"Sexdoll enthusiast, professional sperg, and aspiring developer of a 6-year game 1/10ths done!"
"YandereDev! YandereDev! Why has your game taken so long to create? Why did you waste my money on sex dolls and a second switch?"
"Perverted maniac, shitty game developer, and excessive consumer of both video games and bodily fluids."
"Sex-maniac pedophile stolen-asset-hell owner. Creator of a programming nightmare, ween armies, and finally fucking Osana."
"Stackexchange browser by day, creepy streamer by night."
"I can't believe my 31 year-old neighbor is working on the closest thing to a school shooting simulator!"
"It's those damn gremlins fault I had to by a stress relief doll"
"Lolcow catalyst" (Drapeis, TheGameSleuth, YandereDataDigger)
"YandereDev! YandereDev!" (Midori's line. The antagonist of Alex's mind who represents annoying fans asking questions he thinks aren't worth his time.)
"In short: I'm not a shitty game developer, I don't own sex dolls, I did not have sexual relations with that child, and my game isn't "slow".
"In short: No, that's ridiculous. No, I've never done that, and would never do that. No, that isn't true. No, I didn't. No, I'm not. No, I don't. I never said that. That's not true at all. Not intentionally. This actually did happen. Yes, I do."
Has to be a good hook for new users though. Should be concise while generally outlining all the insane shit that Alex has pulled over the years.