sure it tastes fine, I always think it's sad when people make homemade burgers and use Kraft singles and disgusting crunchy white lettuce that looks like it came from a bag. Getting better lettuce isn't even expensive, lettuce is cheap as shit. Also that's an awful lot of cholesterol for an obese alcoholic who has prescription drug abuse problems. Imagine how poor Ralph's blood flow probably is.

The burger he is about to feast on looks awfully lot like the one he fished out of the trash, it already has a bite. Now i can only speculate but it would be weird for someone to first take a bite and then put the burger back on the plate for a photo. As evidenced by the previous photo he took the meal was captured before any consumption took place. Maybe dumpster diving for burgers is a little hobby of his.

 

[Never knows best]

Man, Ralph is so fucking ass-mad its pathetic

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Why does he think posting food like an Instabitch is an epic own? At least the Instathots go to a fancy restaurant for their posts.

 

[Popper Whiting]

>the chicken salad recipe that has the spergs buzzing

Ralph might actually be the pettiest man alive.

And that is why completely and childishly trashing the sandwich is funny. Because it works. You don't have to @ him on twitter, or send him an insulting superchat. You just have to childishly rubbish something Ralph has proudly presented to the world (especially if it was made by his ma'lady) in this thread and you'll get a petty seethe response because Ralph cant let obvious bait go. The funniest thing about Ethan Ralph is how dis-proportionally assblasted he gets about the most innocuous comment or blatantly obvious bait. The Gunt has to respond in some way as he cannot let anything he perceives as a slight go.

Man, Ralph is so fucking ass-mad its pathetic

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I'd tell you to eat shit Ralph but that would be an improvement in taste and nutritionally than the fodder being served to you on Walmart paper plates.

 

[Null]

Hard call. If he doesn't answer the Food Question, his followers will assume he is fucking a retard who can't cobble together a half-decent meal. If he does answer the Food Question, he proves he is hideously insecure about even his girlfriend's sandwich. Which is the most petty?

Answer: Not only did Ralph post a picture of "better looking food" (he upgraded from a sandwich and fried potatoes to a sandwich with fried potatoes) to try and prove all those damn Kiwi Spergs wrong, he went ahead and sold his Patreons audio of him defending her cooking so they know that he's actually based and redpilled just like they think he is. awesome.

those fries are definitely factory cut and came out of a bag btw.

 

[Squire of Gothos]

Man, Ralph is so fucking ass-mad its pathetic

Well at least it's a minor upgrade from the canned chicken sandwich, still miles behind DSP's Soulmaid Kat and lightyears away from Nora, my critiques:
1. Low Quality Bun and bottom of bun looks soggy due to too much condiments and being too thin (Probably generic Walmart buns)
2. A bite instead of an actual cross section (degenerate)
3. Still using Walmart Clearance paper plates
4. Iceberg Lettuce only and no other visible toppings (low quality toppings)
5. Fries look good but clearly are frozen
6. Burger meat is too dry, a good burger is supposed to be juicy
7. Poor name, what is deluxe about this burger?

Pointers for next time: brioche bun, cut the burger in half instead of taking a bite like an invalid, use real plates, better quality toppings (tomato, red onion, sauteed mushrooms, green leaf lettuce, pickles, jalapenos, etc), make the burger patty thinner and use a slightly fattier meat so you get some of those juices remaining in the burger.

Overall in honor of how based Ralph is I give this meal a 14 out of 88, a half a step above prison fare. I hope for the next meal we see something that's actually complex to make, but I have little faith (pardon the pun).

 

[Null]

my critiques

No mention of the American cheese that looks like melted yellow plastic?

 

[Squire of Gothos]

No mention of the American cheese that looks like melted yellow plastic?

I was going to say something about that but I can't tell if it's American cheese or just a low quality cheddar. Looking more closely at it the cheese looks like nasty thick cut Kraft American Cheese, but there were already so many problems with the dish that I felt bad going harder... Faith is only 18 years old after all plus she had to work with the cheap Walmart food that the Gunt bought for this meal, but she still has lots to learn when it comes to culinary arts.

 

[Null]

Faith is only 18 years old after all plus she had to work with the cheap Walmart food that the Gunt bought for this meal

I'm just imagining Ralph waving around a $20 bill from his chair and yelling at her to make more food so he post it on Twitter and it's cracking me up.

FAAAAITH, THEY'RE STILL FUCKIN GODDAMN MAKIN FUN OF IT, GIT SUMMORE SHIT FROM WALLY'S AND TRY IT AGIN UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT!

 

[Squire of Gothos]

FAAAAITH, THEY'RE STILL FUCKIN GODDAMN MAKIN FUN OF IT, GIT SUMMORE SHIT FROM WALLY'S AND TRY IT AGIN UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT!

I'm not even sure if she has a drivers licence, but honestly I can't see her driving the guntmobile being any more risky than Ralph's notorious pilled up drunk driving.

I'm honestly curious what meal we'll get next, or if Ralph will just quit while he's ahead. Since Ralph is reading every post here I recommend a pasta dish, it's pretty hard to fuck up pasta. A spaghetti with meatballs, or a fettuccine alfredo, penne with Italian sausage. If you want to get us to stop making fun of your soulmaid's cooking I recommend she try her hand at a shrimp scampi... it's a very easy pasta dish and can be quite aesthetically pleasing if properly plated. The shrimp might be pricey if you get quality shrimps but it's worth it and with that $1000 a week you can afford it (get the largest shrimp you can get), freshly grated parmesan is a must too. Pair it with a spinach side salad and a good quality white wine and you got a high quality meal fit for a Ralphamale. Also for the love of God use actual plates and glasses, use plain white ceramic plates, patterned plates take away from the visuals of the meal... think of the plate as the canvas of a painting, paper plates with gay patterns on them look very amateur and low class.

 

[Psicopax]

I see everyone has missed the obvious cheapest topping on this burger picture, the only ingredient from a shithole dollar store that nobody mentioned so far and is cheaper than the plates it’s placed on.

Spoiler: Perfect Topping

GATOR

Tho that being a topping and not a bottom can be fiercely debated

 

[northstar747]

I'm just imagining Ralph waving around a $20 bill from his chair and yelling at her to make more food so he post it on Twitter and it's cracking me up.

FAAAAITH, THEY'RE STILL FUCKIN GODDAMN MAKIN FUN OF IT, GIT SUMMORE SHIT FROM WALLY'S AND TRY IT AGIN UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT!

I was just thinking if ralph wanted to get a dig at you he should have her make some borscht and serve it to him with a head scarf.

 

[Weird Ages]

Man, Ralph is so fucking ass-mad its pathetic

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"I am not only a pill-popping alcoholic but I am also eating myself to death to further shorten my already low life expectancy. You mad Karen farms? lol"
-Ethan Ralph

I was just thinking if ralph wanted to get a dig at you he should have her make some borscht and serve it to him with a head scarf.

First, I doubt his groomee can cook something with more than three ingredients and second Ralph would melt like the Wicked Witch of the West if he tried eating something that's mostly vegetables.

 

[itsoktobewhite]

Man, Ralph is so fucking ass-mad its pathetic

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Plot twist: his mommy cooked that for him and now he’s publicly shaming faith

 

[Gilbert Grape]

Man, Ralph is so fucking ass-mad its pathetic

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Def trashcan burger

 

[buying gf]

Is this an attempt by Ralph to get his thread moved to Food?

 

[Eris!]

I for one welcome the Ralph feeder fetish porn arc.