Druveer
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2018
I have been at a deep loss for words for 2.5 years now. In this time, I’ve watched some heinous accusations roll out about me. I’ve watched the story unfold while I silently took the heat, but due to recent events I can no longer allow that. There’s been a betrayal of trust between us here in AH, and you all in the community. In light of that trust and stepping into the future expunged of the offenders who betrayed it, here is my statement.
I never cheated on anyone, and more importantly, I never laid a hand on anyone. To be clear, the accusations of cheating and abuse, physical or otherwise, are entirely false.
Before I even begin: I believe victims. If you’re a survivor of abuse in any form, this statement is not meant to discourage you or others from stating your truth and coming forth with strength. I, and everyone I know, will hear you and stand with you. This statement is for my situation alone. For those who believed these claims against me, I understand and don’t fault you for that.
I will address this in as much detail as I can. This will be long, but I’ll do my best to keep it organized. Throughout, I’ll provide you with detailed experiences during this relationship, timelines of key events that have been used and misused to create a false narrative, statements from community members who watched this unfold over the years (including someone who knew the accuser personally), and screenshots I have in order to substantiate my position. I’d like to stress here that these claims didn’t all come at once and their details have slowly changed over these past 2.5 years. Most of you reading this now will be caught off guard entirely by the headlining claims, but I lived this in real time and watched as the claims evolved and changed. I’ve dealt with the pain of these accusations now almost as long as the relationship was itself.
Some of you will ask why I haven’t said anything thus far. Simply put, I have, but privately. From the moment accusations were made against me, I made all the information (for me and against me) available to Rooster Teeth. My managers, HR, our PR and Marketing team, our Legal department, and our Community team. I’ve also been in ongoing communication with several external lawyers on this matter. Again, I brought all information from the accuser to the company myself and made all of my information available as well throughout these years. I had nothing to hide and wanted to be completely transparent.
It’s also important to note that these accusations started as personal claims; cheating. Over the initial months of claims (in mid to late 201
they moved to emotional abuse as cheating is one shape of such abuse. Eventually, the phrasing there simplified to just abuse, and then quickly evolved to physical abuse. Afterward, this issue seemed to crop up every few months, at my highs and my lows. It’s hit me at times of celebration, such as my birthday and Tumblr’s appreciation week(s), and it’s hit me when I was down, such as when scandals rocked the company. Over time the claims from the accuser, Emily (I’ll use E. moving forward), became more vague and folded in other elements that had nothing to do with it, such as an NDA. This allowed room for a lot of assumptions that have been “validated” by likes on Twitter from E. I’ll speak to the NDA in the next paragraph, but this is where the narrative becomes hard to track and harder to dismantle. Other claims arose like how she spoke to past exes of mine that also faced physical abuse. Again, false, because she has no way of knowing who those people are or how to contact them. I never even mentioned their names, and I have no direct ties to them for her to track. Again, her claims started becoming more vague allowing community members to run away with the narrative, creating their own facts. I can’t address runaway claims, but I’ll do my best to address many of these extraneous claims towards the end of this statement. Other than that, I’ll address the core accusations and dismantle the foundation that everything rests upon.
For the record on NDA’s: Everyone who visits the RT offices signs a boilerplate NDA (non-disclosure agreement) that focuses purely on RT intellectual property (ie - don’t talk about projects in the works, storylines you might be aware of, character designs, plans for future events, etc.) This had nothing to do with our relationship and had everything to do with the fact that she had been to the office a few times. At the time of signing the NDA, both RWBY and RvB were in production right outside our office doors and that was our main concern. There’s nothing protecting personal stories and experiences as that would be unethical.
Here’s a timeline of the key events involving myself and E.:
February 5 & 6 is where the text messages posted below come from. This is where E. showed her true colors to me for the last time. It actually wasn’t until I was seeking counsel in early 2020 and re-read these texts again that I was made aware that I was in a manipulative and emotionally abusive relationship. That all the signs were there and that’s what makes this all the more painful to have to write. These screenshots demonstrate E.’s history of creating a reality of her own negative thoughts and putting that on me. I was never listened to, I was never trusted, I was just yelled at and blamed for her worst fears.
With a few screenshots omitted due to repetition, here are the screenshots of that final text conversation: https://photos.app.goo.gl/2dUEaLF43X2Ky9PC8
The above screenshots and the way she talked to me therein are not unique to this conversation. This was the common cycle I experienced at many points in our relationship. A sudden explosion of claims/insults, my attempt to speak with her about it honestly, the refusal to listen followed by leaving the scene, the repetition of said claims until I admit defeat or stop replying, and then some goading to try and draw me back into the conversation or to feign an apology. This happened often and I learned to just bottle things up or risk upsetting her.
A few key points to make from this conversation:
She had a tendency to guilt me when I tried to leave her presence. At first I thought this was innocuous, that it was because she wanted to spend time with me, but I realized there was a pattern. A pattern that placed guilt on me whenever I tried to do things that I enjoyed or made me happy. Anything that fulfilled me. It was always right at the point where one of us was reaching the door to leave meaning I had to stay and face an argument or leave and feel guilt.
The guilt in each of these instances would follow me into my plans and really interfered with my ability to enjoy any time that was spent away from her. Which leads into another issue I dealt with constantly: siloing.
It was almost daily that I was made to feel that the only safe place to be was with her. The moment we were both in the apartment each evening was the moment she began talking negatively about my work, my coworkers, and my friends. It wasn’t so blatant to me at first, but over time she had kept adding to the very vivid idea that everyone around me hated me, that everyone acted how they did specifically to undermine my career, that everyone resented me and were toxic, etc. She painted consistent, negative pictures of the world around me and it was constant. I couldn’t escape the topic of my work or her negative portrayal of it all. Here are a few detailed examples of such moments:
Here are a few more experiences I had in the relationship that didn’t fit cleanly into a section above:
In general, I feel it’s important to note that this relationship was mostly like any other relationship. It had bad moments, as I referred to above, and as you’ve seen in the messages, but outside of some darker spots like that it was generally a normal relationship. I even tried to discuss that a bit in that final text conversation. In the end, this was a normal relationship that ended due to unhealthy tendencies and disconnects on key matters. Specifically, E.’s harboring of negative perspectives, putting those entirely on me, and refusing to communicate in a healthy way to find understanding. Ultimately, it wasn’t healthy for either of us, but that doesn’t mean it was all this terrible.
As for the timing with which Barbara and I found ourselves together, I can understand how that would hurt. I can see how that would add salt to the wound, so to speak. It was never my intention to run off and quickly find someone else, and knowing this, I wanted to speak to E. about that openly and honestly. Looking back, perhaps E. saw something that I didn’t, but there was never any intention to disrespect or hurt her. I didn’t plan for it, I certainly didn’t expect it, but I think these last few years can speak to just how extraordinary the bond I found with Barbara was at the time and is to this day.
I’ve spoken a lot of my experiences, but I can’t convey the evolution of these claims over time better than those who were either close to her or close to our community. Below are three personal experiences highlighting her ongoing inconsistencies:
First, a friend of E.’s and a survivor of domestic abuse: https://photos.app.goo.gl/DqpwRh5XKMMtk9eb6
Second, a fan who was very active in our community and watched these stories develop and change overtime. With her permission, here is her perspective: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-arM6QmFSd4
https://trvrcllns.tumblr.com/post/631386604542558209/it-hasnt-even-been-one-day
Third, a series of anon asks on Tumblr (where this narrative is loudest) also pointing out inconsistencies: https://photos.app.goo.gl/5zJSMjJr6Mi6WNTU8
There are many other community members who have spoken to this as well, but these are a few I wanted to highlight to offer voices on this situation that aren’t my own.
I’ve answered many concerns and opened my life to you all to try and end this as it has become clear now that, despite what she says, there is no intention of leaving me be. Below are some odds and ends that are hard to reconcile:
I hope this statement provides some understanding to those who have yearned for a response. If I’m honest, this was very difficult and painful to write, and reflects upon emotions from a time that I have been needing to move on from. On top of this, there have been a handful of individuals who seemed to relish in this narrative, and I’ve been disappointed to see them spin their own facts on top of the already-changing story. It has stolen our voices in times where we wanted to stand up for others. At times, it prevented us from speaking when there were friends needing support. It created a fear that we would be called into question; that our words would ring hollow with hypocrisy. This will be my first and last word on the subject. I’m hoping this ends the cycle of anxiety and undue stress Barbara and I have silently faced these past 2.5 years, and hope E. can find some peace hereafter.
I truly love you all in this community. I wish to continue building on the trust we’ve all worked so hard to develop with you these many years. Thank you for listening.
I never cheated on anyone, and more importantly, I never laid a hand on anyone. To be clear, the accusations of cheating and abuse, physical or otherwise, are entirely false.
Before I even begin: I believe victims. If you’re a survivor of abuse in any form, this statement is not meant to discourage you or others from stating your truth and coming forth with strength. I, and everyone I know, will hear you and stand with you. This statement is for my situation alone. For those who believed these claims against me, I understand and don’t fault you for that.
I will address this in as much detail as I can. This will be long, but I’ll do my best to keep it organized. Throughout, I’ll provide you with detailed experiences during this relationship, timelines of key events that have been used and misused to create a false narrative, statements from community members who watched this unfold over the years (including someone who knew the accuser personally), and screenshots I have in order to substantiate my position. I’d like to stress here that these claims didn’t all come at once and their details have slowly changed over these past 2.5 years. Most of you reading this now will be caught off guard entirely by the headlining claims, but I lived this in real time and watched as the claims evolved and changed. I’ve dealt with the pain of these accusations now almost as long as the relationship was itself.
Some of you will ask why I haven’t said anything thus far. Simply put, I have, but privately. From the moment accusations were made against me, I made all the information (for me and against me) available to Rooster Teeth. My managers, HR, our PR and Marketing team, our Legal department, and our Community team. I’ve also been in ongoing communication with several external lawyers on this matter. Again, I brought all information from the accuser to the company myself and made all of my information available as well throughout these years. I had nothing to hide and wanted to be completely transparent.
It’s also important to note that these accusations started as personal claims; cheating. Over the initial months of claims (in mid to late 201
they moved to emotional abuse as cheating is one shape of such abuse. Eventually, the phrasing there simplified to just abuse, and then quickly evolved to physical abuse. Afterward, this issue seemed to crop up every few months, at my highs and my lows. It’s hit me at times of celebration, such as my birthday and Tumblr’s appreciation week(s), and it’s hit me when I was down, such as when scandals rocked the company. Over time the claims from the accuser, Emily (I’ll use E. moving forward), became more vague and folded in other elements that had nothing to do with it, such as an NDA. This allowed room for a lot of assumptions that have been “validated” by likes on Twitter from E. I’ll speak to the NDA in the next paragraph, but this is where the narrative becomes hard to track and harder to dismantle. Other claims arose like how she spoke to past exes of mine that also faced physical abuse. Again, false, because she has no way of knowing who those people are or how to contact them. I never even mentioned their names, and I have no direct ties to them for her to track. Again, her claims started becoming more vague allowing community members to run away with the narrative, creating their own facts. I can’t address runaway claims, but I’ll do my best to address many of these extraneous claims towards the end of this statement. Other than that, I’ll address the core accusations and dismantle the foundation that everything rests upon.For the record on NDA’s: Everyone who visits the RT offices signs a boilerplate NDA (non-disclosure agreement) that focuses purely on RT intellectual property (ie - don’t talk about projects in the works, storylines you might be aware of, character designs, plans for future events, etc.) This had nothing to do with our relationship and had everything to do with the fact that she had been to the office a few times. At the time of signing the NDA, both RWBY and RvB were in production right outside our office doors and that was our main concern. There’s nothing protecting personal stories and experiences as that would be unethical.
Here’s a timeline of the key events involving myself and E.:
- June 30, 2014 - Our first correspondence. She reached out to me offering to pick me up at the airport instead of her brother, whom I knew through my friend Aaron. This was for RTX that year. I was attending and staying with two friends of mine, Aaron and Cameron. They are how I met her brother, and her brother is how I met her.
- November 2014 - We started dating just as I moved to Austin when I was hired as an Editor for the Game Kids channel. This is for the record as I see people continuing to stretch the relationship longer and longer.
- January 2017 - I’ve just returned from a family trip home for the Holidays. This trip made me realize that I wasn’t in a healthy relationship. I sit down with E. to let her know I don’t think our relationship is working, that it’s not healthy, and that I think we should break up. After an emotional response and a lot of crying, she urged me to reconsider; that she’d change. It became very difficult for me to double down after a response like that and as I recall we just kind of floated away from that topic and remained together.
- January 15, 2017 - I found a realtor and reached out to begin looking for a home. I let E. know that it was my intent to move out to give us some distance to really assess if this relationship is for the best.
- February 5, 2017 - I put an offer in for a house and went on contract a few days later.
- March 7, 2017 - I closed on said house and moved in shortly thereafter. I moved in alone, after having lived with E. for a year plus at this point. This purchase is public record, but here’s my Tweet from that day.
- March - November 2017 - She periodically spent the night, but over this time it became clear that we were growing more apart. While she stayed with her grandparents, she kept asking to move in with me. Those conversations were always quite mature and I’d always expressed that I wasn’t sure when I would be ready for that.
- December 6, 2017 - Alfredo and I are in the midst of our first level of improv classes. We got to know people like Barbara, Yssa, Cole, Chad, Max, etc. a lot more through this. We did an OTS episode around this time featuring these cast members. E. was at the live taping, and afterwards E. started complaining to me about Barbara, saying things like she was too friendly and laughed at my jokes too much.
- December 9, 2017 - I threw a Christmas party at my house with a lot of friends, new and old. After this party, E. started complaining about Barbara again claiming that she was flirting with me all night. I tried to reassure her that Barbara was just being friendly and pointed out that she had acted the same way to several others that night. It was this familiar cycle of creating narratives, placing them on others, and refusing to accept honest responses that caused me to confirm that this relationship had been driving my unhappiness over the years.
- December 13, 2017 - I realized that I had to make the call. This relationship wasn’t right for either of us and I didn’t want to spend any more time hoping things would change. By this point in the year, we had grown quite distant. On this evening, I met with Wes to discuss these feelings and get some guidance. After this conversation I met with E. at my home and initiated the break up conversation. While it was tough, it seemed like there was a mutual understanding. As with many break ups that you might know, we talked about trying to be friends still afterward. As she’s about to leave, she brings Barbara up again and starts talking badly about her and that I should avoid her, then she leaves.
- December 16th, 2017 - Company Christmas party. I mostly spend my time with the AH team. Later into the night, Wes tried to play matchmaker when he, Barbara, a few others, and myself were all hanging out. Wes informed Barbara I was newly single. After some drinks, Barbara and I shared our first kiss but that’s about as far as that went. I was still emotional from the break up. She was very kind and we actually talked about that for a long time that night.
- Late December 2017 to January 2018 - I’m out of town for a week or two with my family in Florida at Universal Studios. A few texts come through from E. guilting me for not reaching out and making plans. That if I didn’t want to be friends, I should just say so. I reminded her that I was out of town and unable to make plans. I’ll speak more later regarding her pattern of guilt-tripping and manipulation throughout our relationship.
- January 2018 - E. and I met up a few times for lunch, we saw Star Wars together, and I helped her move into her apartment with Kat. I want to note here that E. moved into the closest apartment complex there was to me - quite literally 0.3 miles from my house - an 8 minute walk.
- Also January 2018 - Barbara and I met up again at a pub to talk and get to know each other more. At this point she was still openly dating other people and she was very honest about that with me. Over the month we discussed that we were growing feelings for each other and spoke very candidly about what that meant as well as any concerns we both had professionally. For what it’s worth, these conversations were always in public places. Throughout this, I spoke with Alfredo to get his perspective and guidance on everything. He guided me through my feelings at the time and helped me realize that I might have found happiness in someone that I hadn’t felt before.
- February 3-4, 2018 - Barbara and I both attend RTX Sydney, and both decided to make our relationship official and shared the news with close friends.
- February 5, 2018 - The same day I landed home from the Sydney trip, I asked to meet up with E. to catch up. I knew it hadn’t been long since we broke up, and out of respect for E., I wanted her to know I was seeing Barbara. I wanted that information to come from me, not social media. We grabbed dinner and went to her apartment to discuss. The moment I brought it up E. became the familiar, angry person that I had left. She kicked me out, insulting me, yelling and following me into the parking lot. I agreed to leave and said nothing more. I left. That night, and into the following day, are the text messages that you’ll find attached to this statement - linked below the paragraph following this timeline. These texts stand as a good example of our conversations over the course of the relationship.
- February 6, 2018 - She continued to text after I said my last goodbye (in screenshots). She called over a dozen times. She showed up at my house mid-day and texted co-workers asking if I was at work or where I was. That night, around 10pm, she was waiting at my house when I arrived home late from speaking with friends about things, and approached me before I could exit my car and began trying to apologize. This is something I had grown numb to as she did this with every cycle of dehumanizing, verbal abuse throughout our relationship.
- February 14, 2018 - Valentine’s Day, Barbara and I post a photo of us together publicly informing the audience of our relationship.
February 5 & 6 is where the text messages posted below come from. This is where E. showed her true colors to me for the last time. It actually wasn’t until I was seeking counsel in early 2020 and re-read these texts again that I was made aware that I was in a manipulative and emotionally abusive relationship. That all the signs were there and that’s what makes this all the more painful to have to write. These screenshots demonstrate E.’s history of creating a reality of her own negative thoughts and putting that on me. I was never listened to, I was never trusted, I was just yelled at and blamed for her worst fears.
With a few screenshots omitted due to repetition, here are the screenshots of that final text conversation: https://photos.app.goo.gl/2dUEaLF43X2Ky9PC8
The above screenshots and the way she talked to me therein are not unique to this conversation. This was the common cycle I experienced at many points in our relationship. A sudden explosion of claims/insults, my attempt to speak with her about it honestly, the refusal to listen followed by leaving the scene, the repetition of said claims until I admit defeat or stop replying, and then some goading to try and draw me back into the conversation or to feign an apology. This happened often and I learned to just bottle things up or risk upsetting her.
A few key points to make from this conversation:
- It’s focused on Barbara and her displeasure that I moved on. There was no understanding, patience, or listening in my continued attempts to discuss that with her. I found something very special with Barbara and I maintain that to this day. I admit that beginning to see Barbara in this way was completely unexpected.
- The only form of abuse she brings up is emotional, and there’s a history there. A history of repeatedly claiming things of me and never hearing me out. Putting awful labels on me that simply weren’t true and every time I stepped up to tell her my real feelings, she’d dismiss them immediately. Again, this happened in these texts, but also throughout our relationship.
She had a tendency to guilt me when I tried to leave her presence. At first I thought this was innocuous, that it was because she wanted to spend time with me, but I realized there was a pattern. A pattern that placed guilt on me whenever I tried to do things that I enjoyed or made me happy. Anything that fulfilled me. It was always right at the point where one of us was reaching the door to leave meaning I had to stay and face an argument or leave and feel guilt.
- When I would leave to hang out with friends solo, she’d act understanding until I was about to leave. Then she would try to make me feel bad for not inviting her. In fact, most times we’d both go to see my friends. There was never an issue with that. Sometimes I had group plans without significant others, and that was always a problem for her.
- Times when I tried to workout, she’d guilt me to stay and not go. This was in spite of the fact that my weight issue was quite bad at that time. Working out helps me in that regard. You can see my weight difference in content. I’ve even spoken to my issues with maintaining a healthy weight in content.
- There was a period where I started making YouTube videos again on the side. Before leaving for evening classes, she’d often find a way to spark some issue, gaslight me with it, and immediately leave without allowing me to respond. She would then refuse to answer texts or calls to clear things up. This regularly undermined my excitement. This was before I was on camera talent, and she knew how much I wanted to get back to making content. I quickly stopped trying to make YouTube content.
The guilt in each of these instances would follow me into my plans and really interfered with my ability to enjoy any time that was spent away from her. Which leads into another issue I dealt with constantly: siloing.
It was almost daily that I was made to feel that the only safe place to be was with her. The moment we were both in the apartment each evening was the moment she began talking negatively about my work, my coworkers, and my friends. It wasn’t so blatant to me at first, but over time she had kept adding to the very vivid idea that everyone around me hated me, that everyone acted how they did specifically to undermine my career, that everyone resented me and were toxic, etc. She painted consistent, negative pictures of the world around me and it was constant. I couldn’t escape the topic of my work or her negative portrayal of it all. Here are a few detailed examples of such moments:
- Unbeknownst to most people, there was an opportunity back in 2015/16 for me to go to Los Angeles and lead a new team in the LetsPlay family. I can’t tell you how excited I was to take on this new challenge as a cast member and manager, both being new responsibilities to me at that time. I was like a puppy awaiting their person at the door when Luis would visit Austin; bombarding him with excited questions on the progress of it all. Throughout this entire ordeal, I would have to face the constant poison of doubt at home. I was constantly told about how this wasn’t good for me, how it was going to fail, how RT was going to fire me when it failed, how I actually didn’t want it, how it wasn’t going to work out, how terrible LA was, that it was dumb, etc.
- Over the years she would push me to leave RT, and I almost did. I had a long conversation with Geoff about that very idea. She’d push me to apply to jobs at companies she deemed better for me. They all happened to be companies she was more a fan of.
- To reiterate, she constantly spoke poorly of my coworkers and friends. I refer you again to the screenshots above where she spoke ill of all my coworkers in general. These are the same people she’d guilt me for seeing without her and this was the motivational force behind me encouraging her to explore her own friend groups. I’d ask her constantly why she wanted to be around my friends if she hated them so much. She would respond by yelling that I was controlling. I never minded who she wanted to hang out with, but that I also wanted her to spend time with friends who weren’t involved with RT, a group she portrayed so terribly. As usual, she wouldn’t hear it. She’d continue yelling that I was controlling her.
Here are a few more experiences I had in the relationship that didn’t fit cleanly into a section above:
- I always had to walk on eggshells and be very particular with how I spoke. It was almost like I had to read her mind and say just the right thing, because approaching a topic from the wrong angle could spark an outburst.
- There was a time I came home and she was sleeping on the couch with her face turned to the back of the couch. The lights were out when I came in, so I gently put my keys down and whispered out her name a few times. There was no response, so I assumed she was sleeping. Since our place was small, my computer was in the living room. I kept the lights off and went to my PC to spend the evening watching YouTube videos with my headphones. About 2-3 hours later she suddenly got up and went to bed. I called out to ask if she was alright. No response. It wasn’t until the following morning, moments before she walked out the door when she burst out that there was clearly a problem and that she clearly wasn’t ok and that I should have known to check on her and ask her what was wrong because she wasn’t asleep. She then promptly left and refused to answer texts. After a few tries, I finally got ahold of her briefly via a call before she said she couldn’t talk while at work. I begged for her understanding that I thought she was asleep and that I had tried to interact with her, but it was to no avail.
- In December of 2016, I had to get my appendix removed. I subsequently found myself hobbling around the office mere days after the surgery just to get away from the apartment and her, despite the recommended 1-3 weeks recovery time.
- She admitted to me around the time of our breakup that she’d often drive by my home to check on me and see if anyone was there. I confirmed this myself later into January when I caught her driving slowly by my house on two different occasions. Barbara noticed this herself into February and March. This made us feel very uncomfortable; unsafe really. It was clear she was stalking me post-breakup. (It’s worth noting that my street wasn’t a common thoroughfare, meaning one would need to intentionally drive down it.)
- She says I isolated her from friends and family, but we went to her family’s house for Sunday dinner almost every Sunday. Her dad helped me build my first PC and we would often spend a lot of time in his office as he showed me the games he was playing and the builds he had created in Rust. I spoke at length with her grandparents about our various heritages; I’m Irish and her grandmother is adopted from Europe with German ancestry. She helped E. and I sew a few articles of clothing, such as our Harry Potter costumes for Halloween.
- There were many times where I’d be in the midst of a panic attack, and she’d tell me to literally to “shut up”.
- Up until December 17, 2019 she let people think Barbara and I’s first public tweet together (Feb. 14th, 201 was the way she found out about our new relationship and that it was how E. and I broke up. Other individuals seemed to indicate that E. informed them we were single for mere hours by the time the company Christmas party came around.
In general, I feel it’s important to note that this relationship was mostly like any other relationship. It had bad moments, as I referred to above, and as you’ve seen in the messages, but outside of some darker spots like that it was generally a normal relationship. I even tried to discuss that a bit in that final text conversation. In the end, this was a normal relationship that ended due to unhealthy tendencies and disconnects on key matters. Specifically, E.’s harboring of negative perspectives, putting those entirely on me, and refusing to communicate in a healthy way to find understanding. Ultimately, it wasn’t healthy for either of us, but that doesn’t mean it was all this terrible.
As for the timing with which Barbara and I found ourselves together, I can understand how that would hurt. I can see how that would add salt to the wound, so to speak. It was never my intention to run off and quickly find someone else, and knowing this, I wanted to speak to E. about that openly and honestly. Looking back, perhaps E. saw something that I didn’t, but there was never any intention to disrespect or hurt her. I didn’t plan for it, I certainly didn’t expect it, but I think these last few years can speak to just how extraordinary the bond I found with Barbara was at the time and is to this day.
I’ve spoken a lot of my experiences, but I can’t convey the evolution of these claims over time better than those who were either close to her or close to our community. Below are three personal experiences highlighting her ongoing inconsistencies:
First, a friend of E.’s and a survivor of domestic abuse: https://photos.app.goo.gl/DqpwRh5XKMMtk9eb6
- E. doxxed me and several other AH members. This user shows proof of this. This would have been after co-workers of mine had their residence violently broken into.
- She’s highlighting contradictions and inconsistencies in her story with the credibility of knowing (and proving) where I lived. Also as an individual who very unfortunately lived through abuse of their own.
- This is the only individual, aside from myself, who has attempted to prove their position on this matter with anything other than their word.
Second, a fan who was very active in our community and watched these stories develop and change overtime. With her permission, here is her perspective: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-arM6QmFSd4
https://trvrcllns.tumblr.com/post/631386604542558209/it-hasnt-even-been-one-day
- Gives a good overview of the loose, post-breakup timeline on the accusations.
- Indicates that each time E. was asked about the story, different, conflicting answers would arise. For example, she’d change what kind of abuse it was.
- Speaks to the vague statements, such as tweeting about the NDA.
- Points out how timelines constantly shifted.
- Points out how she’ll bring up the allegations, and then about a day later when people are inquiring for proof, she’ll say she doesn’t want to talk about it and wants to move on. Repeatedly, even after saying she would provide proof.
- Points out that E. “doesn’t want to be associated with the company anymore”, despite bringing up the NDA again, among other RT-centric tweets.
Third, a series of anon asks on Tumblr (where this narrative is loudest) also pointing out inconsistencies: https://photos.app.goo.gl/5zJSMjJr6Mi6WNTU8
- Pointing out more inconsistencies.
- Pointing out the very prevalent reality where she speaks terribly of my friends and co-workers privately, but publicly still follows and responds to them with great positivity. Highlighting her two-faced nature.
There are many other community members who have spoken to this as well, but these are a few I wanted to highlight to offer voices on this situation that aren’t my own.
I’ve answered many concerns and opened my life to you all to try and end this as it has become clear now that, despite what she says, there is no intention of leaving me be. Below are some odds and ends that are hard to reconcile:
- Some of these claims and stories revolve around DMs and online conversations, yet there hasn’t been any evidence/screenshots to substantiate these. This includes supposed conversations with previous exes.
- She has repeatedly brought this up over the past 2.5 years only to then claim she no longer wants to talk about it a day or two later. This happens every few months.
- After we broke up, she moved physically very close to my home. Only 0.3 miles away; 1,500 feet.
- She was adamant about staying friends after we broke up, and even guilted me in that time period for not reaching out to make plans.
- She says she tries very hard to keep me off her timeline, but she has since followed new employees of RT and continues to interact with mostly RT-centric community members and staff. Specifically, people that she’s never met. People that joined years after we dated, such as Fiona who I interact with back and forth quite frequently.
- It’s worth reiterating that the narrative started as insults that turned to claims of cheating, which accelerated to their present accusations over time.
- She “liked” and verbally supported tweets threatening me with physical harm. In a world after what Gavin and Meg went through, there is no longer room for this to be considered a joke.
- I’ve noticed that many of the most active accounts discussing and spreading this topic on Twitter are either newly created or are years old, but have only tweeted about this.
I hope this statement provides some understanding to those who have yearned for a response. If I’m honest, this was very difficult and painful to write, and reflects upon emotions from a time that I have been needing to move on from. On top of this, there have been a handful of individuals who seemed to relish in this narrative, and I’ve been disappointed to see them spin their own facts on top of the already-changing story. It has stolen our voices in times where we wanted to stand up for others. At times, it prevented us from speaking when there were friends needing support. It created a fear that we would be called into question; that our words would ring hollow with hypocrisy. This will be my first and last word on the subject. I’m hoping this ends the cycle of anxiety and undue stress Barbara and I have silently faced these past 2.5 years, and hope E. can find some peace hereafter.
I truly love you all in this community. I wish to continue building on the trust we’ve all worked so hard to develop with you these many years. Thank you for listening.
- Trevor
EDIT: Added archive link and screenshot.
