Wiping that old journal off, since FWA's been over for about a month.
I gotta say, Furry Weekend Atlanta is a helluva convention. Strongly recommend it. They also treated me really well, and I guess that's the point where it all starts to fall apart.
So, Imposter Syndrome is a huge bitch. You don't feel like you've earned the good shit you've got going for you, like you're an imposter and you're just waiting for the truth to come out, and the inevitable fall from grace. And in the presence of so many brilliant and wonderful people, it's even harder to ignore. In the dealer's room I felt like the least-prepared person there. In my panel on Transhumanism I felt like the dumbest person in the room, and it wouldnt be a stretch to say that the points brought up filled my usually optimistic head with doubts. I didn't feel like I deserved the spotlight. Still don't. Not even sure I ever have.
The whole thing left me shattered. In the weeks since I've been trying to pull myself back together, doing that self-care stuff, spending days unable to put pen to paper because I fest like my better days were behind me, or that I'd lost the spark. Quit a couple pen n paper RPG's my friends were running because I just couldnt get excited anymore. I still have a bit of trouble getting excited about stuff that normally puts the wind in my sails. Guess it's hard to be excited when you're not so confident in the future of humanity.
I'm doing a bit better this week. Good weather finally came, and I've been doing a bunch of writing to prepare for my big comic-like project, trying my best to ignore the nagging voice in my head that screams that I still don't have sufficient data to be doing good speculative fiction. I can't just sit back and wait for more knowledge, because there will never be enough. I need to move forward and get this stuff moving. Somewhere between all the commissions I still need to catch up on. Might move a little faster on my project if people sponsor my first few comic pages, but I'm gonna make it happen one way or another
So yeah, that's where I'm at. Fell down hard, crawling back to my feet. Don't know where I'd be without all my friends helping me get back on my feet, my art heroes giving me really good advice (Thanks Miu!), and the really cool peeps that keep me in business. Hopefully I can brush off this dust and start catching up with my heroes.