Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[SnarkySperg]

Another cake

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This is definitely more important than anything Bowie or Rylee could ever want. How much does overnight shipping typically cost?

This is why she'll never get divorced--if they went to court and she tried to take child support or alimony, it's likely this would come out, or at least it'd come out that she's living beyond her means. If Nick isn't a complete imbecile he needs to start gathering receipts.

Is she still going to keep everyone in the dark on where all this money is coming from? She hasn't had a gig in a very long time and we all know she doesn't have another job. She's pro-sex work, she should be willing to admit to it.

Happy Deathfat Tuesday Kiwis!

 

[melty]

Jesus, for awhile I thought she was trying to stick it to the haters with the cake talk, but this is just depraved and pure addict behavior. It reminds me of alcoholics who think they're still doing okay because they're drinking top and middle shelf. Then when they move down a little, they're still doing fine because they're drinking the "good" box wine and it's all a big joke to drink box wine at inappropriate times. Once they move to the bottom shelf, it becomes ironic to drink the shitty box wine, so it's still okay because they only like it ironically, it's not a real problem and that's all they can afford. Think GOMI Alice. Watch out for Tess ironically driving to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night to ironically pick up some shitty discount sheet cake, but it's okay guys, it's just a joke haha.

 

[GrouchiCorn]

I live nowhere near New Orleans and you can still find king cakes around here. You can't tell me she couldn't find some good ones near her. She's such a wasteful glutton

 

[Frog-Chomping Bat]

GotDAMN that hairline, imagine shooping this much and not fixing your roots?? Also remember way back when Tess was claiming to be an actual redhead lmao

ETA: "Glow up" implies that one has improved over time, Ryann.

That’s an astonishing amount of slap on her face for her not to care about 1-inch roots, or her obvious double chin.

The cleavage line that starts below her armpits is giving me nightmares.

I live nowhere near New Orleans and you can still find king cakes around here. You can't tell me she couldn't find some good ones near her. She's such a wasteful glutton

She thinks she’s humble-bragging about how she can afford to overnight a cake. The rest of us see a petulant, wasteful toddler who never learned to eat adult food.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

I've lost count over how nany cakes she has eaten these past few days

 

[Clotso Coof]

This is definitely more important than anything Bowie or Rylee could ever want. How much does overnight shipping typically cost?

This is why she'll never get divorced--if they went to court and she tried to take child support or alimony, it's likely this would come out, or at least it'd come out that she's living beyond her means. If Nick isn't a complete imbecile he needs to start gathering receipts.

Is she still going to keep everyone in the dark on where all this money is coming from? She hasn't had a gig in a very long time and we all know she doesn't have another job. She's pro-sex work, she should be willing to admit to it.

Happy Deathfat Tuesday Kiwis!

Looks like it's maybe $75 for a traditional (not-super-sized) King Cake overnighted from New Orleans to LA. That's with no special toppings or any extras, using Haydels Bakery.

There are more expensive and highly rated bakeries, but many are not shipping out of town this year because of Covid and extra take-out demand.

In divorce court, Nick's lawyer can and will demand receipts/1099's to show where and how Tess is earning money. She has to answer; there's no "right to remain silent" in civil court. It will come out that she's a cake-farting whore.

I live nowhere near New Orleans and you can still find king cakes around here. You can't tell me she couldn't find some good ones near her. She's such a wasteful glutton

She's too stupid to google "king cake bakery los angeles".

 

[multiverse]

Looks like it's maybe $75 for a traditional (not-super-sized) King Cake overnighted from New Orleans to LA. That's with no special toppings or any extras, using Haydels Bakery.

There are more expensive and highly rated bakeries, but many are not shipping out of town this year because of Covid and extra take-out demand.

In divorce court, Nick's lawyer can and will demand receipts/1099's to show where and how Tess is earning money. She has to answer; there's no "right to remain silent" in civil court. It will come out that she's a cake-farting whore.


She's too stupid to google "king cake bakery los angeles".

She's probably going the Rich Kyanka Method and ordering from Goldbelly. A perfect recipe for bankruptcy!

 

[Burn Book]

She really used to talk about cakes way less. I wonder if she realizes that she sounds like a really crude parody of a fat person.

 

[blue gopher snakes]

Does this qualify as a bender yet? Valentine’s Day has Tess all kinds of triggered.

 

[multiverse]

Dear God.


Wait for it...

This. This is what one full size cake and between 4-5 pastries per day looks like. THE FUCKING SIZE OF HER.


Oh, and she admits she's completely unemployed. Yet has all that cake money. Hmm



Better have another Goldbelly pie so she doesn't get low sugahs whilst trying to think of how she might explain where all the cake money comes from.

 

[SnarkySperg]

She's too stupid to google "king cake bakery los angeles".

She probably thinks if it comes from New Orleans it's more special because they're known for Mardi Gras. She has to be extra with everything.

This. This is what one full size cake and between 4-5 pastries per day looks like. THE FUCKING SIZE OF HER.

She doesn't even look human. Holy shit. I'm almost impressed.

 

[DefCon Dumb]

I'm struck by how her feet look like tiny after thoughts. When yo think what those poor appendages have to carry... shudder.

 

[Local Fed]

I'm struck by how her feet look like tiny after thoughts. When yo think what those poor appendages have to carry... shudder.

When they have to be amputated due to the beetus I'm sure that Tess will give them a 21-Twinkie salute.

 

[AbraCadaver]

She really used to talk about cakes way less. I wonder if she realizes that she sounds like a really crude parody of a fat person.

She also used to have a man, a nanny to shove her children onto and a job. Only cake can soothe the narcissistic ego wounding, parental demands and money stresses now.

 

[Clotso Coof]

Oh, and she admits she's completely unemployed. Yet has all that cake money. Hmm

Isn't there a cable miniseries of Frank Herbert's Dune filming soon?

If I remember correctly, there's a huge blimp-shaped floating creature in a gas tank that comes to an intergalactic diplomacy meeting. Maybe Tess can still get some acting work.

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Could she even walk back and forth down a fashion runway unassisted anymore? I don't think New York fashion week allows fatty scooters.

 

[DefCon Dumb]

Isn't there a cable miniseries of Frank Herbert's Dune filming soon?

If I remember correctly, there's a huge blimp-shaped floating creature in a gas tank that comes to an intergalactic diplomacy meeting. Maybe Tess can still get some acting work.

Tess as a Guild navigator is a stretch save for her size.

Maybe that's her secret life desire - navigating through space fueled by a cloud of gaseous cake.

 

[Water-T]

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Tess is working those poor angles & filters to within an inch of their lives.

 

[Brittnay Matthews]

wowwowwow

 

[Free the Pedos]

wowwowwow
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100% feeder bait.

 

[Water-T]

She really used to talk about cakes way less. I wonder if she realizes that she sounds like a really crude parody of a fat person.

Tess wasn't trying to bait feeder johns back then. Now she's slyly advertising to all the fat fetishists out there that she's always ready with a cake at hand to gorge and/or fart on.