Diseased Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

  • 🔧 At about Midnight EST I am going to completely fuck up the site trying to fix something.
Off the top of my head from Evangelical Christians and Mormons (and it's been a few years so some of these are paraphrasing):
  • "Jesus came to me in a dream and told me my sexuality was important to him."
  • After becoming a "born-again virgin": "While in the church I felt the spirit of the lord flow into me, I felt him heal me internally" (meaning her hymen) "and I was filled with a pleasure I've never felt before."
  • In a sex-ed class presented to Middle School kids (I was not a middle schooler, I was just around): "I'm a married father with children, so I've had sex!" (pause for laughter) "and let me tell you, God's love? It's much better than sex."
  • "I knew I'd met the man god wanted me to marry because that evening when lying in bed I was overcome with feelings of warmth and excitement like I'd never felt before. I knew that was Jesus showing me what I could expect in that relationship."
It's super gross.

One day the volcel option will be the only sane one. Somewhat related--

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One day the volcel option will be the only sane one. Somewhat related--

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"its more sinful than theft, or detraction, or the violation of the fast"

Well, i don't know if fellow kiwis are stealing or keeping with their fast schedules but if detraction is a mortal sin the entire KF is going to hell along with thots and fags
 
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I know this isn't that bad compared to the usual stuff we find, but I really don't know the purpose of these. They can't be devotional, they are so easy to create they're not educational, the mood board of Athena has a woman in a bra. They don't even have any artistic value, because it's just a bunch of copyright free images placed near each other. It would be much more interesting if the creator of this made a collage instead. Maybe I'm just being closed minded but these seem like a complete waste of time disguised as being "intellectual" while knowing the bare minimum.
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You're not a witch, this is more church grandma.
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A preschooler can do this.
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I wonder what happens when these women go into menopause and their "magic" is gone?
 
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I know this isn't that bad compared to the usual stuff we find, but I really don't know the purpose of these.
They're less for witchblr reasons and more part of a larger "aesthetic" hobby that's a niche on tumblr and pinterest. You basically just choose a topic, then select images and make a tumblr image set or collage around that theme.
Like so:
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You're not a witch, this is more church grandma.
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My eyes just rolled back into my head so hard I could see my brain... That's not a "triple goddess symbol," that's a simplified drawing of the moon phases.
That's how you know they're just being basic bitches, they have no idea what they're talking about. "Hehe this witch symbol looks cool!" No.
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Boy oh boy, I love shit like this. It's hilarious how, in the year of our Lord 2020, we've now got what amounts to a Hot Topic-brand version of witchcraft. Because, predictably, these types are searching for some form of meaning and structure in their lives but they still want to stick it to Mom and Dad for making them go to church as kids. The only end result, however, is just shallow and materialistic, and the only good advice to be found is what basically amounts to Jordan Peterson's rules for life in gothmagick wrapping paper.

Otherwise, it's a potpourri mix of consumerism, historical revisionism, and typical Tumblr nonsense with a sprinkling of power fantasy. That, as well as being so unwilling to confront reality they'd rather believe the Trump election happened by literal magic instead of it being a predictable end result of the current political/cultural zeitgeist.

The best part? It's brought all the "real" witches/Wiccans/magic practitioners/pagans/etc. out of the woodwork to protest about how their history and beliefs are being watered down, misunderstood and commercialized. Guess what, the same kinds of people who weren't sincere about Christianity won't be sincere about any other kind of religion, and they'll gladly trend-hop to whatever belief system's in vogue.
 
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"They do care about what shade of eyeshadow you wear" Are these people looking for a mother replacement?
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Bitch you ARE intellectually deficient.
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At least put in some effort into your offerings. You are literally just taking copyright free images and placing them near each other, and not even in a creative way. If you're really serious about this stuff, you should learn to paint or at the very least, find a bunch of magazines and collage. It at least shows you tried.
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Notice how their dream activism is just screeching at people who disagree with them.
 
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How would they even know if he likes it or not?!
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I REALLY hope she isn't talking about the astral sex thing and implying that an ancient Greek god is dicking her down, but according to my research, that is indeed what is happening.
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When I read MLM I thought multi level marketing. Now I'm curious what a pyramid scheme witch mood board would look like.
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Ze?!
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What is with these people and the word "valid"? They are always saying it.
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Am I the only one who doesn't trust people who claim to be an "empath" I mean, look at Shane Dawson.
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They hate emoji spells because they are stupid. Then again, so is most other "magick"
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I'm surprised she has an ex to curse.
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"This spell is not designed to infringe on any particular's consent."
. . .
You are dipping a single strawberry into a bowl of sugar. That is not rape.
 
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Am I the only one who doesn't trust people who claim to be an "empath" I mean, look at Shane Dawson.
"Empaths" tend to be, in my experience, people who struggle with other people's emotions and interpreting their own in social contexts. They can actually be really good at noticing microexpressions, but then they think that this
A. Makes them psychic and magical - and not just someone who may have been a child-abuse victim and is now hyper-attuned to changes in people's faces
B. Means their own anxiety and fears about worst-case scenarios for what the other person is thinking is all true and valid, and their special empathy-powers mean they understand the other person's emotions even better than that person understands themselves

In reality, that lady in the checkout counter who the empath "sensed" was about to cry or some shit may have just had too much spicy food last night and now has to hold in a burning fart.
 
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Why is she shouting out all gay witches? What if the next Jeffrey Dahmer likes to use his sperm as offering to the moon goddess?
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Put a bullet in my head if I ever end up using a fake gender for pretend internet points.
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If anything, doing fancy braids in your hair will make people notice you more.
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Why do they want to meet each other? For an orgy?
 
Am I the only one who doesn't trust people who claim to be an "empath" I mean, look at Shane Dawson.

I like how the "signs" example is something that happens twice a day.

If anything, doing fancy braids in your hair will make people notice you more.

And it got them noticed by Kiwi farms! Congrats!

Why do they want to meet each other? For an orgy?

That thumbs up toward the suspicious hole emoji points to yes.
 
I wonder what happens when these women go into menopause and their "magic" is gone?
Oh I bet the ones that are the most severely invested in this are well past that point.
Also, she's essentially comparing herself to a camel, only instead of a hump storing water it's her cottage cheese ass and self-eating thighs storing all her spell power. Man, I can only imagine the cross-section between witchblr and Death Fats
Though to be fair her mountainous magic humps probably could cast a Mesmerize spell if she passed by a black guy. Or Pierce Brosnan.

The most dangerous incantation of all...

If anything, doing fancy braids in your hair will make people notice you more.
This whole thing is amazing, especially when you consider it's likely just a really advanced coping mechanism for being alone.
"They're only repulsed by me because my spell worked!"

"Empaths" tend to be, in my experience, people who struggle with other people's emotions and interpreting their own in social contexts.
That's some next level autism. Between that and the rest of this insanity it's really making me reflect on old memories. Reminds me of when I was in high school and every one of my friends privately revealed to me at some point some magical power they had. Can't imagine what they'd look like if tumblr was around back then.
One girl said she was psychic (got into a car accident after that, fully recovered but never brought up the psychic nonsense again), one guy said he had a demonic eye (he walked around school with a scratched out Naruto headband). Another told me he was secretly half-angel. He even showed me "proof". He said that because he was half-angel it would rain whenever he was sad.
It was raining.
He was sad.

Makes me wonder how much of this is a phase that's just going on too long because it's happening in such a perpetual feedback loop, like a goofy version of gangstalking, just instead of life ruining paranoia it's hilarious mass delusion over syrup offerings to gods, hair brush spells and "accidental soul rape"
 
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I wonder if these people have astral sex with their daddy?
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Maybe you are spending to much time on the internet and you got a headache from eye strain?
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Dionysus isn't your dad. He is not real.
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That's creepy. Imagine, there is a new shy girl in school, she's bit weird, talks to herself sometimes, something about how "Apollo, do you love my stuffed deer?". Nevertheless, you try to be nice to her because she was getting bullied a bit, though you can't blame those people, one time you thought you heard her in class moaning while saying "daddy please rape me astrally!" But she probably is just harmless with a few mental issues, or maybe a some sort of exhibitionism fetish, right? So you talk to her. She smells a bit weird, kind of like sweat, cheetos and. . . lavender incense? Your eyes water a bit. It's REALLY strong. You might have gotten a bit distracted, because next thing you know, there are brown stained fingers snapping in your face. "Huh? What?" You ask, maybe not the most eloquent moment but you were caught by surprise. "So. . . I want your consent to cast a love spell on you using my magickal yoni blood. Aphrodite says you are my one true love!" "NO!" You scream, "That sounds gross. Do you want me take you to the guidance counselor, you seem sick. Is everything alright?"
Her face goes blank, then the most terifiyingly wide smile makes it way across her face, showcasing her dull, yellow teeth.
"Then I guess I'll have to use my dark powers to exact revenge."
"Umm. . . Okay."
You just wanted to leave, she was making you uncomfortable.
The bell rings, lunch is over, you make your way to PE, your least favorite subject. After 45 minutes of torture you head to the locker room to change but there's something wrong.

The buttons on your coat are missing.

And you have an idea who did it.
 
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>Zeus
>Warm, Protective, soothing and safe


Imagine claiming this and expecting people to believe it against all the historical mythology that says, "this nigga is a rape connoisseur."

ETA: Fucking lol on that second posts avatar. Black people aren't big fans of the gay my man.
 
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You'll never see Christians have these weird fantasies about Jesus, why do Pagans do it?!
Ehhh... I'm just going to point you to the beauty parlour and
Anna Johnson/Anna's organic life/The Fit Vegan Ginger/Creation Nutrition/Anna's Organics Lynchburg (Whatever she goes by right now)
Because even though she doesn't write or say it right out... Yikes. Major skydaddy and earthdaddy love there in a really creepy way...
 
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