DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

[Piece of Peace]

DSP is going clinically insane.
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The most punchable face this side of the Mason-Dixon Line.

 

[Forbidden Math]

When Phil does his "You really think I would hit an 11 year old girl?" thing I remember that an 11 year old girl probably has more muscle mass than Phil and that he chickened out of every confrontation his loud mouth got him into in the FGC days.

So to conclude, no I think Phil would hide in the bathroom crying.

I 100% agree that Phil is far too much of a bitch to actually hit anyone, but that doesn't negate that he said something retarded.

DSP's always like "why do people hate me, I'm just a guy playing video games" while he ignores shit he says like "I'd slap that bitch of a kid if they talked to me like that in real life' and constantly insults people on all sides of him from fans to colleagues.

People hate DSP because he's an asshole, but we all know Philip is bitch made any time you remove the camera and computer. Best example of an internet tough guy I've ever seen.

 

[ReentryPhantom]

To be fair, I'd probably recognize the sine wave hairline and all the snorts after the second visit, too. Not to mention the sounds of wwe champions ringing on his phone as the two refuse to make eye contact the entire time.

Sine wave hair? More line Swine wave hair amirite?

 

[Zappin’ And Spazzin’]

I 100% agree that Phil is far too much of a bitch to actually hit anyone, but that doesn't negate that he said something retarded.

DSP's always like "why do people hate me, I'm just a guy playing video games" while he ignores shit he says like "I'd slap that bitch of a kid if they talked to me like that in real life' and constantly insults people on all sides of him from fans to colleagues.

People hate DSP because he's an asshole, but we all know Philip is bitch made any time you remove the camera and computer. Best example of an internet tough guy I've ever seen.

As another detractor put it before me, people are willing to forgive you not being good at something if you have a pleasant personality, and forgive you being a crabby bitch if you’re good at what you do.
Phil likes to think of himself as the latter, a consistent and reliable gamer who’s brutally honest and tells it like it is.
Of course, that shtick is how he copes when multiple people are yelling at him for having a bad opinion. “They just can’t handle factual evidence!” as he calls a game bad while running off a cliff.
He can’t accept that people hate him for both being as incompetent as an actual child, and having the charisma of a wasp.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

People hate DSP because he's an asshole, but we all know Philip is bitch made any time you remove the camera and computer. Best example of an internet tough guy I've ever seen.

From what I understand he didn't even tell that "11 year old bitch of a kid" that if she ever said something like that to him irl he'd slap her in the mouth where she could hear his threats. From what I've seen he warps to another room (?) and then starts shittalking. He's such a coward that he only started shittalking the kid after he made sure she couldn't hear him. Then again maybe the alternative would've been worse, but the girl already sensed that Phil was a weak bitch from his lame comeback, his weak tone of voice and the fact that as an adult (in body, not in mind) he actually got offended when some 11 year old rude brat called him an idiot, so she would've most likely brushed him off.

 

[AWorthlessHuman]

From what I understand he didn't even tell that "11 year old bitch of a kid" that if she ever said something like that to him irl he'd slap her in the mouth where she could hear his threats. From what I've seen he warps to another room (?) and then starts shittalking. He's such a coward that he only started shittalking the kid after he made sure she couldn't hear him. Then again maybe the alternative would've been worse, but the girl already sensed that Phil was a weak bitch from his lame comeback, his weak tone of voice and the fact that as an adult (in body, not in mind) he actually got offended when some 11 year old rude brat called him an idiot, so she would've most likely brushed him off.

correction, he warps to another room, mutes his mic, then starts shit-talking. Phil always finds a way to be worse that you thought he could be. He's like the opposite of those old U.S. Army "be all you can be" ads on TV. "DSP; Be worse than you can be"

 

[Schmeckel]

Based on Phil being Phil I just cannot see him tipping a server. I'm probably wrong and he tips *something* if only to not feel like a total piece of shit when he brags about supporting local businesses, but I cannot picture it as a realistic possibility. I would serve this man food just to know for sure if he tips or not, because if he doesn't the irony of it would be the funniest fucking thing to me.

He probably writes "darksydephil@ hotmail.com" in the tip field.

 

[CoomerCouch]

He probably writes "darksydephil@ hotmail.com" in the tip field.

I'm now picturing him circling the word "Tip" and writing underneath "The best way to help me right now!"

Thanks for that.

 

[YMB]

I know this has probably been said thousands of times already, but how fucking annoying is it whenever he talks about his "day aff". Bitch, every day is your day off. But "Nuh-uh, dood. I gotta play video games, it's my jahb. So fuck awf!". Then he bitches about going to the store or some other menial task like he was doing manual fucking labor. Fucking asshole.

 

[Covfefe]

He probably writes "darksydephil@ hotmail.com" in the tip field.

"Pahsitive Cahntributions courtesy of Burnell Enterprises, a Phillip Paul Burnell company. Check out twitch.tv/darksydephil for FUN, CHILL gameplay streams 8 hours a day, 6 days a week, depending on muh wife *small drawing of a thumb pointing off the edge of the receipt* and adult son Jasper. 12 years ago I was laid off from my jahb at the..."

- and then the waitress rips the receipt out of his hands, says "we know", and goes out for a smoke.

 

[Optimus Prime]

I know this has probably been said thousands of times already, but how fucking annoying is it whenever he talks about his "day aff". Bitch, every day is your day off. But "Nuh-uh, dood. I gotta play video games, it's my jahb. So fuck awf!". Then he bitches about going to the store or some other menial task like he was doing manual fucking labor. Fucking asshole.

I mean, in a sense Phil isn't exactly wrong, playing video games is his version of work.

Namely because it's obvious he really fucking hates video games these days and only clings to it because pigroach luck got him an army of stupid people handing him their disability and stimulus checks for absolutely nothing of substantial worth in return.

He loves his day off because that's when he can just obsessively play the only video game he likes - Sweaty JPG Men Bejeweled.

 

[Jasper2K]

So has kat’s schedule already changed or what? She works in retail, so I’m assuming they told her about her schedule changing like 3 weeks ago. As for jasper’s appearances, when was the last time he appeared during a weekday/weekend stream anyway?

Katherine is either working 2-3 full day shifts or working small 4 hour shifts. Phil uses kat as an excuse for many things

 

[Nurse Ratchet]

Based on Phil being Phil I just cannot see him tipping a server. I'm probably wrong and he tips *something* if only to not feel like a total piece of shit when he brags about supporting local businesses,

...Nigga ...what?

I'm not trying to be a dick: is this like your 3rd day of paying attention to this jagoff?

Guilt? Conscience? Internalization? Thoughtful reflection? Accountability? He isn't wired that way.

If anything, he's the antithesis of all that shit.

If you're relatively new to this schitzosphere & don't nope the fuck out for whatever reason right away, there's a process of brain recalibration that has to happen & kick in on its own before clicking on anything related to this fuckin primate.

First, remember he's almost always lying. 9.8/10. Lying.

Next, no, he doesn't fucking care. Not even about himself in any effective capacity. He can't even not fuck up Sociopath/Narc 101. His words don't mean things. He doesn't care. Whatever it is, he was lying anyway.

Entitlement, persecuted, tardrage, panic, unwarranted smugfuckery, self pity, tantrums, petulance. And lying. If it ever looks like not one of these things, it is, & you're just applying your own humanity to an atmosphere it wasn't designed to survive in.

And when in doubt, he's lying.

 

[FaggotWhoLikesDarkSouls]

Phil's head has the population density of Shanghai at this point. SuperHound, all of Kiwifarms, the youtube detractors, the specter of John Rambo...

I'm not sure I can afford this real estate, y'all.

Take out a loan. Or better yet, get a credit card. God knows Phil would agree with such financial advice.

 

[Hard Toothbrush]

Going back to my Mark of Cain autism, you could argue that Phil is already being punished. Let's look at the Biblical story that I'm drawing from here, rather than killing Cain right away as punishment for killing his brother and lying about it to God, God made it so that the Mark protected Cain from premature death from any source, as God wanted to make him live in suffering, as the Mark makes it that anything he does and anyone he interacts with would suffer a great disaster, kind of like how the DSP Autism Vortex (aka The Mark of Dave) D'VOURS, chews up and spits out anything and anyone who dares directly interact with him.

I mean look at his life - his only "legacy" and accomplishment is the fact that he somehow still exists on the internet despite completely losing his popularity early in his career. He's a complete laughingstock to almost everyone that even knows about him and that just eats away at him. He's got no drive, no real ambition in life except existing. He's got no friends, he coops himself up in his house almost all week, the only interaction he has outside of his wheelchairs on-stream are his dopey wife and Punished "Venom" Jasper - A Cat Denied His Claws. I can go on but there's this big archive of his failings, almost 7000 pages long you might say.

Finally, one part of the Mark of Cain is that any soil that Cain would try working would bear no yield. No matter how much money Phil gets it all goes to his collection of worthless jpegs that are stored somewhere on the internet that have no further monetary value. He can't trade those jpegs, he can't sell his account, and one day the game will be shut off permanently, cementing that he threw money into a bottomless pit. There is no "yield" from his investment, that's why begging resumes every stream, no matter if he got 10 dollars or 10k dollars on the previous stream. You could also compare his gacha financial black hole and the immediate retconning of any funds he got on the previous stream to the punishment of Sisyphus, since all the "work" Phil puts into streaming is futile if you think about it because even after his credit card debt got cleared he's still back here begging like it never got granted in the first place, but my 'tismpost is already getting longer than it should. Maybe next time.

Hold on that was too complicated and symbolic for me, can you explain it like they explained stuff in the narrative masterpiece that is bugsnax?

 

[The Clown Dimension]

These are the games to choose from for the next Viewer's Choice.

He's heavily emphasizing that the game needs to balance with what he's playing now so use your brains, dummies!

 

[GiveMeTheMoney]

Hahaha, if Max Payne 2 wins he's going to cry so much. There's a part where you need to snipe bad guys quickly so Max can get through and we all know how good pighooves are for aiming.

 

[Guess i'm toxic now!]

These are the games to choose from for the next Viewer's Choice.

He's heavily emphasizing that the game needs to balance with what he's playing now so use your brains, dummies!

Phil better be careful when saying "use your brains", the pay piggies might use them and stop tipping. After all free thought is not allowed in the United States of Phil.

 

[TheCourier]

I for one think this SAUCY Ask the King that's coming up will bring in all the viewers

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

Hold on that was too complicated and symbolic for me, can you explain it like they explained stuff in the narrative masterpiece that is bugsnax?

I'd love to. Alas, I'm just a low IQ mentally ill psychopathic mah-ran, compared to the Literary Gods that are the writers of Bugsnax I should not even be considered human. Many academics agree that Bugsnax is the greatest narrative of all time and should be included in the Western canon, actually fuck that it should be included in the world canon and be required reading for every person on Earth. Shakespeare is an autistic coomer writing Senran Kagura fanfiction compared to the visionaries that are the Bugsnax writers. One might say that after the release of Bugsnax, people may as well stop making movies, writing books and putting stories in games, for they know that they shall never be able to top it.

And by the way, Derich agrees with me.