Horrorcow Zoe Quinn / Chelsea Van Valkenburg / Locke Valentine / @UnburntWitch / @Primeape / CrashOverride / Hat Box / Old Uncle Anime - Con Artist, Abuser, Sexual Harasser, Drove Alec Holowka to Suicide.

[ditto]

That was largely created by Adam Carolla musing about a humans ultimate biological imperative: reproduction. If someone starts having sex at a way too early at an age, when their parents is responsible for every other need in their lives, then something in the brain will see it as mission accomplished, it's time to kick back, relax and wait for the babies to roll in. In that particular context he was talking about the lives of 12-13 year old boys and lecherous female teachers but it also applied to more physically developed 12 year old girls and the skeevy dudes that starts sniffing around.

How does that explain types like MovieBob who has never had sex but are stuck at age 16 anyway?

 

[Arthur Morgan]

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Well Zoe, maybe you survived but are you sure you're living?

 

[Kosher Dill]

That's no small feat, either. Convincing the entirety of the U.N. to actually agree on something practically takes an act of god. Getting everybody at the U.N. to unanimously conclude Anita & Zoe were completely full of shit and a waste of time was an impressive self-own.

I think people really oversell this whole UN thing. It's not like the Security Council had a nerve-wracking midnight meeting to stave off World War III and then went on to review Zoe's powerpoint.
There are an endless number of make-work organizations under the UN umbrella, one of which is UN Women. That's where Zoe presented and failed out of, and in reality she's only slightly more of a lolcow than the average member of that group. It's a humiliation because she failed to even get her foot on the bottom rung of the grifting ladder at a minor UN sub-organization, not because a high-ranking ambassador from Mozambique started banging his shoe on the table at her or something.

 

[KillThemCrackasBabies]

I think people really oversell this whole UN thing. It's not like the Security Council had a nerve-wracking midnight meeting to stave off World War III and then went on to review Zoe's powerpoint.
There are an endless number of make-work organizations under the UN umbrella, one of which is UN Women. That's where Zoe presented and failed out of, and in reality she's only slightly more of a lolcow than the average member of that group. It's a humiliation because she failed to even get her foot on the bottom rung of the grifting ladder at a minor UN sub-organization, not because a high-ranking ambassador from Mozambique started banging his shoe on the table at her or something.

This. That shit was the equivalent of a Tedx presentation.

 

[cybertoaster]

IIRC they paid to be in that UN presentation, they werent invited

There's a whole genre of porn centered around "breaking down powerful/prideful women and treating them like cumdumpster whores". I'm sure there's a word for it, but I thankfully don't know what it is.

In America we call it "hate fucking" and I'm sure there's a few people here that would pay for that specific hatefuck also. But yeah, realistically, she isn't going to have to turn to prostitution ever in her life.

Isnt that what facial abuse does? amazing how many feminists go there to choke on a dick until they puke, freud would've a field day with these crazy cunts

Seems like a lot of cows get trapped trying to cling on to their youth as they age out of it in hilarious ways. It's not like there aren't ways to do stereotypically youthful things as you age without being pathetic about it. A 35 year old Twitch streamer who dresses and acts age appropriately, has hobbies and a life outside of streaming, and has a healthy level of humor and self-awareness? Perfectly enjoyable, not a lolcow at all. A 35 year old Twitch streamer in cat ears doing ahegao faces and fortnite dances, using zoomer slang and desperately trying to appeal to teenagers? Fucking pathetic and prime cow material.

It's not like she's too broke to update her wardrobe and appearance to something more flattering and dignified for her age and body type. As has been repeated often in this thread, her sense of fashion froze somewhere around "Hot Topic in 2004" and hasn't really progressed since. It's like seeing a 35 year old man with crows' feet and a receding hairline wearing a spiked choker, black lipstick, bondage pants and a Korn t-shirt.

The only time zoey got anywhere was by selling her body for favors, lowkey prostitution. She was always a 6/10 but being young and willing to put out works marvels specially in a circle of permavirgins like the indie game scene, those thirsty fucks would sell their mothers for a crumb of pussy.

But there was no onlyfans in 2004, no twitch, no insta, camwhoring was in its infancy. She didnt have to compete with girls who are actually hot and now she's near 40, the gravy train is over, she cant compete not even go back to porn since you even have young girls willing to do really depraved stuff nowadays

The tech scene is now flooded with basic bitches who look way better that zoey, probably suck a mean dick better than her too, she's irrelevant

because it reminds them of the days when they had hope they would accomplish something, before the crushing reality of their laziness set in.

Brutal, specially for zoey who's always been a lazy fuck

Yes there is. A fat middle-aged wino with colored hair thot-wannabe who reminisces about the good ole days of shitposting on one of the world's worst internet forums: helldump, something awful.

My late teens sucked but at least the highpoint wasnt paying $10 to post in a shitty forum

Guy Fieri?

Regardless, Merry Christmas everyone. Was hoping for something pathetic in this thread today like the Christmas they spent in IRC chatting each other about Gamergate instead of having a normal holiday but you'll have to settle for this instagram cringe.
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Yes, by all means, gift Jake Alley/Violet Ocean a gun. It can only end well for you.

So like tranny phantom? that ended well....

The largest argument you could make against her having a sugar daddy is that you don’t see the conspicuous consumption on her social media posts like you used to. A couple years ago she was flying all over, going to the Grorious Nippon at least a couple times a year, etc. These days it’s a lot more low key which could indicate that her income is down significantly where she can’t do that anymore, which makes sense considering she just has a pity job at some indie firm.

Mentally she would be receptive to being a sugar baby but she has very little gaming cachet these days, resorting to tabletop games, a far cry from video games or even comics. A simp with more money than sense can just hit up any number of Twitch titty streamers instead who would offer the big tiddy goth gf experience without the age, the weight, and not as likely to throw you under the bus for a chance to restart her dead and gay grifts.

Back then she actually made an effort to not look like a dumpster fire, lose some weight, got the implants, started dressing "for business" if you know what I mean. She probably got a few customers back then, facials in hotels, fucking in a rented limo, but even having a sugar daddy takes some work and zoey is the laziest cunt I seen in a while, she got fat again really quick. You can get way better live-in hookers at insta, why go for a used up canuck fatty like zoey?

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LMFAO at dropping that "bitch" at the end, this isnt 2005 anymore dumbass

 

[pylosurf]

IIRC they paid to be in that UN presentation, they werent invited

I don't know if they (Alex) paid anyone for the UN appearance, but her Congressional appearance in April 2015 was pay-for-play.

 

[Water-T]

Back then she actually made an effort to now look like a dumpster fire, lose some weight, got the implants, started dressing "for business" if you know what I mean. She probably got a few customers back then, facials in hotels, fucking in a rented limo, but even having a sugar daddy takes some work and zoey is the laziest cunt I seen in a while, she got fat again really quick. You can get way better live-in hookers at insta, why go for a used up canuck fatty like zoey?

Back when her Patreon was flowing over, Chelsea did what any flabby, flat chested girl with tons of money would do: get bolts and liposuction!

Of course, Chelsea imagined that her gravy train would never end (despite not contributing anything of value, ever) and that she could just drop by for a nip, tuck, and suck whenever her boobs would start to sag and her thighs would ignite small fires.

Too bad for her that her book bombed, her movie deal evaporated, her comics work dried up, her Kickstarter cash got spent, and her plan to MeToo her way back into relevance backfired when it drove Alec to suicide.

Chelsea's best prospects right now is to go back to Glorious Nippon and let rich old Japanese businessmen use her for a toilet.

 

[cybertoaster]

Chelsea's best prospects right now is to go back to Glorious Nippon and let rich old Japanese businessmen use her for a toilet.

Asians dont like old bitches, period, they even call any after 30 "leftover women". Japanese businessmen literally pay highschool girls to hang around with them, its called "compensated dating" or something, and of course theres always a bonus if the girl agrees to put out and get that tiny salaryman dick

Why would any of them pay to fuck zoey? even the jap porn I seen with white women uses chicks that are barely legal, never milfs and the like

Also they hate tattoos, zoey would only get hired/recruited by the yakuza to work the lowend customers

Edit: and if she gets uppity with them they're gonna H her up then toss her with last night's sushi

 

[AprilRains]

The only time zoey got anywhere was by selling her body for favors, lowkey prostitution. She was always a 6/10

Zoe was ever a 6/10? Pics or it didn't happen.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

How does that explain types like MovieBob who has never had sex but are stuck at age 16 anyway?

Carolla's insistence on not getting laid = success was a self-depreciating way to show that his own high school years were actually great and he maybe could have been a tech billionaire if uncle Zorbach hadn't given him brain damage through monoxide poisoning as a child.

Dr. Drew had a "huh" moment because there is something to the earlier part. Doctors stop kids from growing up physically by giving them puberty blockers, if a teacher gives her student weed and blowjobs that works as an achievement blocker.

 

[StraightShooter2]

That was largely created by Adam Carolla musing about a humans ultimate biological imperative: reproduction. If someone starts having sex at a way too early at an age, when their parents is responsible for every other need in their lives, then something in the brain will see it as mission accomplished, it's time to kick back, relax and wait for the babies to roll in.

Probably applies to ghetto families as well, who have 5 kids with 5 different baby mommies/daddies on welfare by age 17.

I'm happy that even when I was younger and sexually active, I avoided being sexually active enough to have a bastard kid who I lacked the capacity or mental maturity to care for; the world would be a better place if everyone was responsible about this; sadly it takes more responsibility to get a Driver's License or a GED than to make a baby, which is one of the big reasons for the fucked-upedness in the world.

By that logic, Moviebob got laid at 12, so I doubt it.

I think Moviebob is borderline retarded, at least in terms of emotional intelligence - might just be bad genetics in that case.

(Though as far as this "theory" goes, I call bullshit - since the physical body can't even distinguish between a vagina and a right hand).

So if there's any truth to this theory, then someone who starts heavily masturbating at age 12 (e.x. MovieBob no doubt) might also get the same symptoms.

Asians dont like old bitches, period, they even call any after 30 "leftover women". Japanese businessmen literally pay highschool girls to hang around with them, its called "compensated dating" or something, and of course there's always a bonus if the girl agrees to put out and get that tiny salaryman dick

The popular wisdom I've always heard is that Japanese culture tends to be somewhat "strict" and "sexually repressive", which is part of the reason for their reputation for weird and fucked up anime porn.

(e.x. A lot of Japanese guys never got any in Junior high/High school because they were burdened with school work and family "responsibilities" and as a result turn to fantasies involving younger or HS age girls).

 

[Water-T]

Asians dont like old bitches, period, they even call any after 30 "leftover women". Japanese businessmen literally pay highschool girls to hang around with them, its called "compensated dating" or something, and of course there's always a bonus if the girl agrees to put out and get that tiny salaryman dick

Why would any of them pay to fuck zoey? even the jap porn I seen with white women uses chicks that are barely legal, never milfs and the like

Also they hate tattoos, zoey would only get hired/recruited by the yakuza to work the low end customers

Edit: and if she gets uppity with them they're gonna H her up then toss her with last night's sushi

The appeal isn't for them to fuck her - it's to get a power trip by literally crapping on a semi-semi-famous white gaijin bitch.

 

[cybertoaster]

(e.x. A lot of Japanese guys never got any in Junior high/High school because they were burdened with school work and family "responsibilities" and as a result turn to fantasies involving younger or HS age girls).

All of the japanese guys? not just otakus and the kind that make/watch animu? you sure?

The appeal isn't for them to fuck her - it's to get a power trip by literally crapping on a semi-semi-famous white gaijin bitch.

That would be fucking some other train wreck like lindsay lohan who is also rumored to been doing escort work for years, probably even as a dubai portapotty

But lohan was somebody, zoey was below Z-list and never hot, the only men pathetic enough to pay to fuck her would be her own beta orbiters

 

[StraightShooter2]

All of the japanese guys? not just otakus and the kind that make/watch animu? you sure?

I try to avoid taking stereotypes too literally, but Japan (or Asia) in general has a reputation for being somewhat repressive in day-to-day work, school, and family life (and it's speculated that this plays a role in the fucked-upedness of their porn industry).

 

[cybertoaster]

Their porn might be fucked up but last time I checked they got the lowest rates of rape and pedophilia around, all those underage girls in hentai got the pedos satisfied I guess

 

[Frosted Snowflakes]

 

[suicide hotline]

I think her "plan", if you can call it that, is to get to a point of Jap language proficiency that she can just flee America and all the drama she's stirred up here for greener pastures working as a translator in some low-level game studio there. If you look at it, it's probably one of the only options she has to start over with as much as a blank slate as possible, though I can't see it working for all the reasons mentioned here.

I'm not too familiar with the work culture over there so other Kiwis feel free to jump it, but it is largely my understanding that you are both expected to work nonstop and they don't put up with any SJW bullshit. Quinn is also aged out of her Manic Pixie Dream Girl window, doubly so in Japan where youth is fetishized and prized far more than it is here, which shrinks her pool of male sexual victims she can easily manipulate quite a bit. By the time she's even ready to take the proficiency exam she'll likely be 35 (with no secondary education or degree) and trying to enter a highly competitive workforce that doesn't like outsiders, looks down on women and will actually expect her to work. Just the visible tattoos alone disqualify her from ever representing a respectable Japanese company as a translator, nevermind the ugly fried hair and bad fashion choices.

I do think her being flown over to whore herself out is pure KF fanfiction, nobody's paying for that. But her whoring herself out while already there is likely. Think of her like any other aging, weathered roadside hooker; someone's still paying them enough to support their habits, albeit at severely discounted rates and purely as a shameful way to shoot off a load in the middle of the day with a little bit of added amusement at said hooker's expense.

So, again, we can safely assume that her only option is a cluster of Western indie friends she has who have already immigrated over there to run a game studio, because nobody else in their right mind would have her. Doesn't that Teddy Dief guy live over there? I'd imagine it's not a large pool.

She was always a 6/10

You are being far, far too kind here. At her very peak she topped out at a hard 5 and has been sliding back down ever since.

But there was no onlyfans in 2004, no twitch, no insta, camwhoring was in its infancy. She didnt have to compete with girls who are actually hot and now she's near 40, the gravy train is over, she cant compete not even go back to porn since you even have young girls willing to do really depraved stuff nowadays

I mentioned this before a couple pages back, but the funniest part is that she isn't near 40, she's still only in her early 30s. She just looks like a haggard 40-something. 35 is about the tipping point where your collagen levels start to decrease and any excess fat you have begins to droop down and turn into jowls, eye bags and flabby bingo wings and make you look far older than you would at a healthy weight; check out our deathfat board full of women in their mid-30s who could easily pass for 50 for more examples.

That's the craziest part. As far as her looks go, she's only just began that long, long rollercoaster drop down. It will get much worse. Since she's too lazy to actually take care of herself, expect a desperate attempt to preserve her looks with fillers and botox in the future.

 

[cybertoaster]

No fucking way she could get employeed in japan, gamedevs there are fucking tired of western sjws like her bitching about anime tiddies and waifus, the owner of platinum games probably remembers her from those twitter shitstorms and even if he dont they have internet over there too, its not the 90s when you could move to another country and nobody would know your past, specially someone with the kind of very public fuckups zoey had

The hooker angle comes from that trip she did to japan where some fat simp paid for everything and well you cant blame us for assuming she turned a few tricks for that since she's already used to paying for even smaller favors with sex, she fucked a soyboy for a review so I expect that fatso got at least ass-to-mouth for his trouble

And like I said before she looked better back then, just got her bolt-ons and lipo, no coincidence she made the trip att, doubt even that simp would fuck her now

You are being far, far too kind here. At her very peak she topped out at a hard 5 and has been sliding back down ever since.

I know, she's a 3/10 now for sure, but the bar keeps getting lower every year, just look at tinder

As for her age, she's 35 right?

 

[suicide hotline]

As for her age, she's 35 right?

She turned 33 in September, according to the official birthdate given on her court papers from the
Eron saga.

 

[cybertoaster]

Still post-wall, the gravy train is definitely over for her