I do actually genuinely understand if he feels suicidal now and again. His life is nothing. Nobody loves him. His family hate him, his own mother posted on Facebook that she thinks he's going to hell and is not her responsibility. He has no partner nor any real prospect of one. Now he's losing friends, even people like Rabbie are jumping ship. He lives in a noisy, dirty shithole house with problem neighbours, a screaming, retarded toddler, his illiterate dragon of a mother, a stepdad who clearly despises him and several neglected animals producing constant noise and smells. The only things he enjoys - buying electronics, starting fights on Twitter and eating, have all bounced back and bitten him in the ass in the last 3 months. His body is disintegrating, he's probably in quite a lot of pain and discomfort over and above that which naturally comes from being 400+ lbs. He has no job, never has had a job, does not participate in society in any way and can only watch in jealousy as almost everyone he knows on Social Media have better lives than him, even many of the NEETs. He's racing towards 40 with nothing to show for it other than a small pile of electronics. Lou's life is a miserable living hell, and what's worse is that it's dawning on him that it's no longer sustainable. People won't throw money at him any more. His venting his rage on Twitter has lost him all his friends and even the majority of the SJ/Trans crowd that he was trying to hide in. And he can't keep eating crap unless he wants a series of amputations followed by a long, lingering, painful and undignified death. I can understand wanting to take the easy way out at that point.
Let's be clear, though, any suicidal feelings Lou has are not the result of clinical depression. He's not mentally ill. He wants to die because he is too lazy and scared to overcome his addictions. He's addicted to food, he's addicted to buying stupid shit, he's addicted to insulting people on Twitter, because all those things give him a little dopamine hit that lasts a few minutes, before the depression sinks in even worse because he knows that all those things are destroying him in the long term, one way or another.
If he does kill himself (personally I don't think he will), it will be out of cowardice and laziness, not mental illness or depression. He's so afraid of withdrawing from his addictions that he'd rather peace out. Suicide is always tragic, but sometimes it is a rational act, sometimes it is the result of a disease of the mind, sometimes it is something that you understand even if you don't approve. But in Lou's case, suicide would be him dying as he lived - as a lazy coward. Suicide is rational or at least comprehensible if you're facing something worse - a slow, agonising death by a terminal disease. But that's not the case here. Lou can solve every one of the problems that are making him unhappy. He could start any time, and feel better, physically and mentally, within weeks, maybe within days. But will he?
Truth is, Lou is probably at the last chance saloon in terms of turning his life around.
If he abuses his body any more, he will become properly disabled. And it will be the proper type of disabled, not the kind you claim to have to get money - the kind that puts you in constant pain, the kind that involves daily humiliation when you need to wash or use the toilet, the kind that confines you to a wheelchair and will put immense financial and physical strain on your family as they work around the clock to keep you alive. I'm talking REAL disability. Too shaky to draw, too blind to read, impotent, and unable to even climb the stairs without help.
If Lou continues to scam and grift, his notoriety will get out of control to the extent that he will never be able to recover any kind of reputation, not just on furry Twitter, but anywhere. What would a criminal fraud conviction do for his job prospects or ability to rent a place of his own?
If Lou keeps taking his anger out on random people on the Internet, he'll lose his Twitter account forever. He might pick a fight with the wrong person one too many times and face real consequences - legal or illegal - for his behaviour.
In all these aspects, Lou has started to face blowback for his habits, and this time it won't blow over. He either changes course now, right fucking now, or the slope to a happy life will be too steep for him to climb. Again, he can solve every one of his problems, but he has to take action - posting nonsense on Twitter won't be enough this time. Lou is at the crossroads.
