Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Wernology]

We all know this is a catfish even without "evidence" because, let's face it, even for someone who was a functional, decent person, getting an offer like that would not only raise red flags of "This is probably a murder attempt" but would also be so laughably transparent.

It isn't for Lucas though, because he lacks the ability to learn from past mistakes.

Anyway, for kicks, I dusted off IG and pulled some cards. To nobody's surprise, even a deck of cards can see this is a catfish that he'll be dumb enough to fall for.

If you'd rather not wander over to my IG, screenshots below.

Text of it:

Is it in the cards for Lucas to find a girlfriend after flying to California?

Spoiler: It’s just not in the cards for you.

Longer answer:

So, we start with Lucas feeling like he usually does; that's the confirmation that we're talking about Lucas. Same as ever, stressed out, feeling attacked/taken for granted, "not feeling the love", typical Lucas.

Then the Lover card comes into play and, like the gullible fool he is, Lucas will fall for it. This card, on its own, does indicate a new relationship that will go well, however, it's entered into Lucas' life and is followed up with the Reversed Queen of Pentacles, Three of Swords, Reversed Nine of Pentacles, Reversed Ace of Cups, Reversed Six of Swords, and the Four of Swords.

Queen of Pentacles reversed is just a reminder that Lucas is a jealous, insecure, possessive, lazy, boring, manipulative trash pile who will expect his partner to do all of the work around the house and in terms of employment and bills.

Three of Swords is a straight up heartbreak/betrayal type card which is nothing less than Lucas deserves given how we've seen he acts with women after they leak his DMs and VMs and the Queen of Pentacles backed that up.

There is no LA Girl, but he's stupid and desperate, so he'll believe it and be heartbroken and feel 'betrayed' again. Good.

Insecurity, expecting others to cover their finances and expenses, wants rewards without putting any effort in, materialistic and cheap. No surprise he has difficulty finding or maintaining a relationship (Ace of Cups) and it's due to being unwilling to deal with his emotional and mental health and simply points out that he has unrealistic expectations where relationships are concerned.

Six of Swords reversed shows a period of disruption, so this dumbass is probably going to fly out to California, and will, of course, find nothing there. Four of swords is the usual reminder to stop being such a desperate flop. When you stink of desperation, and Lucas, you do stink of desperation (among other things) nobody will want to be around you.



AND since I'm just settling in for my second quarantine of the year because who would have figured I'd get tagged twice by this fuckery, I'll get that silly rap video up for no other reasons than:

1. It'll make Lucas paranoid that Dan is working with KF.
2. It might also make Lucas think that I'm Dan, though I can't imagine how as I'm not nearly that slow.

 

[WonderWino]

Hmmmm, perhaps this new catfish plans to get lucas there, lock him in a shed or basement, and collect his disability. Perhaps even get themselves declared his care taker and get more monies that way. All while lucas rots chained to a wall. Not like anyone's going to go looking for him or turely care if he disappears. He's actually the perfect victim for this scenario. Things like this do happen. (Fingers crossed)

Lucas in Aspen is not happening. Cops remove people like him promptly.

I don't know, I picture it more like this. Dr gideon nigga being fed his own cooked leg as a last meal. It fits with lucas's fucked up food habits and really isn't that surprising of a fate for him when you think about it

After all, whenever feasible one should always eat the rude wern

 

[VoidFace]

After all, whenever feasible one should always eat the rude wern

I choose to believe that Lucas would have terrible, rancid meat.

It would be fulfilling to know that Lucas has never had any value, even in death.

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

It seems someone has decided that it would be amusing to lure a retard to a strange city. Once upon a time, Lucas boarded a bus headed for Coeur d'Alene. He was tired of all the mean people in Olympia, and ready to start fresh in a new city with a totally hot Millennial bitch who had invited him to stay with her and torture her butthole. This is how Lucas ended up in Spokane...

I've lost interest in the ethics of laughing at retards.

Once upon a time, Lucas boarded a plane for California....Lucas is going to get on that plane, isn't he? Perhaps he'll be saved by his incompetence. Unable to get his shit together, he may miss his flight.

Lucas is not going to enjoy California.

It's a given that Lucas is getting catfished and a woman will not show up. If a woman does show up, she's dumber than Lucas.

Does Lucas stay in CA then like when he moved to Spokane? He won't last long. Like others said, his EBT won't work there, they're only usable in that state. All Lucas might have is some of his SSI left, but he might not have any since he got kicked out of the apartment. I assume Lucas would have to get a ticket back to Washington to see his payee and keep getting money, too.

My guess is the catfish reneges the ticket somehow and Lucas can't go. What if something serious happened to Lucas? There could be legal problems doing this to a mentally ill person. This can quickly reach play stupid games, win stupid prizes tbh.

 

[Wernology]

While I'm waiting for Dan Campbell's diss rap to upload, have these two things from Dan's public FB...


Edit:

One of my new favorite diss raps.

 

[Patchwork Ragdoll]

It's weird that he's not more excited about this "Mia" person, she must not be the perfect 10 he thinks he's entitled to.

 

[MeganDodgedABullet]

Schizo theory - is "Mia" a troll hat tip to deep CWC lore (Mia Ham?) Hmmmmm??

anyhoo - I WUNT TO BELIEVE!!!

 

[VoidFace]

Schizo theory - is "Mia" a troll hat tip to deep CWC lore (Mia Ham?) Hmmmmm??

anyhoo - I WUNT TO BELIEVE!!!

MIA is also the initialism for Missing In Action. Probably not intentional, but would be a clever detail on the part of the catfish.

 

[IceQueen]

Indeed, it wouldn't surprise me if thats the case, though I won't be the least surprise if he convinces himself its just us trying to fuck with him by putting doubt in his mind or some such bullshit and goes through with it anyway. Like you said he always falls for it in the end and this one is offering everything he wants. Plus getting an actual ticket sent to him like that is at least proof of a legit offer to get him there so I can see him latching on to that as sufficient proof its a legit gf offer

We'll find out on monday one way or another. It should be a real interesting day no matter how it goes. We'll be getting some kind of angry wern regardless

That said, we still haven't touched upon the true victim in this whole catfishing saga: whoever will be condemned to use the airplane bathroom after lucas on a 5 hour flight. The thought is utterly horrifying

Literally gagged upon reading that last part.

Damn, I'm reading now too and it's rough. Dan's like many incels I've talked to. Severely depressed, lonely and angry. Beaten down and out but can't get the idea of that magical gf out of their heads that think it would solve a lot of their pain. These are the guys I wish society would be kinder to.

Yeah and honestly reading through his page I can 100% see why, before he knew Lucas or a thing about him, Dan would think they had something in common. A lot of the things Dan says are buzzwords/phrases that Lucas tries to use a lot too, but Lucas is just on such a completely different level. I get why Dan extended friendship to him and then was flabbergasted by what Lucas turned out to be.

It's weird that he's not more excited about this "Mia" person, she must not be the perfect 10 he thinks he's entitled to.

My guess is that he’s never seen her, or even spoken to her on the phone. He claims to have standards for who he’ll talk to or agree to meet, but 1) we know he doesn’t, and 2) even if he did stick to his anti-catfishing rules usually, he probably thinks that this is some special circumstance because of the purchased ticket, so he’s happy to make an exception.

Remember the Corina time period? He made a video after people told him over and over that she was a catfish supposedly “proving” that she wasn’t by saying that she had said she couldn’t come see him because she didn’t have gas in her car and she asked if he would give her $10 if she took the bus to see him so she could get a cab back and he told her he’d give her $20 because he didn’t have a $10. But she still didn’t do it, and so Lucas said she couldn’t possibly be trolling him because why on earth would anyone not take a bus ride, then walk a mile to a filthy hobo’s sectioned apartment, and spend time with him if it meant they’d get $20??? How could anyone possibly turn that down?!

I highly doubt Lucas can fathom the fact that most functioning members of society could spare $100, so he thinks the fact that this troll could means there is no reason whatsoever to get more proof of their intentions.

 

[teleméres69]

"I can explain in science"
*fails highschool science*

Merry Christmas and happy new year kiwis and sofalaw members! Let's hope he keeps giving us more "episodes" of our favorite reality show.
View attachment 1795725

Lucas embracing his pedophile drifter look, and probably thinking he looks tough and cool like this. I see his face looks more bloated again, gotta keep that 300+lbs figure after all

View attachment 1797560
Oh, new video! "I'm tired of feeling like you're leftist in name only."

Which is why the fat creeper keeps getting booted for pushing everyone's buttons. Keeps trying to see what rapey shit he's able to get away with for being a retard and then gets mad when people won't tolerate his manchild meltdowns. You'd think at 41 Lucas would have learned a little more of what not to do to not get banned or evicted from places so frequently, but this is Lucas

working as law enforcement, i didn't really see this sort of behavior in the vast majority of criminals like drug dealers, thieves, or murderers, et c.

i did see this sort of entitled attitude in some domestic violence offenders, neglectful parents, hoarders, kids that were violent enough to attack others in schools, rapists, sexual assaulters, and a few others. road rage people that were caught very shortly after their road rage incident as well. some things trigger a release of this anger caused by bizarre, fixated ideas that are not true, and they feel injured by that, looking for convenient targets for that anger.

all that being said, Lucas seems like the creepy rape-y sort, rather than someone genuinely violent that a good hard backhanded slap to knock it off wouldn't cure. he's a "passive" offender. someone that tries to skate on what he can get away with, without suffering significant push back or punishment.

No, because Lucas only has a limited number of confirmation bias that he poorly understands and believes if he keeps regurgitating it, eventually everyone will agree he's right. Like how if he keeps saying nigga or nigger eventually he'll get teen pussy

View attachment 1797592
Will he EVER stop posting the same screenshot over and over?

I wish Lucas would finally relocate. I'd love to see him try to survive in California. He'll have to compete with far more hobos. Nevermind his racist/sexist/homophobic spiels won't be tolerated there if he starts mouthing off. Shame it's a fake that Lucas should have figured out after what happened with him going to Spokane in the first place

Seems Lucas thinks he is California bound View attachment 1797778View attachment 1797779View attachment 1797782

The only reason Lucas has not molested a child is because he's too retarded to get away with it. It's hard to feel sympathy for Lucas when you see what he's truly like around minors

You should always remember that the only true reason Lucas wants to reproduce is to have a daughter he can also molest. In that particular scenario where hell has frozen over, I have no idea what he'd do with a son. You should also always remember that there were enough instances where Lucas admitted that he'd also use underage girls for his means and goals. He's just sane enough to know that admitting this regularly will get him in trouble and even more shunned than he already is. Thankfully he's the world's most inept predator, he is a predator nonetheless.

Honestly at this point it would be a Christmas gift to see Lucas catfished into another state. I just wish they waited until his parole was over. Him being able to stay in California would be so much funnier. Fuck him, guy is a pedophile who gets away with a slap on the wrist constantly, him finally seeing real consequences for his behavior in California would be him getting what he deserves

LOL did lucas seriously just claim that almond roca is a local candy? ffs its sold all over the world. My mother eats that shit, personally I can't stand it. Being based somewhere doesn't make it local. By his logic coca is just a local soft drink in atlanta

and of course he 'unwinds' with food when he has no booze or drugs. I'd like to know what he 'unwinds' from exactly. All he does is wander around, make insane posts/videos and sit around a bus station, and he needs to unwind from THAT? Oh yeah, PhD material right there

But of course, this was a guy who needed drugs to unwind from cooking fries at mcdonalds on a timer and couldn't do that right

and what in the actual fuck? That looks like a legit actually paid for ticket confirmation to california. Is someone seriously catfishing him out of state, to california of all places? I mean its happened before, its how he ended up in spokane, but if he really stupid enough to go through with this? That'll fuck up his EBT and all that for at least a little while and there is no way in hell he'll get housing there. Nor will his ranting insanity and pedo behavior be tolerated. Its a whole different ballgame from washington state. That shit will get him assaulted by someone or flat out killed. Can you imagine him wandering into gang territory in LA ranting and calling himself dr nigga and talking about thick thighed black teens? He'd get his ass shot in ten seconds flat

and i'm dead serious there. LA is not a place you want to be fucking around and screeching racist and threatening shit like lucas does. Thats one of the worst places in the country he could be with that kind of behavior. If he thinks 'I was joking' or 'get away from me or i'll call the cops on you' is going to have the same effect there when he pisses off the wrong person oh boy is he in for a real big surprise

Speaking of which, there has to be some kind of liability law or something that makes deliberately catfishing a legally disabled sped across state lines into a questionable situation like that illegal to some degree. I don't think thats a line its wise to cross, especially if lucas is his usual dumbass self and ends up starving on the street after a few days or stabbed to death by some coked up hobo in the middle of the night. They have even less tolerance at shelters in places like LA than they do in places like spokane. as much as i'd love to see lucas get what he deserves for his behavior, I really don't see this ending well for the catfish when something bad inevitably happens to lucas



My money is on:
- kill it
- abandon it
- try to groom it as male bait to lure in little girls of its own age so lucas can molest them at his fartbox (if he still had one). basically a male abigail hobbs from hannibal without the cannibal stuff....though I wouldn't put that past lucas either tbh



It certainly looks legit and the confirmation was sent to his email address, not that lucas would know a real confirmation from a fake one but the sender address would give it away easy. That said, if hes stupid enough to go for it he'll likely take a bus to the airport, assuming he has any money to do so. Possibly even asking for some money to travel from his wrangler. Not that said wrangler would ever actually give him money to do that under the circumstances. They would get fired if not prosecuted when it turned out to be a catfish, let alone if something happened to him while there. Frankly I can see his wrangler calling the cops and reporting the whole thing as some kind of attempt to do him harm, if only to ensure nobody could go after the wrangler for it



More like would do federal time if he wasn't a sped. He'd get in shit to be sure (as would whoever is catfishing him there when the details started coming out of him during his interrogation given the circumstances) but the fact he's a legally recognized nutcase on a pension for being a nutcase he can hide behind the 'hes a sped who legit can't control himself and doesn't know better cause mental illness' defense and the ACLU would back it up if he ree'd about it. He'd get slapped on the wrist and warned not to get on a plane and do that again

Not that he shouldn't do federal time for it. He does know better, but he'll sure as hell pretend he doesn't when it suits him to do so to get him out of jail



....and there is definitely that as well. Ignoring the no drugs stuff is something they can look the other way on cause hes a sped. Skipping the state while on parole is not. He does know better and at some point had to have had it clearly explained to him when he was put on parole that he wasn't to leave the state without permission until his parole is over. He'll end up with a warrant on his ass the instant he gets on a plane and his name goes through the system per homeland security regulations. Getting on that plane, let alone actually successfully getting to california will fuck him so many ways he'll be utterly screwed without even realizing it until its too late. Which is exactly what he deserves. and the best part is it'll all been over a zoomer bae girlfriend that doesn't even actually exist

The only downside to it is given he'll end up with a warrant in WA I can see him getting out of being stuck in LA by ending up getting extradited back, so it would be the taxpayers inadvertently getting him out of that situation. He'd still do some jail time but still

and from the look of the chat updates, he is actually going for it. could this be our christmas miracle of wernology? cause seeing him fuck himself royally while being totally ignorant of anything bad about to happen to him and beaming with anticipation until everything does a 180 on him and leaves him with warrants, no tugboat, money, housing and alone in a city he's never set foot in before with no way to get back on his own will be a true festivus miracle

Also fucking LOL at lucas referring to spokane as 'its a horrible place filled with liars' as he is talking about going to LA. Fucking L-O-Fucking-L at that one. Lucas is truly an idiot

Lucas Lucas catfished into going to a reservation and yelling about women around Indians would be a sight to see. Dunno if they'd be too busy laughing at the pathetic white man or just stab him for being an annoying pale face

Well.....he did say the zoomer bae was native american.......

I'll laugh my ass off if this ends with lucas found face down dragged out into the desert with multiple arrows sticking out of his back

Probably has been searching his name on YouTube lately with all the content about him. Which is great because he's clearly seething about everyone calling him out as an obese pedophile

He found us. Probably a "self-google."
View attachment 1798314

Lucas frequently says this, while getting catfished. Doubt he's caught on. Though I think he's so desperate he just goes with it anyway and assumes this time will be real

Or it could just be his usual verbal diarrhea. He's such a boring, repetitive fuck it's actually hard to tell when he's trying to make a point about any real-world occurrence.

Almost guarantee Lucas won't acknowledge it. Lucas doesn't like talking about things that makes hin look like an asshole when he knows it, getting catfished with a flight to Cali would make him look even more of a retard. I think I he'll just pretend it never happened until asked about it weeks later and spin his bs story about it

Indeed, it wouldn't surprise me if thats the case, though I won't be the least surprise if he convinces himself its just us trying to fuck with him by putting doubt in his mind or some such bullshit and goes through with it anyway. Like you said he always falls for it in the end and this one is offering everything he wants. Plus getting an actual ticket sent to him like that is at least proof of a legit offer to get him there so I can see him latching on to that as sufficient proof its a legit gf offer

We'll find out on monday one way or another. It should be a real interesting day no matter how it goes. We'll be getting some kind of angry wern regardless

That said, we still haven't touched upon the true victim in this whole catfishing saga: whoever will be condemned to use the airplane bathroom after lucas on a 5 hour flight. The thought is utterly horrifying

This song would be even more relevant if he moves to Cali. Ngl its pretty catchy. It'd be real funny if Dan Campbell actually catfished Lucas given how much info he has about Lucas and knows how much of a pedophile he really is

While we wait to see if he's actually gonna board that plane to go see Queefabelle, here's the hit classic "Lucas Werner diss" video by Dan Campbell:View attachment 1799254
It's public on his profile.

edit: if its audio only heres the link

When doesn't Lucas look like a crackhead?

Damn he looks like a ratty strung out crackhead with his hoodie up like that

That said, I wonder if that means he doesn't believe the catfish anymore and won't be heading to the airport on monday

 

[Da Dude123]

He mentioned this Mia girl is Native American. So, I am guessing he has seen her or the catfish has sent a picture. The fat hobo doesn't want to be with an ugly fatty. He deserves a good looking girl who is smart and interesting.

I am sure there has never been a phone call or a video chat. With the exception of Corina, I am not sure if any other catfish have spoke to Lucas. Of course, Lucas never puts two and two together why they can never find time to speak to him on the phone or do a video chat.

I would kind of think if this whole thing was a go, that Lucas would be gloating about his baby zoom bae and how he would be moooving out of Spokane to sunny Southern California. But who knows?

Also, yeah, since Lucas has been a hobo on a tugboat most of his life. He has no true concept of money. $109 really isn't all that much money. For most working people that won't necessarily make or break them to lose that kind of money once in a while. I have way better uses for that kind of money than messing with an exceptional bum. If someone or a small group of people pitched in for the tickets, that would be worth the laughs to them.

 

[Wernology]

My guess is that he’s never seen her, or even spoken to her on the phone. He claims to have standards for who he’ll talk to or agree to meet, but 1) we know he doesn’t, and 2) even if he did stick to his anti-catfishing rules usually, he probably thinks that this is some special circumstance because of the purchased ticket, so he’s happy to make an exception.

Remember the Corina time period? He made a video after people told him over and over that she was a catfish supposedly “proving” that she wasn’t by saying that she had said she couldn’t come see him because she didn’t have gas in her car and she asked if he would give her $10 if she took the bus to see him so she could get a cab back and he told her he’d give her $20 because he didn’t have a $10. But she still didn’t do it, and so Lucas said she couldn’t possibly be trolling him because why on earth would anyone not take a bus ride, then walk a mile to a filthy hobo’s sectioned apartment, and spend time with him if it meant they’d get $20??? How could anyone possibly turn that down?!

I highly doubt Lucas can fathom the fact that most functioning members of society could spare $100, so he thinks the fact that this troll could means there is no reason whatsoever to get more proof of their intentions.

You mean this?

Keep in mind the post date: March 8, 2018

Followed shortly by this on March 13 2018:

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

He mentioned this Mia girl is Native American. So, I am guessing he has seen her or the catfish has sent a picture.

Which doesn't really imply anything.

Step 1: open up Google.
Step 2: type in ”Native American girls”.
Step 3: click on the Images tab.
Step 4: send Lucas the first non-watermarked image you see.
Step 5: ???
Step 6: profit (if you consider catfishing a delusional nonce profit)

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Remember the Corina time period? He made a video after people told him over and over that she was a catfish supposedly “proving” that she wasn’t by saying that she had said she couldn’t come see him because she didn’t have gas in her car and she asked if he would give her $10 if she took the bus to see him so she could get a cab back and he told her he’d give her $20 because he didn’t have a $10. But she still didn’t do it, and so Lucas said she couldn’t possibly be trolling him because why on earth would anyone not take a bus ride, then walk a mile to a filthy hobo’s sectioned apartment, and spend time with him if it meant they’d get $20??? How could anyone possibly turn that down?!

I highly doubt Lucas can fathom the fact that most functioning members of society could spare $100, so he thinks the fact that this troll could means there is no reason whatsoever to get more proof of their intentions.

The Corina saga was dumb, but at least this one is understandable. If someone wants to spend $109 to fly me to California in frozen northern winter, I'll go and make the most of it.

 

[Da Dude123]

The Corina saga was dumb, but at least this one is understandable. If someone wants to spend $109 to fly me to California in frozen northern winter, I'll go and make the most of it.

Right. I can definitely see that. And a free trip to California, would be nice for most people. But Lucas would not have a way back. He would be too dumb and broke to find a way to go back to Spokane.

Or he would initially think things would be better in California and would try to stay and by the time he figured out it wasn't, then it would be too late. Lucas does not posess the ability to plan ahead. That is why he needs his payees and wranglers. But he is sooo ready to be a dad!

King George and Myrna would do nothing to assist him when he figured out how he did not have access to his much needed services and he is but a hobo in a sea of hobos.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

Do any Spokane lurkers have time off Monday afternoon to people-watch outside TSA at Spokane International? For that matter, any airport workers in the United terminal at SFO?

Based on the screenshots, I believe these are the flights he will be on if he does go through with the trip. We can watch in near-real time for any u-turns or diversions.

UA5606 (UAL5606) United Flight Tracking and History 21/12/2020 (KGEG-KSFO) - FlightAware

Track United (UA) #5606 flight from Spokane Intl to San Francisco Intl

flightaware.com

UA406 (UAL406) United Flight Tracking and History 21/12/2020 (KSFO-KSNA) - FlightAware

Track United (UA) #406 flight from San Francisco Intl to John Wayne

flightaware.com

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

If Lucas had an ounce of basic logical thought, he would know its a catfish; because if some Cali Zoomer bae wanted a fat hobo Xoomer husband, why couldn't she just get one in California?
Of course, Lucas has no logical thought. He seems himself as a temporarily embarrassed super-genius and thinks that because people on the internet follow his antics, that he also must have fans; so he cannot reach this conclusion on his own.

After all, whenever feasible one should always eat the rude wern

Wern meat is probably loaded with prion diseases, and if you don't cook it well enough MRSA. Plus, its almost entirely fat, and loaded with chemicals.

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

When doesn't Lucas look like a crackhead?

He's way too heavy to be a crackhead

Do any Spokane lurkers have time off Monday afternoon to people-watch outside TSA at Spokane International? For that matter, any airport workers in the United terminal at SFO?

Based on the screenshots, I believe these are the flights he will be on if he does go through with the trip. We can watch in near-real time for any u-turns or diversions.

UA5606 (UAL5606) United Flight Tracking and History 21/12/2020 (KGEG-KSFO) - FlightAware

Track United (UA) #5606 flight from Spokane Intl to San Francisco Intl

flightaware.com

UA406 (UAL406) United Flight Tracking and History 21/12/2020 (KSFO-KSNA) - FlightAware

Track United (UA) #406 flight from San Francisco Intl to John Wayne

flightaware.com

Hell, do we have someone on the ground in Orange County? I'd love a video of him when he realizes that he's just flown across the country and his zoomer bae just ghosted him.

 

[BIG CATS]

Hell, do we have someone on the ground in Orange County? I'd love a video of him when he realizes that he's just flown across the country and his zoomer bae just ghosted him.

It’s a bit of a drive from where I live but I can try, when is he getting into Santa Ana?

 

[Jeremiah the Bullfrog]

It’s a bit of a drive from where I live but I can try, when is he getting into Santa Ana?

I think it is 8:30 your time.