Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Umaibae]

This is the podcast network that signed her: https://kastmedia.com/

Looks like they rep Sword and Scale, so unsurprised they have terrible taste and love terrible people. (That guy is a cow in his own right.)

 

[Angry New Ager]

Saying she would rather eat pussy than a burger is some shit maybe a 15 year old boy might say to his friends. A grown ass adult saying it is very embarrassing.

Especially when you're her teenaged son, I'm sure.

The only pussy Tess has eaten came in the form of a cat-shaped cake.

However we just saw her porcine body waddle and eat watermelon so it’s not like she has anything resembling dignity or shame anyway. We’ll get to see that proven with her podcast, which she will ditch when nobody listens to it and sponsors don’t shower her in money for having a podcast.

I wonder who is helping her put together her podcast--because no way is she intelligent enough to put one together herself, with decent audio and editing, and booking guests who are not from among her fame-hungry "friends" (though I fully expect that's who her first guests will be). And that's on top of not having the kind of interviewing/conversational skills needed to keep things rolling in an interesting direction.

So there's got to be somebody else behind this project, who is willing to dump their money/time/expertise into making this shitty idea a reality, despite the fact Tess has all the intelligence and charisma of a week-old, sat-upon cake, and a godawful annoying voice. I wonder if it's the production company behind that fatty tattoo reality show she was supposed to do (and which we haven't heard anything more about)?

ETA: LOL, fucking ninja'ed by @Umaibae

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

Most of these podcast networks have lower standards than Flabletics. The cost of entry is minimal, everyone uses the same sponsors, and podcasts often end as quickly as they start because the commitment level is low to begin with. Tess will consider these people to be abusive and gaslighters when they ask her to keep to a regular schedule or ask her to do cross-promotional shit with others on the network.

 

[Water-T]

If her past interviews are anything to go by, this will be a boring waste of time. Her annoying AF voice doesn't help either.

 

[Gay Mouth]

Tess has not ever eaten a pussy and hasn’t seen her own in a decade. I think the last confirmed time she even has had sex was a disgusting display of TMI when she went to the Madonna Inn with Nick. It screamed of desperate “I HAVE SEX” energy at the time, so much so I was fairly certain it was a special occasion and sex wasn’t normally on the menu. This piggy is close to sexless and her constant desire to be desired is more real than her libido.

 

[Water-T]

Sorry to be grotesque, but I imagine that Tess is physically incapable of eating pussy. On her stomach she would be immobile and on her back she would suffocate. That is all.

Gay and bi women everywhere breathe a sigh of relief.

In Tess' current shape, she's incapable of anything but giving a handy, farting on cakes, and getting poked in her numerous folds.

 

[Constellationzero]

Tess is really tryna prove something today.

View attachment 1948720
If that wasn’t cringe enough...
View attachment 1948722
guise I am actually anorexic!!! Don’t mind the visual proof of the fast foods and sweets I post nearly every day!!

View attachment 1948729

That last screenshot, FFS...

THIS is why social media is a mistake. Look no further, for HERE is proof that grifters, the lazy, narcs, BPD trainwrecks, liars, felons, pedophiles, and all manner of vile trash stealing our oxygen--FIND each other online and validate and asspat the shit out of each other. I actually use examples like this to illustrate what hugboxing, trollshielding, and why facebook needs to be nuked from orbit.

A close family member of Ryann's--her uncle or her mother--could show up and try calling her out on her lies and bullshit, and I guaran-goddamn-tee you all that a good 10 to 15 complete strangers will show up and dogpile the commenter. Then they'll "share their struggles" to show "solidarity" and you'll see what I mean. Want another ready example? Go check Abby Brown's thread and acquaint yourselves with Amanda Grover. She is cut from the same filthy hole-ridden Walmart cloth as Ryann.

Luckily it seems that people with a REAL say (corporations and modeling agencies) see this and hear this. They won't be touching Ryann with a stunt dick.

 

[melty]

I know it's been said but I REALLY thought that lotion video was feeder bait. It's like it's emphasizing how poor her mobility is.
I felt really uncomfortable watching it. It wasn't until it zoomed in on the lotion bottle I realized it was an ad- and not a good one because I couldn't read the brand on the bottle anyway.
I never thought I would say this, but I wonder what the feeder community thinks. Their comments someone posted earlier were pretty interesting.

 

[cactus]

I know it's been said but I REALLY thought that lotion video was feeder bait. It's like it's emphasizing how poor her mobility is.
I felt really uncomfortable watching it. It wasn't until it zoomed in on the lotion bottle I realized it was an ad- and not a good one because I couldn't read the brand on the bottle anyway.
I never thought I would say this, but I wonder what the feeder community thinks. Their comments someone posted earlier were pretty interesting.

I mean, the face she makes when she bites into the watermelon doesn't help either.

 

[Putin Bot]

Spoiler: My review of the video

To be quite frank, my first thought was that Tess had made a video to put on an escort site to attract feeders. Literally had no idea that it was meant to be an ad for a lotion until the very end, but even then, I couldn't read the damn bottle when they showed it, so just thought Tess was signaling that she liked this lotion and if you're interested, buy it for her? I really have no idea. I've seen better marketing from elementary school kids than what I just witnessed. Not to mention, Tess cannot model. Due to her size and the fact she can't project emotion, unless of course, she gets to eat something. And while I get that the legs are the most obvious places to put lotion on, with the shitty camera angle, I just felt with how long the camera was on them that the camera guy was either fetishizing Tess's tree trunk legs, or thought "omg so gross gotta keep filming!" All in all, I have even less desire to buy this product now. And to be honest, anything that an influencer (skinny or fat) tries to promote, it makes me even less inclined to buy it, mainly because a lot of these companies are scams and/or make shitty products that are way overpriced and I can find something comparable in my local drugstore or walmart.

And to Tess's claim that she's dating some amazing hot guy. It's not uncommon for sugar daddies to claim they're in a relationship with the person that they're giving money too. It works for both the client and the prostitute, and they can pretend the relationship isn't what it is. However, the sugar daddy will always have other sugar babies, and usually a wife back home as well, and he will not drop them just to get with some broke bitch, unless she happens to be extremely hot and they're so eager for a trophy wife. Which Tess will never be. Also, most of these men don't bother having prenups with their legal wives, and while these women will put up with their philandering and spending money on other women, all hell will break loose if the sugar daddy tries to leave his wife, which is why many don't divorce them. So Tess is forever relegated to being a "girlfriend", but she will never get the coveted "wife" status, especially because she has Bowie (children, especially if it's from another man, is not part of the fantasy). and these guys won't exactly be showing her off, especially someone as fat as Tess is. They might take her out on nice dates, fly her around, buy her shit, but they damn sure don't want to be photographed with her and their identity to be known, even more so because Tess is so fucking fat.

 

[Water-T]

Jesus Christ, that video.

Tess doesn't walk. She CLOMPS like a rampaging rhino. When she tried flinging her shoes off, she looked like her shoe was going to collapse under her immense bulk, causing her to nearly topple like a redwood in the forest. Her attempts to be sexy and cute could be surpassed by a headless mannequin. The only time Tess wasn't wooden was when she (of course) was about to shove that watermelon into her gaping maw.

The only thing that ad will accomplish is getting Tess more feeder fetishists lining up to watch her eat and shove their dicks into her folds. The lotion label was not clearly visible, nothing was mentioned about its feel, scent, or effectiveness, and was secondary to featuring Tess. and her elephantine legs.

 

[CobraPlissken]

The only time she could've gotten remotely close to eating pussy was during her vacations in Mexico. I don't know if it's the case there but elsewhere in Latin America you might want to think twice about buying BBQ from a street food cart.

Balenciaga was great until tacky celebs like the kardashians fucked enough nba players and rappers to afford them. Also tess's bag reminded me of another kim k disaster. The hermes bag that kanye had 1 year old north deface i mean customise.View attachment 1949148

Also glow recipe still hasn't posted anything about their collab with tess on their instagram page
View attachment 1949205

Still not on their page except for the "tagged" section, where any idiot who tags them can appear. They commented with smileys but that was it

Here's a TIkTok video with some BTS footage. The only thing more or less remarkable (that I noticed) is that no one that I checked from the crew who was tagged in this video (including the director, aforementioned fatso Nadia Abso...Absoul...ahm Absoluteunit) allowed the video to appear on their profiles, much less posted the full ad on their feeds. I wonder how embarrassed they are by it

 

[Flawmil]

I just listened to Tess’ promo for the podcast. Her requirement for her guests is that “they must be changing the world”. The promo sounds like the first guests are her vagina waxer, Olly and her tattoo artist. This is going to be a laugh for sure.

 

[bloomingcactus]

I just listened to Tess’ promo for the podcast. Her requirement for her guests is that “they must be changing the world”. The promo sounds like the first guests are her vagina waxer, Olly and her tattoo artist. This is going to be a laugh for sure.

I really don't want to listen to the promo, did you really type "her vagina waxer"? Umm gross.

 

[Water-T]

I just listened to Tess’ promo for the podcast. Her requirement for her guests is that “they must be changing the world”. The promo sounds like the first guests are her vagina waxer, Olly and her tattoo artist. This is going to be a laugh for sure.

LOL. I'm sure that the cream of the crop are just BEGGING to be on her show.

Next week: Tess interviews Bowie, some black tranny nobody knows about, and the cake baker at the Madonna Inn who Tess sees more often than her sons.

 

[SnarkySperg]

This photo does her no favors. View attachment 1947920

She looks like a mom here. IDK what it is exactly, but she just looks like a mom. She doesn't look like someone I'd have a slumber party with.

Who even says "slumber party" anymore outside of 90s tween comedies?

She does have that weird nostalgia fetish for the 90s...

I just listened to Tess’ promo for the podcast. Her requirement for her guests is that “they must be changing the world”. The promo sounds like the first guests are her vagina waxer, Olly and her tattoo artist. This is going to be a laugh for sure.

See, here I thought it was just going to be her excuse to gossip and talk about her sex life in uncomfortable detail, which would have been 50x more interesting for us Kiwis than anything any of these people have to say.

She's going to fail, and we'll never hear about it again.

 

[There_is_no_Dana]

Tess is a pillow princess at most, she'll receive but she's far to selfish to ever give.

 

[Oscar Winner]

The only time she could've gotten remotely close to eating pussy was during her vacations in Mexico. I don't know if it's the case there but elsewhere in Latin America you might want to think twice about buying BBQ from a street food cart.


Still not on their page except for the "tagged" section, where any idiot who tags them can appear. They commented with smileys but that was it


View attachment 1951052

Here's a TIkTok video with some BTS footage. The only thing more or less remarkable (that I noticed) is that no one that I checked from the crew who was tagged in this video (including the director, aforementioned fatso Nadia Abso...Absoul...ahm Absoluteunit) allowed the video to appear on their profiles, much less posted the full ad on their feeds. I wonder how embarrassed they are by it

Is it possible Tess made this “advertisement” herself in the hope of being picked up by this company?
It would explain a lot of things. For example: ridiculous storyline, focus mainly on Tess and not the product, not really showing the brand/label, very noticeable details like filthy feet, her shoes already undone, and Tess clomping around out of breath and sweaty etc.
The whole thing is just so bad that I find it hard to believe it wasn't wholly conceived and controlled by her. What professional would want their name on this?

Edited to remove random attachment

 

[Cynar]

Is it possible Tess made this “advertisement” herself in the hope of being picked up by this company?
It would explain a lot of things. For example: ridiculous storyline, focus mainly on Tess and not the product, not really showing the brand/label, very noticeable details like filthy feet, her shoes already undone, and Tess clomping around out of breath and sweaty etc.
The whole thing is just so bad that I find it hard to believe it wasn't wholly conceived and controlled by her. What professional would want their name on this?

Edited to remove random attachment

This would explain a LOT but it sounds too deliciously hilarious to be true. I'd bet the truth is somewhere in-between "legit commercial" and "playing pretendsies in hope of getting a gig." I think it's something like Tess' pink dress that didn't fit, H&M red pajamas that didnt fit, one-webisode-never-distributed-off-the-website "reality show" (I'm convinced it was an aborted pilot), and every other opportunity, interview, contract, gig, and relationship she's ever had. She showed up, everyone did what they could because it was too late/expensive to shitcan her, they are just trying to salvage the trash they were left with, but don't want anything to do with her again. Tess has a long history of this. They're probably like "yeah...cool....post it...whatever" with Tess/the director.

Every time you ask yourself, "why is this bitch even relevant?" the real question you should be asking is "damn, how did she squander everything SO BADLY?" She's neck-and-(pack of hotdogs)-neck with Anna O'Brien for wasted opportunities imo

 

[Cheesegirl78]

This would explain a LOT but it sounds too deliciously hilarious to be true. I'd bet the truth is somewhere in-between "legit commercial" and "playing pretendsies in hope of getting a gig." I think it's something like Tess' pink dress that didn't fit, H&M red pajamas that didnt fit, one-webisode-never-distributed-off-the-website "reality show" (I'm convinced it was an aborted pilot), and every other opportunity, interview, contract, gig, and relationship she's ever had. She showed up, everyone did what they could because it was too late/expensive to shitcan her, they are just trying to salvage the trash they were left with, but don't want anything to do with her again. Tess has a long history of this. They're probably like "yeah...cool....post it...whatever" with Tess/the director.

Every time you ask yourself, "why is this bitch even relevant?" the real question you should be asking is "damn, how did she squander everything SO BADLY?" She's neck-and-(pack of hotdogs)-neck with Anna O'Brien for wasted opportunities imo

At least Anna isn't fucking up the lives of a teenager and preschooler, so I'm cutting her a lot of slack.