Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[AbraCadaver]

I don't think she meant that literally. Her whole overdramatic screed was written with the purpose of invoking certain imagery.

"Covered in blood", "claw my way out and feel the sun kissing my skin", "It doesn't matter how powerful you are" - she's trying to make it look like she was some super strong, super cool woman who got seduced into a relationship with some guy who then proceeded to whittle away at her strength and confidence. Maybe she even thought she'd die like that, weak, broken, a shell of her former self. But one day she looked inside herself and found the strength to go on, to fight against this evil man no matter what it took. Yeah she did some unsavory things, got her hands maybe a little too dirty but in the end she was free, standing in the sun and ready to rebuild her life. How inspiring.

Shit like this is why I'm immediately distrustful of people who come out about being abused. Like I get it, it's a shitty thing to endure and maybe waxing poetic helps them deal with it. But nowadays when all that matters is attention, everyone's got an abuse story full of metaphors about how the abuser took everything from them but they got out and now the sun is kissing their skin and the cool breeze is gently whipping their hair around their face and they're looking into the distance smiling like it's the final shot of some oscar bait movie.

Nick: “Babe, we can’t go to the Madonna Inn for the weekend, we barely have enough money for the rent. And you just spent a tonne on your nails and new extensions.”

Tess: *stands at a crumbling window shuttered in iron bars, gazing emptily at the camera, filmed in black and white a la Schindler’s List, as the camera pans slowly out, holding on Tess’s broken but undefeated expression. A hopeless, plaintive violin note drags slowly through the scene, before the orchestra gradually swells into a feeling of loss and despair*

 

[Brittnay Matthews]

This bitch blaming her enabling ex for losing friends and career makes me think, what the fuck is she expecting from the cishet white man she's currently dating? Ofc he's not going to encourage her to lose weight and make healthy decisions because that's fatphobic, he's going to do the exact same thing that Nick used to do: enabling her food addiction and making her fatter.
It would be hilarious if he got her pregnant tho.

 

[Flawmil]

Tess is doxing people again. What website is she screenshotting?

 

[Water-T]

I don't think she meant that literally. Her whole overdramatic screed was written with the purpose of invoking certain imagery.

"Covered in blood", "claw my way out and feel the sun kissing my skin", "It doesn't matter how powerful you are" - she's trying to make it look like she was some super strong, super cool woman who got seduced into a relationship with some guy who then proceeded to whittle away at her strength and confidence. Maybe she even thought she'd die like that, weak, broken, a shell of her former self. But one day she looked inside herself and found the strength to go on, to fight against this evil man no matter what it took. Yeah she did some unsavory things, got her hands maybe a little too dirty but in the end she was free, standing in the sun and ready to rebuild her life. How inspiring.

Shit like this is why I'm immediately distrustful of people who come out about being abused. Like I get it, it's a shitty thing to endure and maybe waxing poetic helps them deal with it. But nowadays when all that matters is attention, everyone's got an abuse story full of metaphors about how the abuser took everything from them but they got out and now the sun is kissing their skin and the cool breeze is gently whipping their hair around their face and they're looking into the distance smiling like it's the final shot of some oscar bait movie.

I have my fingers crossed that this gets turned into a Lifetime Movie of the Week, starring "That Fat Chick From Wilson Phillips" as Tess, "Some Guy That Was Popular in Desperate Housewives or Twilight 10 Years Ago" as Nick, and Valerie Bertinelli as Rylee.

 

[Elwood P. Dowd]

How much fucking cake does she need?

ALT 236 = ∞

 

[Flawmil]

Just figured it out. Tess has a news article in buzzfeed UK about her coming out about her abuse. She’s searching the comments of this article and screenshotting it. https://www.buzzfeed.com/larryfitzmaurice/tess-holiday-abusive-marriage-statement

Tess is doxing people again. What website is she screenshotting? View attachment 1890427View attachment 1890426

 

[multiverse]

Just figured it out. Tess has a news article in buzzfeed UK about her coming out about her abuse. She’s searching the comments of this article and screenshotting it. https://www.buzzfeed.com/larryfitzmaurice/tess-holiday-abusive-marriage-statement

She's also doing some minor haircare campaign for Tigi. You know, that brand that was popular 20 years ago.


And filming something with Olly. They look like Jack Spratt and his massive wife



This abuse saga seems to be part of her PR re-launch attempt, as she only has a PR agent and no representation.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

She is maybe trying to ride the abuse train, because many women (actual celebs) are coming worth about the abuse they suffered while dating Marilyn Manson.

 

[blue gopher snakes]

Ollie and Tess are a perfect 10: Ollie’s a 1 and Tess is a 0.

 

[gay frogs]

Nick: “Babe, we can’t go to the Madonna Inn for the weekend, we barely have enough money for the rent. And you just spent a tonne on your nails and new extensions.”

Tess: *stands at a crumbling window shuttered in iron bars, gazing emptily at the camera, filmed in black and white a la Schindler’s List, as the camera pans slowly out, holding on Tess’s broken but undefeated expression. A hopeless, plaintive violin note drags slowly through the scene, before the orchestra gradually swells into a feeling of loss and despair*

Nah it's gotta be the Sarah mclachlan song from that aspca commercial. Because she's a huge bitch

 

[maggots]

And filming something with Olly. They look like Jack Spratt and his massive wife
View attachment 1890488View attachment 1890489View attachment 1890490


This abuse saga seems to be part of her PR re-launch attempt, as she only has a PR agent and no representation.

A few weeks ago I took a screenshot of her mentioning a podcast in the works. Is this the podcast or is she on someone else’s?



(edited to fix photo)

 

[There_is_no_Dana]

Tess has already been called the fuck out over lying about abuse once. Wasn't it a teacher or something from her former school who spoke about Tess being the real bully at school?

 

[multiverse]

A few weeks ago I took a screenshot of her mentioning a podcast in the works. Is this the podcast or is she on someone else’s?


View attachment 1890760
(edited to fix photo)

I think you're right! They were wearing headphones so lame self produced podcast is probably the correct answer.

Tess has already been called the fuck out over lying about abuse once. Wasn't it a teacher or something from her former school who spoke about Tess being the real bully at school?

Lol, it was her middle school teacher - who also happened to be one of her cousins (Mississippi, yo!) It was in the amazing profile The Guardian wrote on her in 2015. Cousin-teacher and Grandma were both pretty confused when the reporter asked them about all of the bullying Tess claimed she endured in school. Her brother would later come out and say directly that Ryann was a big fat bully as late as high school.

 

[Constellationzero]

A few weeks ago I took a screenshot of her mentioning a podcast in the works. Is this the podcast or is she on someone else’s?


View attachment 1890760
(edited to fix photo)

It's so...greasy! It's like looking at a trooned out Russell Greer.

Also:

Spoiler

P sure that teacher in middle school was actually her uncle. I saw his callout on Goodreads, but now I can't seem to find it anywhere. Which is too bad because her followers that are sick of her could just spam her gram with that callout.

 

[bloomingcactus]

But... me, me, me MEEEEEEEEEEE!

Buzzfeed article with tons of gross instagram photos. What a fucking skanky fame hungry cunt.

Forget the fact that my children would be more effected by this "alleged" abuse than my fat ass.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

For some reason, I thought it was her brother who came out in an amazon review of her book and said that she was actually the school bully and that everything in her book was make-believe to make her out to be a somewhat sympathetic person.

Then again, my brain could be remembering things as I am drunk right now.

 

[cactus]

For some reason, I thought it was her brother who came out in an amazon review of her book and said that she was actually the school bully and that everything in her book was make-believe to make her out to be a somewhat sympathetic person.

Then again, my brain could be remembering things as I am drunk right now.

No, you're right. Her cousin was GoodReads and her brother was the Amazon review.

 

[Reepicheep]

Felt like sharing tess's brothers review of her book.

FROM THE BROTHER OF THE AUTHOR:
I am all for people finding happiness and peace in their life. There is too much hate and selfish behavior in the world around us; we shouldn't add to it. Peace, love and forgiveness should be much more prevalent in our civilization. I don't deny that, nor am I ignorant to that the world around us is hateful. With that being said: almost nothing in this book is true. The events that did happen either happened to someone else, or didn't happen the way that she said it did. She told the life stories of other people that didn't want them told. The tragedies mentioned were stolen from others. Ryann Hoven is a narcissist and hateful human being with no regard for her family or loved ones. She has always been like that. Ask anyone that has known her. In High School she was the bully. Victims were left in her wake. Ask anyone, West Jones High School, Class of 2004.
The flow of this book is extremely erratic and never connects the points it is trying to make. It bounces all over the place like a messed up terminator time travel story line. The advice has nothing to do with the 'life-story' being told, and it's terrible advice. Ryann (Tess) depicts the south and the education provided in a completely inaccurate light. She created this fairy tale in her mind about this anti-science pedagogy and ran with it. Again, full of untruths.
Don't read this book. Save your money and time and do something more meaningful. Find peace and happiness elsewhere.

It's so...greasy! It's like looking at a trooned out Russell Greer.

Also:

Spoiler

View attachment 1890818

P sure that teacher in middle school was actually her uncle. I saw his callout on Goodreads, but now I can't seem to find it anywhere. Which is too bad because her followers that are sick of her could just spam her gram with that callout.

 

[Trombonista]

For some reason, I thought it was her brother who came out in an amazon review of her book and said that she was actually the school bully and that everything in her book was make-believe to make her out to be a somewhat sympathetic person.

Then again, my brain could be remembering things as I am drunk right now.

Yeah, the brother was the one who posted that Amazon review.

 

[Pollybock]

Now her not-flaunted BFF that is “fostering” her extra cat is speaking out for her. Instagram name Karen_killjoy Twitter is the same.
Witnessed the abuse, whatever that means. I don’t know about anyone else but I watch someone abuse my friends, I do something more immediate rather than tweet about it two years later after taking their cat.