Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

How much does Ryann weigh?

  • 300-350lbs (Panda Bear)

    Votes: 26 1.0%
  • 350-400lbs (Bull Caribou)

    Votes: 146 5.5%
  • 400-450lbs (Heart of a Blue Whale)

    Votes: 379 14.2%
  • 450-500lbs (Pigmy Hippo)

    Votes: 545 20.5%
  • 500-550lbs (Domestic Pig)

    Votes: 394 14.8%
  • 550-600lbs (Baby Grand Piano)

    Votes: 318 12.0%
  • 600-650lbs (Vending Machine)

    Votes: 192 7.2%
  • 650+ (A Fucking Planet)

    Votes: 661 24.8%

  • Total voters
    2,661
It is time for what the fuck is this? A Haram content special for the day.


the lower arm section is just ? - is this fat from her upper arm drooping in the back or? also dunno who this person is - assume Ru Paul? But dang their face looking like it is melting ice cream from the fat distortion View attachment 1918553

until I looked i thought the lace on the panties was a continuation of her stretch marks from her stomach View attachment 1918556
those nips and tits are the meme of "if only you knew how bad things are"

so many folds... check the diabetes discolouration on her trotters too. Coming along nicely with her feet. View attachment 1918561

Jowls come and go but the blur and soften tool is forever. The amount of lines here is like looking at a map of a delta of rivers!

View attachment 1918569

Edit - add more Haram.
I think the arm nipple is her actual elbow end screaming for mercy.

And her stomach is indeed covered in stretch marks, which she has always sworn she magically does not have despite being more than 300 pounds overweight and having had two children.

Whoever she hires to do her shop does a hell of a job. I think tho they couldn’t shop away the double chin in this one which is kinda funny. It’s like I know her body has been slimmed but her head looks like a cartoon drawing on a real-ish body. The pose is weird. It’s like she has one giant pirate leg. She always hides one leg in a weird way to give her a slimmer illusion. Because we really have this: View attachment 1918605
This is the real Ryann: covered in cellulite - and cellulitis- on every limb, with no semblance of a neck or chin, struggling to pretend she fits in even a 4-5x skirt (which is hiked up under her boobs and splitting at the seems on her laygs.
 
Whoever she hires to do her shop does a hell of a job. I think tho they couldn’t shop away the double chin in this one which is kinda funny. It’s like I know her body has been slimmed but her head looks like a cartoon drawing on a real-ish body. The pose is weird. It’s like she has one giant pirate leg. She always hides one leg in a weird way to give her a slimmer illusion. Because we really have this: View attachment 1918605
getting real chloe grace moretz vibes out of this image

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wow the amount of shoop. I have no words. This is what she thinks she looks like, isn't it? In her deluded sugarclogged brain, she thinks she is this fat but smooth babe with a tiny Beetlejuice head. 80% people will look at those pictures (even the shooped ones) and go "Oh what a shame about her body, she would be so pretty if she wasn't a goddamn deathfat".
 
It is time for what the fuck is this? A Haram content special for the day.


the lower arm section is just ? - is this fat from her upper arm drooping in the back or? also dunno who this person is - assume Ru Paul? But dang their face looking like it is melting ice cream from the fat distortion View attachment 1918553

until I looked i thought the lace on the panties was a continuation of her stretch marks from her stomach View attachment 1918556
those nips and tits are the meme of "if only you knew how bad things are"

so many folds... check the diabetes discolouration on her trotters too. Coming along nicely with her feet. View attachment 1918561

Jowls come and go but the blur and soften tool is forever. The amount of lines here is like looking at a map of a delta of rivers!

View attachment 1918569

Edit - add more Haram.
Fillers and look at how drastically her top lip is overlined. Can't quite tell with the shading but it looks like the bottom lip is overlined too-- and for what? Her filler-enhanced lips should have been plenty in the first place judging by the "natural" outline that you can see on the top lip. If she didn't do her own makeup for this shoot I imagine she threatened to sit on the makeup artist if they didn't do her lips just right.
 
When even photoshop has given up.



Cherries are OMG SO ROCKABILLY RETRO AND THEY LOOK LIKE BEWBS LOL. So of course she uses them.
This is my cue to remind us all that Tess lurves the rockabilly community but many many people in the rockabilly community do not love Tess.

And I love that for us. As a kiwi and lover of rockabilly who doesnt love tess
 
I think the arm nipple is her actual elbow end screaming for mercy.
wow
She’s obviously getting cheaper fillers too, it might just be the lighting but those lips are looking pretty uneven.

Fillers and look at how drastically her top lip is overlined. Can't quite tell with the shading but it looks like the bottom lip is overlined too-- and for what? Her filler-enhanced lips should have been plenty in the first place judging by the "natural" outline that you can see on the top lip. If she didn't do her own makeup for this shoot I imagine she threatened to sit on the makeup artist if they didn't do her lips just right.
Not knowing anything about fillers I assumed it was her over lining and fact she has been shopped that made her lips look weird.

Is there after care involved in lip fillers? Like are you meant to let's say not eat or give blow jobs for cake money for a certain period of time after to help the filler settle? I'm thinking of momokuns and anisa ability to not do the appropriate cosmetic surgery after care.

Also even the filter here tries to commit sodoku 20210214_085828.jpg
 
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I blew out the lighting on this one to get a closer look at the monstrosity of an outfit she put together... in what world is a black velvet bodysuit and some weird s&m kilt in size 6X "rockabilly"?
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More video where her many stomachs and most of her backrolls have been erased. Tee hee, I'm only 350 pounds, not 450, silly!
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I fear she may not understand the life threatening stage of obesity she has reached; after her nearly 6,000 calorie sweets binge not 48 hours ago, she's pouring a SECOND bottle of children's cereal flavored creamer into coffee - this time, chocolate flavored.
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It’s got to be killing Tess to watch dumbasses like Anna be ambassadors for brands like Fenty. Even dragging out some Betsy Johnson crap feels like she’s begging torrid for work (torrid is in a colab with BJ right now). I mean Tess at least knows how to style an outfit, whereas Anna is just sad and her face always looks constipated; I bet Tess rages inside over it.
 
I blew out the lighting on this one to get a closer look at the monstrosity of an outfit she put together... in what world is a black velvet bodysuit and some weird s&m kilt in size 6X "rockabilly"?
View attachment 1919927

There's nothing rockabilly about this outfit, and she didn't say it was. She's been into rockabilly style, especially in the past, but not so much any more. The mention of rockabilly upthread was in reference to the cherries used in place of the letter "o" in her name on Twitter, not this outfit.

Anyway.

Betsey Johnson has spent the last 40 years designing clothes for 14- or 15-year girls who like to fancy themselves as into punk style, but who aren't really punks at all. And, for a time way back when, she actually did sell clothes to teenagers.

But since about 1990, the only people I see who love Betsey Johnson and her particular trashy aesthetic are well out of their teens. They're more likely to be the same women who coveted Betsey Johnson clothes as teenagers in the '80s, only now they're in their late 40s to mid-50s and want to re-live their "punk" heyday. Go to any live show featuring the band X, and there will be at a dozen middle-aged women wearing Betsey Johnson in the audience. Roughly half of those will be fat, so they will be the ones buying her shit from Torrid. And that's the only demographic I see wearing her clothes, especially when she starts splashing leopard print on everything. And velvet--does anybody under the age of 45 wear velvet these days?

So Tess is just another fat mawm desperately trying to look cooler than she is, and failing. And I really hope Torrid pays Anna to show off the new Betsey Johnson line, both because it will be fucking hilarious, and be a nice "fuck you" to Tess.
 
There's nothing rockabilly about this outfit, and she didn't say it was. She's been into rockabilly style, especially in the past, but not so much any more. The mention of rockabilly upthread was in reference to the cherries used in place of the letter "o" in her name on Twitter, not this outfit.

Anyway.

Betsey Johnson has spent the last 40 years designing clothes for 14- or 15-year girls who like to fancy themselves as into punk style, but who aren't really punks at all. And, for a time way back when, she actually did sell clothes to teenagers.

But since about 1990, the only people I see who love Betsey Johnson and her particular trashy aesthetic are well out of their teens. They're more likely to be the same women who coveted Betsey Johnson clothes as teenagers in the '80s, only now they're in their late 40s to mid-50s and want to re-live their "punk" heyday. Go to any live show featuring the band X, and there will be at a dozen middle-aged women wearing Betsey Johnson in the audience. Roughly half of those will be fat, so they will be the ones buying her shit from Torrid. And that's the only demographic I see wearing her clothes, especially when she starts splashing leopard print on everything. And velvet--does anybody under the age of 45 wear velvet these days?

So Tess is just another fat mawm desperately trying to look cooler than she is, and failing. And I really hope Torrid pays Anna to show off the new Betsey Johnson line, both because it will be fucking hilarious, and be a nice "fuck you" to Tess.
I think the only people under 45 who wear velvet are over 250 lbs. Velvet-wearer’s age is inversely proportionate to their weight. Nobody young and not obese is wearing velvet.
 
It’s got to be killing Tess to watch dumbasses like Anna be ambassadors for brands like Fenty. Even dragging out some Betsy Johnson crap feels like she’s begging torrid for work (torrid is in a colab with BJ right now). I mean Tess at least knows how to style an outfit, whereas Anna is just sad and her face always looks constipated; I bet Tess rages inside over it.
Lol, that top IS from the Torrid / Betsey Johnson line. I found someone selling it off on poshmark for $50.
Screenshot_20210214-103541_Chrome.jpg

And then the skirt... at first I assumed it was pants or culottes, because of how long this is on Tess. But then I realized she probably needed the largest size - 5X - and that the amount of cloth it takes to get round her means her short ass is drowning in the length.
Screenshot_20210214-103934_Chrome.jpg

Did she need to un-do the buckles to get it on, which makes it look like a skirt over pants? Or is Tess wearing a discontinued version of the skirt? Mysteries.
There's nothing rockabilly about this outfit, and she didn't say it was. She's been into rockabilly style, especially in the past
Tess called this out as being part of her previous rockabilly style ("vintage Tess Munster"). And yes, we are in agreement that there is nothing rockabilly about this outfit. That was part of the funny.
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Tess - if you lose someone in your folds but can only find yourself... you have won the death fat Olympics.

Definirely smuggle under Dolly here for a start. Dolly you didn't deserve to be done so dirty.
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Anyone else's backside manically invert at their hair line?

The bloody fat toddler pose is too much for me.

I want diet coke 4 life to rip these a new one... my amateur mobile fag can only do so much.
 
(I love Betsy Johnson and I'm old, you didnt have to come for me)

anyway, The fact the Anna is a more successful influencer is still making me lol.

one more rockabilly sperg and I'll let it go. Our mecca, Viva las Vegas, aka Viva, or VLV, has been cucked last year and this year because of wuflu. Tess usually goes, that's where I've seen her in the wild. Our social circle venn diagrams overlap but I dont know her personally, just for transparency sake. Usually its Easter weekend, this year, an aborted version will be in September. Easter weekend in vegas can be toasty, and the majority of the outdoor activities are on a parking lot area. It's hot. This has nothing to do with anything recent, just a good laugh at this heffa trying to moddle around looking for attention in the heat surrounded by hundreds of other gorgeous girls also peacocking about. Bitch ain't shit, and like I mentioned, her rep preceeds her now.
 
(I love Betsy Johnson and I'm old, you didnt have to come for me)

anyway, The fact the Anna is a more successful influencer is still making me lol.

one more rockabilly sperg and I'll let it go. Our mecca, Viva las Vegas, aka Viva, or VLV, has been cucked last year and this year because of wuflu. Tess usually goes, that's where I've seen her in the wild. Our social circle venn diagrams overlap but I dont know her personally, just for transparency sake. Usually its Easter weekend, this year, an aborted version will be in September. Easter weekend in vegas can be toasty, and the majority of the outdoor activities are on a parking lot area. It's hot. This has nothing to do with anything recent, just a good laugh at this heffa trying to moddle around looking for attention in the heat surrounded by hundreds of other gorgeous girls also peacocking about. Bitch ain't shit, and like I mentioned, her rep preceeds her now.
Didn't she fat all over Dita von Teese at a previous VLV? When Nick was still around, wearing some atrocious men's playsuit?

Edit: theeeere we are
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Didn't she fat all over Dita von Teese at a previous VLV? When Nick was still around, wearing some atrocious men's playsuit?

Edit: theeeere we are
View attachment 1920141
Dita (a literal queen and angel who by all accounts is so nice) was hosting burlesque that year, I think that would have been 2017? Possibly 2016 edit: I was right the first time, 2017

Fun fact 1: nick looks like a twat, but his outfit is on brand. Tess.. uh.. well.. even repro doesnt come in circus tent

Fun fact two: tess and dita used to share the same hair stylist, Tony Medina, aka His Vintage Touch, very talented uberfag. The gossip (note its gossip, not gospel) is messy tessy burned that bridge when she kept expecting him to work for insta shoutouts. Maam... he does work, paid, featured work, for queen Dita. What does free exposure from a fat bitch get him?

ETA: I want to further clarify some of the His Vintage Touch info. Obviously on professional shoots, he got his coin, because the customer paid the bills. The gossip stems from random come over and do my hair type stuff. Same can be said for how Jonathan Van Ness, now of Queer Eye fame used to be her hair fag/bff4eva and she used to get her brows done at anastasia beverly hills
 
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