How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I’ve whined about my issues with dating in this thread before, but I finally realized the core issue: I treat myself like a beta orbiter in my own relationships.

I told people in a group I’m in that I was worried if I even asked a girl if we could hold hands that she’d call the cops, and I was, rightly, called autistic and told to go see a therapist. Then I remembered my girlfriend told me she bought lingerie and I was like ‘oh, can I see’ and then I followed it up with ‘but not while you’re wearing it’ and later I apologized for even asking for that, because I was so afraid she’d think I was attracted to her and then she’d stop going out with me because she wouldn’t like that. I know, I deserve to be called autistic. I was even worried when I suggested we go out for Valentine’s that she would have her secret ‘actual’ relationship that she’d want to go out with them instead, which in retrospect is, again, exceptional.

Now that I’m aware of this I’m hoping I can stop being an incel by 2022. (The fact that I’m not a KHV is honestly shocking to me).

Also finally told my boss (well, had someone else tell her because she’s terrifying) that I hate this internship and I don’t wanna come back after Christmas, so I’m glad that’s finally over with.
 
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Not drinking for a week, starting today, because gay jannies apparently said I couldn't.
 
Well let's see... people close to me either professionally or close family keep dying. This pandemic is still ongoing with a barely tested vaccine "on the way." More than half my country supports idiotic ideas like ubi and that "green new deal" we elected a pedo to the white House in two months....and if didn't think it was worth one single try, I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly.



So yeah I'd say I'm doing just peachy and if there's nothing shakin come next July I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball...and die. XD
 
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horrorfan89 said:
Well let's see... people close to me either professionally or close family keep dying. This pandemic is still ongoing with a barely tested vaccine "on the way." More than half my country supports idiotic ideas like ubi and that "green new deal" we elected a pedo to the white House in two months....and if didn't think it was worth one single try, I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly.



So yeah I'd say I'm doing just peachy and if there's nothing shakin come next July I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball...and die. XD
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Hope next July's better for you, man.

Things are alright here. Holding pattern. Time is kind of not a thing, days just blend
 
Ive been having my ups and downs. Fucked up my toe and worked 6 hours on my feet afterwards because I knew there wouldn't be coverage for my shift. Now several days later it still hurts to walk. Oh well. Could be dying of coof I suppose.

I got an oranda goldfish from someone who was rehoming it to add to my goldfish tank. Its a fucking asshole though so I'm not very pleased. At least my other ones are funny little tards that make up for it.

Emotionally I'm fucked sometimes. Ive never been one to have nightmares but the past 2 months have been nightmare hell. Its fucking up my sleeping even more than usual. Ive been smoking less weed to see if that helped and it fucking didn't so I guess I'm screwed.
 
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I've been okay. There's been a lot going on but I've pretty much steeled myself to all of it and am constantly indulging in distractions. Maybe not the healthiest approach but whatever works, right?
 
I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years this morning. I feel like an asshole but I am extremely codependent and a huge enabler and after another suicide threat along with turning his phone off for an hour from him I finally realized that we are not good for each other. He has his own serious issues that I couldn't and shouldn't deal with anymore. My heart hurts but I've stayed in unhealthy relationships way too long before and I can't do that to myself or the other person again. All I want to do is hold him and kiss him and tell him everything's going to be okay, but that never worked long enough.

It especially hurts because he was my only friend outside my family and now I feel extremely alone.
 
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Jamila said:
I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years this morning. I feel like an asshole but I am extremely codependent and a huge enabler and after another suicide threat along with turning his phone off for an hour from him I finally realized that we are not good for each other. He has his own serious issues that I couldn't and shouldn't deal with anymore. My heart hurts but I've stayed in unhealthy relationships way too long before and I can't do that to myself or the other person again. All I want to do is hold him and kiss him and tell him everything's going to be okay, but that never worked long enough.

It especially hurts because he was my only friend outside my family and now I feel extremely alone.
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Time will heal all wounds eventually friend, hope you can find peace and hey you're free again, now's the time to explore or do the things you need. Just take it step by step!
 
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I just looked up from my laptop out the window and there is snow flurries! Big snowflakes! It won't stick or pile up but I always get excited when we get flurries. I live in a region where we don't get a lot of heavy fluffy snow, usually if it does stick it's just muddy and icy. Every few years or so we do get a big snow so hopefully we get one this winter. This will probably be the highlight of my week.
 
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I moved to another town recently, and I'm starting to throw applications at people because I need a job. It's a smaller place than my home city so there isn't nearly as many options. I have eyes on a local grocery store since I know a friend who works at one and it seems like a nice environment. There's other places in town but they don't seem to pay as much. I'm still working on my degree so hopefully that will help eventually. There's also a very well known coffee shop literally within walking distance, and I heard they're very flexible with hours. But they pay like crap according to my research. I've been out of the retail game for over a year due to full class loads and medical stuff so I'm nervous about going through the rigmarole again.

Part of me also wants to get off my butt and work on crafts again since there's several craft fairs and farmer's markets within a 30 minute drive I could try selling at for extra money. I'll figure things out.
 
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