Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Which is also why she enjoys larping as an sjw on social media. She can always find or make up some stupid shit or provacative crap to post about, pretend to be the victim or a courage protector of some bullshit and then say cunty things to anyone who dares to disagree.

I mean look what happened when that longtime fan that Tess had posted her own before and after pics of recent weight loss. The girl had health issues that would be improved if she lost weight so she did. Instead of Tess being proud of the girl, she actually deleted the pics off her timeline and blocked the girl. The girl DMed apologetically and respectfully wrote to Tess who proceeded to be a royal bitch saying that the pictures were too triggering and unacceptable.

The funniest part about that was the fact the Jolene regularly posted before and after photos and Tess never had a thing to say about it.

 

[Umaibae]

Since I'm here though, I'll just say: it's petty in the extreme, I know, but her spelling it "esthetics" not "aesthetics" drives me crazy even though it's technically correct. Nobody spells it without the "a" so she's either
1. Not much of a reader and unaware that is a less common spelling or
2. Trying to be quirky & unique

She's just an uneducated moron. Her posts are always filled with spelling and grammatical errors.

Anyway, I come bearing gifts from the Land of the Rising Sun.

Stumbled upon this entirely by accident while Googling in Japanese. It provided a lot of entertainment.

It appears that Tessy was a topic of discussion on Girls Channel, a Japanese forum, a few years ago. The best way I can describe Girls Channel is that it's like if a bunch of bored Japanese housewives had their own anonymous version of lolcow and Reddit combined. Lots of celebrity gossip/discussion, but also a lot of "My husband is an idiot" talk and lifestyle shit.

https://girlschannel.net/topics/318415/

The discussion centers around a linked article about Tess' modeling job for Torrid — meaning that all of these comments came about 100-150 lbs ago in the Tess Universe when she still had her "pretty" face.

Most of the derision comes from the original article describing Tess as "pocchari" (ぽっちゃり). Pocchari is Japanese slang for a chubby girl — but chubby in the sense that she's "thicc" but still "cute," most likely due to the fact that she has an attractive face by Japanese standards and/or has "curves in the right places" as opposed to just being a garden variety fat. This Girls Channel comment says photos D and E are poccharri, but I'd argue that F would also be most people's understanding of a pocchari girl. Another common word in the comments is "debu" (デブ), slang for "fatso," "fatty," "fat person" etc.

Selected comments translated by me. (tl;dr everyone agrees that she is fat and that they will not have sex with her)

ポッチャリ×
デブ○

Pocchari? No.
Fatty? Yes.

デブでも美人www

痩せろよ！損してるぞwww

Even a fatty can be beautiful? LOLOLOLOL
Lose weight! You're harming yourself LOLOLOL

どすこい

Dosukoi (ed note: this is something sumo wrestlers shout while in the ring lol)

タトゥーが凄い！
お肉と共に伸びてしまってる…！？

Her tattoos are gross!
They've stretched out with her body...!?

さすがにこれは醜いよ

As you'd expect, this is ugly.

ベイマック体系w

Built like Baymax LOL (ed note: didn't get this one until I Googled Baymax. Based.)

>体型を隠す必要なんてない。


さすがにここまで来たら何着ても隠しようがないよ(笑)

"I don't have to hide my body."

Well, when you come this far, you can't hide yourself no matter what you wear LOL

体凄いのに、顔にお肉がついてないね。

Her body is disgusting, but there's no fat on her face.

その重さに耐えれるヒールすごい…
あと転んだ時が怖い（周囲の人が）

It's amazing those heels can withstand the weight.
People around her: It'll be scary when she falls down

何食ってんだ？

The fuck does she eat?

顔だけ見ると美人さんなのに…
身体はポッチャリを超越して、今我が家のテレビに映るお相撲さんといい勝負だよ

She's pretty if you only look at her face...
Her body transcends being "pocchari," and she's a worthy rival to the sumo wrestlers I'm currently watching on TV at home

アメリカに行くとこのレベルの人がゴロゴロいますよね。

If you go to the US, you'll definitely see people like this lumbering around.

靴に相当な負担があると思うの
ボンレスハムみたい

I think she's putting quite the burden on those shoes.
She looks like a boneless ham.

ご飯やお菓子食べる前に見たらダイエットに効果ありそう。食欲失せる

If you look at her before eating a meal or eating sweets, it might help with dieting. You'll lose your appetite.

このレベルのデブ見るたびに、ま○こデカイなって思っちゃう。下品でごめんなさい。

Whenever I see someone this fat, I wonder if they have massive cunts. Sorry for being vulgar.

×体型を隠す必要がない
○体型を隠しようがない

*drake covering face meme* I don't need to hide my body
*drake pointing meme* I can't hide my body

But my absolute favorite? This person doesn't know how right they were:

自信持ってるデブって性格悪い人が多い

Most confident fatties have the worst personalities.

 

[awoo]

自信持ってるデブって性格悪い人が多い
Most confident fatties have the worst personalities.

Words of wisdom. Amen
Someone put this on a motivational poster

 

[Cheesegirl78]

"She looks like a boneless ham."

Perfect description of Two-ton Tess.

 

[Voivode]

She's just an uneducated moron. Her posts are always filled with spelling and grammatical errors.

Anyway, I come bearing gifts from the Land of the Rising Sun.

Stumbled upon this entirely by accident while Googling in Japanese. It provided a lot of entertainment.

It appears that Tessy was a topic of discussion on Girls Channel, a Japanese forum, a few years ago. The best way I can describe Girls Channel is that it's like if a bunch of bored Japanese housewives had their own anonymous version of lolcow and Reddit combined. Lots of celebrity gossip/discussion, but also a lot of "My husband is an idiot" talk and lifestyle shit.

https://girlschannel.net/topics/318415/

The discussion centers around a linked article about Tess' modeling job for Torrid — meaning that all of these comments came about 100-150 lbs ago in the Tess Universe when she still had her "pretty" face.

Most of the derision comes from the original article describing Tess as "pocchari" (ぽっちゃり). Pocchari is Japanese slang for a chubby girl — but chubby in the sense that she's "thicc" but still "cute," most likely due to the fact that she has an attractive face by Japanese standards and/or has "curves in the right places" as opposed to just being a garden variety fat. This Girls Channel comment says photos D and E are poccharri, but I'd argue that F would also be most people's understanding of a pocchari girl. Another common word in the comments is "debu" (デブ), slang for "fatso," "fatty," "fat person" etc.

Selected comments translated by me. (tl;dr everyone agrees that she is fat and that they will not have sex with her)


Pocchari? No.
Fatty? Yes.


Even a fatty can be beautiful? LOLOLOLOL
Lose weight! You're harming yourself LOLOLOL


Dosukoi (ed note: this is something sumo wrestlers shout while in the ring lol)


Her tattoos are gross!
They've stretched out with her body...!?


As you'd expect, this is ugly.


Built like Baymax LOL (ed note: didn't get this one until I Googled Baymax. Based.)


"I don't have to hide my body."

Well, when you come this far, you can't hide yourself no matter what you wear LOL


Her body is disgusting, but there's no fat on her face.


It's amazing those heels can withstand the weight.
People around her: It'll be scary when she falls down


The fuck does she eat?


She's pretty if you only look at her face...
Her body transcends being "pocchari," and she's a worthy rival to the sumo wrestlers I'm currently watching on TV at home


If you go to the US, you'll definitely see people like this lumbering around.


I think she's putting quite the burden on those shoes.
She looks like a boneless ham.


If you look at her before eating a meal or eating sweets, it might help with dieting. You'll lose your appetite.


Whenever I see someone this fat, I wonder if they have massive cunts. Sorry for being vulgar.


*drake covering face meme* I don't need to hide my body
*drake pointing meme* I can't hide my body

But my absolute favorite? This person doesn't know how right they were:


Most confident fatties have the worst personalities.

This is absolute gold! It’s interesting how a country that’s so hell bent on beauty standards somehow says almost the same shit a lot of western countries do about fatties, it’s almost like it’s universally a disgusting and unattractive thing to be so fat.

 

[Umaibae]

This is absolute gold! It’s interesting how a country that’s so hell bent on beauty standards somehow says almost the same shit a lot of western countries do about fatties, it’s almost like it’s universally a disgusting and unattractive thing to be so fat.

Aside from sumo dudes (who are big bois, but also fucking TALL and STRONG AF...and mostly Mongolian these days), I've only seen ONE Japanese person in all my time here that even remotely approaches Tess' size.

ONE PERSON.

There hasn't been tourists here in about a year (hallelujah), but when they were allowed in, they were the only deathfats you'd see.

 

[Voivode]

Aside from sumo dudes (who are big bois, but also fucking TALL and STRONG AF...and mostly Mongolian these days), I've only seen ONE Japanese person in all my time here that even remotely approaches Tess' size.

ONE PERSON.

There hasn't been tourists here in about a year (hallelujah), but when they were allowed in, they were the only deathfats you'd see.

Hopefully with the covid gaining their too big to fly to Japan when travel opens up again then! Don’t want to set off a bigger then normal earthquake

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

I fucking love it how unabashed shitlords Japanese and Koreans are. ❤

Tess is a such a circus freak. She should just monetize her size and start traveling to Asia and Africa and let people oggle at her and touch her blubber for extra cash. She would make so much money!

 

[Free the Pedos]

She's just an uneducated moron. Her posts are always filled with spelling and grammatical errors.

Anyway, I come bearing gifts from the Land of the Rising Sun.

Stumbled upon this entirely by accident while Googling in Japanese. It provided a lot of entertainment.

It appears that Tessy was a topic of discussion on Girls Channel, a Japanese forum, a few years ago. The best way I can describe Girls Channel is that it's like if a bunch of bored Japanese housewives had their own anonymous version of lolcow and Reddit combined. Lots of celebrity gossip/discussion, but also a lot of "My husband is an idiot" talk and lifestyle shit.

https://girlschannel.net/topics/318415/

The discussion centers around a linked article about Tess' modeling job for Torrid — meaning that all of these comments came about 100-150 lbs ago in the Tess Universe when she still had her "pretty" face.

Most of the derision comes from the original article describing Tess as "pocchari" (ぽっちゃり). Pocchari is Japanese slang for a chubby girl — but chubby in the sense that she's "thicc" but still "cute," most likely due to the fact that she has an attractive face by Japanese standards and/or has "curves in the right places" as opposed to just being a garden variety fat. This Girls Channel comment says photos D and E are poccharri, but I'd argue that F would also be most people's understanding of a pocchari girl. Another common word in the comments is "debu" (デブ), slang for "fatso," "fatty," "fat person" etc.

Selected comments translated by me. (tl;dr everyone agrees that she is fat and that they will not have sex with her)


Pocchari? No.
Fatty? Yes.


Even a fatty can be beautiful? LOLOLOLOL
Lose weight! You're harming yourself LOLOLOL


Dosukoi (ed note: this is something sumo wrestlers shout while in the ring lol)


Her tattoos are gross!
They've stretched out with her body...!?


As you'd expect, this is ugly.


Built like Baymax LOL (ed note: didn't get this one until I Googled Baymax. Based.)


"I don't have to hide my body."

Well, when you come this far, you can't hide yourself no matter what you wear LOL


Her body is disgusting, but there's no fat on her face.


It's amazing those heels can withstand the weight.
People around her: It'll be scary when she falls down


The fuck does she eat?


She's pretty if you only look at her face...
Her body transcends being "pocchari," and she's a worthy rival to the sumo wrestlers I'm currently watching on TV at home


If you go to the US, you'll definitely see people like this lumbering around.


I think she's putting quite the burden on those shoes.
She looks like a boneless ham.


If you look at her before eating a meal or eating sweets, it might help with dieting. You'll lose your appetite.


Whenever I see someone this fat, I wonder if they have massive cunts. Sorry for being vulgar.


*drake covering face meme* I don't need to hide my body
*drake pointing meme* I can't hide my body

But my absolute favorite? This person doesn't know how right they were:


Most confident fatties have the worst personalities.

Do they talk about other cows of ours on there? I would very much enjoy hearing more from this site.

I fucking love it how unabashed shitlords Japanese and Koreans are. ❤

Tess is a such a circus freak. She should just monetized her size and start traveling to Asia and Africa and let people oggle at her and touch her blubber for extra cash. She would make so much money!

You’re joking, but she really should.

 

[Voivode]

Do they talk about other cows of ours on there? I would very much enjoy hearing more from this site.

You’re joking, but she really should.

I just wanna see her gush about how sweet they were to her online when in reality they’re just being polite but talking mad shit to their face. Going to Japan a few times a lot of the older folk if they think you can’t speak the language will just insult you to your face with a smile.

 

[DeusVult]

I fucking love it how unabashed shitlords Japanese and Koreans are. ❤

Tess is a such a circus freak. She should just monetized her size and start traveling to Asia and Africa and let people oggle at her and touch her blubber for extra cash. She would make so much money!

Or, you know, step in into the sumo ring and make a carrier. The opponents won't have a chance.

The 'Dosukoi' comment was very funny, btw.

 

[Umaibae]

Do they talk about other cows of ours on there? I would very much enjoy hearing more from this site.

Nah. It's, as you'd expect, 99.99% about Japanese celebrities and just general lifestyle discussion. Western media isn't really popular here, unless it's faggy shit like Disney, Marvel or "Friends." Western internet culture is pretty much foreign, due to the language barriers. Even on Twitter, which is pretty popular in Japan, most Japanese users don't venture outside of engaging with JP language accounts.

Like, the third most popular most of the day on Girls Channel is this post about celebrity high school yearbook photos. Japanese media is absolute shit — possibly the worst television and movie culture of the first world — and I can't tell you who any of these people are, even though I live here lol.

 

[lottalove]

Last year's BLM is this year's Black History Month. Today the aforementioned Kellie Brown isn't tagged in Tess' assortment of her most beloved black influencers.

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

View attachment 1940858
Last year's BLM is this year's Black History Month. Today the aforementioned Kellie Brown isn't tagged in Tess' assortment of her most beloved black influencers.

Well, hello there, Americancentrism. Okay, so far Black History Month is a very American thing, but this caption just is insultingly stupid and ignorant of history, be it African history, colonial or post-colonial history. But great oportunity for Tess to trot out her black besties to show what an enlightened Warrior for Social Justice she is. And she didn't even have to put the cake aside.

Always a pleasure seeing Tess' shallow ignorance and stereotypica americuntism at full display.

And seeing Japanese housewives having a go at Tess was such a riot. Imagine the reactions if they had seen present day Tess or that infamous video of her munching this cake with her Vogue cover all by herself. And that was just the start of her obscene cake orgies.

 

[Pina Colada]

Oh man, I’m losing it over that sumo comment! Sumos may eat like horses, but their guts are packed with MUSCLE from rigorous training. If Mess joined their ranks, she ain’t gonna cut the mustard with her cake-only diet; she’d be screaming Uncle before the bell rings!

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

Oh man, I’m losing it over that sumo comment! Sumos may eat like horses, but their guts are packed with MUSCLE from rigorous training. If Mess joined their ranks, she ain’t gonna cut the mustard with her cake-only diet; she’d be screaming Uncle before the bell rings!

And those fuckers are fast and mindboggingly dextrous. Have watched some matches on TV and was always amazed how athletic they are. But also their diet does not consist of an insane load of cake and junk food. I believe they get to their battle sizes by a very meat and beef heavy diet.

I had to end this little side track into sumo wrestling with this photo of sumo wrestlers in a sunflower field. Which I find honestly far easier on the eyes than Tess rolling around naked in an oat field. Which was again several dozen pounds ago. If there is a show featuring of crime fighting sumo wrestlers enjoying their leisure time in sunflower fields, I would watch the fuck out of it.

 

[multiverse]

But also their diet does not consist of an insane load of cake and junk food. I believe they get to their battle sizes by a very meat and beef heavy diet.

The secret is chankonabe , otherwise known as sumo stew. It is chock full of veg and meat (chicken and fish) - very healthy - but they have to eat like 10 bowls per day.

 

[Umaibae]

Yes!! I love that fucking sumo sunflower photo. I remember when it went viral here. I think I looked at it for days and it made me smile every single time

Chankonabe (all nabe dishes, really) are super delicious — but also, super filling.

I’ve only seen sumo live once, and I also once saw a group of Yokozuna at a shrine getting blessed before the big tournament. Wanted to go again, but they banned bringing in food and all alcohol at the tournaments due to the ‘rona. My husband and I had brought in a massive cooler to the cheap seats last time and it was a blast.

 

[Owlflaps]

All these jokes about Tess being a sumo wrestler, yet none of them called her a Yokozuna. I am disappointed.

 

[Smiling Honeybadger]

All these jokes about Tess being a sumo wrestler, yet none of them called her a Yokozuna. I am disappointed.

You can't climb the rank of "Internet Bitchfight Yokozuna" when your only move consists of "deploy clown emoji, while pretending not to care". And more often than not did she lose the battle.