Sex with Chantal.
Every so often, this topic comes up, and it never goes further than speculating if she's actually had any, or how many partners she's had, or the frequency of her encounters. I think we all need to really sack up and accept that if this issue is going to be explored on this thread, it is necessary to examine the logistics and physics of the act of Chantal copulating. That's where I come in, sleeves rolled up and bravely willing to wade into the raw sewage that is this discussion.
First of all, how? How does a man actually go about it? I've always figured that good ol' missionary would be
missionary impossible with Chantal, given the enormous amount of lard she carries in front. I imagine a man mounting her would be something like lying face-down on a very large boulder, arms and legs dangling down into space, or just splayed out to the sides. There is no way a penis could enter Chantal with a man lying on top of her. I suppose if she lay sprawled out, half-on and half-off her bed (a la an infamous shot of Hungry Fat Chick that I'm not going to link here) the guy could somehow maneuver himself inside of her through some very Cirque du Soleil-like contortions.
But would that colossal gut--which hangs almost to her knees--really obscure her genital area, even while splayed out like a pig in a caja china? Would there be the inevitable hoisting-up in order to gain access to her unwashed honeypot? Chantal's too lazy; she'd never have the wherewithal or interest in holding up her two-hundred-pound fleshball. This means whichever poor bastard attempted this feat would have to not just position himself in a very precarious way in order to penetrate her, he'd also have to keep her fupa lifted up with one arm, leaving the guy exhausted, breathless, and wondering if any of it was worth it. Let's not forget the clothespin that would surely be on his nose, needing constant adjustment throughout the act.
I was thinking spoon position could work, but didn't Chantal claim a few days ago to have a "deep ass"? Not even John Holmes would be able to reach the portal of her vagina, not with that extended shelf she calls a butt, so that would be out of the question. Doggy-style? Chantal can't keep herself held up on her hands, or even her elbows. Not a chance. I suppose she could just lie there on her stomach, but I don't think she's able to do that without being elevated a couple of feet, and there's still that "deep ass" factor making it a challenge.
Cowgirl? Possibly, possibly. But it would be difficult for the man to know if he'd entered Chantal's vagina, or just one of her many warm, sweaty folds. And I have a feeling Chantal couldn't make
any sort of motions if she were on top, unless the man was half-exercise ball. Frankly, I think Chantal's attempts at sex--with however many partners there have been, or how many times--have amounted to nothing more than, well, a sad trombone sound.
