Diseased Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

[NoReturn]

Isn't the point of a sigil being just a symbol and that's how it supposed to be powerful?

YES.
At least in terms of the intended use of shit like what these kids are doing, or trying to do.

Reminds me of a personal lolcow who was in massive debts, yet kept buying expensive tarot decks, as if they would somehow work better.

Go on...

 

[Judes]

Go on...

I wish I could provide some milk, but it's all gone now and I didn't archive it. Anyway, some things she did that have to do with the topic:
- Buying expensive tarot decks as I already mentioned, as well as other trinkets while being in a debt. Cards, talismans, crystals. Spending money on tarot readings from other people is included here as well. Begs the question, what her own decks are for. The debt was growing drastically because of all this, obviously.
- Crushing on someone she barely knew at all and the crush didn't care since essentially she's a nobody to them. She didn't take "no" as an answer and began obsessively hexxing and cursing them non stop. Money went into this too, because again, tarot readings and casting spells from others. Cards also apparently "told" that this person is her perfect match, a soulmate of dozens of past lives, or something. Obsession was so unhealthy and creepy, like literal yandere anime trope. Except in this case it's not a hormonal teenage girl, but someone close to their 30s.
- Making sigils, performing rituals in a weird, cringy way, and then posting about it in multiple discord servers. The most common trope was jerking off to a sigil and then showing the result. I mean, the result of jerking off to a sigil, not a result of a spell itself (which never manifested, obviously).
- Having a typical "eclectic" witch approach, "all craft is valid". Read, constant cultural appropriation, no standards, no doctrines, dare to disagree - you'll trigger a typical tumblr-flavor tantrum. Curses included. This on itself is not really an argument on its own, since we are talking about something that has no proof of existence, but I assume one must still actually learn what exactly are they following. It's cringy and funny when these "witches" just randomly mix whatever they want to. In this case, the "witch" was claiming to work with Ancient Egyptian gods, getting dream catchers, and praising angels/seraphs. Typical tumblr set of beliefs. What I find interesting though, this person comes from a background with rich Pagan history. Yet, no element of her own native culture reached her "eclectic" practice. Only things that she picked up on witchblr.
- Last, but definitely not least. Attempts at gambling in hope that she will win money to pay for debts. And why would she win? Because she casted a sigil, of course!

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

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hahahahahahahaha

Isn't Portland known as a very left wing hipster capital of the world? seems pretty cursed indeed.

What amuses me the most about these "witches" is how they often try to claim to be superior to Christians, including in the matter of their deities being stronger or whatever, and then spend enormous amount of time, energy, and most likely money as well without producing any results, while Christians often tend to just close their eyes, say short prayer, and start with the business. I also just noticed that all this baloney is for the sake of drawing a sigil with it. Isn't the point of a sigil being just a symbol and that's how it supposed to be powerful? Comparing to Christians again, I doubt there's a difference between getting a cheap wooden cross or a gold one infused with diamonds.

I don't even know what is this at this point, some sort of superiority complex, borderline unhealthy compulsive behavior, or rubbing privilege in faces of other people. Oh, you want something? Too bad, you have no money to buy this thing for a completely obscure ritual, guess you're fucked now. Maybe this is some sort of elaborate scheme to sell more junk? Reminds me of a personal lolcow who was in massive debts, yet kept buying expensive tarot decks, as if they would somehow work better. Desperate people tend to waste their money for questionable opportunities.

That sigil stuff is popular with discordianists/chaos magick, a movement created in San Francisco by a couple of smug hippies in the 70s and it was just tongue in cheek excuse to make a satire of religion and capitalism to be "all deconstructive and shieet" because behind that veil of mismatched esoteric lingo they actually were marxists fedora tippers. All that eclectic chaos witch shit is based more on marxist and frankfurt school than actual pagan traditions (stuff like The Society of Spectacle was a big influence) , some of the fatsos also say its from Crowley but that guy was also a massive cow, both him and Gardner were doing it to get laid and do drugs, fapping on a napkin with a silly drawing on it will not fix anyone's life, it actually means one has hit rock bottom.

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

Isn't this discrimination towards people from the Middle East?


I wonder what that girl did to deserve all that.


So these people couldn't wash their hands before?


It's ironic that your "smoke cleansing" is covering your lungs with tar.


What did Anon expect this person to say? "No, witchcraft is not for faggots."?


"Black very phallic sports car"
My theory is that she's horny and has a cop fetish that she's ashamed of and so that's making her try to get this guy's attention by vandalising his vehicle. I mean, who looks at a car and thinks "that looks like a penis."?


Hecate will be found running a blog where she begs people to buy her tarot readings so she can get her tits chopped off

Putting crystals in her butthole that were mined using slave labor

Mixing period blood and salt in a jar, saying it's "magickal"

And digging up dirt from random people's graves for another retarded spell
/SPOILER]

 

[madethistocomment]

Spoiler

View attachment 1593160
Isn't this discrimination towards people from the Middle East?

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I wonder what that girl did to deserve all that.

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So these people couldn't wash their hands before?

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It's ironic that your "smoke cleansing" is covering your lungs with tar.

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What did Anon expect this person to say? "No, witchcraft is not for faggots."?

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"Black very phallic sports car"
My theory is that she's horny and has a cop fetish that she's ashamed of and so that's making her try to get this guy's attention by vandalising his vehicle. I mean, who looks at a car and thinks "that looks like a penis."?

View attachment 1593434View attachment 1593435View attachment 1593436View attachment 1593437View attachment 1593439View attachment 1593440View attachment 1593442
Hecate will be found running a blog where she begs people to buy her tarot readings so she can get her tits chopped off

Putting crystals in her butthole that were mined using slave labor

Mixing period blood and salt in a jar, saying it's "magickal"

And digging up the dirt from random people's graves for a retarded spell
/SPOILER]

>Dionysus watching over girls' drinks at bars
Dionysus literally raped Nicaea while she was drunk because she kept rejecting him. Also, weren't Satyrs some of his most devoted companions? And weren't Satyrs extremely well known for their love of rape?

Also the idea that Artemis in the modern day would have a knife and mace instead of a hunting rifle when she's the goddess of the HUNT is absolutely stupid, as is the idea of Athena and Ares just suddenly dropping their well-known patronage of actual soldiers in war and protecting dipshits at protests instead.

I am convinced these people got their ideas of what the Greek gods were like from the fucking Percy Jackson books instead of from the actual myths. It's the only explanation as to how they can so consistently get the personalities of these gods that they claim to love and worship so dearly so completely and utterly wrong.

 

[LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]]

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Can't...post...comeback... emoji repellant spell... too powerful...

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

. I mean, who looks at a car and thinks "that looks like a penis."?

Five-year-olds who watch Beavis&Butthead?

 

[NoReturn]

Isn't Portland known as a very left wing hipster capital of the world? seems pretty cursed indeed.

I got curious but didn't find anything good or recent. Just this dumb protest magic post:

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

How would you find the future through leaves? They all basically look the same.


Spell for When Someone Throws a Giant Rock at Your Face Because You Forgot That They Are a Girl Now

That's not very ladylike, is it?

1. Call the police.

2. Especially if they are black.


Normal Use For Toilet Paper
Poop.
Wipe with paper.
Wash your hands.


I feel like she would be angry that you made such a half assed sigil.

 

[NoReturn]

How would you find the future through leaves? They all basically look the same.

Oh! I know this one. Gather round children, I'll teach you some things.

• Ash trees lag behind other trees, so when the ash tree leaves all come in, you can be sure that it's the end of spring. When the ash tree loses all its leaves, that's the end of fall.
• “When leaves show their undersides, be very sure rain betides.” applies to stuff like maples. It's the change in the wind what does it.
• If you suddenly smell all the plants, that's also because of a low pressure system moving through. It makes the plants breathe more, so you smell them more.
• Bright green pine needles are new growth and you can eat them in a pinch. Larger needles can be made into tea. Prediction: Delicious tea.
• Dandelions fold up before it rains.
• Not leaves, but pinecones also open in humidity.

WhooOooo I'm a spooky witch now. Where's my free broom and pumpkin latte?

 

[madethistocomment]

Oh! I know this one. Gather round children, I'll teach you some things.

• Ash trees lag behind other trees, so when the ash tree leaves all come in, you can be sure that it's the end of spring. When the ash tree loses all its leaves, that's the end of fall.
• “When leaves show their undersides, be very sure rain betides.” applies to stuff like maples. It's the change in the wind what does it.
• If you suddenly smell all the plants, that's also because of a low pressure system moving through. It makes the plants breathe more, so you smell them more.
• Bright green pine needles are new growth and you can eat them in a pinch. Larger needles can be made into tea. Prediction: Delicious tea.
• Dandelions fold up before it rains.
• Not leaves, but pinecones also open in humidity.

WhooOooo I'm a spooky witch now. Where's my free broom and pumpkin latte?

Congratulations, you are more in tune with nature than 99.99% of these tumblr witches, as are most God-fearing country folk who were taught these things by their equally God-fearing parents and grandparents.

Edit: adding onto your tips, because what the heck, this is fun!

• Dandelion greens are edible! I recommend throwing them in a salad, or if you don't like the bitterness, sauteing them and eating them with rice or other sauteed veggies. They're not too bad, honestly! You can also apparently make tea out of just about any part of the dandelion, but the flowers and leaves are the best. It is a diuretic, though, so keep that in mind. Jams and syrups can also be made out of the flowers.
• Nettles can also be eaten if you invest in a good pair of gardening gloves and cook them, which destroys the stinging acids in them. They're apparently quite good as a cooked green, mixed in with pasta or used in pesto.

 

[Wes Bluemarine]

Imagine being hung for having some vague mental illness and being accused of witchcraft in the late 1600s, and then multiple centuries later women are shoving smooth rocks up their ass and calling themselves witches.

 

[Azafran90]

Imagine being hung for having some vague mental illness and being accused of witchcraft in the late 1600s, and then multiple centuries later women are shoving smooth rocks up their ass and calling themselves witches.

Imagine being a law abiding citizen who dedicates her life to help other women not die during labor and shares as little knowledge there is about medicine as she can only to be tortured and burned to death... And then centuries later a bunch of idiot teenagers use tumblr to misinform other teenagers about the properties of drinking oil.

 

[Wes Bluemarine]

Imagine being a law abiding citizen who dedicates her life to help other women not die during labor and shares as little knowledge there is about medicine as she can only to be tortured and burned to death... And then centuries later a bunch of idiot teenagers use tumblr to misinform other teenagers about the properties of drinking oil.

*Idiot 26 year olds

 

[ghostvulva]

So I'm late on this since I was out of town, but...

I'm all for people not disrespecting the culture and religions of others by trivializing them to conform with some fad, or to rack up "special" points. But all the screeching about "open practices" and "closed practices" makes me want to smash my head into the wall sometimes.

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"Celtic paganism, Hellenistic paganism, Wicca, Christianity and any other European religion/practice is almost always 100% guaranteed to open to anyone"

...because we all know that everyone who is into Celtic, Norse and Hellenistic paganism (both now and in the past) totally would feel that their practices are fair game to people from radically different backgrounds

Can Asatru be rescued from the racists?
Racists are threatening to take over paganism
An ethnoreligious strategy to reconfigure European ancestry and whiteness
The invention of racism in classical antiquity

 

[Smother Me Father]

Reminds me of a personal lolcow who was in massive debts, yet kept buying expensive tarot decks, as if they would somehow work better. Desperate people tend to waste their money for questionable opportunities.

This is a running theme. A personal cow of mine is also like this. Extremely overweight gay man who still lives at home whilst approaching his late 30s. Is never able to hold down a job for more than 3 months, and is constantly dating men in their very early 20s, late teens. Each time they realise "this guy is a loser and way too old for me" he has a complete, public, sometimes videoed breakdown. We were treated once to a video of him having a "fit" whilst turning up to his boyfriend's house to beg to date him again, resulting in his boyfriend's parents having to take him to the ER. He was fine.

Throughout all of this, there's a never ending obsession with tarot, "magic", and Germanic-Celtic mythology. He believes he can contact long lost gypsy ancestors whenever he smells a certain cake being cooked, believes he spoke to Norse spirits whilst visiting Iceland, and posts videos of his breakdowns whenever the cards advise he shares his feelings.

He's got a pretty solid squad of enablers now, all of whom fit in with the stereotypical fat, failed goth in her 30s vibe.

 

[NoReturn]

...because we all know that everyone who is into Celtic, Norse and Hellenistic paganism (both now and in the past) totally would feel that their practices are fair game to people from radically different backgrounds

Spoiler

I feel bad for Asatruans. It's socially acceptable to call them racist and call their temple a "mix of individualistic anarchists, atheistic church opponents, and racist spiritualists", but try that shit with Judaism or Islam and you've lost your job faster than you say "bigot".

Spoiler: oof

This is a running theme. A personal cow of mine is also like this. Extremely overweight gay man who still lives at home whilst approaching his late 30s. Is never able to hold down a job for more than 3 months, and is constantly dating men in their very early 20s, late teens. Each time they realise "this guy is a loser and way too old for me" he has a complete, public, sometimes videoed breakdown. We were treated once to a video of him having a "fit" whilst turning up to his boyfriend's house to beg to date him again, resulting in his boyfriend's parents having to take him to the ER. He was fine.

Throughout all of this, there's a never ending obsession with tarot, "magic", and Germanic-Celtic mythology. He believes he can contact long lost gypsy ancestors whenever he smells a certain cake being cooked, believes he spoke to Norse spirits whilst visiting Iceland, and posts videos of his breakdowns whenever the cards advise he shares his feelings.

He's got a pretty solid squad of enablers now, all of whom fit in with the stereotypical fat, failed goth in her 30s vibe.

More. More!

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

I wonder if witchcraft is forbidden in the Torah like it is in the Bible.


I can't take this guy seriously when he's telling me that God will fry my skull with lightning while his avatar is Twilight Sparkle.


Odin wants you to learn graphic design.


I wonder what their sex life is like.


You just KNOW their definition of Nazi is anyone who disagrees with them.

 

[NoReturn]

I wonder if witchcraft is forbidden in the Torah like it is in the Bible.

Nah. Jews are down with magic but it's supposed to only be their own special variety (something something chosen people), so if someone is fucking around with non-Jewish traditions they're being naughty.
Read: Magic in Rabbinic Judaism

I can't take this guy seriously when he's telling me that God will fry my skull with lightning while his avatar is Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight Sparkle AND Fluttershy, you're fucked now.
Seriously, though, hospitality in the European tradition is explicitly not the same as allowing immigration and settlement. There is a difference between helping those in need and your responsibilty to your people; that's why you are expected to have the trappings necessary to provide hospitality in the first place.
If I were a woman in, I dunno, random year sometime in the 11th century somewhere in Denmark, my responsibilities would be as follows:

• Keep myself and my children alive.
• Don't piss off the neighbors.
• Teach my daughters the ways of maintaining the home and farm and my sons to fight when their father was away (it's really dad's job when he's home, I just need to make sure the kid keeps up with practice).
• Create and maintain food, clothing, and medicine in my home.

If I'm doing this correctly, then if some person in need comes wandering through I should have enough to provide them with a meal and shelter with the expectation they'll be moving on. If someone showed up and tried to move in or settle on our land and in our space, that's a stabbing offense.

 

[WinchesterPremium]

Nah. Jews are down with magic but it's supposed to only be their own special variety (something something chosen people), so if someone is fucking around with non-Jewish traditions they're being naughty.
Read: Magic in Rabbinic Judaism

Twilight Sparkle AND Fluttershy, you're fucked now.
Seriously, though, hospitality in the European tradition is explicitly not the same as allowing immigration and settlement. There is a difference between helping those in need and your responsibilty to your people; that's why you are expected to have the trappings necessary to provide hospitality in the first place.
If I were a woman in, I dunno, random year sometime in the 11th century somewhere in Denmark, my responsibilities would be as follows:

• Keep myself and my children alive.
• Don't piss off the neighbors.
• Teach my daughters the ways of maintaining the home and farm and my sons to fight when their father was away (it's really dad's job when he's home, I just need to make sure the kid keeps up with practice).
• Create and maintain food, clothing, and medicine in my home.

If I'm doing this correctly, then if some person in need comes wandering through I should have enough to provide them with a meal and shelter with the expectation they'll be moving on. If someone showed up and tried to move in or settle on our land and in our space, that's a stabbing offense.

That was one of the greatest sins that those people in Odysseus's house committed by abusing hospitality, which is why he ended up killing all of them in what was seen at the time as a completely justified murder rampage. These guys have a weird habit of trying to apply their own morality to gods from completely different cultures with completely different morality systems. Odin and Dionysus would have been completely fine with the US invading Mexico and keeping the population as slaves, and the very basic hospitality of "give guests food, shelter, and somewhere to wash" would be covered by ICE camps just fine.